A/N: This author's note is dedicated to SecretlyANinja98, because she asked for it. I usually don't add one because I feel like they interrupt the integrity and continuity of the story, but if you guys want them, I will totally write them for you. Oh and by the way, to all the people who said that they cried/screamed/died/or printed out this story and burned it after reading, thank you for letting me know that I have done my job
Outlaws of Love – Adam Lambert
Alec didn't grab any of his stuff. After all, his room at the institute was trashed. He just shrugged on his traveling coat and laced up a pair of his hunting boots and stalked out into the rain. Who would have thought? His own father was exiling him for working with a Downworlder… against a Downworlder. Except he hadn't been working against Magnus, he had been working towards a future with him. Magnus said he loved him; Alec had been trying to find a way for them to fulfill that love. Was that such a bad thing?
But to everyone else's eyes, it seemed to be the deepest act of betrayal he could have committed. Why wouldn't anyone let him explain? He never would have actually shortened Magnus's life! He would rather be turned into a vampire, become immortal himself, than take away Magnus's immortality. He realized that now, even when he had so opposed to it when Camille first told him it was the only way to achieve immortality, but now he wished he had accepted that option in the beginning.
Alec shrugged up the hood on his traveling coat. His raven hair was quickly becoming soaked through with the rain in the New York streets. It was getting dark. He thought it had been morning… Had he passed out after his father dragged him out of his room? He didn't think so… Was time really that lost to him? He could have sworn it was mid-morning when he had dragged himself into the shower at the institute, then again the way the shadows fell in his room… It was all a blur. A blur of glass and water and torn photographs and black and white and gray… All of it seemed to swirl in his head and leave him with a headache.
It was really pouring. The traditional Shadowhunting Traveling coats were not meant for rain. They were nice, wool with a silk lining, meant for warmth, comfort, and formality. Generally when Shadowhunters would travel, they portaled. The jacket was more of an accessory than anything and Alec was beginning to shiver as the rain saturated the wool of the coat, making it heavier on his shoulders. Alec pulled it tighter around his shoulders, not that that helped any.
Water was running in small rivers down the sides of the road towards little drainage holes. Alec looked down at the rain soaked sidewalk, the late New York lights reflecting off the pavement in blue and gold. He wasn't paying any attention to where he was going; just letting his feet lead him. He would find somewhere to stay later, now he just needed to think.
Aku Cinta Kamu… I love you, not that that changes anything. Alec winced as the words floated through his mind. How could he say something like that and just walk away? How could he act like the fact that they loved each other meant so little? If they loved each other, they could work through it. Was that really it? The final breaking point? Did Magnus think that Alec didn't love him? That if Alec was willing to go through with something like that behind his back, he couldn't possibly love him?
But it was so far from the truth. Alec couldn't love anyone else. Alec had only ever wanted Magnus, and could only ever imagine wanting him. Alec wanted them to spend the rest of their lives together, whether that was the length of his own life or the length of Magnus's, he needed them to be together for as long as was possible, humanly or otherwise. "Aku Cinta Kamu," Alec tried out the words on his lips.
Just then a bike messenger whizzed past him, splashing him with water and causing him to loose his footing and stumble against the wall. He would have cursed at the man on the bike, but he didn't care enough to pick a fight. He did look up for the first time, though, and realized when he was. Had he really walked all this way? No wonder his clothing was so soaked. He looked around the Brookline street and he knew immediately where he was. Two more blocks and a left turn and he would be outside Magnus's apartment.
Alec let himself continue to wonder mindlessly, his eyes becoming glassy. And then there he was. Of course he would come here, this is where he always came when he was upset or in trouble. Right now, though, it was the absolute last place he should be.
Alec swallowed. He could go up. He could ring the bell. He doubted the warlock would let him in, let alone let him stay there, but where else would he go? He guessed maybe he could go to Clary's, but they didn't have any room, and there was no way he was going to stay with her sister's boyfriend. Without really having made up his mind, Alec walked up to the door and ran his fingertip over the name, just as he had… was it only yesterday? Bane. His hand landed on the buzzer and he pressed it, holding his breath.
