A/N: Since Season 10 of Red vs Blue has started last month, I decided to write about one of my all favourite favourite characters - Caboose. Seriously, he has never failed to make me laugh with whatever he says or the kind of situations he (along with the Blues) find themselves in. Anyway I hoped you enjoy this as much as I had fun writing it! ^^
Disclaimer: I do not own anything relating to Caboose or Red vs Blue. They all belong to Rooster Teeth.
The Zany World of Caboose
"Hey, taxi!" Caboose yelled, frantically waving his arms to hail down a speeding Warthog; not realising that the Red Zealot aimed the turret gun in his direction.
For the most of his life, Church along with a few others said for Caboose to get help for his fragile mentality, especially when he was guilty of team killing.
3. Pickup Line
Although Caboose had no experience in chatting up members of the opposite sex, he decided baking muffins would be a step in the right direction in trying to impress his beloved Sheila.
Church, groggy from sleep, crept into the front room of the base only to jump a foot into the air when Caboose leapt from behind the sofa, happily exclaiming, "Happy Birthday, my best friend in the universe!"
"I didn't do that!" Caboose murmured, averting his eyes from the destroyed Blue base; hoping Tucker or Church wouldn't accuse him of putting plasma grenades in the Halloween crafted pumpkins, so their eyes would light up blue.
Caboose instantly knew that if Church was counting down from five, it was either one of these two things: a) he was in deep shit with Church or b) Church was learning how to count backwards.
"Your secret is safe with me, Admiral McMuffin!" Caboose commented while smiling, after Donut confessing his desire to own his own manicure/hair saloon one day in the near future.
Tucker's eyes widened like saucers when Caboose somehow came across his private movie collection, on the verge of rushing over to stop the dimwit from putting a disc called 'Tucker's Version of One Night In Paris' into the DVD player.
Every morning, promptly around six o'clock, the Blue Base would be filled with Caboose's loud, off-key singing in the shower much to the dismay of his team mates.
Church thought that if he allowed Caboose to decorate the Christmas tree, nothing would go wrong; his opinion changed drastically when Caboose managed to set fire to the tree within ten seconds.
11. It Started With...
"And it all started with my parents who thought it would be fun to play hide and seek with me by throwing me out the car and leaving me behind so I..." Caboose droned on when Doc was in the process in rubbing aloe vera onto his bleeding foot, his eyes twitching as he was forced to listen to Caboose's problems.
12. Valentine's Day
Caboose's eyes were glued to the calender, a red circle around the date 14th February; his mind already coming up with plans on how to surprise Church on the day for lovers.
13. Feeding The Ducks
"For the last time, Caboose, there is no freaking ducks in the canyon!" a highly aggravated Church snapped, watching through narrowed eyes as a disappointed Caboose put the bread on the kitchen counter.
"Yay, flowers for everyone!" Caboose announced, throwing random roses, violets and dandelions to his new Noble Six friends.
In order to make his new Grunts friends feel at home, Caboose offered them some candy, watching with amazement as the Covenant aliens appeared to be on a sugar rush; jumping up and down on the furniture while others were playing the tag game.
"All your so-called friends are hurling abuse at you as I speak and you're too stupid to realise that!" O'Malley taunted from the insides of Caboose's mind, adding more gasoline to the ever burning fire.
Ever since he was a boy, Caboose constantly wondered what was at the end of a rainbow; he hoped it would be some cool looking glow in the dark stickers instead of a pot of gold.
During the time when Caboose along with the others were trying their best to locate O'Malley, preferably along with Doc, he would often take random photographs and add them to his photo collection called 'Caboose's Best Times!"
"Church, why can we still see you when ghosts are meant to make believe?" Caboose asked slowly, tilting his head towards the side in confusion.
For days on end, Caboose wouldn't say a word, trapped in his own hellish world as he stared sadly at the now closed capture unit, silently wishing Church would come back.
21. Dr. Horrible
"No, you won't touch me there, horrible doctor!" Caboose complained weakly as Doc tried to drag him back inside by his legs, still feeling faint after Junior feasted steadily on his blood for a good half hour.
"Must slaughter the Reds and put their heads on pikes!" Caboose spoke in a deep monotone voice as O'Malley dominated his mind yet again.
Lieutenant Miller done everything he could in his power in order to cheer up Caboose, however nothing could jolt Caboose out of his depression of being separated from Church.
