Edited: Tuesday 10th of December 2013. Few spelling mistakes.
After coming up with an idea of Jack and Rose not been so happy and dandy after Titanic I decided to write a little one off. This is just Rose's thoughts afterwards. I listened to I Am by Christina Aguilera on the Bionic album before work in the car and just wrote away and thought this fits a little bit. I have never written POV before and it is only short drabble really but nonetheless let me know what you think :)
When we met he saved me, I became a woman. I am independent and I have learned to make my own way in life. I am no longer kept in a world where I have to be perfect. But yet, he saw me as 'perfect.' He said so himself. Could I really be that flawless?
There are so many things he doesn't know. I hate caviar, my hair isn't naturally curly. Each night I have to put it rags before I sleep just like my mother has for the last fifteen years. I bite my fingernails when I am nervous and I am shy. I am insecure but he makes my heart race. He makes me nervous even though he isn't my first. I can never admit defeat and I like my own way. At least one thing I inherited from my mother.
Can he really handle the real me? Do I even know who the 'real me' is? I want to explore every inch of the world. He knows so much about me. But yet so little. Does he know he wasn't a virgin? That he wasn't the first man to touch me? Was I the first girl to touch him? After all of the girls in Paris?
Even though it feels as though I never had to pretend with him now that we are out in the world ourselves I know that we are strangers. We spoke of our hopes and dreams as though we weren't going to see each other again. We were thrown together in such extreme circumstances but now we are exposed to a normal life can either of us adjust?
He appears perfect, with his dimples and those huge blue eyes which I fell so deeply for but what secrets lie behind them? I know nothing of his past. He roams the world without a care but how would he cope with having a partner in life? A woman no less. He says he has fallen in love with me but does he even know what love is? I said those magical words, I thought I was saying goodbye and now I wonder if I was simply overwhelmed by the situation. Has he ever been in love before? The pictures of the girls in Paris seem to tell a story and I cannot seem to shake the vision of him with those girls. Why am I so different to them? He says this is forever and that I am his saviour, his one and only. Can a person know this after just three days?
How would he react to my negativity, my lack of skills and the fact I have to write down all my feelings to stop them driving me insane. Can he cope with the fact I have so many imperfections? I burn in the sun, I have freckles on my arms and legs, a scar on my left knee from kneeling in broken glass as a child. I have stretch marks on my waist from growing at such a rapid pace at a young age.
I actually enjoy dressing up even though I don't like been paraded around like a trophy wife. I hate my nose and I have unusually large breasts for my age which I would change if I could but when he held me that one time, nothing mattered.
Does he still want to live out all of the dreams we put together? Can we afford to? Once he knows the real me will he run away or stay with me. I am not the perfect person he fell in love with. He saw an upper class girl in need of rescuing and I will be forever grateful to him for that reason. I know that he is my hero. I owe everything to him. I feel as though I know how to spread my wings and fly somewhere I am not known and start my life all over again. I have been reborn.
Over the course of time, we have to learn everything about each other. We have to learn to tolerate each other's imperfections, habits, likes and dislikes. We have to share details about our past and our hopes for the future. We have to learn to not be jealous or insecure, to learn what we mean to each other. I have to look into his eyes and trust him completely which is something I have never done with my ex fiancé. When he takes me in his arms I have to know it is only me he wants and dreams about and that he accepts me and will grow with me in this new life I am leading.
I am timid and
I am oversensitive
I am a lioness
I am tired and defensive
You take me in your arms
And I fall into you
I have insecurities
You show me I am beautiful
Love me or leave me
Just take it or leave it
It's not that I'm needy
Just need you to see me
Take me, free me, see through to the core of me
Take me, free me, there will be no more pretending
I am temperamental and
I have imperfections and
I am emotional
I am unpredictable
I am naked
I am vulnerable
I am a woman
I am opening up to you
Now I stand before you with my heart in my hands
I'm asking you to take me just the way that I am
Please lay down your arms
Do you know me, make me feel safe from harm
Just take me, free me, see through to the core of me
See through, take me, free me, there will be no more pretending
Song - I Am by Christina Aguilera
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