A/N: So the show has made reference before to the fact that Charlie sucked as an older brother and I guess it just got me thinking. He couldn't have been so terrible every single moment... right?

So... this is a moment where he *wasn't* so terrible.

Hope it's not too OOC.


Disclaimer: Two and Half Men and all characters therein, do not and never will belong to me.

Of Drunkeness, Stepfathers & Little Brothers

Eleven year old Alan Harper slowly opened the door to his older brother's room. Charlie didn't normally like him in here but… Charlie didn't seem to be home and his newest stepfather, Dave, was unlikely to look for him in here.

Dave scared him.

Slowly Alan inched into Charlie's room, quietly closing the door behind him.

Charlie was supposed to be home but he had been sneaking out a lot lately and sure enough, his bedroom window was open. Shaking his head Alan climbed into the bed.

Charlie would be angry if he came home and found him here but… Dave was downstairs… and he felt safe here…

He would be gone by the time Charlie came home.

His brother would never know…

He would only stay for a few minutes…

Just a few minutes…

Charlie would never know…

Stumbling through his bedroom window, the world spinning from an excess of alcohol, Charlie couldn't help grinning drunkenly.

It was such a good night.

He loved blondes.

Female blondes.

And wine.

Charlie staggered unsteadily to his feet, stifling a laugh in his shirt.

Such a great night.

And the best part was… he got away with it… he got drunk and got away with it and got drunk.

And got away with it.

Charlie snickered, pulling the covers on his bed back and…

His brow furrowed.


Did he climb through the wrong window?

Frowning, Charlie glanced around the room.

It looked like his room. And his bed.

Charlie scowled, reflecting that he had to have the most annoying little brother in the world.

Just… the most annoying.

He was just about to drag the little brat unceremoniously out of his bed when the younger boy let out a little whimper, muttering in his sleep.

Charlie frowned again when he caught Dave's name in his little brother's muttering.


Of course.

Alan was terrified of their stepfather.

He didn't think his older brother knew but…

The fourteen sighed, frustrated, suddenly feeling a lot more sober than he wanted to, heading over to his door to listen, grimacing when he could hear his mother and Dave… and just… ugh…

He could make Alan leave.

He could make Alan leave and he would spend the rest of the night quivering in his bed and most likely Dave would never even mess with him.

Most likely.

And Charlie was pretty sure Dave wouldn't actually do anything to Alan. Yeah, he picked on him and sure he wasn't very nice to him but… Alan was way too wimpy.

The little geek should sleep in his own bed.

Dave would leave him alone. And if he didn't their mother…

Charlie snorted a laugh. Well, frankly, their mother wouldn't do shit.

Charlie eyed Alan, rolling his eyes in irritation as his little brother nuzzled into his pillow.

Probably getting snot all over it.

Charlie shook his head in exasperation and, sighing again, got into the other side of the bed, the side closest to the door.

The little brat better stay on his own side. He drew the line at snuggling.

This was not a permanent arrangement.

God, he couldn't wait until he could move out.

Then he would never have to see Alan again if he didn't want to.

Charlie smiled, closing his eyes.

Those were going to be the days.

- End.