Perpetual Insanity
or the diary of Robbie Shapiro

Robbie/Jade, Beck/Jade


So, today I got a diary. I mean, really it's not a diary. I swear! Diaries are for like, little girls. And contrary to popular belief, I. AM. A. BOY. Not a girl. My name is Robbie, okay?

Anyway, I guess I'm supposed to write about things that happen to me in here. Sikowitz thinks that not a lot happens to me, but really TONS of things do, I promise! Probably cause of the people I hang out with, but whatever. I am an interesting guy!

Well, I'm getting off subject. Today Cat made me hang out with Beck and Jade. And I get that Cat and Jade are like BFFs or whatever, but let's face it, Jade scares me. I mean, she's really pretty, but she's still like, terrifying. Plus Cat and Beck are good friends too, so sometimes they leave me alone with Jade. Alone time with Jade is the most terrifying thing in the whole world.

Like today, Beck agreed to accompany Cat to get some cotton candy or whatever. Of course, Jade turns to me with the most terrifying smile in the world. "Hey, Shapiro," she says, like she's noticing me for the first time.

I gulp. "What do you want?" I end up blurting out. And yeah, I'm cowering a bit at that point, but I can't help it! Jade's like a lion or something. She looks like she could eat me right up if she wanted.

"I want to go in there," Jade told me then. She points at this freaky store that looks like serial killers might go there to buy supplies or something.

"Well, I don't," I said, and I gotta admit I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking up to the Jade West. But of course it doesn't last long, because ten seconds later she is grabbing me by my (VERY MUSCULAR, thank you) arm and dragging me into the store. Of course, all these creepy men with tattoos start staring at me, and I make like little whimpering noises under my breath, because I'm terrified, okay?

"You should try one of these," Jade said with a placid smile, handing me something that must not be named. "If you ever get a girl." And then I went all red. I really hate that girl sometimes.

But then she leaned close to me to explain her reasoning, and I must admit that her breath smells really good. Also she's really, really good-looking, and her eyes have about a million different colors in them.

All right, I'll admit it, but only here. Jade West is gorgeous.

Now I should probably burn this.

The rest of the day was pretty much okay, probably because Beck was there to balance Jade out. Pretty much everyone already knows, but Beck Oliver is Jade's boyfriend of like 400 years. So even if I do think Jade's pretty, I have a 0% chance with her.

Okay, I have a 0% chance with most girls, but you know!


I swear this diary isn't supposed to be all about Jade West. It really isn't. I'm supposed to write about my life. But I can't help it, okay. I think that practically every guy's been in love with Jade West at some point, and I'm not an exception. Except I'm not like, in love with her, because that would be creepy. No, it's just a harmless crush. Really. I swear.

Anyway, Cat wouldn't shut up about her today, so that didn't help things. Mainly about how she was so happy that Beck and Jade were back together (sigh), but also about how Jade had the lead in the latest play and not Tori this time. Now, I like Cat, I really do, but she's made it crystal clear that we are just friends and nothing more. So I guess that drove me to Jade, if that makes sense. I'm just really messed up, okay?

At lunch today, though, Rex made a comment about Jade, like a really inappropriate one that made Tori and Cat go all pink. Jade just raised an eyebrow (and Beck even laughed, the nerve of him!) and so I threw Rex. I actually just hurled him across the cafeteria and he hit some senior. The senior, of course, proceeded to rip Rex to shreds. And whaddya know, I'm not that messed up about it.

Maybe I am, just a little, but he deserved it. He insulted Jade, and that's something that like, no one should do.

Aw, cheese, I'm all messed up now.

Okay, something non-Jade-related. Cat made me sign up for creative movement today. And NOW I learn that it's a bunch of girls doing sign language. This really sucks, except for the girls part. They keep laughing at me, though. One called me 'Roberta'. And that was really cruel, let me just say.

Robbie out. (Hopefully that's not a dorky thing to say!)


I'm gonna come out and say it. I don't think Beck is good for Jade.

Like, he doesn't compliment her. Or say she's pretty. And yeah, he like holds her hand, but that's only normal. He should be telling her she's gorgeous every second of the day like she's a fairy princess or something. Because she is. Jade West is an enigma and everyone knows it.

He also doesn't stick up for her. Or write songs for her.

I even tried to write a song for her today, but then I sang it to Tori to see how she'd react. Tori just stared at me blankly and said, "Nice try, Robbie", because she's Tori and she's nice no matter what. I guess that's a bad sign, though. I have a feeling that Jade would crack up at my attempt at writing a song.

