Hey! So I have been working on this songfic for quite sometime and finally decided to finish and post it! Sorry, it is soooo long! The lyrics just kept striking me with inspiration! I hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS:LA or Love Somebody by Keith Urban
Review: I would love to know what you thought!
There's a new wind blowing like I've never known
Deeks and Kensi's partnership had started out difficult. They did not know each other except a few brief interactions and now they were being forced to work together daily. Hetty expected them to put their lives in each other's hands every day. But neither was very accustomed to trusting anyone especially a near stranger.
As the days went on their partnership grew and they began to trust each other more and more. The teasing built a sense of comfort between them until one day the banter led to honesty. There was something different between them that they had never experienced before.
What started as something forced and intimidating had turned into something full of meaning. At first, they had no trust and were unsure of how to work together, but as their partnership continued they began communicating without words and trusted each other completely with everything.
Neither had expected to become so close. They had never had a best friend in their life because no one had ever seemed to understand them enough. But with each other, it was different.
I'm breathing deeper than I've ever done
Life seemed to be brighter. Even as their jobs could be so dark sometimes, they felt like they could overcome it.
With each case, they became closer and the bond they shared grew deeper. They each owed their new outlook on life to the other, but neither would admit it.
Deeks had always dreamed of this feeling, but never imagined he would one day feel it. His whole life he had been on his own. Yes, he had had parents, but since his dad beat him and his mother did nothing to deserve or stop it, Deeks had been on his own in the world. Always making his own decisions and taking care of himself.
Although his life was all about people, he had never dared to hope that one day he would be happy because of another person. His happiness had always rested on the satisfaction that he helped someone. Now he found himself being happy because of Kensi.
Deeks had quit believing in love the first time his dad had hit his mom, but now he found himself day dreaming about telling Kensi that he loved her.
And it sure feels good to finally feel the way I do
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you.
And I'm letting go of all my lonely yesterdays
Even as he had been surrounded by people, Deeks was alone. Even as he had kissed countless girls, he had been alone. Even as he had become popular, he was alone. Even as he had his department, he was alone undercover and the rest of the force hated him anytime he was at headquarters.
Deeks was tired of being alone in a world full of people. He cared about other people and had devoted himself to helping them. He decided at a young age that he would defend those that needed defending. First he had pursued being a lawyer to defend them in a court room, but then he became a cop so he could be on the streets helping people. In his free time, he volunteered in the soup kitchen taking care of people.
Before he had never been able to find someone that he wanted to be with, but now he found himself longing to be with Kensi.
Of course, he had chosen to be alone his whole life, but at the same time he had little choice in the matter. He had been hurt and used too many times to trust people. Trust was needed in order to have a relationship with someone.
He trusted Kensi.
I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made
Deeks had made his fair share of mistakes in his life. He had run with the wrong crowd, made bad decisions, and gotten too close to cases. He regretted going undercover as Max Gentry. He had been too close and just kept getting closer until he didn't know what was real and what was the cover.
His feelings for Nicole had started off only as his alias, a better way to sell his cover. But as they got closer, the lines became blurred. Deeks could not keep his feelings straight between him and Max.
When he was faced with the truth the other day, he felt sick to his stomach. He did not love Nicole ever, he had liked the idea of being in love and having someone depend on him, but he did not love her. He had led her on and played with her heart all for an undercover mission and now she had to pay for it.
Then she had kissed him and a part of him responded. That part of him was Max Gentry, the twisted tough guy, but as himself, as Deeks he did not ever love her. His biggest mistake in life had been blurring the lines between real life and an alias. For some reason as Nicole made out with him, he could only think of Kensi sitting in the other room watching.
Now not only did that mistake affect Nicole and Ray, but it affected Kensi and the team. After he kissed Nicole, he walked out of the interrogation room and the look on Kensi's face could have killed him. His mistake had hurt his partner. Her face had shown confusion and concern on the surface level, but in her eyes he saw the betrayal and hurt. She had never really seen him with anyone especially not with the passion he had just shown. He cared about Kensi more than anyone and to see that look in her eyes had killed him. Why did he have to be so stupid?
Of course, Kensi would be the one to make him realize that he had to tell Nicole the truth. The hate and hurt in Nicole's eyes when she learned of his real identity nearly broke him. If only he would not have crossed the lines. In a sense, he only told Nicole the truth for Kensi, but also because they all deserved closure.
Now it was nearly midnight two days after the case had been closed. He was standing on the pier glaring into the dark horizon and watching waves roll up and down as the moonlight shone on the peaks of the water. He could not sleep and had not been able to since that day in the boat house. Deeks knew he had to talk to Kensi.
Ray had teased him about him and Wikipedia having a "thing" and Deeks had denied it. Later he and Kensi had joked about it, but they both could feel the tension and discomfort between them. Deeks knew he definitely had a thing for Kensi, but he had given up on her returning the feelings especially after what he had done with Nicole. He had texted her to meet him anyway because he had to talk to her. He would never truly forgive himself if she did not forgive him. He understood that Nicole would probably never forgive him, but she wouldn't be forgiving Max. And Deeks had buried Max for the last time with this case. He was Marty Deeks not Max Gentry. If only he would have realized it sooner.
He heard her boots walking across the wooden pier growing louder the closer she got. Deeks did not move, he just kept looking at the ocean. Kensi mimicked his position with her forearms resting on the pier and looking out across the water.
Deeks took a deep breath, "Thanks for coming." She only nodded in response and squinted her eyes a little tighter. "Kensi, I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and I'm not proud of it."
