Her heart rate is dropping! Get the paddles and page the OR we're going to need a room, now! Somebody get Mr Valmont out of here!
The first time I saw you, you were seven and I was eight. You had this blue taffeta dress on at some party your parents were throwing and the most sour look on your face. I was entranced from the beginning. There was something about you, something about your chestnut coloured curls and those beautiful emerald eyes that even at the tender age of eight years old I still knew you were something special. Something that I would grow to desire, want and need. But you didn't like me right from the start. I came over to you and asked if you'd like to play with me and you all but spat in my face. I think you told me I was stupid and if I didn't go away you would scream and cry until I did. So I admired you from afar. I watched you that whole night from the top of the staircase. You sat in the same position all night growing angry at nannies and refusing to plaster a smile on your face for you mother. I should have known then you'd be the most stubborn person I'd know.
"Where are you taking her? What's going on? I demand you tell me something! That woman is my wife and I will not leave her without knowing what the fuck is happening!"
"Sir, please. You need to wait out in the corridor. Your wife's heart rate is dropping fast and we need to rush her to the operating room."
"Why? Why do you need to take her there? Shit. The baby. Is our baby okay?"
"Sir, I really don't have any answers right now. That's why we're taking her to the operating room because if something happens and we need to get that baby out, we can. Please, if you'll just wait here someone will be out to talk to you as soon as we have something to tell you."
The day our parents told us they were getting married you ran away. Although if you ask me, I wouldn't call it running away. I think I was 11…so you must have been 10. Everyone went looking for you, the nannies, the maids, the drivers even our parents went looking. I didn't bother. I knew you'd never have the guts to actually leave. You couldn't even brush your own hair, the maid did it for you. For hours the house was empty, everyone had gone to look for you and I was laying in my bed with my eyes closed when you crept in. At first I didn't hear you but then I smelt you, because if you didn't know you had this completely Kathryn smell. It was like nothing and nobody else. I can't even describe it. So you carefully and quietly climbed into my bed and under the blankets and you asked if I was awake. When I didn't respond you whispered 'I don't want to be siblings' in my ear but I never told you that I heard you. I'm not sure why you said it, even to this day. Maybe it was because you liked being a spoilt only child or maybe it was because you loved me, the kind of love you weren't sure of and wouldn't be sure of until many years later. Either way you kissed my cheek and fell asleep only to be awoken a couple hours later to your mother screaming at you for being a 'stupid, irresponsible, little girl'. She wasn't really mad at you of course. A little bit of it was just because she was so relieved to have you back but it was mostly because she didn't want to be the type of mother that their children run from.
Paging Doctor Stevens. Paging Doctor Stevens.
"Blaine? Thank God. It's Kathryn. I'm not sure. Something…somethings happened. I don't know. She just, she just collapsed and everything has gone bad really quick. They've taken her into the operating theatre. I don't know, nobody will fucking tell me anything around here! They said they might need to deliver the baby. I know. I know. I can't do this. I can't be alone in this."
Paging Doctor Stevens.
The day we first kissed you had just turned 14. It was your birthday party and you had all the girls from your fancy private school at our house and you told me I was banned from entering the pool room and if I so much as stepped inside you would tell my dad I was spying on you in the shower. You were a bitch, even then. So for awhile I listened to the girlish screams emanating from the pool room, the splashes and the giggles until I just had to have a look. Yeah, I wanted to perve. There were some hot looking girls in your class. When I walked into the pool room you weren't anywhere to be seen. All your friends came running up to me. But I just wanted to find you. When I asked where you were they told me you went upstairs to get changed. So I left and went to your room. I found you hunched over the toilet crying your eyes out. When I asked you what was wrong you told me you were fat, that all the other girls were so much prettier and skinnier then you and that even your mom said so. I hated her even more then I already did at that moment. I couldn't understand how a mother could say something like that to her daughter. So I pushed your hair out of your face and told you that you were the most beautiful girl I had even seen. You fixed yourself up, composed yourself and just before you left to go back downstairs you smiled at me and planted a kiss on my lips which I immediately reciprocated. Then you said thanks and returned to your party. I never brought that kiss up again.
