~A Numb Lullaby~


Summary: A brother's sacrifice and last moments on earth..."No! Raphael get out of here, now!" Leonardo cried desperately, seeing the flashing red numbers from the corner of his eyes. "No," Raphael whispered fiercely. "I'm not going to let you die alone. If we die, we die together." Then Raphael grabbed Leo's hand in his and squeezed. And then the bomb went off. CHARACTER DEATH. Two-shot.

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT or the songs and quotes used throughout this story. All rights belong to their respective owners. I make no profit from this.

A/n: I did promise a second chapter for this, and this will be the LAST chapter for it also. It is in Mikey's and Donnie's POV after the accident. Thank you all for reading and reviewing the first chapter. I hope this one lives up to your expectations. As it says in the summary, this is a death-fic, so if anyone does not like them, I suggest you hit the back button and don't read any further.

Warnings for swearing and angst.

The songs used throughout this story are as followed;

Breathe- Taylor Swift

Iris- Goo Goo Dolls

My Immortal- Evanescence

What Hurts The Most- Rascall Flatts

Bridge Of Light- Pink

Everybody Hurts- Avril Lavinge

Goodbye Lullaby- Avril Lavigne


Five...

Four...

Three...

Two...

One...


Michelangelo paced restlessly on the rooftop, arms folded behind his back and eyes focused intently on the ground. Beside him, his older brother Donatello said perched on the edge of the roof, body rigid and chocolate brown eyes focused towards the distant wharf and ramshackle warehouse.

"Where are they?" Michelangelo muttered, still pacing the length of the rooftop. He had been doing that for a little over fifteen minutes now, and Donatello was starting to think that he'd wear a path into the concrete.

"I don't know Mikey," Don shook his head, snapping his gaze away from the wharf to focus on his agitated little brother. His movements were jerky and sharp, his muscle coiled like he was about to jump off the roof and run to wharf, where his other two brothers were.

Don couldn't blame him. He was wound up tighter than a security fence at a state prison, and with each minute that passed; he found it harder to keep what little calm he had left in check.

"It's been fifteen minutes Donnie," Mikey snapped, baby blue eyes filled with worry and fear for his missing brothers.

That look shouldn't be in his eyes, Don thought sadly. It makes him look a lot older than he should be.

"Why aren't they back yet?" He demanded, finally halting his pacing to stare at Donnie, his eyes imploring him for an answer.

"I don't know Mikey," Don answered truthely, wanting nothing more than to sooth his little brother, but knowing his words would only sound hollow.

"Why did Raph have to go off by himself?" Mikey growled, turning away from Don and resuming his agitated pacing. "We should be there helping him."

"I know Mikey, but you saw the building," Don sighed. "It was, is, structurally unsound. Raph's right, it could come down any minute now. Having more people in there would be dangerous."

"I don't care!" Mikey snapped.

Don watched silently as all his anger seemed to leave Mikey in that moment, and he deflated like a balloon, slowly sinking to his hunches and wrapping his arms around himself. "I just want them to be safe," he whispered.

"I know Mikey, I want them to be safe to," Don whispered, getting silently to his feet and making his way over to his distraught brother and sinking to the ground next to him. Don wrapped his arms around his little brother and pulled him in for a hug.

Mikey leaned his head against Don's shoulder and sniffled, trying to hold back the tears of frustration that he so desperately wanted to shed. Don, as if sensing this, wrapped his arms tighter around Mikey and gently rubbed his shell, silently telling him that it was okay to cry.

Mikey squeezed his eyes shut tightly, letting a few tears escape. Don pulled back from the hug and gently wiped his tears away, offering Mikey a small smile. "Hey, you know Raph. He doesn't give up. You just wait; Leo and Raph are going to be sneaking up on us any minute now."

"Yeah, I guess they will," Mikey attempted a smile, wiping away the rest of his tears.

Wordlessly, Don got his feet and extended his hand to Mikey, helping him to his own feet. "Come on," he said, guiding Mikey towards the edge of the rooftop where he had been sitting before. "Let's wait."

Mikey nodded and took a seat next to his brother, letting his legs dangle over the edge. "Wonder if we have any pizza left back at the lair."

Don smiled, appreciating Mikey's distraction. "Mikey, when we get home we'll order a thousand pizzas."

"Sounds good bro," Mikey smiled.

Just then the warehouse on the wharf exploded into flames.


Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,
Now I don't know what to be without you around.

