His gaze lingered over the crimson mech's features as he talked to a small group of 'bots on the other side of the room, a wide grin plastered over his face that had him completely mesmerized. The mechs to whom he was talking were all laughing at his antics, the same way they always were. It was the way it worked. Sideswipe was well liked among the crew, in more than just one way. Not only was he outgoing, funny, loyal, and a fierce warrior, he was absolutely gorgeous. That hadn't escaped his optics.
He reached for his cube of high grade that was resting on the table before him, taking a long sip from it and still completely unable to tear his gaze away from the red Lamborghini's grinning face-plates. It was something he had accepted a long time ago. He was hopelessly, completely in love with Sideswipe. He knew it, and it was something he lived with every single day.
He also knew, and had learned to live with it too, that he could never tell his brother about his feelings. Sideswipe could never know how he felt.
The reason was rather obvious. At least to him. Ever since the incident back on Cybertron, that day where his brother had been the victim of a Decepticon attack and had been almost killed, Sunstreaker had sworn to himself that he would do absolutely anything to keep him safe.
At first he'd just protected him himself. But then he realized that it wouldn't be enough. If they were ever separated, then Sideswipe would be unguarded. Sunstreaker couldn't afford that.
So… he'd changed his strategy. He'd always known what he meant for his brother. He'd always known that his words, his estimation of him, and more than anything, his approval, were everything Sideswipe had ever craved.
To protect his brother, Sunstreaker had to take that away.
He had started to look down at absolutely everything Sideswipe did. Started to reject him, to treat him like yesterday's slag. He knew that Sideswipe would only try to improve himself, develop his skills to prove him that he was worth his brother's time, that he deserved his approval.
He never got it.
He saw the change in Sideswipe. It was a slow, painful process. He saw him indeed become even more skilled with time, but he also saw how even his behavior changed… saw how he kept struggling to regain his brother's approval, to no avail. It was exceptionally hard for Sunstreaker, too. He'd had to put distance between himself and his brother, had to remain as cold and indifferent to him as he possibly could, and it had proved to be the most difficult thing he'd ever had to do.
With time, Sideswipe learned to hide his pain. Learned to hide how much his brother's rejection hurt him. He still tried, though. Still struggled to be better, to be just what Sunstreaker wanted him to be but…
It was never enough.
If only he knew just how Sunstreaker felt…
It was then that the crimson mech's gaze met the golden one's across the room, and his grin faltered, optics glowing with too many unspoken words. Sunstreaker stared back, forcing his spark to stop lurching in that horribly agonizing way before he growled, sneered, and looked away, focusing his attention back on the high grade cube that he had in his hand. He couldn't stand looking at his twin when he was talking to all the rest of the 'bots. Not when he knew he couldn't do that himself. Not as long as the war lasted. This war was one that only the strongest mechs would ever survive. He had to remain strong, if he wanted Sideswipe to live.
Looking away he missed Sideswipe's spark-broken look, one that was quickly hidden with a shrug and a smile offered to the mech standing next to him—who turned out to be Silverstreak. His doorwings fluttered almost sheepishly at the gesture. It was a good thing Sunstreaker had looked away.
Sunstreaker sighed. It wasn't just knowing that he'd never be able to be with Sideswipe what he'd learned to live with. He'd learned to live with the pain, too. He saw how he talked to every other mech. Saw how he laughed with them, knew that he'd entertained lovers among the crew's mechs... and he knew he could never allow that to happen between them. It was only the knowledge that it was to keep his brother alive that helped him to go on with that 'plan'. Still, it hurt. He wanted to be the one receiving those smiles. He wanted to be the one to make his brother smile. Wanted to be the one lover he had…
He shook his helm, trying to keep himself away from that train of thought. He downed the rest of his cube in one go –that was the best way he had to drown his pain- and got to his feet, swaying a little bit before he managed to steady himself. He'd had more cubes of high grade than what he should have, if the way in which the room was spinning was anything to go by. With a snarl he shook his helm again –and regretted it immediately-, walking towards the door of the RecRoom and heading towards the quarters that he –unfortunately- shared with his brother. It made everything hurt twice as bad, having to share a room with him every single day.
That was nothing compared to what coming back early from a mission one day had felt like. He'd walked into the room to find Sideswipe with Silverstreak, of all mechs, 'facing on Sideswipe's berth. A little part of his spark had died that day.