"All of us have, Deeks. And none of us are proud of it. Believe me I get it. You don't have to explain anything because you don't owe me anything, okay?" She stood up straight and spun on her heel to leave. He knew she was just trying to hide her feelings.
His hand shot out grabbing her arm, "I do owe you an explanation. Please, listen. I know you are hurting too. I have been trying to come up with a way to say everything for two days and I still don't know how, but I'm going to try."
Kensi looked deep into his blue eyes and rested her back against the pier staring at him…waiting.
"Like I said I have made a lot of mistakes and in doing so have hurt a lot of people. I broke the number one rule of undercover work, I blurred the lines and got too close. I hurt Nicole deeper than anyone should be hurt. She trusted Max and I led her on, letting Max love her," Deeks paused and swallowed. Was that a tear in Kensi's eye? No, Kensi would not cry, but there it was glimmering against the chocolate brown of her eye. Her mouth was set in a firm line and her body was rigid.
He didn't know exactly what was going through her head, but he did know that his explanation tonight would either heal them or break them in ways he couldn't even imagine. And Deeks needed Kensi, he could not mess this up so he continued praying she would understand, "But I have realized that Max is not who I am. Me, Marty, never loved her. I may have liked the idea of loving her. I was her hero, her icon, and I had always wanted to be that for someone so I let my guard down. Too late I realized that she had invaded not only Max but me. I couldn't tell what was reality and what was an act so I didn't think about it, I just continued forward. Then the mission was over and I disappeared from her life.
"The space gave me the clarity to know I didn't love her, but it was too late I was already invested and she loved Max. I began believing that Max was who I was supposed to be and Marty was just the part I had played for most of my life. Then I came to NCIS and for the first time in a long time, I wanted to be Marty. I wanted to bury Max forever and I thought I had until this case came up."
Kensi frowned, but kept her eyes on him even though he had gone back to staring at the ocean. She spoke past the tightness in her throat, "Deeks, what is your point? I know you aren't proud of Max, we all have covers we aren't proud of so why do you feel like you owe me an explanation about this one?" She tried to tamp down the emotion that she normally could ignore so flawlessly and dashed at a tear that escaped her.
As soon as he had heard the emotion under the surface of her voice, Deeks' eyes had darted back to hers. He felt his heart constrict as she wiped the tear away. "Because Kensi even if you won't admit it, I hurt you with this one. I did plenty of stupid things that would warrant you being upset and I don't know which one really got to you, but obviously one of them did and I don't want…" Deeks shifted on his feet and swallowed, it was hard for him to be vulnerable, but Kensi was worth it. "I never want to be the cause of your hurt and I am sorry that I hurt you. So I guess I just wanted to apologize for everything that happened these past few days especially for you having to see that side of me."
One fist was balled up and pressed against her lips trying to still the quivering of her chin, Kensi's eyes darted around avoiding eye contact with him. Then she met his eyes and his heart lurched with the pain in her eyes. She whispered through her hand, "Why are you apologizing for your cover?"
"I never wanted you to have to see the Max side of me, the dark things I am capable of and that is why I didn't want you going in with me ." Deeks did not know how to continue so he dropped his eyes to the planks of the pier. Although he had realized Max was not who he was, he could not forgive himself for acting like Max so easily, "Max isn't who I am, but I can be him so easily…"
Kensi took a tiny step closer to him understanding the reasoning behind his thoughts, "Deeks, you are nothing like Max, just because you can act like him does not make you like him. You are my partner and although I questioned who you were over this case, I shouldn't have."
Deeks closed his eyes and raised his face to the sky, "I gave you reason to. But Kensi more than anyone else I want you to know who I am." He rubbed the back of his neck and fought the urge to step closer to her.
Kensi raised her hand to Deeks' cheek softly laying it on his scruffy face, "I do know you. You are the undercover cop with a soft heart driven by justice. You are the surfer with a good sense of humor. You are the liason, who is used to being alone. You are strong, sweet, and smart although most people underestimate you. You talk incessantly and annoy people to death, but keep those same people sane and alive. Most importantly you are the man, who overcame and in doing so you are nothing like your father and therefore nothing like Max Gentry."
Trying not to lean into her touch, Deeks frowned, "How did you know that's what I was thinking?"
Kensi dropped her hand, "Because although I let myself doubt you and think you were just going to be the next person to disappoint me, I do know you and you are Marty Deeks."
Wishing she would just put her hand on his face again, Deeks asked, "I should have talked to you about all of this from the beginning. I could have saved you from getting hurt. I'm really sorry Kensi."
Smiling at his sweetness, Kensi answered softly yet firmly, "I forgive you, Deeks."
Deeks let out a whoosh of air and was silent for a minute before he spoke quietly, "For future reference or maybe just out of curiosity, what part of everything did I really hurt you with the most?"
Kensi's eyes flew to the ocean not knowing what to say, "Because I…the case, uh…I thought you would leave NCIS and I didn't want to train another partner.
Deeks' blue eyes met her brown eyes, "Come on, Kens. I know it is more than that."
She lifted her lashes to look at his eyes and her resolve to hold it in flew out the window, "You kissing Nicole because I thought… I thought you really loved her. I couldn't handle what that would mean and cause to happen."
Deeks' breath caught in his throat, she was the most upset about him possibly loving another woman. Out of everything he had done, Kensi was showing emotion over him kissing someone and possibly having feelings for them. That couldn't mean what he thought it did. Did she actual return the feelings he had for her. Deeks spoke softly, "I'm sorry you saw me kiss her, I'm sorry I kissed her at all. Do you want to know something?"