And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.


The wharf was alight with the flickering flames of the raging inferno. Fragments of splintered and charred wood rained down onto the wharf and into the dark water, before disappearing below the surface. The sky, which moments ago had slowly been turning to a soft blue with the coming sunrise, now turned a brilliant red as thick black smoke coiled from the wreckage and scarlet flames licked what was left of the structure.

Donatello jerked away from where he had been snoozing, resting his head on Mikey's shoulder. He was momentarily confused, before remembering why they were here.

"What...what's goin' on?" Mikey mumbled, slowly opening his eyes and yawning, looking around him in confusion. "What was that noise?"

"I don't..." Don trailed off when he saw a plume of thick, coiling smoke in the corner of his eye. He snapped his gaze towards the wharf, which was now light by a slowly dimming fire.

Don felt his blood run cold when he realized that the warehouse was gone, nothing more than splintered wood and scarlet flames. "No," he whispered, not wanting to believe what he was seeing. "No, no, no, no!"

He felt something sinking in his gut and realized it was his heart. Beside him, Mikey was sitting up straight, his body rigid and tense, his eyes horror-struck and focused on what was left of the warehouse.

"No!" Mikey screamed, jumping to his feet, his body shaking with terror. "Leo! Raph!"

Don was on his feet in an instant. Leaping down from the roof, he heard Mikey follow him before he took off at a dead sprint, not caring if anyone saw him.

Please let them be okay, please let them be okay, please, please, please! He kept repeating over and over again in his head as he raced towards the wharf, his heart breaking with every step he took.


And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cuz sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Cuz I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive


They arrived at the wharf five minutes later. In the distance they could hear the faint cry of sirens, signaling that the fire-depart would arrive soon. Most of the flames had already died down. But that didn't make the scene look any less horrific. Pieces of charred and splintered wood, what used to be the warehouse, littered the ground. Ash drifted in the air and smoke blocked out the light of the rising sun. There was no sign of Leo or Raph.

"No," Don whispered, feeling his limbs freeze in place, unable to move, to act or react to what he was seeing. "No, please God, no."

Mikey moved slowly around the wreckage, being careful to avoid the few flames that still burned dully on the scattered wood. His eyes were huge and hidden behind a film of unshed tears.

"Maybe they got away?" Mikey ventured slowly, picking his way carefully over to Don. "They could be hiding somewhere. Or waiting for us back on the roof."

Don forced himself to take a deep, calming breath. Mikey was right. Leo and Raph could have made it out before the building exploded. They could be safe. They could be alive.

"You're right," Don said, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. "Lets..."

He trailed off when he saw movement in the corner of his eye. Heart speeding up, then sinking, he turned around slowly and moved forward further into the wreckage. There was a light breeze stirring the air, and that was what had caused the movement. Because there, snagged on a piece of charred wood, were Leo's and Raph's torn masks.

"No," Mikey whispered when he saw this, his legs moving on auto-pilot as he followed Don towards the only remains left of their brothers.

Don sunk to his knees in front of the colored pieces of fabric, the red and blue standing out starkly against the blackness of the wood. It was like the world had been leeched of colour and these masks were the only coloured things remaining.

"No!"

Don closed his eyes at the sound of his little brother's anguished cry. His whole body felt numb and his mind was unable to process what was happening. His brothers were dead.

"No," Don whispered, his body starting to shake with shock. "No, no, no, no."

He felt tears rolling down his cheeks and splashing onto the charred and burnt ground beneath him. His body started to shake as the tears became harder. A lump had formed in his throat and his heart, his heart was twisted with unimaginable pain. It felt like he was being repeatedly stabbed in the chest, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"No," he croaked, the words harm to form around the hard lump in his throat. He reached down and gently, as if they were made of glass, picked up the tattered masks in his hand, staring down at them in disbelief. This was all that was left. A lifetime of memories, of thoughts and feelings, and this was all that was left of them?

"Oh God," he choked before his body was overtook with racking sobs. His hands curled around the cold fabric, clutching it closer to his chest, as tears rolled freely down his cheeks.

Behind him, he could hear his little brother, his only brother, screaming and crying. He was rocking back and forth on his knees, his hands clutching his throat like it hurt, tears streaking down his cheeks and falling to the ground.

"Raphie! Leo! No! No! No! Please come back, come back!"

Don closed his eyes and felt a sob rip free from his chest at the sound of his younger brother's anguished pleading. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be real.

