A/N: I've been putting off publishing this for ages, but I've finally found the courage to post it. It's my first multi chapter fic that I've done in a while and I'm really proud of it, so I hope you enjoy it :)
There are mentions of drug use, but it isn't heavily mentioned. If there is anything I've messed up about the use and effects of the particular drug in this story, please tell me! But I have done heaps of research (that's the main reason I was pro longing posting this fic) so I hope nothing is incorrect. But feel free to let me know.
The rating at the moment is T, but it will be rated M later on for further chapters.
Summary: Brittany S. Pierce was admitted into rehab at the age of 14, a month after attending high school at Mckinley. When she returns to Mckinley to begin her senior year, a lot has changed; including one feisty brunette that changes Brittany's life forever.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or it's characters. (god damn I wish I did though)
"When are they coming to get you?"
I didn't know what to feel once I had gotten out of rehab. I hadn't prepared myself to feel any particular type of emotion. I hadn't even prepared myself for real life again. I grew happy around the people at the clinic. Even my doctor became more like a friend to me. I had always been good at making friends.
Although in the past few months my attitude had changed. I was much more snappy during meetings when I didn't like the way other patients spoke of their families. Of course I didn't experience what they did so I had no right to say anything. But I knew my own family and that I loved them more than anything, so I didn't like it when people would say bad things about theirs.
When I first arrived it was more like a, just get it done and make everyone happy, type of thing. I didn't really expect to be changed or even sober. But I have been, for a year. The first year was the hardest, because when you're suffering people look at you differently. But you don't want that. You want people to see what you see in yourself.
I liked hearing what people thought of me, unless they were bad things.
I had relapsed 4 months before I was due to leave. So once again I was confined to the clinic for another year. Being 12 and having addictions that grown men and women have really makes you think. Maybe I did grow up too fast.
But trips to my Aunts house are what triggered everything. My Aunt was good at hiding her addiction, so it wasn't hard for me to be put under her care for a few hours during the week.
She didn't influence me, she simply provided what I desired. Oxycodone became my best friend, my only friend, for 2 years before I was found out. I didn't know how much I could tolerate but I had been suffering from immediate pain after I had surgery on my shoulder. I don't like talking about it to anyone, especially the part about me not being able to step foot in a studio or on a stage again.
I took a higher dosage than I should have, and it all went out of control from there.
I suffered from anxiety once I had gotten into the clinic. It became worse throughout the year, which is why I relapsed. Because being addicted gives you this really determined state of mind. It's like you literally won't rest until you've had your fix.
"There they are!" I squealed so loud a patient next to me blocked his ears. My doctor followed me to my dad's car and I couldn't wait until I got inside and could smell a real car smell again. All I smelt in the clinic was hot soup and window spray. They liked to keep things clean there, mostly because some patients had a tendency to throw up out of habit in the recreation room.
I expected my mom to come along aswell, but all I saw was my dad in the drivers seat. That was okay because I loved my dad more than anything in the world. He never judged me after I had been checked into rehab, he just gave me really helpful advice that stuck with me.
"Good luck." I turn around and watch as my doctor places a hand on my shoulder. I expect to shrug her away or snap at her but my anxiety has been managable lately and when people get close to me now I can handle it.
"Thanks, did you maybe want to stay in contact?" I ask really softly so my dad won't be able to hear.
"Brittany, I could get fired for what we did," Regina, that's my doctors name, says subtly. I nod my head really fast so she knows I understand, because I do. She knows that what we did was a one time thing and I'm happy to move on aswell.
But I know when I go back to school, the friends I used to have won't want anything to do with me anymore, so I thought I'd give it a try.
Even though Regina and I did have sex, it was only because she seduced me. I was really lonely one particular night and she claimed she could solve all of my problems. I trusted her because she had helped me already so much. She told me she was a lesbian a few days after I met her and that was fine with me. I knew I wasn't, but it was fun trying something new and different. She was really good, but I wouldn't do it again.
She takes her hand off of my shoulder and smiles at me really big. I give her a small wave before hopping in the passengers side. My dad is so happy to see me he literally pulls me over the middle part of the car. I hug him back just as tight to show him how much I've missed him.
"Britty, the family is so excited for you to come home," My dad says excitedly as he starts the engine.
"I'm really excited to see them too," I say, practically bouncing off of my seat. "I want to see Charlie really bad," I add and grin towards the familiar streets that we're driving down.