Kensi felt like her eyes were magnetized to his and she couldn't look away even if she wanted to, she nodded her head once, butterflies erupting in her stomach.
Deeks sucked in a breath, "While I was kissing her, all I could think about was you." She blinked once, twice and he reached out to cup her cheek in his palm. "I hurt you in this whole mess and you are the only one that matters to me so could I please try to make it up to you," Deeks pulled her a tiny bit closer by tugging on her hand.
Kensi's eyes shone, "And how do you plan to do that?"
A cocky grin spread across Deeks' face and he slid his hand from her cheek to her neck weaving it in her wavy dark hair and leaning down closer and closer to her lips. Kensi's eyes fluttered closed and she linked her hands behind his neck. Deeks softly brushed his lips against hers, she tasted like sunshine and chocolate. A few minutes passed before he finally broke apart to catch his breath, but did not take his hands from around her, "How is that for a start?"
Kensi smirked and leaned against his chest, her right hand twirling a blonde curl between her fingers, "You have a long ways to go, but that was definitely a good start. "I think I could kiss you every day."
Deeks wrapped his arms around her holding her close as he teased, "I can make that happen."
Now theres just one thing, the only thing I wanna do
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you
Yeah I wanna feel the sunshine shining down on me and you
Kensi groaned and grabbed her phone from the nightstand. It was 0530 and whoever was calling was going to die. She rasped grumpily, "The world better be ending."
"Good morning to you too, Sunshine. Wanna go to the beach with me? You can watch me surf." Deeks crossed his fingers she would accept. He had never asked a girl to go surfing with him. It was his solitary time, the time that he forgot about the world and just focused on the power of the ocean and tried to ride that power. Ever since he was a kid, he had found comfort in riding the waves.
Ever since that night on the pier, two weeks ago, Deeks and Kensi had been spending more and more time together. They had agreed to take things slow, but Deeks was making good on his promise to kiss her daily and he was enjoying it immensely.
Kensi's voice was still husky from sleep, but she suddenly sounded more alert, "I will be ready in fifteen minutes."
Deeks smiled, "K, see you then."
When Kensi climbed into the beat up truck, she smirked at Deeks, "You better be entertaining to watch or else you owe me."
"Either I am way good and you can watch in wonder or I suck and you can laugh in amusement, both options are pretty entertaining," Deeks grinned and drove toward the beach.
Kensi rested her head against the window and closed her eyes, "Wake me up when we get there, Surfer Dude."
Deeks nudged Kensi's shoulder, "Hey, Sleeping Beauty."
Kensi blinked her eyes open and glared accusingly, "Why do you go so early anyway?"
"I like the waves at sunrise, plus it is prettier," Deeks jumped out of the cab and pulled his wetsuit from the backseat, "I'm going to go change, so you can pick a seat." He jogged off to the bathrooms.
Walking across the sand, Kensi pulled her sweatshirt tighter around her glad she had worn yoga pants. It was cold this early in the morning. She decided on a spot and laid a towel down before sinking onto it.
Deeks came up behind her and dangled a coffee and doughnut in front of her, "I thought you might be interested."
"It's scary how well you know me," Kensi took the breakfast from him and smiled in thanks. With her mouth full of chocolate frosting and dough, she motioned to the ocean, "Come on, Deeks. Show me whether I will be laughing or amazed by your skills."
Grinning Deeks replied, "You may be surprised Fern," and then he turned and jogged into the water. Kensi watched with a faint smile on her lips. He dove into the water and then paddled out on his board.
To both Kensi's surprise and pleasure, Deeks almost immediately caught a wave and was extremely skilled in riding it. So she was going to be in awe, she settled onto her elbows and slipped on her sunglasses enjoying the view in front of her.
After about forty-five minutes, Deeks flopped onto the sand next to Kensi, who had pulled off her sweatshirt and was now comfortable in a royal blue tank top. "So are you impressed yet?"
"Honestly," Kensi wrinkled her nose at him, "I was impressed as soon as you rode the first wave."
Deeks grinned, "You must be easily impressed, I'm not that amazing, but it's okay if you wanna tell me otherwise."
"Nah, I'm good," she teased and laughed at his mock hurt face.
Both of them stared out over the water basking in the rising sun's glowing heat. Kensi broke the silence, "I like how the ocean starts the day so dark, but as the sun rises more and more is illuminated until every wave sparkles with the sun's light."
Deeks had stopped looking at the ocean a few minutes earlier and had been looking at Kensi studying every feature. Her words described one of his favorite parts of the early morning beach, "I knew I made the right choice."
"What?" Kensi frowned bewildered and looked over at Deeks meeting his eyes.
"Ever since I was young that was one of my favorite things to watch and these early mornings on the beach have been my escape. I have never taken anyone with me because I was too scared," Deeks hoped she would understand.
"I'm the first person you have brought to the beach to watch you surf?"
Deeks nodded, "You are the only person I have found worthy to share the experience with."
Kensi let a small smirk play on her lips, "I'm glad it was me. You are really good at surfing, Marty."
Rolling his eyes, Deeks scooted closer to her, "How would you know?" He slid a hand behind her head and kissed her sweetly and slowly.
Once they broke apart, Kensi said, "Well, you stayed standing on the board, which was riding the wave, and isn't that the point?"
Deeks smiled, "Guess so. Did you really have fun just sitting here or are you just saying that?"