But it was. He was crouching their on the ground, holding the only things left of his older brothers, his little brother behind him screaming and wailing, calling out for brothers that were no longer there.

And there wasn't a single thing Don could do.


I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me


~Don's POV~

We had to leave when the fire engines showed up. We didn't want to, didn't think we could actually move, but we did. Grabbing Mikey's hand in mine, and clutching my brothers masks in the other, I pulled Mikey to his feet and together we stumbled, numb and broken, out of sight and towards the nearest man-hole cover.

We stopped when we reached a secluded alley, away from the wharf. But from here we could still hear the sirens, could still hear the sinister crackle of the flames.

Mikey slid against the damp brick wall and fell to the dirty ground, his shoulders shaking and his body heaving. I didn't think he had any tears left to cry. I didn't think I did either.

It wasn't until another ten minutes had passed before we were able to keep going. My legs felt like they were made of jelly, and my heart felt like a block of ice in my chest. How were we going to tell our father that we were the only sons he had left? How were we supposed to tell him that the ripped and slightly charred mask in my hands was all that was left?

I don't even remember stumbling into the lair, but we must have. One minute we were scrambling through the dark cold sewers and the next we were in the warmth and light of our home.

"My sons," Master Splinter said quietly from the couch. An empty teacup was sitting on the coffee table, and one of his incense was burning somewhere nearby. I realized that he had waited up all night for us to return, to worried about us to fall asleep.

That's when I broke down. I sunk to the floor, sobbing heart-wrenching sobs that shook my whole body and drained away the only energy I had left. Next to me I felt Mikey shiver and I could hear him crying softly.

Master Splinter was on his feet in an instant and crouching down in front of me, resting a paw on my shoulder and forcing me to look at him.

"Donatello, what is wrong my son? Where are Leonardo and Raphael?"

I couldn't tell him, I couldn't. I couldn't breathe and I couldn't speak past the lump lodged in my throat. So I slowly brought my hands forward, revealing the ripped masks.

Master Splinter froze, his whole body growing rigid. His yellow eyes focused on the masks and I saw understanding dawn on his face.

It was the first time I saw my father cry. He sunk to the floor in front of me and Mikey, the masks of his other sons clutched in his paws as he pulled us into a tight embrace, tears streaking down his furry cheeks.

We stayed like that for hours.


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let em' out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowing, what could have been...

Still harder getting' up, getting' dressed, livin' with this regret

But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken


~Mikey's POV~

I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I couldn't believe that two of my brothers were gone. I couldn't believe that I'd never see Leo and Raph again. Leo...he always knew what to do. He always had a plan. He always saved us. He was perfect, nothing could stop him. And now he was dead?

And Raphie...he was always the most gentle to me. Even when he was angry he was careful not to show it to much around me. In battle he always did everything to protect me. He was always willing to spend time with me, even if he didn't show it a lot of the time. I had seen him take hit after hit and not go down, so how could he be gone now?

It was then that I realized what must have happened. When Raph came out to take me and Don away from the warehouse, he must have realized that he couldn't get Leo free. He must have seen the bomb, so he took us someplace safe and out of the way. Then he went back to Leo, so Leo wouldn't die alone.

I can't describe the feeling of losing someone you love. Simply saying that it feels like your heart has been ripped apart doesn't do it justice. It is the worse feeling in the world, and I pray that no one else ever has to feel it and go through what I've been through.

After we got back to the lair, and Don had calmed down enough to tell master Splinter everything that had happened, we realized that there was still someone we had to tell. There was still someone we had relay this horrible news to: April and Casey.

We couldn't do it over the phone, that would just be cruel. So even though it was the middle of the day, we ventured to the surface, hearts heavy with our burden, and stuck to the shadows as best we could. It's hard to be a ninja when you have a broken heart.

Don was the one who knocked on the window. Casey and April were surprised to see us in the daylight, but they let us in anyway.

"Hey guys, what's up?" April said, realizing something was wrong when Leo and Raph didn't appear behind us.

"Leo and Raph..." Don rasped, his voice raw from screaming, "they're..."

He couldn't finish the sentence. So I did. "They're dead," I blurted out. It wasn't the best tact, but at that time I didn't care about tact. Two of my brothers were dead, and nothing could ever bring them back again.