After what seemed to be an eternity Sunstreaker finally reached the door to his quarters, palmed it open, and walked inside, locking the door shut behind him. He flopped down on his berth, offlining his optics and trying to block the pain that the too bright lights were making him feel. He sent a command to turn the lights off, groaning in approval once he could finally online his optics once again.
He uttered a long sigh, lying back on his berth with a hand over his chest-plates, staring up at the ceiling of their quarters. His processor once again went back to Sideswipe, and the way he'd been smiling just a few breems ago. As much as he told himself that he had high grade to forget about his feelings, all it ever did was make him think about them. All he could do was think about Sideswipe.
That wasn't a good way to forget about you problems…
Sunstreaker sighed again, offlining his optics as his fingers absently traced idle patterns over his chest-plates where his hand had been resting on. It took him a moment to realize that his hand was slowly sliding down his chest-plates, fingers softly stroking over his plating and sending small jolts of pleasure through his lines. He considered it for a moment before allowing his hand to slid further over his frame, caressing the nodes and seams that he knew were sensitive. It had been a while since he'd entertained a lover, and his systems were craving release. Not because he lacked offers; heck no. In spite of his aggressive, antisocial nature, the most daring mechs still sought him out whenever they were looking for some rough interfacing. Still, it had lost his appeal a long time ago.
They weren't Sideswipe.
The first breathy moan escaped his lip-plates when his hand reached his codpiece, nimble digits exploring the seams around his spike cover and finding the right spot to manually unlatch it. It slid aside, and his gold and black thick spike extended outwards, grazing against his hand as it moved up. Sunstreaker hissed as the cold air enveloped his hardening member, and he ghosted his fingers over it, biting his lower lip to stop himself from making any sound. Granted, he was alone, but he'd never liked being too loud. He wrapped his hand around his spike, moving it up and down his length slowly at first, enjoying the charge that was starting to build in his lower abdomen.
His hand started to move faster, slightly tightening its grip around his thick, hard member, his engine revving hard within his chassis at the intensity of the pleasure. He could see it in his mind. Sideswipe's digits expertly moving up and down his shaft, pumping him until he couldn't take it anymore before slowly, teasingly leaning down to push his member into his mouth.
His back arched off the berth with a low, rumbling moan at that, imagining his brother swallowing him whole and sucking his spike with way too much talent. He kept stroking himself roughly, overload so, so close that he could almost feel it already. So focused he was in the pleasure and the release he was about to achieve that he missed the sound of the door sliding open, revealing his overcharged brother that was finally coming back from the RecRoom, thankfully, alone.
His overload hit then, hard and fast and way too deep, ripping his brother's name in the form of a hoarse cry of pleasure just as his back arched once again, transfluid erupting from his spike and over his hand as his charge and heat unleashed within his frame. It was then that he heard the sound of something falling to the floor, and he onlined his optics in a hurry, gaze falling on his brother's form that was still standing at the door, all but gaping at him.
How long had Sideswipe been standing there? Judging by the look on his face, long enough.
His spark lurched in its chamber at the sight of his brother after such an overload that had been directed at him in particular, only to clench painfully tight just as he sat up on the berth, tucking his spike away and getting up to his feet. This was bad. Really bad. Sunstreaker swayed a bit before he started walking towards the private washracks, shooting his brother a nasty glare as he walked past him. However, Sideswipe was having none of it. He followed him, and reached for his wrist before he could manage to key the door to the 'racks shut. Sunstreaker growled threateningly, the touch to his wrist making his still oversensitized circuits flare once again with pleasure. He jerked away from him, turning around to throw him an icy glare. "What?" He growled, gritting his dental-plates together.
Sideswipe, for his part, was somewhat speechless. He hadn't been expecting to see—or hear!—that. The mere image of his brother stroking himself had been… thrilling, to say the least. Sunstreaker was gorgeous, and… well, it was Sunstreaker. The most important mech for Sideswipe, no matter how much his actions and words hurt him. It had made his systems rev way too hard within him, only to almost freeze to a halt at hearing the name he cried when he overloaded.
'Sideswipe!' He could remember the way his name had sounded in his brother's lust-filled voice…
He shook his helm, trying to come back to terms with reality. He had to know why Sunstreaker had done that. He needed to know. "What… I heard you. I heard you, Sunstreaker. I need to know why. Talk to me." By Primus, he really needed to know. His voice showed just how desperate he was for an answer, and it stabbed Susntreaker right through the spark
"Slag off, Sideswipe. I don't know what you're talking about." He lied lamely, trying to turn his back on him and lock himself up in their washracks. Sideswipe, however, was faster than that.