Kensi smiled and squinted over at Deeks, "Honestly, mostly I noticed that you looked good while you were surfing, very hot."
Deeks rolled onto his back laughing, "You continue to surprise me, Kensi Blye."
"Why does that surprise you?" Kensi sat up and looked out at the water.
"You have never actually admitted that you find me attractive," Deeks smirked and tilted his head at her, "I mean I'm a cocky guy so I never let it affect my ego, but…"
Kensi glared at him for a second, "Deeks I think you are very attractive, now shut up and let's go for a jog."
Deeks smiled, "How attractive?"
"Don't push me, Beach Boy," Kensi stood up and brushed the sand from her yoga pants. Deeks leapt to his feet and ran to change.
As they were jogging down the boardwalk, Deeks dropped his arm and brushed his hand against hers tangling their fingers together.
Kensi smiled, "Not while we are running."
He just laughed and continued to run next to his partner.
When you put your arms around me
You let me know theres nothing in this world I can't do
The team was working a case about a possible abusive military father. Sam and Callen offered the wife and her children protection, but she was so brainwashed by her husband that she refused. And the agents could do nothing without her consent. Since they were certain the military man was abusing the seven year old boy and the mother, Deeks came up with another plan. He volunteered to talk to the boy, Mitchell. He had tried to lighten the situation, "Who better to talk to a kid than a kid?"
Kensi had seen through his joking and saw the effects the case was having on her partner and now something more. Deeks had successfully convinced Mitchell to testify against his father.
He and Kensi had gone over to the family's house while the dad was at work. With their ear wigs as communication, Kensi stayed inside to play with the three year old daughter, Emily, and keep track of the mother so she would not interfere with Deeks' conversation with the boy. To form a friendship, Deeks played catch with him for a while talking about cartoons and sports before flopping down on the damp grass.
"Mitchell, can I tell you a story?"
Big blue eyes looked up at him from beneath a mop of brown hair. The freckled face nodded confidently noticing the seriousness of Deeks' tone.
Deeks took a breath knowing Kensi was listening from the house. "When I was a little boy, I was a lot like you. I loved to be outside, I always felt better outside. But I would have to go inside at night. I didn't have a sister like you, but I had a mom and a dad. Sometimes my dad would drink too much and he would hurt my mom."
Looking down at the boy sitting next to him, Deeks saw the change instantly. Mitchell had gone from laughing and throwing the ball with him to staring down at the grass with no emotion at all so Deeks continued, "It scared me so much. I loved my parents and I knew dad wasn't supposed to hurt Mom so one day I yelled at him to stop. Then my dad turned around and he decided he liked to hurt me more than Mom. Dad would hit me every day and sometimes he did other things that hurt more."
Mitchell peered up at him biting his lip nervously, "What did you do?" The words were almost a whisper.
"I didn't have anybody to help me and I was too little to make him stop so I let him hurt me. It took a long time, but one day my friend helped me and my dad never hurt me again. Mitchell, my dad was not a good man. No dad should hurt their little boys or their wives, it is not what a man should be," Deeks was carefully not to touch the kid knowing how any physical contact would be negative.
Sniffling Mitchell had tears streaming down his face and asked almost quieter than his earlier words, "What should I do?"
Deeks answered softly trying to make his answer clear, "You don't have to tell me anything unless you want to Mitch. If you want to, you can tell us whatever is happening in your house and we will help you."
"Daddy told me not to tell and Mommy said 'only sissy boys' tattle," Mitchell looked at Deeks with eyes so full of pain that he almost had to look away.
Answering the boy, Deeks shifted on the grass so he was squatting in front of him, "You are no sissy, Mitchell. If your Dad hurts you then you need help. My friend helped me and I will help you, I promise."
Nodding the boy started talking, "Most the time Daddy gets really mad about work and stuff so he likes to hit me to help him feel better and sometimes he hurts Mom too, but she doesn't mind cuz she said 'she loves Dad and will help him no matter if it hurts.' And I have to try not to cry or else Emily gets sad and that makes Mom and Dad mad at me."
Deeks frowned he had to ask a question that would either deny or confirm his suspicion, "Do you want us to take you with your mom and sister someplace safe?"
Mitchell's eyes widened, "Not Mom, she will just yell at me," he looked at the grass again, "she doesn't like me much cuz she only wanted a baby girl that's why she lets Daddy hurt me, not Emily."
Feeling like someone just socked him in the stomach, Deeks absorbed the information. Not only was the boy's dad beating him physically, but the mom was abusing him verbally. How did parents do that to their own children, they brought into the world? He slowly reached a hand toward Mitchell, "You know you are the toughest kid I know. I'm glad you told me the truth, Mitch." Before he knew it, the boy had sprung from the grass and rocketed into Deeks arms knocking him onto his behind. Deeks wrapped his arms carefully around the little boy and started mumbling, "It's okay. It's all gonna be okay now."
Kensi had appeared on the porch when Mitchell had began to open up to Deeks. Deeks met her eyes over the boy's head. Her eyebrows were pulled together and her eyes were worried. By just standing against the railing, Kensi was telling him she was here for him and she was just as disturbed by the boy's story as he was.
As he held the boy against him letting him know not all men were bad, Deeks glanced at Kensi again. He saw her tense and look to the house before she whispered, "Deeks, he's home."
Kensi reached for the door just as it burst open. Marine Dan Blake stepped out and yelled, "What is going on here?"
