"Come on, you guys! Don't act like we've never all been on a mission together!" Pein said optimistically as the Akatsuki trudged through the forest. For some reason, both Orochimaru was with them along with Sasuke, Karin, and Seguitsu. And for some reason, Oro and Seguitsu were singing "SASUKE IS AN UKE! SASUKE IS AN UKE!" and pissing him off. Tobi was poking Deidara, looking quite annoyed and was holing hands with Sasori. Hidan kept on asking Pein why he had to come along and kept whining because he didn't pray this morning because Pein had woken him up to leave. Almost everyone was extremely pissy because it was like, 5 in the morning. The six faces of Pain were leading the way. Zetsu was extremely angry for no apparent reason and kept on threatening to eat people. Kisame was carrying Itachi on his back, Itachi, who was asleep, would kill everyone if someone woke him up. Karin and Konan were wide awake, though, playing rock-paper-scissors to see who was sexier while Nagato watched. "We're here!" The main Pein yelled when they came to the foot of a huge tree.
"What the hell. It's a tree." Sasuke said with disinterest. "This tree will turn you into what you're destined to be!" The Pein with long hair said. "All you have to do is put your right hand on it." Sasuke rolled his eyes and put his hand on the tree. Everyone stared with interest, as Sasuke was engulfed by a thick white whirlwind. Main Pein smiled. "It's working!" He yelled. When the whirlwind was gone, No one could find Sasuke, well, the Sasuke they knew. Sasuke took his hand off the tree. "What the FUCK?" He yelled as he looked at his Goth boots, dark clothes and everything else, including deep scratches up his arms. Itachi started laughing. "HAHAHAHAHAHA! SASUKE'S AN EMO!" Everyone else started laughing, too. "OOOH! OOOH! It's Tobi's turn! It's Tobi's turn!" Tobi yelled as he put his hand on the tree. Deidara nudged Zetsu. "Hey, I wonder what that dork's gonna turn into, un!" Deidara said with a snicker. Replacing Tobi now, was a little hyperactive puppy. Deidara started laughing hard. OHMYGOD! THAT'S CLASSIC, un!" He yelled as he held his stomach from laughing too hard. "I wanna go! I wanna go, un!" Deidara laughed as he put his hand on the tree. When he appeared again, he was a SHE! Deidara got down on both knees. "NOOOOOOO!" She screamed. "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENINNNNGGGG~!" Sasori sighed and put his hand on the tree. "I…don't…feel…any different…" He mumbled. "I'm just human, now." He was calm and nonchalant about his situation.
"I'm next." Kakuzu said grumpily as he put his hand on the tree. When he appeared, he was a millionaire. "Huh. Perfect, I'm fucking rich!" Kakuzu laughed. Seeing Kakuzu's success, Hidan put his hand on the tree, and somehow he ended up being a girl, too. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHAT IN THE NAME OF JASHIN IS THIS?" Orochimaru laughed. "It probably means you were a homo." Hidan turned around to throw a punch at the snake-guy. Orochimaru dodged it. "Myyy Tuuurn!" He sung as he did what he was supposed to. Poof. A snake. A fucking talking snake. "Yaaaay! I'm not the only animal!" Puppy-Tobi sung. "Now try to punch me, Hidan!" Orochimaru laughed. Hidan stomped on Orochimaru's head. "How about THAT?" She-Hidan laughed. "It's our turn." Zetsu's black side said. "Don't be so selfish-OH FINE!" The white side replied. All of a sudden, Zetsu was half-black half-white Carnivine. "I WAS MENT TO BE A FUCKING POKEMON?" Zetsu yelled in disgust. "Apparently so." Pein said with a shrug as him and the other five touched the tree. They came out as toddlers. "YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Konan yelled when she saw the children. Konan touched the tree. She came out with white wings, and a glimmering halo. She was beautiful. Then, she pointed at Karin. "NOW WHO'S THE SEXIEST?" She stuck her tongue out. "Why you-SASUKE! STOP CRYING IN THE CORNER!" Karin yelled. She put her hand on and came out as a bikini babe. "HA! ANY STRAIGHT BOY WOULD FALL FOR ME!" She yelled at Konan. "Hidan just turned into a girl. I'm straight now! You don't see me falling for you!" Hidan turned and looked at Kakuzu. "WHAT? YOU WERE GAY?" She yelled. "Yup. And I'm not afraid to admit it." "I LOVE YOU TOOO!" Hidan yelled as she hugged Kakuzu.
"Oh-tay, whitch cwack-hewds is gonna go next?" Pein asked. "I will." Kisame said, willingly. "I've always believed in destiny." Kisame put hisnhand on the tree. "EL OH EL! I'M SOO GAY!" Itachi's eyes went wide. "Yeah, I think I wanna die." Itachi put his hand on the tree, avoiding Kisame at all costs. Sasuke looked at Itachi, who was now a black cat with red eyes. "Great. Now homo-shark-guy is gonna try mating with a cat." Itachi mumbled. "Great. My brother's a cat. I wanna diiiieee~" Sasuke whined. "I'm going!" Seguitsu called. Soon, he looked like a punk-ass mafia leader, with a gun. Nagato went, and also became an angel, for no apparent reason.
"Well, this was incredibly crappy and a waste of our time." Konan said, picking up three of the children. "Nagato, you grab the other three. We're going home. Kisame picked up Itachi-Nekko. "I love you, even if you are a cat!" Kisame said, hugging him. "Sasuke, kill me now." He mumbled under his breath. Karin and Seguitsu had a hard time pulling Sasuke out of his emo corner, and Deidara was joining him. Puppy-Tobi jumped into Deidara's arms. "Come on, Senpai! We're leaving!" Sasori the just grabbed her and started walking. "It's your fate, live with it." Sasori mumbled. Hidan was holding hands with Kakuzu. "I love you. And I will forever and ever and ever and-" "Shut up." Hidan shut up and blushed. "My god…did you get turned into an annoying girl?" Hidan looked over at Itachi, who was currently being suffocated by Kisame (Who is gayer then ever) "OHMYJASHIN! HE'SSOCUTE!" Hidan grabbed Itachi and squeezed him. "Suffocating…here…" Itachi mumbled. Itachi eventually scratched her to make her let go. Then, started licking his paw to clean himself. 'I'm gonna hate this…' He thought.
Eventually, everyone safely got back to the hideout (as in, on the way home, Seguitsu decided to try out his new gun) and when Konan wasn't looking, Hidan and Deidara snuck into her room to steal some clothes. Itachi-Nekko climbed up high so Kisame couldn't reach him, Seguitsu kept on threatening to shoot Sasuke if he didn't get his sorry ass out of the corner and Karin and Konan were still fighting over who's sexier and somehow Zetsu got caught by a six-year-old with purple hair carrying around something called a pokeball. (Pokemon reference.-James-lol) Oh, yeah. Orochimaru ate Tobi.
To be continued…?