Just when you thought it was over, right? Just wait and read!
If you're reading this then I'm gone, and I'm sorry baby. I never wanted it to happen.
You know, writing this, I can remember the first time I saw you. I can still see the way your blue eyes sparkled when I looked at you. God do you see what you turned me into? You made me a lovesick teenager again.
When I first talked to you, I never thought I would fall. Hell, I didn't want to fall in love with anyone. My life was as it was. Nothing was changing; I just figured Gale would kill me someday. I never thought I would have time to fall in love.
When everything first started, the abuse, I would cry myself to sleep. The bruises hurt, but the emotional pain was worse. In those moments I had this picture in my mind, of the imaginary perfect world I wanted to live in. I swear I imagined you somewhere in there. Maybe I'm losing it, like the doctors say.
I should probably tell you everything, from the beginning. You deserve to know. I was eleven when my dad died. My mom left within the year. I can remember the last time she left. Somehow I just knew it was all over. She was gone for good.
Gale took care of Prim and me for the next few months. Everything crashed down when I took the fight with Madge. Her father was some big senator; she was a runaway from New York. She was the only one that talked to me at school when I bothered to show up. We both needed the money, and we figured it wouldn't do any damage to fight. That fight changed everything.
How was I supposed to know that within hours the kindest person in the world would be dead? I got off because it was a legal fight. I visited her grave every day, but Gale, he didn't buy it.
The first time he hit me, he didn't stop apologizing. I was so stupid to believe that he was serious. I should have just left when I had the chance. I believed he loved me. You know, he said that after every hit. He would tell me it wouldn't happen again. I never thought it would go as far as it did.
There were still times that I could see the Gale I knew, mostly when Prim was around. He would put his arms around me, kiss me on the forehead. He never wanted anyone else to know. He always said, this is your fault Katniss, I wish I didn't have to do this. I agreed with him, but in my mind I plotted all the ways I was going to kill him someday.
Then I met Peeta, and for the short time I had him, it seemed like my life was finally going the right way. He took away the pain; he made me feel like the most important person in the world. He was my best friend, and after he was murdered my life fell apart again.
I ran away, I should have just killed Gale, but I ran from him. I took Prim and got the hell out of town.
That's when I met you, and Annie, and Finn. When I talked to you, it was like everything from my past went away. I wasn't the girl with bruises and scars, I was beautiful. You made me feel needed.
Cancer's a bitch. There's no other way to say it. I hated it too.
When you left me for that piece of trash, I wanted to die again. My heart felt obsolete. It was a Gale Hawethorn move. You broke my heart for your own gain. I always wanted to believe that you would come back, but after a while I accepted it. Maybe it was stupid, maybe I was just being an idiot, but Marvel cared about me.
Tell him how much I loved him. It wasn't like I loved you, but it was like I loved Peeta. Unconditional crazy love.
Tell our son that I watch over him every day. Don't let anyone take that from him. I love you all so much.
Keep the family close baby.
I love you Cato, more than you could ever imagine.
You're my hero baby,
. . .
I drop the letter to the ground, rubbing my eyes with fervor. Years without her, everything is taking its toll.
Another swish of whiskey burns down my throat.
Why did she have to leave me?
I hope you all enjoyed this, I had a blast writing it!
I'd love to hear how you all felt!
Love to All,