Instantly, Mitchell tensed and squirmed out of Deeks' arms. Like a little slave, he walked toward his father head hanging and said, "Hi Daddy. Do you want some soda?"
Dan nearly growled his next question, "Who are these people?"
His wife opened the door and stepped out behind him, "These people are federal agents that just wanted to check in on us apparently there are crimes happening nearby." She lied easily and leaned on her husband comfortably.
Raising his voice again, Blake yelled, "Get off my property." He looked angrily at Deeks before glaring at his son.
Kensi stepped off the porch and Deeks had followed Mitchell now placing a hand gently on his shoulder, "Alright, we are leaving, but we are going to have to take Mitchell with us."
With wide eyes, the wife spoke up, "Why?"
Kensi answered, "We think he saw something that is going to help us with the investigation."
"You are all lying," the husband raised a hand and shoved his wife onto the ground, "Now give me my boy."
Deeks had guided Mitchell behind him, "I'm sorry we can't do that." He wanted to pull his gun out so bad, but he had to consider the situation. The furious Marine had a gun as well and would use it as soon as threatened. Also pulling his gun would send the two kids into fear and shock maybe scarring them forever so raised his hands, palms forward in a sign of surrender. Kensi had gone over to the woman to make sure she was alright.
Dan Blake stalked over to Deeks until they were toe to toe, "Get out of my way. That is my son and you cannot have him." He poked Deeks in the chest, "What? You want him so you will have somebody to beat up on?"
Deeks sucked air in through his nose and kept himself calm, "No need to get physical. We are just two men having a conversation. Now I have to take Mitchell with me because obviously he isn't safe here, please don't make this harder on him than it already is."
Emily wandered out and Kensi picked the small girl up then helped the mom to her feet. Dan raised a fist and teased, "You don't wanna get physical because you know I will win."
"I don't want to get physical because I want to show your son what a real man is and that is self-controlled and calm," Deeks kept his hands up. They needed to get out of here and take both kids with them and he knew Kensi was thinking the same thing. She sidled over to Deeks' side still holding Emily.
Dan grinned, "I'll show you a real man." He pulled his fist back and threw a punch directly at Kensi's face.
Leaping into action, Deeks jumped in front of her taking the hit to the jaw. He tackled the big marine to the ground. When Blake went for his gun, Deeks punched him in the face and rolled the big man onto his stomach. Twisting his arms painfully behind his back, he handcuffed them together, "You are under arrest for attempting to strike a federal agent and for striking a police officer amongst a slew of other things." Deeks secured the man's weapon and kept a knee roughly on his back.
Sam and Callen ran into the yard. Sam yanked the man to his feet and escorted him out while Callen explained their presence, "We heard things go bad and were in the neighborhood." He walked over to the wife, who was trying to take Emily from Kensi. "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you are going to have to come with me." He ignored her shrieking 'why' and guided her from the yard explaining that she allowed her husband to beat their son and added to the abuse.
Deeks closed his eyes turning slowly afraid he had ruined what progress he had made with Mitchell. He had fought right in front of the kid and shown that he was no better than his father. When he looked down at Mitch, Deeks was completely confused. Mitchell was smiling and again he knocked into Deeks with a hug. Deeks patted his back and then knelt to eye level, "I'm sorry you saw me fight, that's not how it should be."
Mitchell continued grinning, "I want to be just like you when I grow up cuz you take care of the good people and only hurt the bad people."
Speechless, Deeks just ruffled the kid's hair and stood up. Mitchell leaned against his leg and took his hand in his tiny one, "It's okay, I know you don't like to hurt people."
Blinking away the sudden film of moisture, Deeks' gaze darted to Kensi. She was smiling softly rocking Emily. Clearing his throat, Deeks finally answered, "You're right I don't like to hurt people, but sometimes we have to so we can keep the ones we love safe. We should never hurt people unless we have to."
Mitch nodded and said, "I know. Deeks, you are a real man not my dad."
After hours of paperwork and getting the kids settled in their foster homes, Deeks was exhausted emotionally and physically. He dropped onto Kensi's couch staring straight ahead, today had been hard.
Kensi folded her legs underneath her and sat close to him. She trailed her left hand across his hair and down his neck letting him know she was there for him if and when he wanted to talk. Her eyes wandered to the dark bruise marring his jaw and she lightly traced it with her fingers, "I'm so sorry. You didn't have to take it for me."
Deeks dropped his feet from the coffee table and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees before looking over at Kensi, "I know, I wanted to. When he was threatening me, I didn't care. I just wanted to resolve it quietly so the kids wouldn't be threatened more, but when he went for you that crossed a line."
Smiling softly Kensi whispered, "Thank you. You know you were amazing today. You were so patient and sweet talking to Mitchell and you gave him a hero today."
"I'm no hero," Deeks shook his head and glanced away from her, "I'm just a guy, who knows what it's like to get beat. Mitch doesn't deserve that."
"You didn't deserve it either, no one does especially by their parents," Kensi put a finger under his chin and turned his head back toward her, "You have always felt the need to take care of people. Even when you were little, you stepped up and took care of your mom taking the beatings for her."
Deeks was silent so Kensi wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rested her head gently on his right shoulder. He stayed still letting her hold him while he thought back over the day and over his childhood. Even though he was grown and working for a federal agency, he was still haunted by his own father hurting him almost daily and he ached for the kids having to endure the same thing. After nearly ten minutes, Deeks took Kensi's hand and leaned back against the couch, "Thanks Kens."
She searched his misty blue eyes with hers, "Anything else I can do?"
