So I know that I have already written a Stiles apologizing to Lydia story... but seriously... my thoughts are annoyingly one step ahead of the show... I nearly missed Scott and Allison's convo about Stiles going to apologize... and I'm assuming that he missed her if Lydia had been waiting in Allison's room for an hour.. so I wanted to write this... plus that beginning part with Allison and Lydia talking about her relationship with Scott was beautiful... I loved the look on Lydia's face. I felt really bad for her in this episode as well, I mean with her all of three scenes... SHE NEEDS TO FIND OUT. LIKE NOW. Oh and that was weird, the part with the mystery guy... I don't know.. it just seemed awkward and out of place to me, thoughts? Please enjoy :)
11:: Not Like That
Midnight. It was freaking midnight and I was finally pulling onto my street. Allison has some nerve. I never would have thought it, what, with the sweet dimples and breezy disposition, I was blinded by all I thought she was. I thought I could trust her, I thought I had better judgment when I first introduced myself to her at the beginning of the year. I didn't seek her out for the latest hook ups or great fashion tips. I never had a real friend before and that was what I thought Allison Argent was, a friend.
I sighed while putting my car into park. That wasn't fair of me. She was my friend, probably the greatest I had, which at the moment did not make me feel any better. She was lying to me. Everyone was lying to me. And I ignore that, look past it all and still go to her to talk, but what does she do? She makes it about her. I groaned while letting my head hit the leather seat. I know I'm not the most easy to put up with but I thought I had more of a place in her priority list. But I guess not.
I stepped out of my car, letting the cool morning breeze take any anguish I had left. I wasn't going to create frown lines and wrinkles worrying about what my so called friends did or did not think I was worth. I pushed my hair out of my face and marched up the brick path that lined the side of my house.
She didn't even have ten minutes to make the slightest indication that I was not in any way okay. She just stood there telling me I needed to wait, that I wasn't the only one with a problem. News flash! I know that. Just like I knew that weird folk tale in Archaic Latin she oh so desperately needed translated. What the hell did Allison need that for? It really couldn't have been more important than me.
Not at all to sound selfish.
As I rounded the tall bushes that obscured my front porch I noticed a figure sitting on the brick stoop. I stiffened a moment, wondering if it was that nameless boy from school, or another one of my living nightmares. But any worry left me when I saw that it was only Stiles. Then anger took over.
I didn't want him here.
"Hey." He smiled halfheartedly.
"Hi." I sneered.
He was wearing a plaid button down, the colors becoming blurred from the porch light and his hands were grasped together, fidgeting as always. I crossed my arms while another breeze passed between us.
"I was here earlier, but your mom said you were out."
"I was. I was at Allison's." Not that it was any of his business.
And wouldn't you know it, he didn't look surprised. Were they talking about me? Paranoia set in.
"I wanted to apologize."
"What at all for?" I asked, tilting my head.
He puffed some air into his cheeks while staring at his hands that were drawing circles into their palms.
"I know you feel like we're all lying to you, and that you can't trust us, but Lydia you have to believe me, this is all -"
"for my own good?" I interrupted. He blinked.
"That's what you were going to say, wasn't it?" Stiles sighed while looking away.
"That this is all for my own good. You just wanted to protect me?" I moved closer.
"You don't understand." He mumbled.
"Then help me to understand!" I snapped.
Stiles was used to this Lydia. He was used to me always yelling at him, or undermining him. He wasn't used to the one that escapes a hospital naked or has mental break downs in class every other period. He was used to me being strong, and this was normal Stiles behavior. Fix everything before it breaks.
He was silent and I took the moment to see just how affected he was. Not just by me fighting him. He was used to that. No, this looked like something I never wanted to imagine. He looked as if a weight had been crushing him. His laugh lines looked age, the normal sparkle that set my teeth on edge missing from his eyes, everything about Stiles just seemed off right now, and I wasn't sure how long this had been going on. I was too preoccupied to notice. Or to care. Not that I did, care, I mean.
Because I didn't.
I rubbed my lips together and scratched my brow.
"Come on." I sighed. He looked up at me.
"It's cold out here." I shrugged and unlocked the front door. Stiles following, almost reluctantly.
