I am never going to have children.

The room looks like Makoto set off a thunderclap in here and then a bomb went off: sheets everywhere, books strewn about. So much for her being tired. It started because I wasn't going to give her ice cream, mostly because I don't have any ice cream in the apartment, which she didn't believe. So, I showed her, and then she wanted me to take her go and get some and I said that I couldn't, and that what we could do is read together and then she could get ready and go to bed, so that was agreed upon, except she didn't like any of the stories that I had because I didn't tell them 'right' and then she wanted to bounce on the bed, and I said that wasn't a good idea, and now she's hiding under my bed and won't come out.

It's my fault for getting a Western style bed, but I just couldn't go back to the futon after being in California and their beds, so now she's under it and she won't come out because she says that I'm mean.

I've had my phone out several times debating on who to call about this, but I know Momma's on shift, and I don't want to call Usagi and Mamoru about this. It shouldn't be too hard to get a small child out from a bed, but I don't want to reach in and just haul her out. I don't remember ever doing anything like this when I was small, so I have no idea what should be done. It's sad that I would be more equipped to handle this situation if she'd fallen off the bed and cut her head open.

I crouch down and peer under the bed. I can see her, curled up right in the middle where it's impossible to grab her from any angle even if I wanted to, "Chibi-usa-chan…please come out."

She's clutching a little stuffed toy, but I can't make out what it is. I think I saw her grab a plushie black cat before she dived under the bed, at least it's not Luna…there'd be more to worry about then, "I will not," she says, emphatically. This is the third time we've had this exchange.

"You can't stay under there all night—it can't be comfortable," I try.

"It is and I shall!" she retorts.

"Alright, fine," I give up, get up and walk towards the door, "You can stay under there but don't blame me if you get grounded when your parents come home," I turn out the light, and the night light comes on in the bathroom, given the digital clock, and the ocean lamp I have which are darkness activated the whole room has a blue glow.

"I will!" she says, but I can hear her voice wavering a little.

I close the door loudly, and quietly open it again just a crack when an idea hits me before going into the other room fully I tell her, "I'll be in here playing a computer game and having fun, if you change your mind."

"I won't!" comes quietly through to me as I walk to the kitchen and heat up some more coffee in the microwave, on my way I stop by the computer and have it run a search of some different programs I can run on the emulator I have. I select something and pull up a macro so it will play by itself, loudly with music and sound effects both turned up full as I sip my coffee.

I hope it works. I really don't want Usagi and Mamoru to come back from the meeting and find out that she's asleep under my bed. That won't look very good at all. I look at the clock on the computer screen. I don't remember when Usagi and Mamoru will be back, did I even ask them? I don't think I did. After a few moments I put my cup down and get up I'm torn between walking back over there and trying again or letting it sit for a little while longer. Patience, I remember that from one of the mothers who had come through my office; she had triplets, and I had asked her how she managed.

She said, "The key to parenting whether you have one child or twelve is patience and love even when you feel that you might scream."

I sit back down. I'll let her go just five more minutes and if she's not out I'll try again, even if I have to bribe her with hot chocolate, and I think I have some cookies somewhere that someone gave me as a thank you gift. It was only last week…I check the calendar. They should be okay. I've kept them in the fridge.

I select my character and try to remember the key combinations to do the special moves in this game.

I remember Usagi having said on several occasions, while her mother's been watching Chibi-usa and we've met up with her for a meal, or a trip to the karaoke center for old times sake, how hard it is to look after the little girl when she's being defiant and stubborn, and this is her mother who loves her unconditionally. She's not my child so it's bound to be harder.

The computer kills me I'm so distracted by my thoughts, and I jump out of my skin because a little voice next to me says, "What game is that?"

I turn around in my chair, "It's based on the Shoujo Senshi Star Battle series," I explain, "I can only get to the third level before I get ki-knocked out…would you like to have a go?"

"Poppa says that story is a load of…a word I'm not supposed to say," she scratches the plushie cat around the ears.

I can't help but giggle a little at that, "What about your Momma? What does she think?"

"She doesn't like to watch it."

"I don't blame her," I say, "but the game is pretty fun. You want to climb up and have a go?"

She scrambles up into my lap and I turn the chair back around. We set her cat by the mouse as that's not needed for the game, and I show her which keys to press. I keep meaning to order a USB controller for these I've found myself playing games quite a bit while I need down time, but I forget. I'm so busy at the hospital my brain is turning into a sieve for normal things. I went two days without groceries a few weeks ago.

But she's having fun and not throwing a tantrum, that's the main thing at this point. I tell myself the games are teaching her good reflexes and coordination, and so it's okay that she's playing. She dies fairly quickly right out and I expect a fit of whining and tantrum, but instead she asks me what she did wrong, and her determination increases so that she plays until she gets through that level even though after the fifth try she's nodding off in my arms. Part way through the cut scene she's completely out, but I sit rocking the chair slightly from side to side for ten more minutes, cautiously turning the speakers down so that an explosive burst from the music doesn't wake her when the next level comes up.

I carry her back into my bedroom and lay her down with the bed, putting the cat next to her and covering her with my dressing gown.

Usagi and Mamoru return an hour and a half later, Usagi is babbling at a frantic but whispered pace about things to do with whatever was going on, but I can't follow them, properly, the caffeine is wearing off and I was almost asleep when they knocked at the door.

"How was she?" Mamoru asks.

I hesitate, "We had our moments, but it worked out okay. She's been an angel for the last two-three hours…" I glance at the clock on the computer but I can't make it out from here.

"That's great!" Usagi beams, "Would you be able to sit again tomorrow?"

My face must fall, because she giggles at me.

"I'm just kidding, Ami-chan! Besides, you probably have to work, right?"

I nod, "That I do," and despite how well things turned out I couldn't say I'm not grateful. I'm definitely not ready for children.