Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight...or a hooker. This outtake is completely unbeta'd or pre-read. All mistakes are our own...feel free to tell us about them in the reviews. This particular outtake was suggested to us by a reader and we thought it'd be fun. Hopefully, you'll think so, too.
"Leah, you know that we only have dinner on Wednesday nights."
"Jake, it is ok to break out of the mold. We don't always have to have dinner on Wednesday nights! And we don't always have to eat lunch at this damn cafe. And we don't always have to have sex on Tuesdays...missionary style!"
"Say it a little louder. I don't think all the crack dealers heard you," I whisper-yell at her across the table.
Interrupting our conversation, a hand brushes against my shoulder and a whispery voice fills my ear, "Hello, Jake. Long time, no see." I look up and see what can only be described as a street-walker...a hooker...staring down at me like we're best friends, or worse.
"I'm sorry. I don't believe we know each other," I say, as I turn toward her.
"Oh, but we do. In fact, we know each other extremely well," she says, brushing a finger down the collar of my suit jacket.
I clear my throat, uncomfortably and look across the table at Leah. She is glaring at me. If her eyes shot flames, I would be on fire.
"Baby, I swear. I have no idea who this woman is." The hooker is now running her hands through my hair at the nape of my neck. OK, that's enough.
I stand up, throwing my napkin down in my seat.
Leah lets out a frustrated sigh from where she's sitting. "Who the hell is this, Jake?" Her hands are gripping the side of the table. Fury is written all over her face. "If you don't know her, then how does she know you, huh?"
"Listen, Honey. Jake and I go way back, and if it wasn't for his undersized dick, we'd still be knockin' boots; but I just don't have time for men of his caliber. I've got bigger fish to fry." Her hand slides from my shoulder, around to my ass and she grabs it firmly. "However, he has a mighty fine ass. I have missed that."
"Get your hands off of me!" I pull her hand from my ass and turn back toward Leah. "You have to believe me. I've never seen this woman before in my life. Why would I lie to you?"
"Oh, I don't know, Jake? Why did you lie to your last girlfriend? I don't know why I thought it would be different," she says, shaking her head and gathering her purse. "I guess I'm just stupid and a glutton for punishment. Once a cheater, always a cheater!" She slams her napkin down on the table and stomps off in a rage.
"What the fuck is your problem and how the hell do you know my name?"
"Wouldn't you like to know. This was easier than I thought it was going to be. Well worth the fifty bucks and the nice little bonus I'm going to get for making that pretty little girlfriend of yours tuck tail and run." She laughs, as she jets out across the street.
I'm so fucking pissed right now and I feel like I'm tripping on LSD or something. Not that I've ever taken anything like that...but what the hell just happened? My head is spinning, so I sit back down in my seat, trying to get a grip on the last ten minutes.
I turn around and look to where the hooker had crossed the street. I'm in the right mind to track her down and grill her until she tells me who put her up to that. How in the hell am I going to explain all of this away? Leah will be pissed off forever.
I catch a glimpse of her sparkly shoes, and follow her long legs up, until I see them. I'd know that long brown hair anywhere, and Alice is a hard one to miss. Fuck me. I should go over there and say something, but what would I say? They just wave at me and walk off.
I suddenly remember that Leah ran off. I need to find her and try to make things right. I also feel like I need to catch a taxi to my apartment and shower. I feel disgusting. No telling where that hooker's hands have been. The thought of it gives me full body shivers.
I look at my watch and realize that I am more than thirty minutes late getting back to work.
Forget finding Leah or showering. I've got to get my ass back to work. My boss has been harping on everyone to be productive and being thirty minutes late getting back from lunch is not going to sit well with him. Hopefully, he'll be in a meeting and I can slide in without being noticed.
I walk to the corner and wave down the first taxi I see. I could walk, but I'm late and I don't want to feel any more disgusting than I already do. Besides, my suit would get wrinkled. Then, I would have no choice but to go home and change. I peek over the seat and try to see my hair in the rearview mirror of the taxi. Still looks pretty close to perfect.
When the taxi pulls up outside of my office building, I hand the driver some cash and head inside.
I don't see anyone except the receptionist as I walk in the front door. I walk with my head down and head to my office, trying to fly under the radar. I let out a breath of air walking into my office. Made it.
"Hello, Jake." My boss is sitting at my desk with his feet propped up.
"Good afternoon, Sir." Just play it cool.
"I was really hoping my speech in the last meeting about being productive would be taken more serious."
"Oh, yes, Sir. I took that very serious, Sir."
"Well, then, how would you explain your complete disregard for our strict sixty minute lunch policy?"
"I can explain, Sir. It really was out of my control."
"Please, Jake. Have a seat. Explain to me why it was out of your control."
What the hell am I supposed to say to that? Funny thing, Sir, my ex-girlfriend had a hooker hit on me while I was sitting at lunch with my current girlfriend...fuck, fiance. Yeah, that's going to go over smoothly. How the hell did I get myself in this position. This is not me. I am always in control, but since the day that Bella walked out of that restaurant, my life has been the complete opposite. Leah talked me into proposing to her. Bella isn't around for me to talk to. I never realised how much I depended on her insight and advice. I had a hooker put her nasty hands all over me and I've suddenly become the office fuck up.
"Jake, I'm not waiting all day. You either sit your ass down and tell my why you are late, or you're fired."
Shit. Shit. Shit.
This is one of those moments. You know, those out of body moments that people talk about. You see yourself going through the motions, but it's like you're watching from across the room. I'm going to have to say something. I can't lose my job.
"I had a fight with my girlfriend."
He's sitting in my chair, feet propped up on the desk, resting his chin on his hands. His facial expression hasn't changed and I feel the beads of sweat forming on my brow. My throat feels tight.
"But, Sir, there was nothing I could do. Please tell me you understand. I'm sure you've had woman problems before."
"Jake, you've been distracted and a second-rate employee for the last month. An argument with your girlfriend is not a good enough excuse for being late back to work. You should take care of your personal problems on your own time. I have no use for stuff like that in my company."
He stands up out of his chair and walks around the desk.
"You used to be one of my best employees. I suggest you take some time to reevaluate your life and find a way to get your priorities in check. In the meantime, I want this office cleaned out by the end of the day." He pauses for a moment by the door. "Jill will be by to make sure that you only take things that belong to you."
That's it. After five years of hardwork and dedication, that's it? I take a step toward my desk and sweep my arm across it, clearing off the entire contents onto the floor.
"You break it, you buy it, Jake! I'll take it out of your final paycheck!" I hear Mr. Clearwater from down the hall. "And take a shower...you smell like a hooker!"
Fuck him. Fuck this job.
My cell phone buzzes in my pocket.
"Meet me at my apartment after work. We need to talk."
Fuck my life.
He totally had that comin' to him, right? )
We are currently (like while you're reading this) working on the final chapter of SoCo. We originally said that it would be posted on Saturday, but that was before the epicness that was Comic Con 2012 came into our lives. We're still aiming for some time tomorrow, but it could be Sunday. Thank you guys SO MUCH for taking this journey with us. We appreciate you reading our story and your friendship! We love you all! JiffyKate