Grinning, Deeks sighed, "You could kiss my bruise and make it better."
Kensi smirked and placed a feather light kiss chastely on his jaw line, "Deeks, just so you know I have met a lot of guys in my life," Deeks frowned swinging his head to look at her, but she raised a finger and continued, "but very very few have been real men. And Deeks you are a real man."
Deeks grinned happily accepting the compliment for everything it was worth and coming from Kensi that was a lot. He leaned forward capturing her lips with his.
I used to run in circles going no where fast
I'd take one step forward and look two steps back
I couldn't walk a straight line even if I wanted to
Deeks sat at his desk diagonal from Kensi staring at the papers on his desk. He had them for months now and had not been able to make a decision. Smoothing down the back of his hair, Deeks stretched and returned to staring down at the words. He didn't know why the decision was so hard.
It should have been easy. Since he had dealt with crime his whole childhood, he had vowed to help people when he was older. He had promised himself and God that if he could just make it through growing up he would be on the right side of the law and he would be for others what he never had.
Since he was constantly avoiding his abusive dad, Deeks was alone out on the streets. They didn't live in the best neighborhood so there were a lot of drug deals going on all the time. Some dealers would try to employ him, but he would say, "No thanks" shaking his blonde hair and dragging his board to the waves.
Of course, saying 'no' to drug dealers gave him a bad name and got him picked on a lot. All the guys would tease him for being scared, but he would ignore them. He had never been scared, he just knew it was wrong.
When he became friends with Ray, the teasing stopped because Ray had a tough reputation and you didn't mess with him. He didn't care that dealing was wrong, he just wanted to get away from his abusive dad so he was in with a rough crowd. With that group, Deeks had gotten into some serious trouble that almost kept him from law school and joining the force. Deeks knew he shouldn't have gotten involved with Ray or his crew, but they were real friends and Deeks didn't have anyone else.
Everyone on the streets talked about cops being good for nothing and said they were the dirt bags. Even though Deeks didn't believe it, he decided to be a lawyer instead. After a short while of going to law school, he knew it wasn't for him. He wasn't the type of guy to wear a suit and tie and argue a case. More importantly he dropped out because he was worried one day he would have to represent someone, who was in fact guilty and he couldn't handle that.
He became LAPD further alienating himself from the crowd he had fell in with for years and again he was alone. His career as a police officer was far from standard. Someone had believed in his abilities and saw his teen year mess ups as opportunities for a cover and so he became an undercover cop. Naturally, the rest of the department then hated his guts and he didn't even have the good guys to rely on.
After years of catching the bad guys alone, he had stumbled into NCIS and Hetty had offered him a position. He decided he liked these high tech undercover operators, who worked as a team and figured it wouldn't hurt. It's not like he could get more alone and worst case scenario Deeks would return to LAPD as the same black sheep.
Well the opposite of the worst had happened. At first, they had held him at arms length doubting his abilities and not trusting him, but he had proven himself capable. Deeks fit in with this group of misfits and for the first time ever, he felt a sense of belonging.
The main reason for that belonging was his partner. Kensi Blye was the best partner he had ever had. Not only did they work extremely well as a team, but they understood each other on a deeper level. They earned each other's trust and knew they could never lose it now.
For the first time in his life, Deeks felt like he was in the right place doing what he was supposed to be doing. He was with the people that accepted him despite their teasing exchanges. He was doing what he was good at and helping people. Most importantly, he had someone that would always be there for him and that understood him better than he understood himself. He wasn't alone anymore.
Deeks stood up abruptly sending his chair rolling away, why had it taken him this long to realize. Three pairs of eyes were on him. Sam had a smirk on his face as he looked questioningly at Deeks. Callen snorted, "Have a nightmare, Deeks?"
Looking at Kensi, Deeks immediately knew she could tell something was up. Her eyes were a shade darker with concern and the tilt of her head told him she was curious, but would wait for him to explain. He smiled at Callen, "Maybe it was a good dream." Then he looked back at Kensi, "Can you help me figure out the copy machine?"
Kensi teased, "When are you going to remember how to use that thing? How long have you been here?"
Slipping the papers from the desk, he led the way to the copy room. Once they were safely inside, he leaned around her and shut the door.
Although she could detect the seriousness of whatever he wanted to discuss, Kensi knew he always welcomed humor, "Deeks, if you can't go without kissing me for more than four hours than we are going to have a serious problem on our hands."
"I do like kissing you, but that is not why I have made up a bogus excuse to get you alone," Deeks grinned and then just looked at her.
Raising her eyebrows at him, Kensi laughed, "Deeks are you going to explain why you jumped out of your chair like you had just discovered the cure for the world's problems and why we are in the copy room."
Deeks took a breath, "I was preparing myself and admiring your hotness," Deeks loved it when he made her smile from compliments, it was different from her other smiles. "Before Hetty went on her mission to Prague, remember how she talked to each of us about important things. Well, she gave me the paperwork to become an actual NCIS agent and she had already signed it. So I have had it since then thinking about it and I couldn't make a decision. It seemed impossible to choose to leave LAPD, but if something were to happen I could never leave NCIS and you. The other day she asked me one of those cryptic questions and it got me thinking I need to make a decision. Today for about the last hour I have been staying at these papers," Deeks flapped them in the air before putting them on the copy machine.
Kensi searched his eyes wanting to him to keep explaining. It hurt knowing he hadn't told her and that he couldn't decide, but she was sure he had a reason, "So did you decide?"