"Mr Valmont your wife's heart rate dropped rapidly and we had to keep her heart going for a little bit. The baby may have been left without oxygen for a minute or so. At the moment they're both stable but we have no idea what caused all this to happen and…"
"Doctor Evans! Doctor Evans!"
"Please, sir stay here. I'll give you an update when I can."
The day you told me you loved me I almost had to slap myself to believe you were saying it. After years of foreplay and sexual innuendos you had finally reciprocated the love I had for you. It only took you 21 years. It was Christmas break, our parents had gone to France and I was home from Harvard and you were home from Yale. It had been a long time since I had seen you. You had grown your hair long. We were having an argument in my room about the girl I was seeing at the time and how I had invited her stay over Christmas. You told me that she couldn't stay and that she was probably some cheerleader slut. You were right about the slut part. I asked why she couldn't stay and you couldn't give me an answer. You just kept saying she couldn't stay and that was all. So we argued for at least an hour before I called you a whore and you slapped my face and you said 'I fucking love you, you idiot okay? That's why she can't stay because I love you and this is our holiday.' I couldn't believe what I had heard. I didn't say another thing and neither did you. We ended up fucking like rabbits for days on end, in my bed, in your bed, on the floor, in the shower, in the study, in the sitting room. We fucked where ever we could. When Christmas break came to an end you kissed me on the cheek and told me if I so much as thought about another girl you'd cut my dick off. I guess that was your way of saying we were a couple.
"Blaine? Thank God you're here."
"Where is she? What's going on?"
"I don't know. They just…they just took her again. Nobody will tell me anything and I'm so fucking scared Tuttle. I can't lose her."
"What about the baby, Valmont?"
"I…I don't know. I just want them to save her. I know I sound horrible but if killing the baby means saving her, I don't care. They should do it. There'll be other babies but there's not another Kathryn. There's not another person in this world I want to spend my life with…not one."
"Just sit tight. I'm going to find something out if it kills me."
The day we got married was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives. I guess it came close. But nothing went right that whole day. First your wedding dress didn't fit, either the tailor had not measured your properly or you had gone on a purging binge and lost weight in the week before our wedding. I'd like to believe it was the former but I know it was the latter. Second the weather shifted. It had meant to be a beautiful sunny summer day but then the rain set in and it ended in a storm. Third the guy delivered the wrong tuxedos to the house. They were white cowboy-type things rather then the suave black suits I had ordered. Lastly, the car that was meant to be taking you to the ceremony got stuck in traffic before picking you up which meant you were late and arrived at my Aunt Helen's estate in a town car. We had horrible luck. But when I seen you walk down the aisle I forgot all about the bad things and remembered all the reasons I was standing there. I loved you, all the good and the bad in you. I loved your bitchiness and your tough front. After we said I do and we kissed I never wanted to let go it was like the perfect moment. I think the only person not happy about our wedding was your mother who sat in the front row with the same sour look on her face that you had the first night I met you. We danced for hours at our reception and even though there was over 300 people at our wedding, it only felt like it was me and you. I could have died happily right then. When we left for the hotel at the end of the night there was a huge storm with lightning bolts and huge crashes of thunder and I guess at the time I didn't realise it but it kind of symbolised our love.
"Doctor Evans! How is she? Can I see her now?"
"Mr Valmont take a seat."
"Why? I want to see her. Where is she?"
"Mr Valmont there was some complications. Kathryn had a heart attack and her body started to shut down. We tried everything to save her Mr Valmont, but I'm afraid due to her battle with an eating disorder for so many year Kathryn's body had had enough. It couldn't fight any more and there was nothing we could have done differently to change the outcome."
"What…what are you saying?"
"Your wife didn't make it, I'm so sorry Mr Valmont."
"No. No. You're lying…Kathryn wouldn't…she wouldn't leave me."
"I'm so very sorry Mr Valmont and I know it's hard to see a silver lining but we were able to save your baby."
"I don't care about the baby! I care about Kathryn!"
"Mr Valmont please. The baby needs you now. I know this is hard but you have to take this as something good to come from something bad."
