It was pretty much just a normal day—well, as normal as could be, considering I was a god, sitting on my throne in Olympus, and being subjected to what was possibly the loudest argument of all time.
"APOLLO!" Zeus roared, his eyes flashing dangerously as he stared down the sun god. "ONE MORE HAIKU OUT OF YOU, AND I SWEAR ON THE RIVER STYX—"
"Zeus is really mad," Apollo chanted, grinning carelessly as he returned the other god's furious glare. "Poseidon is getting annoyed. I'd better run now."
Zeus twisted on his enormous throne to look at me, fury warring with a hint of despair in his eyes. "Poseidon, take my side!" Hera touched his arm in what was unmistakably a warning gesture, and he sighed. In a calmer tone he added, "Please?"
Aphrodite groaned quietly. "They've been at this all day."
I ignored both Zeus and Aphrodite and said to Apollo, "Your middle line had eight syllables. It's supposed to have seven."
"Zeus, I know, but it had my name in it. I couldn't help myself."
"Childish," Ares coughed under his breath.
I was on my feet in seconds. "What was that, Ares?"
He stood as well, rising to the bait.
"Really," Artemis snapped, fixing both of us with stern looks. "Now you actually are being childish."
Hephaestus gave a low whistle. "Whoa, Arty—keep your temper, now."
Artemis was glaring at him now. "Since when has my name been 'Arty'?"
And with that, everyone was suddenly squabbling over the most mundane things—it reminded me of the solstice meetings, but this was worse than having Hades here.
"I do not need to 'hook up' with anyone!" Athena fairly screamed at Aphrodite. I shivered—Athena was one goddess you did not want turned against you. Ironic, really, seeing as I sort of had a bit of a rivalry going on in the Athena department.
"So you'll just die alone?" Aphrodite retorted.
Zeus stamped his foot, sending thunder rolling across the skies, and looked at the love goddess. "In case you haven't noticed, we're immortal!"
"You know what I meant!" cried Aphrodite, blushing.
Apollo's eyes gleamed suddenly, like he was getting an idea.
And I knew what was happening almost before it did.
"Cover your ears," I muttered to Hermes, who was standing behind my throne to escape the tangle of gods and goddesses now going at it in the center of the throne room (even as I watched, Hephaestus tossed one of the braziers that normally held fire to Demeter, who promptly started chasing down Aphrodite, who was grappling with Athena and Artemis.)
"Everyone's fighting," Apollo began, his face scrunched like he was deep in thought, waiting for his next line. "Because I said some haikus—"
"Apollo, guess what?" I interrupted, and everyone in the room fell silent and looked at me.
"You'd better run now."
He went hurtling from the throne room, screaming as he ran.
Zeus promptly clapped his hands together. "Where's my master bolt?"
Hera pointed to where it lay across the armrests of his throne, and he picked it up, causing it to spark with energy.
"Come on. It's time to teach Apollo a lesson."
And with a rallying cry of "PEANUT BUTTER!" we charged off into Olympus.
A/N: wombat-of-awesomeness: This one's for you, my lovely best friend. (Are you serious? No, I'm Regulus.) How 'bout some Percabeth next? CANADIANS!
A/N 2: Just a little story that popped into my head. At 2:59 am. Oh, the joys of being a fanfictioneer. And I know the gods wouldn't know the whole peanut butter and Tyson story, but I couldn't resist. ;) Hope you guys liked it!