Beyond all sanity

My deepest darkest fear? It was being alone as in no one would care, and no one would hear me scream. But now? It's not. The fear has changed, evolved, mutated, into something even more horrifying.

The darkness

Not darkness as in all you can see is an inky abyss, no, that is actually comforting, and like a long lost friend welcoming you home, never to let you face the nightmares of this world. The thing I'm trying to describe has no real word in our language. What I am talking about is a feeling that is so terrifying we are sickened at the sight.

It's when your heart freezes to such a temperatures none can touch it without being burned, impossible to thaw, no second chance.

When your lips twitch and curve into a smile that is the very definition of insanity, laughing a bone shattering cackle, something so dreadful, that the demons of hell themselves draw back in a mix of horror and awe.

It's when you stare into the heart of a broken soul, that has seen images that scar them for life, but you feel no mercy or compassion.

When you make the people you love the most, the ones you hold above all others, cry a river of angst and pain, and you relish the sight of their tears.

It's when you look down at your hands and see them covered in a rich, crimson red liquid you know as blood, it never goes away; no matter how many times you try to wash them clean.

When you are called a monster, but you don't care, you remember the things you've done, the lives that you have taken, the dreams you shattered, you can't help but agree.

It's when the person you have become is beyond the understanding of a sane mind; the problem is you were never sane in the first place.

When you pretend to be kind, only to hide the beast that lives in side your body that lusts for one's life source.

It's when you wish to get rid of yourself, to take away your life, to burn to ashes, to die.

When you mutate a corpse by cutting, slashing, chopping, slicing and hacking to make it into something you would call a piece of stunning art.

It's when your heart beats, your veins pulse, your eyes dilate, your lungs fill with oxygen and yet you are dead.

Do you understand now? If you don't, it's alright, I am mad after all, at least, that's what the doctors say. I'm no fool, I know why I am here, but I can't bring myself to care. The one thing I know is that it's all his fault. He is the reason for what I am, and what I have become. L Lawliet.

He wanted to know why, he wants to know everything. So how did I answer him?

"I have become a corpse. I cannot answer. I am dead."

AN: Well… that was… what's the right word… strange? Creepy? I don't know but it seems to fit Beyond well. What do you think, because this was my first attempt at writing BB or death note really… Have a nice day now! Ta ta! :D Also I MIGHT continue this but I will need some ideas. All reviews are welcome.

PS: how do you make a real line break? I can't seem to get it... *face plam* Never mind I got it now...*feels dumb*