Sideswipe knew he was pushing it. Knew that Sunstreaker would most likely slag him for doing that, but he couldn't let this chance go. Not after what he'd heard.
In one swift movement Sideswipe lunged, shoving his brother backwards and into the washracks, and, taking advantage of his brother's brief moment of bewilderment, he used his own frame to pin his brother's against the wall. Even though Sunstreaker was a much more talented fighter, when it came to strength, they weren't so different. Sunstreaker would have a hard time trying to shove him away in his overcharged state, at least.
But he wasn't trying. Not just yet. He was still rather stunned, his brother's actions having taken him by surprise. And… his warm frame pressed up against his overload-sensitized body was making it hard for him to focus on anything else. He growled when he finally managed to get back some sort of control over himself, struggling to try and push his brother off him, to no avail. "You'd better let me go NOW Sideswipe, before I slagging kill you!" He growled, fully aware of the way in which his body was reacting to his brother's proximity. This wasn't good. It wasn't good at all.
Sideswipe snarled, not moving an inch. "No! I'm sick of this! I'm sick of you treating me like slag! You don't even talk to me unless it's to throw me down, and then I walk into this! You cried my name! You overloaded for me! I need to know why!" He snarled, optics pleading and demanding all at once as he pushed his frame harder against Sunstreker's in an attempt to keep him pinned against the wall, his hands moving to get a hold of the golden mech's arms that were trying to push him away. Sunstreaker was now doing his best not to do something that he would most likely regret, but Sideswipe was making it difficult.
And after a cold, yet burning thrill traveled down his back-struts when Sideswipe gripped his wrists tightly, Sunstreaker couldn't hold back the low moan that escaped his lip-plates, his overload-sensitized circuits making the pleasure flare within him again.
Sideswipe's optics glowed brighter for a moment before they dimmed again, this time darkened with a lust that he hadn't felt in a long, long time. His systems were already revved up for what he'd seen upon walking into their room (and the high grade definitely had a part on it, too), but now, after hearing that sound… He couldn't help himself. He lunged forward, crushing his lip-plates to Sunstreaker's in a harsh, demanding kiss, one that Sunstreaker—after freezing for a brief moment—eagerly returned.
It was probably the way his sensory nodes were buzzing, or maybe the large amount of high grade he'd consumed. He didn't know. All he could think about were Sideswipe's lips on his own, and how good it felt to be finally kissing him. He'd always fantasized about this. About being able to properly kiss his brother… Granted, they'd shared a few kisses when they were younger, back on Cybertron, but never like this. Never kisses filled with so much desire, with so much lust.
Sideswipe pressed his body flush up against Sunstreaker's, chest-plates scraping together and ripping yet another sound of bliss from Sunstreaker's vocalizer, one that was muffled in his brother's lips. Sideswipe released his wrists in favour of pressing his hands one on each side of the golden mech's waist, keeping his brother in place in case the latter attempted to get away.
Not that he would, anyway. Sunstreaker was lost in the kiss, his now free hands mapping every inch of his crimson twin's chest-plates and abdomen just as he tilted his helm to the side to meld their lips more fully together. He was in the matrix. This was absolute perfection. He'd only been able to fantasize about what his brother's lips would feel like over his own, how his kisses would taste… it was a taste that was entirely Sideswipe, and one he'd yearned for his entire life.
Sunstreaker was not the only one whose spark was all but jumping with the too intense pleasure and desire. Sideswipe was not any better. Lust, joy and hope all swirled within his spark at the possible implications of this kiss. Sunstreaker could have pushed him away, but he hadn't. He was kissing him back… what did it all mean? Could it mean that Sunstreaker didn't hate him as much as he'd always let him believe?
His thoughts were cut short when Sunstreaker growled, and in a sudden rush of movement he had shoved his brother off him and switched their positions, now being the one pressing Sideswipe against the wall. The sudden display of dominance sent a thrill down the red twin's back-struts, engine revving hard within his chassis. He didn't dare speak. He feared saying a word would make his brother think better of this, and he was certain his spark would not be able to stand that kind of rejection again… not after this.