Maybe I should write her a dark song. Maybe she would like that. She did like 'Broken Glass', after all. (Just another reason why we are destined to be together!)


So today we were all sitting at lunch, and Tori goes, "I broke a nail!" like completely out of the blue. Then Jade goes, "No one cares, Vega." Which is really what we all were thinking. And Beck said, "Jade, you need to be nicer to Tori."

What could I do but jump in? I frowned and said, "She's just being honest."

So of course Jade looked at me all weird and asked, "Are you like, in love with me, Shapiro?" Everyone laughed at that, and Jade had this weird satisfied smile.

I shook my head vehemently (isn't that such a cool word!) and turn this odd shade of magenta, because no, of course I'm not. This just made Jade all the more self-satisfied. She leaned real close to me and goes, "I am pretty irresistble," like right in my ear. And she smells (and looks) really good, I have to admit.

What I want to say is "I know", but I feel like I'd be murdered for that - by Jade, because Beck doesn't even look concerned, just another thing that bothers me about him. I've always looked up to Beck, you know, in a platonic weird sort of way, but this is way too much. He needs to learn how to treat Jade, like pronto, before I go all Shapiro on his butt.

Which probably wouldn't even leave a bruise (and would end up with me in the hospital), BUT YOU GET WHAT I MEAN.

"I'm not in love with you," I protested at last, though it was a bit weak. And then everyone laughs because of course I am poor unfortunate Robbie, the butt of everyone's jokes, and life goes on as normal.

Except for me.


Tori invited all of us to go to the beach this weekend, even me. And I must admit that I kinda wanted to refuse and take the weekend to refuel and watch a few chick flicks (they're cute, okay?) but I accepted anyway. That was probably a bad move.

Because once I get there, Jade's standing there in a bikini with a coverup over it, and all I could do is stand there and like, gawk. "Like what you see, Shapiro?" Jade asked in her stupid teasing tone.

"You look nice," I said at last, because what else can I say? And then Beck had the NERVE to look upset, judging by his glare. But Jade just flipped her hair and was all, "I know."


Once we get to the ocean, Jade freaked out and decided to sit out, for reasons that 'only Beck knows why'. I actually am afraid of oceans, and afraid of taking off my shirt (I'M INSECURE ABOUT MY BODY, OKAY) so I sat out with her and pretended to look for seashells. Jade declared that it's the most girly thing she's seen yet, oh yeah, besides my diary. And then I was all shocked and like, "How did you know about my diary?"

Then she just laughed. "I just guessed. Guys like you always do."

I wanna know what she means by that. GUYS LIKE YOU. Anyway.

I asked her something lame like how she's doing, and she just stares at me. When she didn't respond, I just went, "What?"

"No one asks me how I'm doing." Her tone was flat, like she was being honest for once. "No one cares."

Then she changes the subject to my muscles (or rather, lack OF them) and making fun of them, which leads us to bicker yet again, but all I can think is that maybe Jade's not as confident as she seems.


My new mission is to help Jade out. Because I know she needs a little confidence boost. So today, I left chocolates in her locker along with a note that said "You're beautiful."

Beck looked shocked (probably because he'd never even THOUGHT of doing that, the jerk). Jade just shrugged and said, "This is so cheesy." or something like that. But I know she liked it because she didn't tear it up or throw away the chocolates.

Now I'm like her secret admirer, or something equally as cheesy. I do like cheese, so I guess it's really appropriate.


Today I left another note and a pair of scissors, which made Jade freak out, because the girl loves scissors. It's like, unhealthy how much she loves them. And then Beck looked even angrier, but he pretended to be all happy for her.

Then at lunch today, when Jade left to go get a coffee, Beck leaned forward. "I don't know which of you is leaving the stuff in her locker, but she's my girlfriend, okay? I think I make her happy enough." But the look on his face was not one of a confident guy. And it made me think that if Jade, the ever-confident one, could be insecure, then maybe Beck could be too. I guess that's why he's afraid to compliment Jade. Maybe I could help him out after I help out Jade.

Tori looked shocked once Beck left. She was all, "Well, I wonder what's gotten into him." I think maybe Beck thinks that Jade will leave him for this mystery guy. Well, I can assure you that she won't be leaving him for me! In fact, if she ever found out who it was, she'd probably laugh in my face, sad as it may be.

