Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy and Fox, not me.
The dull roar in the Warbler's spacious rehearsal hall didn't quiet as their assistant director walked in. Blaine slid down a little farther in his seat, laughing at Wes and David, who were still debating over whether or not the movie version of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy did the book series justice.
"All right, you guys, settle down," the little assistant director called with a bright smile. At twenty-four and 5'2", Miss Medford had earned the nickname of "Miss Pollyanna" from her chorus, which she often claimed to enjoy more than her real name, which was unfortunately Evangeline. She swished her long strawberry blonde ponytail over her shoulder and hit the middle A several times on the baby grand piano to get their attention. "Seriously, boys. We have to get started."
Blaine sat up in his seat, grinning as Wes and David returned to theior spots. The former was scowling and the latter was smirking, as David had trumped Wes's arguments by reminding him that the movie had Zooey Deschanel in it.
"Before we get started on our sectionals performances, I think we should take a little time to brush up on our competition," Miss Medford said. She set her laptop up on the director's podium; her desktop warmed into focus on the pull-down screen behind her. "We're at a bit of a disadvantage, with us being an a capella group, so we really have to know what we're up against."
"Old people and public school dorks," a guy in the front row snickered quietly.
Miss Medford pointed a finger at him. "I heard that," she said. "Be nice." She brought up a folder labeled "New Directions" and set the mouse over the first video. "Now, we don't have much to go on when it comes to the Hipsters, although it's safe to say they aren't nearly as hip as they want us to think. But New Directions from William McKinley seems to have a compulsion to post everything they've ever done on Youtube, so we have all of their performances from last year, as well as a few from this semester."
Blaine sat up a little straighter. New Directions performances means Kurt, he thought. Oh.
He knew Kurt could sing. Of course he had to be able to sing, he was in the McKinley glee club. And besides, his speaking voice had that indecipherably musical quality to it, so clearly he…
No. No, bad Blaine. Mentor. Just keep thinking that. Mentor.
Miss Medford glanced up and one of the boys on the front row hopped up to turn off the lights. "Okay, this is their regionals performance," she said, clicking on the first video. "They did a Journey medley, I guess, since the video is titled 'New Directions Journey Medley.' Ten bucks says that they did 'Don't Stop Believin' as their finale."
The video started a little shaky and a little warbly, but he could clearly make out a tall, lanky figure walking down the theater aisle. An entrance from the back of the house, Blaine thought. Dramatic.
The singer's face came into better view, and he recognized Finn Hudson, Kurt's affable stepbrother. He was duetting with a petite brunette with enough voice for three people. From what Kurt had told him, this was probably Rachel Berry- Finn's girlfriend, self-proclaimed star of the glee club, and the ever-present pain in Kurt's neck.
The pair made their way onto the stage and the curtains drew back, revealing the other members of McKinley's glee club. Without thinking he searched the crowd, looking for a certain male singer with very particularly styled hair.
They had already segued from "Faithfully" to "Any Way You Want It" before he caught sight of him, strutting confidently to the front of the stage with all the guys. Blaine smiled despite himself, then glanced around surreptitiously to see if any of his classmates had noticed. Luckily for him, the girls were at the forefront, and the primarily straight, red-blooded Dalton boys whistled in appreciation.
He only caught a few brief glimpses of Kurt throughout the course of the video, and he was actually disappointed when it ended. "See, they're pretty good, considering that this was their first time at regionals," Miss Medford said. "Unfortunately they came in third, following a group that played to the celebrity judges, and a group that performed 'Bohemian Rhapsody' in its entirety."
"Ooh, can we do that?" chimed the voice of a junior baritone.
Miss Medford made a face. "I think not," she said. "We don't have anyone who can sing the high parts." She moved on to another video. "All right, now this is their sectionals performance from last year. They won this one, obvs."
He drummed his fingers on his knees. Part of him hoped fervently that he would get a chance to get a better glimpse of Kurt, and the other part of him was mentally screaming you really should stop ogling him!
Once again, their performance began with the petite brunette belting as she made her way down the center aisle of the theater. Kurt was right; Rachel did get entirely too many solos. At least, if she had to sing Streisand, she did her justice.
The rest of the glee club marched in from the back and took their places behind her on the stage. Blaine resisted the urge to smile and carefully schooled his expression into bland lines as he watched Kurt stand behind Rachel. He was just so cute, with his dimples popping in his cheeks and the little-boy way his hair was styled, and for heaven's sake, he had the most narrow hips he'd ever seen on anyone.