The day we found out you were pregnant was both the scariest and best day of my life. You had been sick for weeks but I had assumed you were just being your usual self and purging. One night, I think it might have been a Thursday, you came to me and told me that you had something to say and not to get scared or freak out on you. So I pulled you into my lap and kissed you and said 'See that ring on your finger? We're married remember?' so you smile and you told me you think you might be pregnant. The next day we made a doctor's appointment. Waiting in the waiting room was so nerve racking. On one hand I was overjoyed at the thought of having a baby with you, a little perfect mix of me and you. On the other hand I was scared out of my brain at the thought of having to look after something other then myself. The doctor took us into the room and sat us both down. My palms were sweating so bad that when you tried to hold my hand your nose turned up. I wanted to laugh. So he told us that your iron was low and a lot of your vitamins were low to which was nothing unusual due to your eating disorder. Then he said 'You'll need to get those fixed right up Mrs Valmont because you're pregnant.' It had been so unexpected that we didn't know what to say. We hadn't been trying or even thinking about kids. We'd only been married for a year. We didn't fight at all that day. Once it finally set in I was happy that you were pregnant.
"C'mon Sebastian. I know it's hard. But think of that little baby in there, all alone in the world. Without you, it has nobody and neither do you. You can help each other."
"Shut up Tuttle. I can't…that baby took my wife. I can't do it. How can I love something that took everything?"
"Look Sebastian this wasn't the babies fault. I hate to say it, but it was Kathryn's."
"Don't you fucking talk about her like that!"
"Listen to me. Kathryn was the one who was sick. She's the one who put her life at risk everyday because of her eating disorder. And she put that baby's life at risk too. I'm saying blame her, but don't blame that baby."
"I can't believe she'd do this to me."
"I know. Look, Sebastian. Your baby is right in there."
"Mr Valmont, she's right over here."
"Oh I'm sorry. Your baby, it's a girl. A healthy baby girl."
"Yes, would you like to hold her?"
"I don't…I don't know how."
"Here, just hold your arms like this, cradle her head and don't let go."
"She's…she's so beautiful. She looks just like Kathryn."
The day you died was undoubtedly, absolutely the worst day of my life. I don't know what happened. One minute you were talking to me about paint swatches and the next you were on the floor. I rushed you straight to the hospital because I was worried about the baby. I didn't know I'd have to be more worried about you. At first it was nothing. You were awake and telling me that it was unnecessary to be at the hospital and I should just take you home. Then your eyes closed and the heart monitor started to drop. I was so scared I just wanted you to open your eyes and laugh at me and tell me it was all a big joke. But you didn't. I didn't know that was the last time I was going to talk to you. They rushed me out of that room before I got the chance to tell you I love you. I waited for hours and hours worrying and pacing and yelling at nurses to tell me what was going on. But no one would tell me and everyone was telling me to just stay calm and when they know something they'll tell me. But how you can be calm when your wife, your soulmate is dying. There was nothing I could do and apparently nothing they could do to save you. But there was something I could have done to save you, I could have made you stop purging years ago. I know I tried but not hard enough and sometimes I think that it's my fault you died. Maybe if I tried harder. After the doctor told me you didn't make seeing our daughter was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to love her. I wanted not to love something that killed my wife. When I first walked into the nursery and the nurse handed me our daughter I was overwhelmed with both love and grief. She looked so much like you that it hurt to hold her because I knew I would never get kiss your lips or hold you in my arms. I wanted to hand her back and tell them to find her another home but I couldn't. I couldn't let this tiny little human being be all alone in the world. I named her Evie Kathryn Valmont, just like we had planned. It was really hard taking care of her at first. I had no idea what I was doing. She cried and cried and cried and I wanted to get away and go somewhere where I didn't have to hear her screaming because I knew she was screaming for you. It got easier as time went by and I have to say Blaine was a huge help. Evie is 6 months old now and although I'm still missing you everyday I'm starting to heal and that's because of Evie.
A/N: Just a quick one shot. I had writers block for my other story 'Affair' and needed to release some creativity. So here we are. Don't forget to review and go check out my other story 'Affair'.