His dreams – his nightmares; they always involved the sun, being blinded, falling, burning. He was used to it. Since taking the job – no, before that, when the idea that the sun could be saved, that the payload could work to revive it... that's when he first started thinking of it. Of the fate that could await him. Sacrificing his life for everyone else, that was an idea he could face. But burning alive... things were better now. Better, now that he accepted it. Accepted the miracles he could be making. And the sun... he was no longer afraid. He saw these miracles, through out his mind everyday. And the view, even so far away, in the tiny, insignificant spacecraft. It was amazing. He accepted it. It was no longer terrifying.
Which is what made seeing Mace's death, even through a screen that much worse. Freezing to death. Freezing, completely. He made a sacrifice, to save them all, to give humanity one last chance a survival. They all did. But slowly freezing to death as he tried, and failed to save the systems... dying, knowing that you were failing, that the mission may have all been for nothing.
It wouldn't have been. If not for Capa. He killed them, he killed them all. If not for his idea, if not for the fact that he made the decision to go to Icarus I, instead of staying on course... it wouldn't have happened. Kaneda wouldn't have died fixing the damage the ship get from changing course. Trey and Searle wouldn't have killed themselves. Harvey wouldn't have flown to his death, ensuring Capa's own survival. Corazon wouldn't have been stabbed by Pinbacker. Mace wouldn't have frozen to death, trying to fix the sabotage caused by Pinbacker, and Capa and Cassie would not have been pursued by him. The mission could have worked with minimum casualties, a safe flight home, oxygen gardens intact. But no. It wasn't even Trey's fault for the miscalculation. Just Capa's. Icarus I was a mistake made by him, and everyone around him had paid the price for it.
Even dying... he knew he was about to die. But he embraced it. He was always going to have to make a sacrifice. He just didn't want to be the once to have made everyone do it, too.