Stop it! Mentors don't think about hips! he thought.
Unfortunately, Finn once again took the male lead for the next song, so he had to content himself with watching Kurt bounce around the stage in the middle of the choreography. But the only word that came to mind was sassy. Kurt was sassy, and it was precious.
No! Don't use words like precious! That's not a good thing!
"See? They're not so bad," Miss Medford said. "Now, these next two clips aren't as good quality, but this'll give us some idea of their range. First, let's watch a bunch of Midwestern mostly white kids attempt hiphop. That'll be fun."
Blaine got the sudden mental image of Kurt decked out in baggy jeans, a tight tee shirt, and oversized sunglasses, and struggled to erase it as quickly as he could.
Unfortunately, that was the first thing he noticed in the video.
Kurt was dressed in a tight black tee shirt, baggy black pants, fingerless gloves, and sunglasses. And his hair. His hair was gelled…into a fauxhawk. The absolute most adorable fauxhawk he had ever seen.
Blaine was suddenly relieved that in all the conversations he'd had with Wes and David about their preferences in the people they were attracted to, he'd never brought up his thing for fauxhawks.
It was only exacerbated by Kurt shimmying his shoulders at the New Directions singer dancing past him. And then he jumped up and started pushing the kid in the wheelchair around the school courtyard, bopping his head back and forth. Blaine stifled the urge to laugh. Kurt was strutting around like a hiphop star, but he was just too adorable.
"All right, I think we've seen enough of that," Miss Medford said. "I mean, some of those kids know what they're doing…but some of them just shouldn't be allowed near the Jay-Z."
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Let's try this," she said. "Apparently they did a Britney Spears number for a school assembly."
Dear sweet merciful God…he thought. Mentor. Mentor. Mentor mentor mentor.
The other guys started their cheers of appreciation from the get-go, when the leggy blonde leaped across the stage and started singing. Blaine, however, got slightly sidetracked.
The costumes were rather nondescript- all black with white suspenders and white shoes- but everyone had a bowler hat, and it was just his luck that the person directly behind the blonde was a certain slender boy with luminous eyes. And that certain boy slid the hat down his chest until it rested against his pelvis, rolling his hips as he did so.
Blaine's jaw started to drop, but he remembered himself just in time and slammed his teeth together with a definite click. And of course it was just his luck that most of the choreography involved the hat-to-pelvis move. The killer was when the boys turned profile to the audience and he had to watch Kurt execute a perfect pelvic thrust, his hair fallin carelessly over his forehead.
I didn't know he could do sexy…his addled brain thought before he could stop himself.
And then Kurt reverted to cute, playful sexy, winking at the audience, his dimples flashing as he smiled.
Dammit, of course he has dimples.
"You know, I think we could pull this off if we had girls," Miss Medford mused.
Wes sat up a little straighter. "Could we team up with the glee club from St. Liliana's?" he asked eagerly.
"You mean, put my boys in the same space as an all-girls glee club and make them sing a song about pure sex?" she said, quirking an eyebrow. "Nice try, Wesley, but no. Okay, we have just a couple of other videos, and then we'll get started on our setlist."
She clicked on another video, and this time it didn't immediately launch into a performance, but rather into the last few seconds of a CSI rerun. "Give it a second, give it a second…there we go," she said.
Blaine squinted. It was a commercial, for some mattress place. He'd seen it a million times before, but why…
Oh. This was New Directions. Dressed in matching blue pajamas and singing "Jump" by Van Halen. Which meant that Kurt…
…was also dressed in blue pajamas and singing "Jump" by Van Halen.
He leaned a little closer. Sure enough, there was Kurt. But this had to have been a pre-growth-spurt Kurt, because he was considerably shorter, and even though he had always privately considered Kurt to have almost a baby face, his cheeks were so round he had the sudden urge to pinch them.
This wasn't a sexy sort of Kurt, this was so-cute-I-might-possibly-die Kurt. Blaine tilted his head to the side while he watched the commercial. He was fairly certain he had a dopey grin spread across his face, but at least it was too dark for his friends to see and tease him about it.
David leaned over. "You totally just want to throw him down on those mattresses and tickle him, don't you?" he whispered.
Blaine elbowed him. "Shut up!" he said, his eyes still glued to the screen.
He didn't want to admit that he was right. But seriously, Kurt was adorable. Wickedly adorable. So adorable it was probably a crime, with his oversized pajama top slipping on his shoulder and his hair flopping over his forehead and the mischievous sparkle in his eyes.
