Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin
He was going to kill Gwaine. That was all Leon can think of as he combed the castle looking for the mischievous knight. The previous night, Gwaine had managed to drink himself stupid and wager a bag of gold that he can take down 10 men with both arms tied which resulted in an all-out brawl between Gwaine and said men that destroyed half the tavern. Now, with Gwaine missing and Arthur busy with his duties as king, it fell upon Leon to deal with the angry owner of the tavern who demanded that the alcoholic knight repay the damage he has caused. Leon is going to kill Gwaine… if he can be found that is. Gwaine seemed to have a talent of disappearing the moment he was in trouble, a talent that led Leon searching high and low throughout the castle for the knight before finding himself entering the armory where he stumbled upon another familiar face, one that may have information on the whereabouts of the wayward knight. Merlin was kneeling on the floor polishing Arthur's armor, a goofy grin strangely stretch across his face as if he enjoyed the task at hand. If there was one thing Leon knew about Merlin, it was that Merlin did not enjoy doing Arthur chores which meant the servant maybe hiding a certain knight from trouble.
"Merlin, it's weird seeing you enjoying your job. Tell me, you wouldn't happen to know where I can find Gwaine. He caused a lot of trouble at the tavern and I need to…" Leon trailed off as he noticed for the first time that they were not alone in the room. Across the room from Merlin, on top of a rack of swords, sat a small monkey with its black tail wrapped around the hilt of a sword for balance while its white face was facing in Merlin direction. If Leon hadn't know better, he would believe the monkey was sulking, hunched over the way he was, as he was seemingly glaring daggers at the manservant who at that moment looked up to acknowledge Leon. Forgetting Gwaine and with genuine curiosity, Leon turned back to Merlin, "Why is there a monkey in the armory?"
"Monkey? What monkey?"
Leon raised his eyebrows.
"Oh yea that monkey, yeah I forgot he was there for a moment sorry about that. You see funny stories about monkeys and how they get in places they shouldn't."
"Did you bring him in here? Where in all of Camelot did you even find this monkey?"
"Hmm well like I said funny stories really, about monkeys, this one just wondered in here earlier and I figure he seemed harmless so I let him umm be in here?"
"You're a terrible liar Merlin, and, to be honest, I'm curious on how you managed to actually find a monkey in the first place."
"Ok fine, I'll tell you the truth because I could just lie and say this monkey was from the future, but that's just ridiculous. That isn't just a monkey, that's actually Gwaine. I was in here, minding my own business, polishing the armor and sharpening swords, and I felt as if I needed a break so I let the secret magic I possess to do the work for me. Seriously a lot easier to do than manually, we should really unban magic then we can probably give all the servants some vacation days and I would actually be able to enjoy my life in magical bliss instead of Camelot's secret warlock. Anyhow back to the monkey, where was I, oh yea I was using my secret magic that I guess isn't secret anymore now that I'm telling you, but well I was doing my job when Gwaine came stumbling in like a maniac saying something about how he needed a place to hide and I was his friend and thus obligated to hide him away from someone, who I can only assume he meant you, when he noticed all this armor and weapons moving around on their own doing my work for me. So he found out about my magic and began pestering me about. No, no not that I betrayed him, no he couldn't care less, but about the extent of my magic. He started this horrid game of asking my poor self 'Can you' questions. I mean he would not shut up. Arthur says I'm always rambling but man when Gwaine has questions, he has a lot. So I enchanted him to shut up. Well…. I tried to shut him up, but my spell didn't work the way I wanted it to, that's what I get for creating my own enchantments, but at least I got the result I wanted which was to shut up Gwaine and his bottomless supply of questions. But yeah I accidentally turned him into a monkey, a talking monkey, and kind of an ugly sucker for a talking monkey if you ask me. I did say talking right? Yup he is a talking monkey, completely opposite of what I wanted but oh well he won't talk because he can only say 'fic-''
"Merlin!" interrupted Leon, exasperated, "Enough! I get it, you don't know where Gwaine is, or where that monkey came from, and you have a lot to work to do. Sorry for disturbing you, I'll let you to your work and look for Gwaine elsewhere, bye." Leon, now with a throbbing headache, fled the room before Merlin can continue his rambling. Even if Merlin was actually hiding Gwaine in the armory, Leon would rather wait until the knights had to go for training to confront him rather than stay in the armory and suffer Merlin's chattering. As creative and amusing as Merlin's ridiculous tales could get, Leon just cannot deal with any more nonsense in one day and he would just have to yell at Gwaine another time.
Back in the Armory, Merlin set aside the armor and walked over to the monkey, meeting the monkey's glare in amusement.
"See Gwaine, I did just as a friend would do and hide you from trouble. You should thank me really because Leon seemed to be looking for blood there. Honestly, why you find a need to destroy half the tavern is beyond me!" Merlin laughed.
The monkey, Gwaine, narrowed his eyes in annoyance.
"Let me answer another one of your questions I bet you are just dying to know. Yes Gwaine, I can change you back, even though it was an accident that I turned you into a monkey in the first place. But before I do, you need to do me a favor."
"So you will do this one thing for me before I turn you back?"
Gwiane gave another curt nod.
"You will do what I say to be turned back and if you don't do it, you will accept that I won't turn you back?"
Gwaine nodded again, his head bobble up and down so fiercely that he momentarily lost balance on the rack.
"Ok then, Gwaine, this is what you have to do for me to change you back. You have to ask me, 'Can you please change me back'"
Gwaine froze before his face scrunched up in anger as he took a deep breath and shriek, "FICUS!"
Merlin laughed, "I said 'Can you please change me back' not say 'ficus'. Come on Gwaine, it's so simple! Just ask me to change you back!"
"FICUS, FICUS FICUS FICUS FICUS FICUS, FICUS! FICUS FICUS FICUS FICUS!" continued Gwaine, desperate to say the words.
"Well Gwaine, I guess you want to be a monkey, I gave you a chance but all you seem to want is something called a ficus. Oh well, I'll see you later. Let me know when you want to be changed back," Merlin chuckled as he left the armory while Gwaine followed behind still screeching.
Later at night, Gaius returned from his rounds around the lower town when he heard muffled laughter coming from his ward's room. When he checked to see what was going on, he found Gwaine snickering as he empty the contents of a bucket over Merlin's bed. Gaius gave a small cough, effectively catching the knight's attention.
"What are you doing in here?" question Gaius
"Ficu-"Gwaine cleared his throat, "I was just returning the favor." With that, Gwiane bolted from the room before Gaius can ask him any more questions.
Turning to the bed, Gaius saw that Gwaine had managed to cover his ward's bed in mud, worms, and whatever else he could find from the forest floor. Gaius gave a small sigh before he left the room and began to make dinner for his unsuspecting ward. Sometimes it's best to leave some questions unanswered.
AN: I go this idea from when I was watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. I thought the line was hilarious and couldn't help but imagine if someone from Merlin was the actual monkey. To me, no one fit the role more than Gwaine, and the idea of someone like Gwaine as a monkey that was only able to say "ficus" was just too amusing to let go.
This is my first Merlin fan fic I have ever tried, I hope none of the characters were too OOC.
Reviews are welcome and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!