"Yes, but first let me explain what the heck took me so long. Kensi as you know I had a rough childhood and then I was a cop, it became what I was. I have been alone my whole life and nothing changed with LAPD because I was undercover. I never have really fit in with anyone so I have been alone. I was comfortable with it for a long time. And being undercover I didn't mind so much because I knew that I was doing my best to put dirt bags behind bars. I didn't want to give up what I thought was my identity. Then I realized that I fit in here with NCIS, with the team, and especially with you. For the first time in my whole life I feel like I belong and I don't have to be alone anymore," Deeks rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortable with the admission and knowing Kensi would understand just the same so he took her hand.
"I get it, it makes total sense. It is hard to leave what you think defines you, but you are much more than a cop, Deeks," Kensi tightened her grip on his hand.
Deeks maintained eye contact and rubbed his thumb soothingly against the back of her hand, "With your permission, I would like to become your permanent partner as an NCIS special agent."
Kensi felt her eyes widen slightly, she had been so scared he was for some reason going to pick LAPD. Unable to control herself, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him close, "Of course you have my permission. It's where you belong."
Wrapping his arms around her waist, Deeks kissed the side of her head and just held her. When they parted, Deeks grabbed a pen and scrawled his name in all the required places. Turning around, Deeks asked, "So about not being able to go four hours without kissing you, I'm sorry to say that was a pretty accurate statement and unless you wanna kiss me in front of Sam and Callen, you may want to help me get it out of my system right about now."
Smiling Kensi took a step closer, "We have to keep it out of the office, but I guess in celebration of your decision…" she paused standing so close she could feel his breath on her face, "…just this once."
Deeks tangled his hand in her hair supporting her neck and pulled her softly closer until their lips met. Kensi brushed a hand against the scruff on his jaw and slid it down to rest on his chest. Kissing his partner in the copy room, Deeks was positive he had made the right decision because this was exactly where he belonged.
The door to the copy room swung open and the two separated turning to glare at whoever had caught them. It was a new tech guy, who had a look in his eyes that said he would be spreading this information all over the building. Before they completely separated, Deeks whispered to his now tense girlfriend, "I got this, Wonder Woman."
Deeks smirked, "Come on in, Ricky." Once the tech was in the room, Deeks pushed the door closed and stared at the guy, "Think you just stumbled upon the newest, juiciest information?" At Ricky's smirk, Deeks shook his head, "I don't think you want that information. See my partner," Deeks jerked his head to motion to his partner, "she wants to take things slow and have some privacy so I think it is in your best interest to forget this whole encounter."
Ricky nodded, "Alright, but what's in it for me if I keep this quiet."
Opening his mouth, Deeks looked up at the ceiling and pushed his tongue into his cheek laughing, "You get to keep your man parts. See Kens has this habit of kicking guys' right in the junk and she does not kick like a girl."
With wide eyes, Ricky backed toward the door, "I saw nothing at all."
Kensi smirked, "Come on, Deeks. Let's go take that paperwork to Hetty."
Sometimes it's hard for me to understand
But you're teaching me to be a better man
I don't want to take this life for granted like I used to do
Standing around the squadroom after wrapping up a case, the team made small talk and laughed. Hetty joined the team, "I have an announcement," when all eyes turned to her, she continued, "Mr. Deeks' paperwork has been processed and he is officially an NCIS special agent."
Everyone clapped and cheered and high fived taking turns congratulating Deeks, who had a smile plastered to his face. Kensi hugged him a little longer than she had intended. And when she let go, she turned to find Hetty, Nell, Eric, Sam, and Callen staring suspiciously so she blurted, "Deeks and I have been dating for almost two months."
Biting her lip nervously, Kensi waited for a reaction especially from Hetty and her hand shot out behind her automatically finding refuge in Deeks'. Deeks held his breath. He was honored that Kensi was confident enough in their relationship to tell their co-workers, but Hetty could decide they shouldn't work together and that would not be good.
Surprisingly, Hetty smiled at both partners and then looked pointedly at Kensi, "I gather you interpreted my advice I gave to you before Prague then."
Deeks looked extremely confused and Kensi looked enlightened. Finally, Deeks asked, "So, uh, does that mean we are allowed to date officially and still be partners?"
Hetty answered, "Yes, Mr. Deeks as long as you both can properly handle yourselves in the field without allowing your feelings to interfere."
Kensi nodded, "We can, we work as a team and will not let our emotions get in the way of the job."
Pulling her against him, Deeks grinned, "Yeah, we are adults."
The whole group burst into laughter and Kensi rolled her eyes and Deeks continued smiling, "What? I am an adult and I can control myself." Just at that moment, Ricky walked past the group and Deeks couldn't resist, "Right, Ricky? I can control myself and I'm an adult."
Fear washed over the tech's face and his gaze flew to his shoes, "Right, Special Agent Deeks." He quickly fled from the room.
Eric frowned, "That guy seems shifty." Kensi and Deeks both took a shuddering breath in and swallowed the laughter building up inside.
Hetty interjected, "That is enough excitement for one day. I will see you all in the morning." Nell and Eric shuffled from the room behind Hetty.
Kensi went to her desk to gather her things leaving Deeks standing alone. Sam and Callen sauntered up to Deeks pressing in on both sides until there was very little space between their chests and his shoulders, "Uh, hey guys. Are we going to have a group hug since I'm an agent now?"
Sam looked down at him with a completely straight face, "No Dude, far from it."
