Everyone is gender bended in this fanfiction. Po, the Furious five, master Shifu, Master Oogway, and everyone else in between. I'm not going to tell you all of their names at this moment, but I will tell you that I'm just going to be retelling Kung Fu Panda 1 and 2 with them all gender bended. There will be Tigress and Po love… even though I've never been the biggest fan of it, but I'll make it cute.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kung Fu Panda original characters, plot, or anything else in between. If I did… That wouldn't be good.
I hope you like it and here it is.
Legends tell of a legendary warrior whose kung fu skills were the stuff of legend. There was a silhouette of a panda walking on a long dock, water glistening from the setting sun on either side of her. She searched the land in search of worthy foes. She looked up from her sun hat at a small store that stood in the middle of the shimmering lake. She slams the door open and walks past many bandits of all shapes and sizes until she acquires the table she wanted in the back corner of the room. She gracefully sits down and picks up a pair of thin chopsticks. With them, she picks up a small dumping and places it in her mouth.
"I see you like to chew." Said an ox bandit. "Maybe you should chew ON MY FIST!" His fist slammed into the wooden table, causing a short gust of wind to brush past her baby soft fur.
The warrior said nothing for her mouth was full. And then she swallowed. And then she spoke. "Enough talk. Let's fight." SHAHABOOEY! She raised her fist and caused the small wooden table to burst on impact, blowing away the debris as well as the bandits that ganged up around her. She slammed her palms into the bandit leader first and then she knocked three other bandits away from her in a single strike. She was so deadly in fact that her enemies would go blind from over exposure to pure awesomeness!
"My eyes!" Cried out one bandit.
"She's too awesome!" Screamed a second bandit.
"And adorable!" Commented a small female rabbit.
"How can we repay you?" Asked a second rabbit, the owner of the shop. The warrioress sharply turned to the rabbit family and said, "There is no charge for awesomeness. Or adorableness." Suddenly, KABLOOEY! And though the roof she flew. It mattered not how many foes she faces. She began attacking the wolves and felines that began surrounding her in the sky. They were no match for her bodacity! Then she used a feet fury attack on the many bandits that came at her. Immediately, the wolves and felines merged together to attack as one, but with one flash of her eyes, they were all defeated and fell from the sky like rain.
The female warrior began her journey again, walking back over the river bridge. Never before had a panda been so feared. She glanced up at the mountain on the horizon. And so loved. Even the most heroic warriors in all of China, the Furious Five, bowed in respect to this great master.
"We should hang out." Said the monkey master.
"Agreed." The warrioress said, her voice no louder than the wind itself. Then the six warriors fell into their attack positions and glanced out on the battlefield. But hanging out would have to wait, 'cause when you're facing the 10,000 demons of Demon Mountain there's only one thing that matters and that's-
"Po!" Cried out a voice from the side of her. She looked and found Master Monkey. "Get up!" She said in a voice that wasn't rightly his. She glanced to her other side and looked up at the tiger master. "You'll be late for work."
"What?" She asked no one in particular and fell into dark abyss of her dream world, but opened her eyes to the poster of Master Tiger on the roof of her ceiling. She yawned and said to herself quietly, "Good morning, Master Tiger." Before slowly sitting up and glancing at her poster covered walls. She sighed.
"Po! Get up!" Her mother called up the stairs, causing her to jump and knock over a tower of unwashed bowls. She gasped and tried catching them, but only succeeded in knocking over two more. "Po! What are you doing up there?"
"Uh.." She said as she gathered up the bowls in her arms. "Nothing!" She restacked the bowls and looked around her room. Her gaze rested on her action figures that were settled on her window sill. "HI-YA! Monkey, Mantis, Crane, Viper, Tiger! RAAAA-uh." She immediately stopped when she found her across the street neighbor awkwardly staring at her. She chuckled embarrassedly and pointed to her action figures, but soon ducked under the window's view. On the ground, she found a ninja star which she picked up, but stopped in her movement when she heard her mother call up the stairs a third time.