We ended up in the family room, though it had little purpose seeing as my family was in shambles. Stiles sat across from me, in the chair that my dad used to sit in every night to watch the news. Stiles looked older in that chair, I could see him sitting in one similar, in a family room similar, with children coloring pictures on a similar coffee table, just- he would be looking on with pride, admiring and ogling over the drawing his children made, and not fight with his wife like mine had done.
I blinked, coming back to reality, Stiles was looking at me expectantly and cautiously.
"I'm sorry, what?" I shook my head, breaking the fuzz.
"I just said that I'm really sorry."
I licked my lips at the same time he did.
"and I'm asking again, what for?"
"A lot of things." He grinned, his gaze intense.
"But for right now, I think the most important is that I let you down, Lydia."
He sighed, his full lips in a frown that could crush dreams.
"and I am so sorry for that." He whispered.
I shivered, looking for an open window. My mother was all about fresh air. None were. The way he said my name, the way he whispered to me made everything seem more real, more intense and intimate. I knew Stiles was sincere. I knew that he meant every single word.
And I appreciated that. I needed that.
I sighed deeply while meeting his eyes again.
"You never came back." I whispered, shaking my head.
"I know." He took a sharp breath.
Looking at Stiles now, made me remember what Allison had said the other night. He had this sort of half smile going on. He looked ashamed and sorry but at the same time completely comfortable. He flustered me. It was an odd word to use, but none other fit with the thesaurus of my mind.
"I'm not going to make an excuse Lydia."
I shivered, again.
"Remember what it feels like all of those times in school,"
Stiles had always protected me. Maybe I wasn't sure why, and maybe I didn't actually want the truth, but he did. He was everywhere, his eyes everywhere. He stayed close with protectiveness, not possessiveness. Why did I never see that? Why didn't I distinguish the difference? Why did I chose to get angry and annoyed with him the other day, or when he jumped at the chance to sit next to me in chemistry why did I act like it was normal. Well, besides the obvious fact that it was.
Why didn't I appreciate it?
"-when you see him standing down the hall and you cannot breathe until you're with him."
When I freaked out by my locker the other day, everyone else pretended not to notice. No one would dare laugh at me again, not after that time in class. It was easier to just pretend it wasn't going on. That it wasn't happening, so it wouldn't be their problem, that they wouldn't have to care. After coming back, as I call it, after realizing that I was at school, at my locker, nearly late for fifth period I saw his face. He was staring at me with intent, like he wanted to come over to me, like he wanted to protect me. Make it better. I calmed down then, because even though he knew that I wasn't ready for someone to take notice, he was still there, and I felt his eyes watch me go.
"Or those times in class when you can't stop looking at the clock because you know he's standing right out there waiting for you."
After school the other day, when everything seemed to go wrong and I realized that everyone was lying to me, Stiles was waiting outside of my class to get me, to go to Scott's house. He was giving me one of those everything is fine smiles but you could just taste the timidness he was radiating. He held tight to me, and I cringed. Not necessary because he was touching me, but because it meant something else.
"Remember that feeling?"
I sighed and looked at Stiles. He blinked innocently at me. He would never know all the confusion he causes. Because no guy is that sweet, that pure and good and only wants you to be safe and happy. He is one of a kind. I moved from my place on the leather couch that always reminded me of a psychiatrists' office and walked slowly over to him. His eyes traveled with my motions, his neck craning with my presence above him. I smiled at him then, a real smile. A smile that I hoped matched the ones he always gave to me. The smile promised that everything was going to be alright, it was all going to work out and he was safe with me too. It was a smile that I wasn't used to returning and it was only now that I wanted to use it, wanted its meaning to comfort him like his comforts me. I leaned down then, and softly kissed his cheek. He deserved a world more but Stiles Stilinski would be happy with anything and that was what was so great about him. He smiled up at me with creased brows. I was confusing him again and this time I wasn't even worried about leading him on.
"No, not like that."
So maybe I never had a boyfriend that made me lose my mind in the passionate way Scott makes Allison, and maybe I wasn't rushing out of class to see someones face every period. But right now, that was okay, because right now I had Stiles and he was enough.