I don't want to go through everything that happened then. Don showed them the masks, and after that it was chaos again. April fell to her knees and cried. Casey blinked a few times in disbelief before screaming at the top of his lungs and punching a hole right through the wall. He punched the wall until his knuckles were raw and bleeding, before sinking to the ground and crying.

Then Don and Master Splinter started crying again and I felt like I was going to explode. I wanted to punch something, I wanted to reverse time and save my brothers, but I couldn't do anything but stand there and cry.


When you think
Hope is lost
And giving up
Is all you got,
And blue turns black,
Your confidence is cracked,
There seems no turning back from here
Sometimes there isn't an obvious explanation
Why the holiest stars can feel the strongest palpitations

That's when you can build a bridge of light,
That's what turns the wrong so right
That's when you can't give up the fight
That's when love turns night-time into day,
That's when loneliness goes away,
That's why you gotta be strong tonight,
Only love can build us a bridge of light

When your feet are made of stone
And you're convinced that you're all alone
Look at the stars, instead of the dark
You'll find your heart shines like the sun
Let's not let our anger get us lost
And the need to be right comes with way too high a cost

That's when love can build a bridge of light
That's what turns the wrong so right
That's when you know it's worth the fight
That's when love turns night-time into day
That's when loneliness goes away,
That's why you gotta be strong tonight
'Cause only love can build us a bridge of light

Deep breath, take it on the chin
But don't forget to let the love back in
That's when love can build a bridge of light
That's what turns the wrong so right
That's when you can't give up the fight

And that's when love turns night-time into day,
That's when loneliness goes away
That's why you gotta be strong tonight
'cause only love can build us a bridge of light


~Don's POV~

It took a long time after that for things to return to a semblance of normal. It took weeks, months, before some of the pain went away, though it never left us completely. I still cry at night, fighting the urge to scream into my tear-soaked pillow. I hear Mikey cry at night to, and that's worse. His sobs echo around the lair, which feels so empty now.

A lot of nights Mikey creeps into my room, sniffling and seeking comfort. So I move over and pull the covers around us tight, holding him tight as we try our best not to cry. I still have nightmares to. I think everyone does.

For the first few weeks after the accident, I always stood in Leo and Raph's room, staring at it. Their rooms looked like they hadn't left. Sometimes I found Mikey, curled up in one of their beds at night, whimpering in his sleep. I did that to. But after awhile, I noticed the dust that was gathering on their untouched possessions. And then it would hit home all over again that they weren't coming back.

April and Casey visited sometimes. They knew we needed our space. But after a while they started to visit us more frequently. I think they were lonely. Whenever we saw April, her eyes would be red from crying, and she had to leave the room occasionally, rushing away before we could see her tears.

Casey went out fighting a lot, putting all his emotions behind his fists. It reminded me of Raph, and more than once as a result I fell to the ground in a teary mess. But then, after awhile, I think Casey realized it wasn't the same with Raph not there beside him.

We had a small funeral for them out at Casey's farmhouse. Under the shade of a large willow tree, we made two wooden crosses, and stuck them close together. We attached their masks to their graves, and watched as they dying rays of the sun lit them up gold, and the warm spring breeze blew them gently.

We tried to say a few words, but after a while it became apparent that we couldn't say much between the lumps in our throats. Master Splinter knelt next to their graves and whispered something in Japanese.

I stood next to Mikey, my only brother remaining, and wrapped an arm around his shoulder as he cried into my chest.

"It's not fair," he whispered over and over again, his voice slightly muffled from leaning into me.

"I know," I had whispered back. "I know."

Things were slow after that. Even now things haven't really gone back to normal. The lair is still too big, to quiet now. The table is still to empty. It hurts to sit there, seeing the two chairs next to us that will never be filled again.

We train, sometimes, but very often. And when we do, we keep expecting to hear Raph's challenging voice, and Leo's encouragements to keep us going, and pointing out what we need to fix.

I keep expecting to see Leo and Raph fighting each other, like they always used to do. I kept expecting to see Leo in the dojo, practicing his katas, or meditating with Master Splinter. I kept expecting to see Raph punching his beloved bag, or covered in grease in the garage, working on his bike.

But none of those things happen.


