Hello my friends... I have another little story to tell you. Pull up a chair and listen.
I own nothing. SM owns it all. I just like to play.
This will post a couple times a week. Shorter chapters. About 30 in total give or take.
And here we go.
I was awake long before the sun came up. I watched the breaking dawn with growing trepidation.
Was I doing the right thing? Was leaving everything familiar going to make matters worse? I had really hoped a fresh start would help; maybe ease the pain of the memories we were both living with. At this point I was willing to try anything, do anything.
I sighed and rolled over, still not used to sleeping alone. Although Tanya had never been a cuddler and our intimacy had been practically non-existent in the past couple years, she had still been there when I woke up. This bed seemed far too big for one person and the emptiness of it seemed to echo the emptiness in my heart.
I met Tanya during my final year of residency. She was pretty, fun and we seemed to get along well. She knew my limitations with the schedule I had at the hospital and she never demanded more. Without officially declaring ourselves, we became exclusive. She went out a lot with her friends and I was fine with that; I never wanted to stifle her social life with my time limitations. I knew she wasn't the type of girl to sit around at home waiting for me to call. When I could go out or had time off, we spent it together.
One night, after Tanya had cancelled on me three times in a row, I knew something was up and just showed up at her apartment. Her roommate let me in and quickly left. I walked into her room half expecting to find her with someone else, but instead found a pale looking girlfriend, with watery eyes. Concerned that she was ill, I switched into doctor mode immediately. She waved off my ministrations impatiently.
"Tanya, tell me what's wrong." I pleaded.
"I'm pregnant, Edward."
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. We always used precautions. I stared at her in confusion.
She looked up at me bleakly. "The night of the tequila shot fest at Quincy's?"
We had gotten carried away... and until this second I hadn't remembered we hadn't used a condom.
"Don't worry about it. Edward. I'm having an abortion on Monday. I've already booked the appointment. I just didn't want to see you until after it was done."
My gut clenched. "No Tanya, you can't do that."
"Yes I can, Edward. I can't raise a child on my own. I don't even know if I want a child. But I do know I don't want one under these circumstances."
"Marry me." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.
Tanya laughed, a brittle sound, which ended with a half sob.
"Why Edward? Because you love me so much…or because I'm carrying your child?"
"Both," I said sincerely.
She looked up at me dubiously.
"I know it's not how we would have planned it, Tanya. But we'll make it work."
She was silent for a moment, then nodded.
"Okay Edward, I'll marry you."
I rolled back over trying to get comfortable. I should have known then what a stupid idea that was. She wasn't ready to get married or have a family. But, the thought of her having an abortion, or even if I'd talked her out of it, putting my child up for adoption was unacceptable. I threw my arm over my eyes to block out the light.
We were married quickly and quietly. Eight months later Emma Deborah Cullen was born and became the light of my life. I was able to take a short period of time off work after she was born, and they were the happiest days of my life. Just watching her sleeping made me smile. Being able to hold her brought me a joy I had never known existed. Every moment spent with her was amazing and fatherhood became the most important role in my life. Tanya wasn't the most maternal of mothers I had ever seen, but she seemed to adjust fairly quickly. We were, I thought, relatively happy. There was no great passion between us, but we got along well and our common bond was our daughter and her wellbeing. Tanya didn't work but kept busy with charitable organizations and being a mother. I worked long hours being a new doctor, but I knew it was just a matter of time before that settled down into a more normal routine. Every moment I wasn't working, I spent with Emma. Four years seemed to fly by in the blink of an eye.
Then two months ago I walked in the door of our house, exhausted after a double shift at the hospital and found suitcases by the door. Tanya was sitting on the couch waiting for me. I felt my stomach clench as I looked between the suitcases and her.
"Going somewhere?" I asked as calmly as I could.
"I'm leaving you, Edward. I'm done." Her voice was cold and angry and her eyes were devoid of any emotion.
"Done?" I asked confused.
She stood up. "Yes," she snapped. "Done with this farce of a marriage. Done pretending to be a happy little family. What a fucking joke."
I was shocked at the venom in her voice. "You're not happy Tan?"
"Don't fucking call me that! You know I hate nicknames. No, I'm not happy, Edward. Can you honestly say you are?"
I stopped short at her words.
Was I happy?
I thought I was.
"Think about it, Edward. When's the last time we laughed? Went out? Did something?"
"We went to the park last week, and then out for dinner," I protested, trying to think.
"No I'm not fucking talking with Emma. You . Me. Us. We're not a couple Edward. We're just Emma's parents, and we share a house."
She stepped forward, her voice icy. "When's the last time you fucked me, Edward?"
I stepped back. "When's the last time you offered, Tanya?" I hissed, getting angry. "You can't make me out to be the bad guy here. I've done everything I could to give you a home and a good life. I work hard for you and Emma."
"Emma. Always your first thought isn't she, Edward?"
I was confused. "She's our daughter Tanya. Of course she's my priority."
She shook her head. "She's been your priority since the moment I told you I was pregnant. Everyone thought you were so wonderful when I was pregnant. The way you watched over me, made sure I took my vitamins, ate well, went to the doctors, blah blah blah. It was never for me. It was always for her. It's always been for her."
Her voice lowered. "I should never have told you I was pregnant. I should have had the abortion and kept it to myself."
I stared in horror at the woman before me. That she could say she wished our daughter didn't exist was appalling. It sounded as if she was actually jealous of her own child. A sudden thought hit me.
"You aren't taking my daughter away from me," I informed her, my voice clipped and angry.
She laughed and rolled her eyes.
"I have no intention of taking her with me. I don't want her Edward. I never did. And I'm tired of pretending."
"How the fuck can you say that?" I snarled. "She's your child. You gave birth to her."
"I never wanted a child, Edward and I don't want to be a mother anymore! I'm tired of all of it, the daycare and the giggles and the messiness and the questions... all of it."
I stared at her in shock.
"You don't mean that."
"I do. All she does is talk. And giggle. And play. And want things. Hugs, snuggles, snacks , it's always something. It's constant. There's never any peace. I want quiet. I want adult things. No more Dora. No more Sesame Street. I'm tired of listening to baby talk all the fucking time!" Tanya's voice had risen with each sentence and now she was yelling in my face.
I grabbed her arms and shook her. "Keep your voice down! You are going to wake her up!"
She shook off my arms. "I. Don't. Care."
"I'm leaving Edward. Now. For good.I'm going somewhere with no children. No giggles. No talk talk talk. Especially from her."
She bent over and grabbed her suitcases. "I'll get the rest of my things later."
"Tanya, stop. You can't do this."
"I can and I am Edward. I don't love you. I don't love Emma."
A strange noise caught my ear and I turned around. Standing on the steps, clutching her floppy bunny, tears running down her face, was Emma.
Oh God. How much had she heard? I looked over at Tanya and saw no reaction on her face. She didn't care; she simply continued getting ready to walk away.
I crossed the room quickly and swung Emma up in my arms, holding her closely, trying to soothe her tears. I turned around to beg Tanya to reconsider, but she was already walking towards the door.
Emma reached out her tiny hand towards Tanya imploringly. "M..M..M..Mommy?" she whispered brokenly.
Tanya didn't stop or turn around. She walked out and closed the door firmly behind her. Emma buried her face into my neck and sobbed silently, her little body shaking with grief. I ran my hand over her back repeatedly, telling her I loved her, over and over , trying to soothe her, but I couldn't. The damage had been done.
That was the last word I heard Emma utter, and that was two months ago.
So you all have someone to hate right off the bat.
Are you with me?