Charlie's my older sister, she's about to turn 21 so she can go out and get drunk. But she already does that most nights so I can see why it's not a big deal to her. She's a bit more quiet than me, except when I'm asked a really unexpected question then I freeze up.
I'm more confident and honest than her, but she's liked a lot by everyone because she's so layed back and easy to get along with. Her boyfriend Scott is really outgoing and easy to talk to, so that's why I kept telling Charlie to start dating him officially.
Scott would laugh at me because I was a teenager with really wild dreams that not everyone around me understood. I told him he could be the president one day because he was so nice and caring. I only knew him for a few months before I had been checked into the clinic, so I never met any of his family.
"Charlie's cooking dinner tonight," My dad explains, turning into the driveway. The drive hadn't been as long as I thought it would be. I was hoping I could just enjoy a car ride because I had enjoyed driving around the street with my dad so much before I checked into the clinic.
I lean over the center gear stick and kiss cheek. "It's good to have you home Britty," He says.
I smile so big at him and step out of the car. My parents knew about my change in attitude because they had been contacted one night when things got out of hand. I'm 18 now so they obviously think I've grown up a little.
I know somewhere inside me that my anxiety is still there, it always will be. But if I'm stronger than it then it doesn't need to come out and ruin anything. I just hope when I go to school I won't be anxious around anyone because that would be bad. They all know I went to crazy land for a few years, but maybe some of them forgot about me.
My dad's walking ahead of me, telling me to follow him through the house and upstairs. Once I make it to my sisters room I can barely stand still. I can hear her voice from inside the room and twist the handle on the door so fast.
"Oh my god!" She squeals and runs up to me. I instantly throw my arms around her and completely block out everybody else.
"I missed you, I missed you, I missed you," I keep repeating so that she knows. I can hear her giggle into my neck which makes me grin impossibly wider. I pull back to look at her and say the first thing that comes to my mind. "You've lost alot of weight, you don't look like my T.V anymore."
I watch her grin fall and she slaps my arm. "Ouch," I whine. I thought I was complimenting her? Oh well.
I focus on the other person in the room and notice Scott sitting on the edge of the bed with his arms open. I hug him just like I hugged my sister, with the same grip and intensity so he doesn't feel left out.
"Scotty!" I yell into his ear. He jumps and pulls back with his face scrunched. He puts a finger to his ear and rubs it really hard. I think he's just teasing me.
"Britt, you've still got one hell of a voice box," He yells rather loudly and I don't think he realises. Charlie just scoffs and sits on his lap. They're both staring at me now, probably because I haven't dropped my grin.
"You have to tell me everything after dinner, which I should be cooking now." Charlie looks at her watch and then walks passed me towards the door. She kisses dad on the cheek and leaves the room. Scott shrugs when I ask him what we're eating.
"Scott has a younger sister, she goes to Mckinley," Charlie says with her mouth full of potatoes.
"Babe please," Scott says, making a grossed out face and handing Charlie a tissue.
"I don't know if I want to make new friends, I think I'll just focus on school work," I reply with an innocent shrug.
"That's a really good idea Britty, but you have to have atleast someone to hang out with," My dad cuts in. I pinch my lips together and stare at him.
The thought of having to make friends all over again makes my stomach twist in a really tight knot. I don't want them to know how broken I still am from having experienced what I did. Regina said I'll still be recovering after I get out of the clinic, so it's normal to feel this way.
But I know that I'll have to be strong once I step into school on Monday. I'll have to stick my plan and not let anybody tear me down. I'll avoid people that stare and do things for me. Because when I had started at Mckinley freshman year, I always did what other people told me too.
I was the most gullible girl in school. I couldn't be that girl anymore.
The front door behind me opened really slowly and I think my mom was trying to creep in and surprise me. But I had heard her and jumped out of my seat to hug her. She almost fell back because of my hug. It had been way bigger than the hug for my sister and Scott but not my dad.
"I have so much to tell you that I already told dad," I say really enthusiastically incase my mom thinks I'm still a little depressed. She was always the only person that could read me like a really well written novel. She always knew when I was sad, mostly because I used the excuse 'I'm just tired' more than ten times.
"Oh Britt, you haven't changed," She pulls back and puts her hands on my cheeks to look at me. My eyes flicker down to her neck where there's two relatively large purple bruises.
I smile half heartedly at her and mumble, "Neither have you," before dragging her to the table.
My mom and dad seperated after he caught her cheating at work. I felt really bad for my dad, because he was so humble and wonderful to everybody. He adored my mom, adored her enough to let her continue living here with all of us.