"Yeah, you are dating Kensi now so we need to have a conversation with you," Callen stared at Deeks with an intimidating glare.
Deeks laughed nervously, "I would never hurt Kensi, you guys know that. Plus, you should be more concerned that you didn't notice we had been dating for the last few months."
"Don't push it, Deeks. It will only make this worse," Sam cracked his neck.
Kensi walked over putting a hand on both Callen and Sam and pushed, "Come on. Deeks is not just some random guy I'm dating. You both know him and I know him. So get those big brother glares off your face and back off."
"He needs to know the rules and the main reason is because we know him," Callen looked Deeks up and down.
Deeks frowned, "Hey!" He opened his mouth for more of a response, but was stopped by Kensi's hand.
Looking increasingly mad, Kensi answered, "Seriously, Deeks is a great guy and neither one of you will be having any sort of talk with him about us. He doesn't deserve the 3rd degree."
Sam took a tiny step away from Deeks, "Are you sure?"
Grabbing Deeks' hand, she tugged on his arm so he was standing next to her. Kensi's jaw was set and her eyes sparked with anger, "Too far, guys."
"Kens, It's okay," Deeks squeezed her hand reassuringly, "They just want to protect you."
Deeks' blue eyes soothed her for a moment, but then she glared back at their team members. How could they think Deeks would hurt her? Kensi looked between all three men, "No it is not okay. The last person they need to protect me from is you and they should know that." She let go of Deeks' hand, grabbed her bag and walked from the room.
Sam immediately spoke, "Sorry, Man. She is right."
"Yeah, we know you better than that," Callen put a hand out and shook Deeks' hand before continuing, "She must really care about you because I have never seen her get so upset over a guy before especially upset at us."
Nodding with the weight of Callen's words, Deeks answered, "I care about her too. She makes me a better man." Grabbing his gear, Deeks went in the direction of his partner, "Oh and we're cool, but I expect you both to apologize to Kensi tomorrow."
Kensi had been waiting for him just around the corner so Deeks took her hand in his. She looked up at him, "How are you not upset? They are our team members, they shouldn't be trying to intimidate you!"
"Princess, I know it's cuz they care about you and I haven't exactly acted like an honorable guy. They have heard me flirt with lots of girls and talk about being a player so I'm glad they went all big brother," Deeks dropped his bag and smoothed his thumb across her cheek.
Searching his eyes, Kensi smirked, "You are a big flirt."
Deeks grinned, "Only with you now, Baby."
"I know, they should know that too. It just frustrates me that they think that low of you. You would never hurt or betray me," Kensi rested her head against his hand.
Sliding his other arm around her waist, Deeks pulled her closer, "No, I wouldn't and I think you made them realize that. But I don't care what other people think, only what you think."
Kensi leaned into him and pressed her lips against his, "I think you are the best man I have ever met."
"Well I don't know about that, but you are making me better and I think you are pretty swell yourself," Deeks placed a feather light kiss on her cheek, "Now, I'm starved. Let's go."
I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you
I'm ready to love somebody, love somebody like you
And I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you (yeah)
Deeks wiped his right palm on his pant leg and swallowed the nerves bubbling up inside of him. Squeezing his left hand, Kensi laughed, "Deeks, are you nervous about something?"
"No, why would you think that?" Deeks looked ahead of them spotting their destination.
"You keep wiping your hand on your pants and you haven't said more than three sentences since you picked me up," Kensi tried not to let his obvious nerves make her nervous. She knew he wasn't going to dump her because Deeks wouldn't do that to her so she just needed to calm down.
Deeks sent her his most charming smile, "I'm allowed to be quiet sometimes."
Kensi smirked back at him, "You are allowed, it just doesn't typically happen.
Reaching the business window Deeks had been waiting for, he stopped walking, "Kensi, I brought you here for a very important reason."
Looking at the building, Kensi's brow wrinkled with confusion, "A mixed martial arts studio?"
"Not just any MMA studio, the very place we met," Deeks sank to one knee still clasping Kensi's hand in his.
Kensi felt her eyes go wide. Was Deeks really doing what she thought he was doing? What she had dreamed he would do one day? Her hands began to tremor with anticipation and emotion.
He took a deep breath, "Kensi Marie Blye ever since I met you here three years ago I have loved you. From that undercover moment, I knew there was something different about you and you have helped me realize who I am. I want to love you for the rest of our lives so will you marry me?" Deeks held his breath as he took in every beautiful inch of Kensi's face.
Kensi felt the tears fill her eyes in response to his sweet, carefully chosen words. As the tears spilled onto her cheeks, Kensi smiled and whispered, "Yes."
Deeks stood up and gathered her in his arms, "Thank goodness! You had me scared there for a minute." Kissing the top of her head, Deeks whispered, "Can I put the ring on your finger?"
Still overwhelmed with emotion, Kensi nodded and lifted her hand to his smiling brilliantly as he slipped the most gorgeous diamond ring on her finger. Meeting his eyes, Kensi said, "It's beautiful. I love you."
"I love you too," Deeks pulled her to him and captured her lips with his own. After a few minutes of communicating without words, Deeks muttered, "I think that was the scariest thing I have ever done."
"Did you actually think I would say anything but yes?" Kensi frowned at him as she played with a blonde curl.
Deeks smirked, "Well, I didn't want to be too confident."
Kensi smiled radiantly, "Marty, with some things humility is a good thing, but when it comes to me you can always be confident."
"Noted," Deeks smiled and again covered her lips with his.
Hey I wanna love you baby