Sunstreaker used his own strong, broad frame to press Sideswipe against the wall, claiming his lips in yet another heated kiss as his hands wandered down his brother's red chest-plates, tracing his fingers over the sensitive headlights and groaning in approval at the way in which his brother writhed for him. His other hand trailed downwards, far too eager to have and to posses the one mech that meant the world to him, dental-plates softly nipping at Sideswipe's lower lip before he sucked it into his own mouth, the vibrations from his revving engine traveling through their still-touching plating. He wasn't thinking about how this was the absolute last thing he should be doing right now, how it would ruin what he'd worked so hard to maintain. He couldn't think about anything as his hand trailed the last few inches towards Sideswipe's still closed interface panel, fingers stroking the heated cover and teasing it into sliding aside and revealing what was now the only thing in Sunstreaker's processor.
Sideswipe gasped at the contact, and didn't even try to stop his panel from clicking open, revealing his soaking valve for his brother to see. He whimpered, burying his face in the crook of the golden mech's neck, biting on the sensitive coolant lines as he felt that first finger glide over his hot, moist valve. The feeling was foreign but entirely wonderful, and when that first digit pushed itself into his virgin port he couldn't help the cry of pleasure that escaped his lips, hips rocking down to get more of that finger in spite of the slight pain of the penetration. Granted, Sideswipe wasn't a virgin, but he'd always been the one assuming the dominant role when 'facing with the lovers he'd entertained throughout the years. He'd never allowed anyone at his valve. No one had been… important enough for him, and that part of interfacing had always seemed like giving too much of himself. Now however… how could he not give everything he was to the only mech he had ever cared about? It was the ultimate sacrifice… the ultimate gift for his brother, his gorgeous, entirely perfect brother that had always been Sideswipe's entire world.
It had been an almost instinctive reaction for him. In spite of all the pain Sunstreaker had caused him, in spite of… everything, he'd submitted to him without a single word.
Sunstreaker pushed his digit further into his brother's valve, feeling the walls clenching and rippling around his digit as it slid deeper inside. He was fully aware of how tight he was, and it only made his spike strain within its housing, begging to be released and for its own pleasure. He worked his finger inside and out in circular motions to stretch his brother's valve, mouthing at the red mech's neck-cables and relishing in the way it was making him moan and shiver for him. It was intoxicating, and he couldn't just have enough of it.
He used one of his golden, strong legs to part Sideswipe's own, positioning himself between his now spread wide legs as he pushed a second finger into his brother's valve, letting his own panel slid aside to reveal his spike that pressurized immediately after. Sideswipe was a trembling mess pinned between his brother's frame and the wall, legs spread wide open and gasping for air that was suddenly not enough to cool his heated systems. The burn of the pain/pleasure coming from his stretching valve was driving him into incoherency, and he shifted to pull his helm from Sunstreaker's neck, lip-plates seeking for his brother's, needing yet another kiss. One of his hands was clutching Sunstreaker's arm that was touching his valve while the other slid up, moving to trace his fingers over his brother's tantalizing helm-fins, something he'd wanted to do his entire life and had been unable to do. He caressed the golden slats with slow, teasing motions before stroking the entirety of the fins, spark lurching triumphantly in its chamber at the deep, rumbling moan it elicited from his brother. Judging by the way it made him shiver, his helm fins were just as sensitive as his audial horns were.
And then Sunstreaker plunged another finger into his valve, the walls of his too tight port now somewhat used to the stretch and sending intense jolts of pleasure burning through his circuits, his lubricants trickling down his brother's hand and wrist as the fingers pumped in and out of his body. Still, it wasn't enough. It wasn't what Sideswipe wanted.
"Sunny, please.." He whimpered, unable to resist the teasing touches as his hips rocked down on his brother's hand to try and get them deeper inside. "I need you, Sunny! I want you in me!" The hand that was clutching at his brother's arm tugged from it, fingers still ghosting over Sunstreaker's helm-fins in a desperate attempt to arouse him into taking him once and for all.
Thankfully for him, Sunstreaker was more than done with his teasing. He pulled his fingers out from Sideswipe's valve with a deep, possessive growl, sucking his brother's lubricants greedily from his own fingers before his lust-darkened optics locked with those of his twin. There were too many unspoken words passing between them, too many feelings that had never before been revealed… and that would not be revealed that night, either. Sunstreaker leaned in, capturing his brother's lips in another spark-searing kiss before he moved forwards, aligning his spike with his twin's opening and rubbing the tip of his hard, thick length against the moistened surface.