The commercial came to a close. "See, I think this is their strong suit," she said. "They like to take pop and classic rock songs and make them over. I mean, their Broadway is all well and good, and their hiphop is awful, but I think it's the pop-rock we should be concerned about."
The door to the rehearsal hall creaked open and a slightly tousled brown head peeked in. "I'm sorry I'm late," Kurt said, his cheeks turning pink as everyone swiveled to stare at him. "I had to talk to my algebra teacher about catching up."
"Oh, it's all right, sweetheart," Miss Medford said. "You didn't miss too much. We were just about to take a break anyway. Gentlemen, take five."
"Thank you, five," they chorused.
Wes leaned back in his chair. "She had better not pick eighties pop," he declared. "I know for a fact that she keeps the Back to the Future soundtrack in constant rotation in her office, and I am not singing 'The Power of Love'."
"Oh, come on, it's not that bad," Blaine said, but he choked as Kurt sat down beside him.
"Hi," Kurt said, almost shyly. "What did I miss?"
"Oh, nothing, really," Blaine said. "Anyways-"
"We watched all of the old New Directions videos on Youtube," David interrupted. "I think Blaine is-"
Blaine reached over and tipped David's chair back, toppling him on the ground. "I'm, um, impressed," he lied. "You guys are, um, good."
Kurt turned scarlet. "Oh, dear god, you didn't," he said. "Oh, god, you didn't see the 'Push It' video, did you?"
"You did 'Push It'?" Wes said, a wicked smirk spreading across his face.
David pulled himself up. "I vote we watch that one next," he said.
"Only if I get to sit by Blaine," Wes said.
The vivid blush had spread all the way to Kurt's ears and down his neck to the hollow of his throat. "Oh, god, no," he said. "You don't want to see it. I…oh, god, it's embarrassing. There was some inappropriate…touching."
"Hey! Just realized! I have to go…do a thing! With some stuff!" Blaine stammered, leaping up from his desk and tripping over his own shoes. "Be right back!"
His mind was conjuring some highly embarrassing images, and if he had to stay next to Kurt for one second longer, there was no telling what he might do. Dammit, Anderson, you're a mentor! Don't even think about pulling him in for a kiss…watching him blush…tangling your fingers in his hair…dammit! Mentor! Mentor!
"Where are you going, Blaine?" Miss Medford inquired. "Go sit down. The break's over and we're going to watch another video." She clicked on the link. "Look! They did 'Push It'!"
"I am going to die," Blaine said faintly.
The subtitle for this story is "Blaine rolls around in all the sexydorable Kurt feels." Because accurate.
I wrote this early on in season 2, back when we thought Dalton was Gay Hogwarts. And before we knew about the council. And stuff. So...this got jossed. Pretty badly.
I still think the Warblers have to have at least a faculty sponsor, so I nominate Miss Medford. She's actually a character from one of my original novels that I tend to sub in when I need a teacher- I think she made an appearance in Extravaganza! too. I really like her. And I think Kurt could have used a sympathetic teacher at Dalton.
But we all know that Dalton doesn't have teachers. Just a sexy French TA.
(Seriously, when the French teacher walked by, I was like "WHAT TEACHER WOULD DRESS LIKE THAT? ESPECIALLY A TEACHER AT AN ALL BOYS' SCHOOL? SKINTIGHT PENCIL MINISKIRT LOL."
(I'm a teacher. I do not dress like that)
(Actually, I dress like Rachel Berry without meaning too, and while embarrassing, it is beside the point.)
Anyways, this has been languishing on my hard drive for like a decade, so I thought I would spruce it up and share it with you. I know everyone is waiting for updates for Goodnight and KGI, and you'll be happy to know they're in progress. Let me just give you the friendly reminder that I work like a mofo. Right now I'm working at a summer day camp five days a week, from 8am to about 5pm. It's exhausting, and I have a 40 minute drive to and from work. So please be patient! When the school year starts, I'll have more time to write.
In the meantime, feel free to follow me on Tumblr and leave prompts in my askbox for me to fill! My name over there is redbullandcupcakebatter.
(I dreamed last night that I changed my Tumblr name and my avatar and people freaked out because they didn't know where I was anymore. It was interesting. Memo to self: never change screenname and avatar simultaneously.
Although I have thought about changing my fanfiction-dot-net name to Redbull and Cupcake Batter. Just to make things easier.)