Warnings: Weird, Asgardian sex toys? Explicit sex/masturbation

Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers

Authoress Note: Woo, this was fun to write. I love Tony's voice very much.

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Tony stared in slight horror at the wiggling...snake(?) thing that Thor had placed in his hands. It was covered in silver scales and shone reflectively every time it bent or wriggled. And Thor was giving him this look of unbridled delight, one Tony wasn't sure what to do about, much less this thing trying to break free from his hands.

"What's this?" He asked eventually, because Thor wasn't giving him any hints and well, it was better to ask before he gave into instinct and incinerated this unnatural thing and offended Thor.

"Well, the Hawk Clint, was telling me that you needed to get laid—"

"Oh god."

"—since your unfortunate departure from Lady Pepper. I too have noticed your souring mood in light of recent circumstances and I figured it best to besot you with this gift to get you back in the spirit of merriment. It will bring you utmost pleasure!"

Did Thor just get him a sex toy? An Asgardiansex toy? Thor totally just gave him an Asgardian sex toy. Okay, as soon as this incredibly awkward conversation was over, Tony was going to instate a new rule, after putting this thing (sex toy, he thought with a shudder) in Barton's bed. No helping out the sex lives of other Avengers unless you were offering yourself.

Well, no, that wouldn't do. If Barton, as much as he hated the bastard sometimes, said this very thing to Tony and gave him a perfectly okay dildo, Tony would still replace all of his arrows with NERF products, but that didn't mean he wouldn't useit. Yeah, Tony would accept a regular gift like that from anyone, save Steve because he wasn't sure Steve knew what adult toys were, even if he made out to hate it, because hell, it was better than JARVIS silently judging him every time he made an order online (and consequently broke the object a week later trying to make it "better"—Jarvis always had jokes).

But this, this monstrosity that looked like a living thing, that seemed to be very concerned with how hard Tony was squeezing it, this was just confusing. Eventually, curiosity got the better of him and he asked,

"Yeah, uh thanks and all, but how would I actually use it?"

Thor's eyebrows rose like he was surprised that Tony was asking. "Why, you just insert it like one of your Midgardian toys!"

Insert? Wow, okay, that definitely wasn't going to happen. No matter what kinky shit Thor and other Asgardians seemed to be into (He actually knew about sex toys? Why did Thor know this and Steve didn't?), Tony wasn't sticking a snake up his ass.

Fuck, was it even a snake? It didn't have eyes or a mouth or anything. But it was warm and it felt like it was breathing.

"Won't that uh...hurt it? Most animals don't appreciate being used that way, you know?" Despite what your brother thinks,Tony added mentally, but bit his tongue because he knew it was a sore subject. And oh, Tony was being such a good boy, he totally deserved real sex. Why couldn't Thor just offer his dick instead?

Thor just laughed and Tony was really missing something. Dealing with Asgardians always made his brain hurt in the worst of ways.

"You misunderstand, my friend! It is not living, nor can it feel pain. It was created for pleasure! I can help you, if you are unsure."

While Tony's immediate response should have been to say, Thanks, but I got this,and to destroy the offending object as soon as Thor left, but there was always that insanely curious part of him that got the better of him. He still wasn't sure what it exactly did and who else could say that they've used an alien sex toy?

In the end, that had always been Tony's motivation for most of what he did: the ability to shout "first!" like an internet commentator.

In hindsight, this was always a terrible motivation for anything.

Tony was feeling the apprehension now as Thor led him from his lab to his bedroom. He knew that Thor wouldn't try to hurt him on purpose theoretically, but he had also been almost knocked off of his feet by a friendly back slap. But on the other hand, there was the off-chance that he could have sex with a god, which was definitely on his bucket list once he found out that Thor and his kin existed.

When they got to his room, he sat down on his bed, not sure exactly what to do. What if Thor had some weird mating ritual or something? What if he was looking like a presumptuous ass by sitting here and waiting for Thor to do something? What if Thor just wanted to watch and didn't want to get involved after all? Cripes, he wasn't even this awkward when he lost his virginity.

Thor sat down beside him on the bed and Tony swallowed. This was intimate, but not, in a strange way. He still wasn't sure what to think about the toy, but the worst thing it could do was hurt, but he was sure Thor would stop if he said so. He would never intentionally want Tony in pain.

"Perhaps we should commence with foreplay?" Thor asked and it was so ridiculous, that he was even asking, that Tony almost laughed, but Thor stole it away in strong, but tender kiss. Tony felt their lips move together and thought this was certainly a good first step. Thor's large hands and roamed to Tony's back, pressing against the knots and tension that were there and Tony felt his shoulders slump with ease (he hadn't even realized he had tensed them). Thor tilted his head back and Tony's mouth fell open when the other's tongue pressed into his mouth and god, he fucking melted.

(Some odd part of his mind that was always calculating and remembering things reminded him that Thor was also a god of fertility and wasn't that just lucky?)

He moaned against Thor's mouth as his hands continued to roam. There, teasingly against Tony's thighs, underneath his tee-shirt, touching his nipples until Thor decided that the shirt was too much of a barrier by itself and they broke the hot, slow and deep kiss to push Tony's shirt off. The arc reactor was bare to Thor's gaze and suddenly Tony felt deeply self-conscious about it.

