Nikki Newman is old.

Say whatever you want, she's aged gracefully, she's still beautiful - Nikki will still feel old. She feels ugly and unloved.

And it's just plain pathetic, she thinks, that she's still hurt at what Victor does to her. He went out and got Sharon, who's young and beautiful, because she's gotten old and ugly.

Jack is so sweet. She wants to love him, wants to shower the man with love but she can't get over cruel, cold hearted, and over controlling Victor Newman.

But, really, Nikki's life has always been. . .not great. It goes as far back to 1979 when she was just Nikki Reed. Plain old Nikki Reed.

Nikki Reed has oh so many skeletons, so many things. These people - these young people - have no idea what she's went through. Things that still haunt her when it's dark and there's no Victor or Jack or anyone going through her head.

(she's so old, oh so OLD)

She wonders why these things - why such bad things happen to her.

(she's killed her own FATHER, but no one cares, no one knows anymore)

(SHE'S OLD)

(how could a father want to have sex with their own fucking daughter? their DAUGHTER?)

But she's Nikki Newman now - Nikki Reed was abandoned and forgotten a long time ago. Someone to only be thought about when it's dark and quiet and there's nothing else to think of.

Nikki got to the top by charming men, the most powerful men in Genoa City. She isn't smart or powerful or empowering. No little girls are going to look up to Nikki Newman OR Nikki Reed and think, "I wanna be just like her!"

Just, no.

Nikki, a former stripper. Almost raped by her drunk of a father. A murderer who killed their father, their FATHER! And now she's killed Diane. And she was drunk, she's always drunk!

What does she even have to offer now? NOTHING!

(SHE'S OLD)

(and no, no matter how many years go by, she's still a talentless, dumb, whore, a murderer, a drunk and now she's old! fat, ugly, NOTHING)

Really, she isn't much of a mother. Victoria and Nick are smart, smarter than she could ever be. But there so jaded and the whole family is just screwed up. Yes, the Newman's are strong - but there's such a thing as too strong.

Nikki does not understand how Jack could want to be with her. Doesn't get it all.

His son hates her (she killed his mother!), she is forever obsessed with Victor (such an old fool, still falling for his tricks, he'll never change), and now she's just old. Worthless.

And deep down, no matter how much time she spends in expensive places and gorgeous gowns-

(she's still Nikki Reed)

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Yes, Nikki, in the very early days of Young & The Restless was almost raped by her father and killed him. Was a stripper. And my Grandma also told him there was a time when she tried to be a model and it turned out the agency was a prostitution ring! XD so Nikki definitely had it rough - also, my Grandma told me her and Paul had a thing for a while! Can you believe that? :O