Everyone just mumbled "I don't know" though, cause there was really nothing else to say, and continued eating. It was okay though, because when we went back in the building Beck and Jade were making out. Kinda gross, really, but still.

No problems in paradise, I guess.


So anyway. Cat came in today and goes, "Robbie, do you like Jadey!" And yes, it was as loud as you might think! I turned as red as her hair and was like "CAT STOP."

She took that as a yes (oh, innocent Cat!) and said, "But that's Beck's girlfriend!" Thank you, Cat, like I didn't know that when they're making out in front of me all the time.

"I know," I whispered furiously, hoping she'd shush. Like seriously. I love Cat, she's one of my best friends, but she has no sense of personal space or privacy whatsoever.

Then Cat figured it out. "OMG, you're the one who put the stuff in Jade's locker."

Which made me panic, as you might think. Because seriously. Jade could NOT find out about that. My life would be over. Beck would murder me, and so would Jade. Not to mention she'd make me the laughingstock of like, the whole school.

"You can't tell Jade," I begged. And then I continued to plead, until Cat finally said, "Of course I won't!" and skipped off. I trust her, though, so hopefully only good things will come of this confession.


I just got this text from Jade. "jdlakjglaskgasdd shapiro."

I fear for my life, because usually her texts consist of inappropriate things that I will never be able to write down here without blushing 100000 different shades of pink.

Oh, and I just got another one. "we need to talk." Seriously scared now.


I texted Cat and said, "You promised not to tell Jade." Her reply? "you did NOT make that clear! :("

Had it been anyone else, I would've been seriously upset, but no one can stay mad at Cat. Seriously, she's like a small child- adorable in her innocence. So I just texted back "Whatever." and hid my phone, in case I get any death threats from Beck.

Don't think I'll be able to sleep. Probably I'll have nightmares of Beck murdering me.


Today, when I got to school, Jade pulled me over into the janitor's closet, which I admit evoked some pretty odd thoughts. She didn't look angry, though, which was surprising. Instead, she just said, "Shapiro. You're my 'secret admirer?"

"Well, yeah," I told her, but my eyes were practically glued to the ground. "Sorry?"

"First things first. Thanks for the scissors. Only time you'll ever hear that. Second, do you actually think I'm beautiful?" She raised her eyebrows in that way she always does when she's confused. (Not that I notice. Cough. I mean what.)

"Of course." It was the truth. Honestly, I thought she was gorgeous, but there was no way I was gonna make things even more awkward.

"Oh." She just stared at the ground, then looked up at me, her beautiful eyes all wide and stuff. "Sorry. It's just nice to hear."

That pushed me over the edge. "I think you're gorgeous."

She smiled slightly and shook her head. "Don't overdo it, weirdo." But she pressed a kiss to my cheek anyway, a light one that was so atypical of Jade West, and then said, "Don't tell anyone. Especially not Beck. That weirdo's gone all freaky jealous all of a sudden."

I wanted to say that he was insecure too but I lost all words. Like seriously, I didn't even know the date. I was probably grinning like a weirdo too. But yeah.

JADE KISSED ME. My life is complete. Except I was hoping for a tour of the set of Twilight, but that can wait.


So I went to Beck's blog. (Yes, Beck has a blog, but he only blogs like, random pictures of cars and other boring stuff.) And I sent an anonymous message like, "Dude, you're a stud. You've got everything. Jade will love you even more if you compliment her and tell her she's gorgeous and brilliant and amazing. Trust me. Plus, she deserves to hear it."

I feel like a stalker, but I feel like this will pay off in the end.


I don't think Beck quite got the point, because he pretty much blurted it out in the middle of lunch. He just goes, "Hey Jade, you're beautiful."

"Random much?" Jade stared at him. "What brought that up?"

"Nothing." Beck ran a hand through his hair as always. "Just thought you deserved to hear it."

I don't think I'm the only one who caught the smile that graced her cheeks. (And I don't think I'm the only one who smiled in return.)

Jade looks pretty when she smiles.


A/N: DO I GET KICKED OUT OF THE FANDOM NOW OR. Come on, it had loads of Jade/Beck, which is OTP for always, but I wanted to try my hand at Robbie/Jade. So um, here we go. I feel like Rade consists of rare sappy moments and loads of Jade embarrassing Robbie and bickering and onesided crushes. So yeah. Here we go.

I blame Alyssa for this xox Also Amy for encouraging me and Alissa for shipping it and SIGH pretty much everyone okay. Please review. Don't fave without reviewing.