"B-bert?" "Happy birthday, sweetie. I thought we'd have a special celebration tonight." Fear got over me and I didn't even know what to reply. I froze in my place and my mouth refused to utter a word. "Gerard, are you okay?" he waved a hand in front of my face.

What will he do when he find out that I slept with Frank? That's the only thought that kept bouncing in my head. Would he kill me? Beat me to death? Kill Frank? Kill us both? I didn't know.

"Won't you let me in? What is wrong with you?" "Sure, come in. sorry, I was asleep so I can't really function" I said. "It's okay, hun. Now let's celebrate on our own" he winked at me as he got closer and buried his face in my neck. "Thanks, Bert, but I've never celebrated my birthday before. So it's okay. I just need to sleep" I said when I stroked his hair. "Well, can I sleep over tonight then?" then he kissed on my neck. "the house is really a mess, Bert. We can spend the night together but tomorrow?" "come on Gerard. It's your birthday and we're supposed to be "baby making" tonight" he giggled. "Or… You don't want to be with me tonight?" he frowned. "No no. of course I want you to be with me" I hesitated. "umm. Should we head directly to the bedroom then? " he said as taking his shirt off. "NO. NO. what about a little walk outside? No one's gonna be out and we can do whatever we want." "Gerard! What even. It's 4am and raining as hell outside. We'd literally freeze. Now get ready. This is gonna be massive I don't want you to forget your birthday night this year." He winked.

Should I face the fact that he will sure find this out and prepare my coffin, and make sure my way of death won't be written on my gravestone 'cause that will be so dramatic to write "beaten till death by his boyfriend for sleeping with a man"? or just kill myself. Yeah that's a whole lotta better. Besides that what I always thought about doing. And here, I have a really strong reason to do it. This moment felt like forever. I was awake by my day dreaming by Bert's voice howling "YOU FUCKING BUSTARD"

Bert is standing on his heels in front of the bedroom, he rushed into it and heard Frank's voice slightly screaming. I ran as fast as I could 'cause I'm sure as hell Bert would kill him. "NO BERT. LEAVE HIM. LET GO. KILL ME BUT LEAVE HIM" he was squeezing on his windpipe with both hands as sitting on him. "FUCKING LET GO, BERT" he wasn't listening. He kept on growling in anger and squeezed even harder. "you're worried about him" he said as tears falling from his eyes. I tried to push him off of him. Frank kicked him in the back with his legs and Bert's hands loosened. Frank pulled himself up and pushed Bert away. Bert fell on my chest and I fell after him. He turned to me and I felt a hard slap on my face. "I'LL KILL, YOU FUCKING BUSTARD" And another slap on the other side. He punched me, and punched again, another punch. Then he grabbed my hair and bashed my head against the wall. I was about to pass out when kicked in my stomach. I puked on the floor and probably coughed out blood. Then he got off of me all of a sudden.

I couldn't open my eyes when I heard a gun loading. I didn't want Bert's face to be the last to see. I didn't want to see my lover pointing a gun at me even though I cheated on him. I felt like smiling 'cause at this moment I knew everything will be over. All the pain will end. My sleepless nights will end. The pain and guilt of cutting myself will end. Bert's beating will end. My life will end. Oh how sweet it feels. I waited for my last breath to fade. I waited for my soul to get out of my body. I waited for the pain to fade, but this moment felt like never coming. Bert didn't shoot me. I didn't feel the bullet tearing my brain. Did I die? Did it happen already? But I still can feel blood drowning and pain as sharp as never before.

I slowly opened my eyes when I heard a hard slam and a huge body falling against the floor. I saw blood running from Bert's head and Frank on his knees with a shovel in hands and crying. "what have you done, Frank!. WHAT DID YOU DO? YOU KILLED BERT!" "I'm sorry. He was about to kill you, Gerard. I'm sorry" he said with a thick voice for he was crying.


"I'm sorry, Gerard. I'm very sorry " I cried even more when I saw him crying. "Bert open your eyes. Bert can you hear me? Bert breathe baby. You'll be okay. YOU'LL NOT DIE. NO BERT, YOU'LL NOT DIE. YOU'LL NOT LEAVE ME ALONE. FUCKING OPEN YOUR EYES. PLEASE" he shook his head violently and cried really loud. "why can't he hear me, Frank? He's not dead" he shook me by the shoulders.

I looked in his red tired eyes and tried to slowly wrap him in my arms. "it's okay, Gerard. I'll stay with you forever. I'll never leave. I promise" I could feel him shaking in my arms and still crying. I tried to swallow my tears and held him closer. After some pretty long time of trying to make him stop crying, he got and looked at me with his red, tired swollen eyes and blood was drowning from his cheekbones. "why did you do this! Bert was the only one left for me. Why, Frank! I know he hits me and makes my life a living hell, but at least I know that he's only one who loves me." He cried. "I love you, Gerard" I said. He didn't reply and put his both hand on his and sobbed again. His black, soft hair slowly fell to hide his face. "I'm sorry, Gerard" I whispered. "STOP SAYING SORRY. HE'S DEAD AND WILL NEVER BE BACK AGAIN" he shouted at me with tears trapped between his eyelids. "I'm so weak, Frank. I'm nothing without Bert. I'm nothing at all" he murmured.