All I Need – Within Temptation
Magnus lowered himself onto the couch still in his robe from the morning, a cup of tea in his hand that he had actually made instead of stealing in his attempt to keep his mind busy. He would have dropped in every grain of sugar one by one if he could. The TV was running on mute in the background. He'd done this routine 12 times in the last three hours. Tea, sit, TV, tea, sit, TV… to think of it, other than changing it up to make a sandwich around 1 and feed Charmain twice, he had repeated this routine all day.
Magnus picked the remote back up and unmuted the television. Reruns of The Brady Bunch were running. Magnus could swear he had seen this episode already today, or maybe it was just running together with the last one, or the one before that. He didn't know or care anymore. Alec had been fascinated by this show; by this presentation of a 'normal mundane family.' Magnus had always laughed and told him mundane families were never like that anymore, but Alec's face would light up in childish amazement anyway.
Magnus swallowed the lump in his throat and paused the TV again, pausing for a moment before just turning it off. He laid back on the pillows and balanced his cooling tea on his buttonless belly. Why couldn't he get Alec out of his head? Why couldn't he move on the way he always did. He was so hung up by every little thing that reminded him of the shadowhunter. He bit his lip every time he saw something blue, even if it wasn't the color of Alec's eyes. He had snapped his teacup from blue to yellow after his first two cups.
Magnus was about to go down to the laundry and get his bed sheets so he could curl up with them and go to sleep, hopefully waking to a little more perspective. Maybe tomorrow he would have a client. Hopefully tomorrow he would start to move on.
Just as Magnus was heaving himself off of the couch, the doorbell buzzed. Magnus groaned outwardly, but inside, he was hoping it was a client. Preferably one with a really bad curse that would take him all night or maybe even a few days, to fix. Magnus didn't even bother snapping himself out of his robe, just staggered down the stairs and threw open the door.
He was so shocked initially, he forgot to be cold or upset. He was here. His Shadowhunter. His Alec.
No, not his. Alec was no longer his. He had decided that. He had coldheartedly left Alec, because how could he possibly trust him again? When Magnus was so close to telling Alec everything about himself, to sharing his life, giving it up, and Alec would betray him, how could he ever trust again.
But he was here, on his doorstep, after he had left him, and abused him, he still came back. How could the boy be so stupid? The coldness that should have been there to begin with came back into Magnus's eyes. He'd thought after what happened last night, he could keep the Shadowhunter away, let his heart heal, but no. Here he was, standing in the dim glow of the streetlights and soaking from head to toe, his overly long black hair dripping in his ice blue eyes. Magnus had to look away before he could speak.
"What are you doing here?" He demanded. His voice wasn't as forceful as he had meant it to be, wavering a little at the sight of his love out in the cold.
Magnus took a glance at the boy out of the corner of his eye and Alec stuttered for a moment. "I-I…" Alec swallowed visibly, still caught up in the accident of arriving here, "My father kicked me out…" Alec took a deep breath, looking at Magnus, his blue eyes pleading, causing Magnus to bite back his feelings, "I didn't know where else to go."
Magnus swallowed, his jaw clenching. He wanted to be angry with the boy, but he couldn't quite bring it to the surface. Why had Robert Lightwood kicked him out? Surely it couldn't have anything to do with him or Camille? Magnus bit the inside of his cheek, "You can't be here, Alexander."
Alec blanched and his voice pitched, "Magnus, please. I don't have anywhere else to go. I don't expect you to let me sleep in your bed, or even talk to me, but I need somewhere to stay, at least for tonight."
Magnus looked into those wide blue eyes and he felt all the emotions and love dredge up in his chest again. They stood in silence for longer than seemed real and Magnus couldn't tell if it was tears welling in the boy's eyes, or just the rain. He closed his eyes and took a frustrated breath, then turned on his heel and walked back up the stairs to his flat, without closing the door behind him.