Don't know; don't know if I can do this on my own
Why do you have to leave me?
It seems I'm losing something deep inside of me
Hold on onto me
Now I see, now I see

Everybody hurts some days
It's okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts, everybody screams
Everybody feels this way and it's okay
Ladadadada, it's okay

It feels like nothing really matters anymore
When you're gone, I can't breathe
And I know you never meant to make me feel this way
This can't be happening
Now I see (now I see), now I see

Everybody hurts some days
It's okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts, everybody screams
Everybody feels this way and it's okay
Ladadadada it's okay

So many questions, so much on my mind
So many answers I can't find
I wish I could turn back the time
I wonder why
Everybody hurts some days (some days)
Everybody hurts some days (some days)

Everybody hurts some days (some days)
It's okay to be afraid (I'm afraid)
Everybody hurts, everybody screams
Everybody feels this way and it's okay

Ladadadada it's okay
Lalalalala it's okay

Everybody hurts some days
(Some days)
It's okay to be afraid
(I'm afraid)
Everybody hurts some days
Yeah, we all feel pain (It's okay)
Everybody feels this way
But it'll be okay (some days)
Can't somebody take me away
To a better place?
Everybody feels this way


~Don's POV~

It's been six months since the accident claimed two of my brothers' lives. Things are slowly starting to repair themselves. And though I know that things will never be the same, that this hole in our hearts we all fill, will never truly be filled again. But we're trying. We're trying to move on, and go on with our lives.

Every Sunday, we all go out to the farmhouse and visit our brothers' graves. I still cry some nights, still wake up screaming from nightmares, but their getting better now. We're slowly starting to overcome this void.

Sometimes Mikey and I go out with Casey to do some patrolling. I think he likes the company. It's not a bad way for us to clear our heads either. It's still weird, sitting at the table and seeing those empty chairs. It's still weird to walk past their empty bedrooms, and to see their weapons, un-used, in the dojo. It's weird to sit down and watch a movie, and not have them their arguing over the movie.

But we're getting there, together, as a family.

We're taking baby steps, but steps all the same.


We sat on the abandoned rooftop, that same rooftop we were sitting on only six months ago, waiting for brothers that were never going to return. It was a clear night, and we were watching the stars, leaning back on our hands and letting our legs dangle over the edge.

"What's that one?" Mikey asked, pointing to a constellation above us.

"That's Scorpius," I said, identifying the cluster.

"Cool," Mikey said, leaning back further so he was lying on his shell. "Okay how about that one?" He said, pointing to another one.

"That's Taurus," I explained. "A bull."

"Oh," Mikey nodded. "You're good at this."

"I've studied star charts before," I shrugged, brushing off his praise.

Mikey was quiet for a while, so I leaned back and closed my eyes to the silence. A cool breeze blew over us, making me feel instantly relaxed and refreshed.

"What are those two?" Mikey spoke up after awhile.

I opened my eyes and followed his finger to two stars, set close together in the sable sky, shining brightly, brighter than all the other stars. One of the stars was glowing with a fierce, white light, so bright that it was surrounded by an enchanted blue light. And the second star, next to the glowing blue star, glowed a deep red in the moonlight.

I felt a soft smile cross my lips. I'd never seen these stars before, or stars like this. I didn't even know if they had been charted, let alone named.

But that didn't matter. Because to me, they looked like my brothers.


Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye my love
I can't hide, can't hide, can't hide what has come

I have to go
I have to go
I have to go
And leave you alone
But always know
Always know
Always know that I love you so
I love you so
I love you so, oh

Goodbye brown eyes
Goodbye for now
Goodbye sunshine
Take care of yourself

I have to go
I have to go
I have to go
And leave you alone
But always know
Always know
Always know that I love you so
I love you so, oh
I love you so, oh

La lullaby
Distract me with your rhymes
La lullabyLa lullaby
Help me sleep tonight
La lullaby
(La lullaby, la lullaby)

I have to go (goodbye)
I have to go (lullaby)
I have to go (goodbye)
And leave you alone

But always know (goodbye)
Always know (brown eyes)
Always know (goodbye)
That I love you so

I love you so (goodbye lullaby)
I love you so, oh (goodbye)
I love you so (goodbye brown eyes)
I love you so (goodbye)
I love you so
I love you so

Goodbye brown eyes
Goodbye my love


~End~


A/n: Okay, I admit, I choked up a bit whilst writing this, especially the last few paragraphs. I hope that was an alright ending for you all, and I am sorry I killed Leo and Raph. I know some of you might have been hoping that they somehow survived the explosion, but that's not the way I wanted to take this story. Thank you all for reading. It was an enlightening piece to write.

Leave a review; let me know what you thought.