A/N: Hello everybody, this is probably my first uploaded story, but not my first written. I know lots of people have Sweeney Todd parodies, like 'Parodies Of A Songing Nature' which I love! But I really wanted to write my own, and who knows? Maybe George Hearn will be in it. +Plus+ I have no idea how many chapters this story will have. Don't forget to review if you want more! Oh, and this is based on both the play and the movie, remember that.
Disclaimer: I do not own Sweeney Todd. Just this story.
Singing will be in italics and talking will always be in normal text. (maybe underlined if emphisised...)
Parodies From Razor-Land
Chapter One – You Get Your Big Solo Later
Anthony: I have sailed the world, beheld it's wonders. From the Dardanelles to the mountains of Peru, but there's no place like London, I feel home again...
Sweeney: You "feel home again"? I AM home, where do you live anyways?
Anthony: I could hear the city bells ring... Whatever would I do?
Sweeney: What does that even mean? I'm going to interrupt your song anyway!
Anthony: No there's...
Sweeney: No place like London.
Anthony: Mr Todd, sir? (angrily) You ruined my big solo!
Sweeney: Don't worry, you get your big solo later.
Anthony: Okay then, Mr Todd.
Sweeney: Why do you keep calling me 'Mr Todd'?
Anthony: (obvious face) Because that's your name.
Sweeney: (shifty eyes) Right...that's my name. 'Tis here we go our separate ways, farewell Anthony, I won't soon forget the good ship 'Mackerel' or the good man who saved my life.
Anthony: (whispering in Sweeney's ear) It's 'Bountiful', not 'Mackerel'.
Sweeney: Really? Oh well, what's said is said.
Beggar woman: Alms, alms, for a miserable woman! On a miserable chilly morning...
Sweeney: Hey, you look like my totally alive-and-sane wife. But she's totally alive-and-sane, so you can't be her.
Anthony: (gives her money) I know here you're supposed to start singing nonsense and I get creeped out and back away, but you're not...so I'm cool.
Beggar woman: (walking away) Alms, alms, I don't now why I'm singing since no one can see me now anyway... but I'll be baaaaaaack, I'm important.
Sweeney: There was a barber and his wife, and she was beautiful.
Anthony: Ooh, beautiful wife-Hey... but why are you calling some barber's wife beautiful? He's gonna sue you!
Sweeney: SHUT UP ANTHONY AND LET ME FINISH MY TOTALLY-SAD-SONG-ABOUT-THIS-TOTALLY-BEAUTIFUL-WOMAN-THAT-I-OBVIOUSLY-DON'T-KNOW!
Anthony: Geez, dude. Take a chill-pill!
Sweeney: Why? Are you trying to drug me?
Anthony: (facepalm) ...
Sweeney: A foolish barber and his wife, she was his reason and his life, and she was beautiful...
Anthony: (disgusted)Ugh, you're calling him foolish AND calling his wife beautiful what...
Sweeney: (evil glare)
Anthony: Me. Shut up now.
Sweeney: ...and she was virtuous, and he was...naive... There was another man who saw that she was beautiful...
Anthony: (in his mind) Wow. Mr Todd's got some serious issues.
Sweeney: ...a pious vulture of the law, who with a gesture of his claw, removed the barber from his plate...
Anthony: Oooh Mr Todd, you like animals now? ME TOO! (Sweeney gives him an evil glare) Oh, I said that out loud.
Sweeney: ...and there was nothing but to wait...
Anthony: (quietly) But I don't want to wait, I like this barber-wife story...
Sweeney: ...and she would fall...
Sweeney: (ignoring) ...so soft, so young, so lost, and oh, so, beautiful!
Anthony: So she's a nice new pillow that's gone missing!
Sweeney: Oh, that was many years ago... I doubt if anyone would know...
Anthony: Okay... did I get that right?
Sweeney: You were supposed to say something about her succumbing!
Anthony: But I didn't, why did you reply as if I did?
Sweeney: Because I was expecting you to, plus, I wasn't listening to you.
Anthony: Then how would you know when...
Sweeney: ...now leave me Anthony, I beg of you, there's somewhere I must go, something I must do now, and ...alone.
Anthony: Why alone? Everything's better with friends! (My Little Pony theme music) Where do you live?
Sweeney: Fleet Street, I wouldn't wonder.
Anthony: Well, I was gonna buy that... but since you got it first, I'll have Kings Cross station instead... (looks through Monopoly property-cards from his pocket) Here you go! (hands the 'Fleet Street' card to Sweeney).
Sweeney: Okay... (backs off)
A/N: Okaaaay that seemed quite long. BUT if you want the next chapter, you need to review! Chapter Two is the Worst Pies In London and Mrs Lovett acts strange around Sweeney, tempting isn't it...? So You. Review. Now.