Now what I'm I supposed to do? I killed two men, raped and stole. And now I'm stuck with a guy that has nothing to do with the troubles that I'm about to get him in. I won't leave him, but I don't want him to suffer with me 'cause his life with me will be even more miserable than with Bert.

"We have to get out of here, Gerard" I said. He was laying on the floor tired, and blood was drowning from everywhere in his body. He coughed blood. "ca-can you move?" I held his hand "I'm okay. Where are we going to go?" he put his other hand on mine, but didn't open his eyes. "I don't know, but we'll find anywhere to go. I can pack whatever you want, and I'll help you walk. I'm sorry, but we have to get out of here as soon as we can. "Okay. I'll just go change my clothes" he tried to get up, but his body was so weak. He tried to push himself up again, but failed. He cried on the floor helpless. "It's okay, Gerard. Is it okay if I helped you to change your clothes?" "O-okay" he said as crying. I opened the closet and got him a red shirt and black jeans for him. I got on my knees and slowly tried to take his shirt off. "Gerard can you please raise your arms so I can take off the shirt?" "it it hurts" "Please try, baby" I kissed on his forehead. He forced himself and I took it off quickly. I put on his red shirt and undid and pulled his blood soaked pants down. They were so tight that it took me effort to take them off. "oh. you really wears super skinny jeans" I giggled. He blushed and looked away. I smiled and wore him the other clean pants.

He held my hands as the cold breeze blew when we opened the door. "where are we going to go?" "we would stay at any motel or something" I said. He shrugged his shoulders and hooked his arm tightly to mine. It was very dark and cold outside. We walked through streets with cars blowing their horns and birds flapping their wings above us.

"there's something that I need to tell you, Gerard" I broke the silence. "what is it" his eyes widened. "I I killed a man and and…" "and what?" he was still holding my hand "and raped his wife for the sake of drugs and money." He said nothing, and slowly let go of my hand as he stepping back. "Gerard, please listen"

I didn't know what to do. I was confused. My feelings were mixed. I wanted to run away, but it wasn't only that my body was weak, it's also that something strange kept me stuck to Frank and told me not to leave him no matter what. He needed me just as much I needed him.

I took a step, and another two away. "Gerard, Plea-" "GO AWAY" I shouted. "please" he said. I flinched away when he held my hands. "please understand" I froze in my place and waited for him to explain".

"there was a lot of pressure on me. I needed drugs to live, but had no money. Bert threatened me many times that if I didn't pay the previous charges he'd kill me. My family left on the first month they knew I was a drug addict. They refused to give me money, and threw me out of the house when I stole my step dad's wallet. I had nowhere to go. I couldn't get any job 'cause of the black bags that grew under my eyes and how I'm always semi-unconscious, which made it so blood obvious that I'm a drugs addict. I struggled to survive till an anonymous man saved me. I didn't know him and I still don't. he found me a place to stay, gave me food, money, and everything I needed. But I had to pay for all of this by killing a man and and to rape his wife." He paused and looked down. " he told me to do so and he will give me money and any amount of drugs I'd ask for, but if I refused, he'd take everything away, and will throw me in jail" a long pause. Tears fell from his eyes. "I had to do it. I needed everything he offered me. But I needed to get drugs first to do it. And that's when I met you at Bert's place. I felt comfortable when you were around. I kinda fell in love with you from the first sight, Gerard. I thought of stopping myself from doing it after meeting you, but I knew you'll never be mine. So I headed straight to the man's place after leaving Bert's. I did it, but no one showed up to give me my money and drugs when police knew about it and started chasing me. And here I'am, killed your boyfriend and made your life even worse than it actually was." He paused again. I was setting on the wet ground and he fell to me and cried. "I'm sorry, Gerard. I'm an actual mess. I screw everything up and that's exactly what I did to your life. I'll understand if you just leave me behind and go on, but I need you, Gerard. I really need you so much" his voice was thick and eyes full of tears. He covered his face with his hands and shivered of the cold air as he cried.

I didn't know what to do. I was confused, but I knew that I'll never leave him. I cupped his in my hands. He didn't look at me and kept on crying. "I'm I'm sorry, Gera-" "shush" I put a finger on his lips. I leant close to his face and pressed my lips to his. "I love you" he murmured as kissing me. I stroked his hair, and our lips moved smoothly like a symphony. It was the most passionate kiss I've ever had.

I opened my eyes when Frank lips trembled and heard a gun loading.