24. Long Lost
"Don't you ever think that Forrest Gump can be Caboose's long lost twin?" Tucker questioned Church as they both stood from the cliff, looking down on the other Blue as he scoffed down chocolates.
Unlike others, Caboose wasn't prone to bouts of furious anger; his way of settling arguments was to give the person a long hug whether they liked it or not.
"Oh Bluetard, look at what I've got!" Sarge exclaimed loudly, catching the attention of an excited Caboose by waving several boxes of crayons enticingly from side to side.
Despite the fact Caboose never looked after a pet before, he still made it his best interest to smother Andy the bomb with never-ending love and affection; smiling softly whenever Andy barked all sorts of profanities at him most of the time.
Everyone knew that the Reds and the Blues were most hated enemies in the war, ordered to destroy one another into oblivion; however Caboose saw past this as he liked his Red friends despite their attempts to kill him or insult him.
"Nap times are my favourite!" Caboose admitted, earning an understanding nod from Grif who was more shocked not only he was agreeing with Caboose for the first time, but they shared a favourite pastime together.
Although many would strongly disagree with him, Caboose regarded his new alien friend, otherwise known as Crunchbite, was a member of the Blue Team; simply because the Elite had blue armour.
Before Caboose was enlisted in the army, his one true career goal was to be a lion tamer; unfortunately he was banned by his local zoo when he was fifteen years old, all because he accidentally strangled a lion to death.
"Open Sesame!" Caboose yelled in an over-dramatic voice, eagerly awaiting the alarmed gate to automatically to rise upwards.
Poor Caboose didn't realise his own brutal strength until the moment when he took out a formidable Hunter out of sheer luck.
"Why can't Tucker distract the Reds instead of me being a decoy all the time?" Caboose questioned as soon as Church was done explaining one of his brand new plans of launching a surprise attack on the enemy.
Today I made a new friend called Tex, Caboose scribbled down in his diary, and I suspect that Tex is Church's gay robot lover.
Caboose, close to tears, watched with slight envy at the event taking place before his eyes; why was Sheila all of a sudden interested in Lopez?
From day one, Carolina made it her sole business she would lead the Reds and the Blues on a gruelling mission to achieve her goal in killing the Director; Caboose preferred the other mean lady who vanished because she didn't pick on him like the others did.
Both Tucker and Wash released low groans, cradling their heads in their hands as soon as Caboose announced, "It's dancing time!" before awkwardly prancing about in front of a group of UNSC marines.
"Don't ask me, I know nothing," Caboose proudly said in response to Lieutenant Miller's constant questioning of what exactly happened in Blood Gulch.
When his fellow team mates were fast asleep in their beds, ready to take on any challenges that the new day might bring, Caboose would happily spend the rest of the night shining his flash light on the wall and making shadow puppets.
Every day Caboose lived according to his own personal motto – just start laughing whenever you don't know what to say in important situations.
"Wash, can we keep him?" Caboose said, unrestrained excitement lacing his voice, gently holding what it appeared to be a stray black and white cat.
Hands tightly gripping his assault rifle, Caboose slowly whirled around and faced the surrounding green murky swamp, wondering whether it was really his imagination playing tricks on him when he supposedly heard the unmistakable sound of a quiet splash.
It was true that Caboose had youth on his side, but he constantly acted like an extremely stupid yet an adoring idiot despite the fact he was somewhere in his twenties.
As Caboose steered through the masses of incoming space waste such as large rocks, successfully avoiding colliding into them at all costs, he accidentally pushed the button in which he dispersed Jorge and Carter from the confines of the ship.
"Caboose, there is no way I'm letting you drive this space ship so quit fucking begging me!" Church firmly commanded, having disturbing visions in which if Caboose was behind the wheel he would find a way in destroying whatever world they were residing on.
No matter what the others told him, Caboose adamantly believed that the definition of irony is when people are made out of iron.
Unbeknownst to Caboose, Tucker and Church made a pact between themselves; one day when they had the opportunity they would ditch Caboose in some place where bloodthirsty aliens roamed about.
"Uh...you have a nice green glow around your body, Delta – I wish I can have magic like that," Caboose complimented the smart A.I, oblivious to Delta's murmurings of "I am confused."
Whenever an individual would spot Caboose in the process of staring aimlessly into space, they would ask him what he was thinking, only to be given random, unintelligent phrases.
A/N: Who else think it's brilliant that Red vs Blue has its own section on here? It's about bloody time and all!