He had only ever let Pepper see him like this, after Afghanistan. Even during the slew of one-night-stands he brought in to sloppily replace the physical need, he had never taken off his shirt.

But Thor didn't seem to mind, it wasn't like he didn't know it was there, and he touched the edges almost reverently and Tony felt a jolt of electricity run through him in the most literal way possible. But it was warm, not painful like he expected it to be. Thor seemed to be concentrating very hard as his fingers swept across the surface and Tony had to shut his eyes to ground himself. Christ, they had only done a little kissing and he was already starting to get aroused.

Thor looked up and smiled, before bringing his hands back down to Tony's legs where he rubbed his thighs until Tony was visibly hard through his jeans.

"Shit," Tony hissed when Thor cupped the bulge and Tony was decidedly very glad when Thor ripped down his jeans. He was also very glad that he almost always forgot to wear underwear, but seeing that toy thing again deflated his mood almost immediately.

Damn, he had almost forgotten about that thing. He was sort of hoping Thor would forget too and get lost in the moment and just fuck him. Well, so much for that plan.

"Should I just go ahead and spread 'em?" He joked to hide his sudden anxiety. This thankfully just flew over Thor's head as his brow furrowed and he answered slowly,

"I am not certain what that means, but I would like you to lie back."

Tony lay back on the bed, trying to tell himself that this would be totally okay. Thor had probably banged as many people as Tony had in his lifetime and he was surely no stranger to pleasure. So it would feel good. Probably.

Thor got him to lift up his legs and really, Tony should probably have been more concerned with how at ease he felt barring his most intimate part to the Asgardian. Tony did not submit to just everyone, Thor should feel proud (but truthfully, looking at that god-like body, Tony probably would have felt woefully inadequate trying to top Thor and Thor should also feel proud that he managed to indirectly insult Tony's manhood).

But even now, he wanted nothing but to inch away from the thing that Thor was slowly bringing to his entrance. He was also questioning Thor's complete lack of lubricant, but he trusted the other. Mostly. He just hoped Loki didn't show up out of nowhere and turn the thing into an actual snake at the last moment just for shits and giggles. (And why the fuck did he think that? That wasn't helping him get used to the idea at all).

He tensed when he felt the warm end of it press against his opening and then suddenly, it was inside of him and Tony almost screamed.

It wasn't like, Thor just pushed it inside of him far too quickly either. No, it was outside of his body and in the blink of an eye, it was completely inside of him and that reeked of magic and Tony hatedmagic.

As for how it felt, it wasn't half bad, Tony thought pleasantly surprised. The thing seemed to have lubed itself and, while not exactly hard, it had expanded to create a nice pressure along his inner walls. It was still pretty warm and it was tame, probably easy to jack off with, or so he thought. And then Thor snapped his fingers and all perceptions went to hell.

Tony moaned, feeling the thing grow more vigorously and move, actually move of its own accord to press maddeningly against his prostate while the rest of it rubbed and stretched him. It was slicker and hotter now and Tony felt his muscles relax and clench against the movements inside of him as the thing ebbed and flowed. He felt so full and he grew completely hard at the toy's ministrations.

"How does it feel, Anthony?" Thor asked, with somewhat of a bemused smirk, as he watched Tony writhe and moan against his bed sheets.

"Oh godddd," He tried to say eloquently, but he could feel it throbbing hotly inside of him and it was definitely affecting his speech capabilities. It didn't help that Thor had called him by his real name which somehow made this even more intimate, even more of a turn-on and Tony promised never to doubt Thor ever again.

"Can you handle more?"


Another snap and the thing was even bigger, stretching him more, thrusting in and out of him like an actual dick while still jabbing against that spot that made Tony arch his back and cry out. He had never gotten this close that quickly before. His cock was already throbbing with want of release, his precum dribbling steadily over himself and his bed sheets. If he was paying attention, he might have noticed how interested Thor looked, at the hand that was slowly palming the god to full arousal, but Tony was too busy writhing and being fucked by this magnificent toy.

He felt so stretched and full, but in such a perfect way and well, he had always been a bit of a size queen. It pounded deep inside of him and each unyielding thrust brought him closer and closer to the edge. He could almost taste it and had grabbed his sheets, knuckles tensing at every ram against his prostate.

His thighs were shaking and his stomach was tensing and he knew he was so close. With one final sharp thrust, he was coming all over himself and the toy kept going, kept pushing him over the edge until it was over. His cock had never even been touched and wasn't that refreshing? Tony lay dazed and gasping against his bed as Thor did something to make the toy come out. It felt unfair, the sudden, wet, emptiness he felt inside of him and he shot Thor a pleading look.

"Was it good, Anthony?" Thor asked with a hungry glint in his eyes that made Tony shiver and he gave a breathy moan by way of reply when Thor pressed his fingers against Tony's loose hole.

(Goodness, he thought, what had that thing and Thor done to him to make him so slutty?)

"Will you be up for a second round?" He asked, even as he pressed his clothed erection against Tony's thigh. There was something in his eyes that spoke of pure sex and energy and thunder and it made Tony shiver again. And he really didn't have to think to answer. He was totally crossing this one off of his bucket list and affirmed.