"Po! Let's go! You're late for work!"
"Coming!" She tossed the star at a crudely drawn ox face at the wall nailing it in the drawing's eye, but it refused to stay in. She threw it a second time, hitting the ox's forehead, but again didn't stay. She gave up and simply took the ninja star with her and successfully tripped down the stairs. She looked up at her mother and sent her an apologetic look. "Sorry Mom."
"Sorry doesn't make the noodles." Po's mother replied as she set down a large stack of pots and bowls. "Now what were you doing up there? All that noise."
"Oh nothing. I just had a crazy dream." Po said as she placed the vegetables on the counter top.
"About what?" Po looked at her confused.
"What?" She asked her mom, silently asking her to elaborate on her question.
"What were you dreaming about?" Her mother asked again as she began chopping up the green celery.
"What was I…?" Po's mom looked at her genuinely interested in what her daughter was about to say. "I was dreaming about… Uh… Noodles." She said as she looked away from her mother and at the customers in front of her.
"Noodles? You were really dreaming about noodles?" Her mom asked bringing her large knife down on a thick cream colored vegetable. (You'll have to forgive me. I don't know what they're called. I would be grateful if someone told me.)
"Uh, yeah, what else would I be dreaming about?" Po asked not caring that she had accidentally place her ninja star in one of the customer's bowl of noodles. "Oh! Careful! That soup is… sharp."
"Oh happy day!" Mrs. Ping cried out, jumping around the kitchen looking for Po's noodle hat and apron. "My daughter finally having the noodle dream." She walked back over to Po with the objects and looked up at her. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for this moment." She tied the apron around Po's waist and walked back in front of her. "This is a sign, Po."
"Uh, a sign of what?" She asked holding the noodle hat in her hands and looking at her mom.
"You are almost ready to be entrusted with the secret ingredient of my Secret Ingredient Soup and then you will fulfill your destiny and take over the restaurant." Mrs. Ping hopped up on the counter with a wooden spoon and began pointing at the pictures of the female geese on the far kitchen wall. "Just as I took it over from my mother, who took it over from her mother, who won it from a friend in a game of mahjong."
"Mom, mom, mom. It was just a dream." Po said, chuckling quietly to herself as she watched her mother prepare two bowls of soup for waiting customers, but remained focus on her daughter.
"No it was the dream. We are noodle folk. Broth runs through our veins."
"But, mom, didn't you ever, you know, want to do something else? Something besides noodles?" Po asked her mom who hopped off the counter and continued chopping vegetables.
"Actually, when I was young and crazy, I though about running away and learning how to make tofu."
"So why didn't you?" Po pressed on.
"Oh, because it was a stupid dream. Can you imagine me making tofu?" She laughed at the whole idea gently rubbing the sharp edge of her current knife with one of her feathers. "No! We all have our place in this world. Mine is here and yours is-"
"I know. Is here." Po finished for her mom.
"No." Po's eyes widened, thinking that her mom figured out her kung fu obsession, but unfortunately she did not. "It's at tables 2, 5, 7, and 12." She threw six bowls at her daughter, knowing that Po would catch them before she placed the noodle hat on her daughter's head. "Service with a smile." She brought her feathers to the corners of Po's lips and pulled the back into a makeshift smile. Po sighed and looked up at the mountain. Rested upon the mountain was the Jade Palace and on the Jade Palace was a red panda playing a bamboo flute. This red panda was Master Shi.
There's chapter one for you and I hope you like the rest of this story, which I will eventually get done. I am a very slow person, but I think I'll just finish all of my stories and put the chapters on day by day so um... I'm sorry for all of those who love my stories and are dying to read them and you hate me for starting another story that I'm probably not going to finish anytime soon. So again sorry, but I will update my stories eventually and hopefully soon. So read and tell me what you think!