Sideswipe hissed wildly into the kiss, hips bucking down hard in an unconscious attempt to press his brother against him. The combined sensations from tasting himself in their kiss and the tip of his brother's spike at his valve's opening were making him lose the last bits of restraint he had.
"Sunstreaker, for Primus' sake I slagging need yo—NGH!" Sideswipe was oh so rudely interrupted by his brother's spike hilting itself into his valve with one sharp thrust, Sunstreaker's hand sliding down his white thighs to tug at the back of his knees, a silent request/demand for him to hook his legs around his strong, golden waist. Sideswipe did so, his valve stretched wide and the pain fading into pleasure now that the thick spike was fully seated within his port. "You need me to what, Sideswipe?" Sunstreaker half purred, half growled, allowing his brother's valve a moment to adjust to his considerably sized spike. "To do this?" He pulled his spike out just then, slamming back home and setting up a hard, pounding pace that buried his hard member to the hilt within his twin brother's valve. Sideswipe all but clung to his brother, legs securely wrapped around his waist as he was drilled to the wall, Sunstreaker's rough, relentless lovemaking reducing him to a whimpering, moaning mess. He'd always known, somewhere in his spark, that Sunstreaker was not a gentle lover. He'd never been with him, but he'd… had his own fantasies involving his brother, and there was something about Sunstreaker's raw, animalistic ferocity that screamed 'aggression' to him. That's just how Sunstreaker was. Rough. Aggressive. Fierce.
Sideswipe clawed at his brother's back for some sort of leverage as he was pounded, the heat and pleasure pooling in his lower abdomen as his charge steadily grew, making his cries of pleasure and pleas for more louder and louder every time. Sunstreaker's pace never faltered, spike sliding smoothly in and out of him, grinding against the oversensitized walls of his brother's virgin port and pushing them both closer and closer to the edge. It was getting close fast, and there was nothing none of them could possibly do to slow it down. It was something they'd both craved for longer than what they cared to admit, and now that they were finally able to have it… they were unable to control their reactions to each other's touches.
Sideswipe sought out Sunstreaker's lips in another kiss, hips moving down the best he could to meet each savage thrust, the angle making Sunstreaker impale himself deeper and grind hard against that particularly sensitive cluster of wires at the roof of the too tight valve. Sideswipe broke the kiss with a gasp, thunking his helm back against the wall, an opportunity that was immediately seized by Sunstreaker to mouth and nip at his brother's sensitive neck-cables.
The pleasure from the sensations crossed the wires in Sideswipe's processor and it triggered his overload, valve rippling and clamping hard over his brother's thick length that was still driving furiously into his valve. "Sunstreaker!" He shrieked in absolute bliss, pleasure unleashing within him as his lubricants flooded from his valve, making his brother's spike slid even more smoothly inside of him. The overload was so intense that it knocked him offline, arms and legs still tightly wrapped around his brother's strong, golden frame.
Sunstreaker's own overload was close, and Sideswipe's valve spasming over his spike was all it took to throw him over as well. He thrust a couple more times into him before he came, a deep, hoarse cry of pleasure leaving his vocalizer as his spike emptied itself into his brother's valve, filling him up with his scalding transfluid.
They remained like that for a while, Sunstreaker holding his offline brother tight against the wall and refusing to let go just yet. That had been… absolutely perfect, and Sunstreaker still couldn't believe his luck after all the time he'd spent fantasizing about his brother and thinking he'd never get to know just what it felt to have him.
He pulled his helm back to look at his brother's utterly relaxed features, spark leaping within its chamber at the sight he'd wanted to see his entire life. He kept his arms securely wrapped around him before pulling off the wall and out of the washracks, carrying his brother towards his berth before gently lowering him down on it. He knew, Primus he knew he shouldn't have done that, but his brother looked so gorgeous like this, and he wanted to stretch this moment of intimacy between them for as long as he could before his thoughts ruined everything for him… like they always did.
He slid into the berth next to Sideswipe, arms sliding around his waist and tugging him closer before his own systems started to slowly power down for recharge. He'd worry about everything else the next day, now the high grade allowed him to just enjoy his brother's warm frame pressed up against his for the rest of the night.