I think that's one of the things that caused me to snap. It wasn't that my mom had betrayed my dad, it was that my dad was weak enough to forgive her and let her live here. I didn't want to grow up to be like my dad, even though he was super nice and liked by everyone. I just didn't want to be weak and let people walk all over me.
I promised myself I'd never fall in love really badly.
The weekend at home had been really fun. I hung out with my sister while Scott worked really hard at his job as an engineer. I told Charlie why I had relapsed and she started crying. Everytime I told her something really bad about me she'd cry. I didn't cry though, because I knew that things in the past weren't worth crying over so far into the future.
Charlie dropped me at school Monday morning when my parents went to work. She told me to be myself and I just frowned because I didn't really know who else I could be. The parking lot seemed bigger than I remember. It was nauseating having to walk across it while groups of kids whispered to each other.
I didn't even bother listening in like I would normally do. I kept my chin up and strode into the building with my plan set.
I thought the outside seemed crowded, but the corridor was even worse. I remembered where the principle's office was and quickly barged through everyone in my way.
Principle Figgins was still really bright and seemed really happy to see I was well. He gave me my schedual and locker number before sending me in the right direction. I could hardly breathe now. The numbers of kids around me was growing fast, it was like they were being duplicated by some evil mastermind.
I wonder if Sue Sylvester still works here...
I read the number of my locker again and marched quickly towards it. Luckily not many people were huddled around that area so I could put my bag down and study the lock carefully. The sound of a massive splash behind me caused be to jump forward and almost smash my head into the locker.
"You fucking assholes," A girl yelled. I watched as the red icy treat slid down her face and her shirt. I normally wouldn't laugh at something like this because I remember how bad I felt when I some of my friends from Glee club were slushied, but that's all I could do at that moment.
She looked my way and I covered my mouth. I was still giggling really bad and she squinted her eyes at me and glared so hard.
"Wanna lick it off?" She asked, stepping towards really slowly. I began frowning at her actions because I really did not want to lick anything off of her. Especially if it would make my tongue tingle and my teeth hurt.
"Nope," I replied bluntly, forgetting to throw anything in my locker and walking off to my first class.
"Wow Santana, even crazy Pierce won't look twice at you, fucking lesbo," Some guy yelled and the entire hallway suddenly fell silent. I turned back for a moment and caught the girl, Santana's, eye. She was noticably clenching her jaw really tight and I felt sorry for her almost.
Then I remembered I had to think of me, this wasn't about anyone else. In the end I just shrugged enough so she could see and continued walking away.
My first class hadn't been bad, but when the teacher called me up to announce my return, I instantly felt my hands sweat. I held myself together though, until I saw one of the guys who slushied that girl Santana wink at me. He still thought I was the slut I used to be.
Maybe I did have sex for the sake of feeling another body next to me or above me. But I had changed since freshman year, obviously. But no one knew what I had dealt with in rehab, they all assumed I was crazy and I could still give the best blow jobs.
I raised my hand and the teacher nodded when I asked to be excused. I ran to the bathroom really quickly and stood at the sink. I hadn't even noticed someone there until they spoke.
"Having second thoughts about licking me?" The girl asked with a really husky tone.
I frowned and watched her slide up the wall that she was sitting infront of. Her shirt was damp from the slushie but her face was clean.
"Nope," I answered, much like my first time. I saw her roll her eyes and step closer to me.
"You're probably wondering why I got slushied before," She started explaining.
"Not really," I cut in, turning on the tap to wash my hands just for something to do.
"Well, I'll tell you anyway," She grinned. "I'm a lesbian, I came out last year. The guys here hate me, mostly because I'm a bitch and because I'll probably steal their girlfriends. A few of the girls hate me aswell, mostly because they're scared I'll come onto them."
I really didn't want to listen to this girl. She sounded like the annoying dial tone that would ring in my ear everytime I called my dad and he would be talking to someone already. I snapped.
"That sounds great, bye." I turned off the tap and began walking towards the door. She followed me though and I barely made it out before she grabbed my arm.
"You don't have friends, I don't have friends, so we could totally hang out," She exclaimed, raising her eyebrows and grinning so her mouth practically covered her cheeks. I noticed the sides of her nose wrinkle when she smiled that big.
I focused so hard on that little detail that my eyebrows started to turn down and it looked like I was really angry. She stepped back and put her hands up in defence. Just then the bell rang and a few people walked out of the room closest to us.
"Hey friends," Santana said the last word really harshly. The three people we were both looking at cowared their heads and walked towards the cafeteria. I remembered them immediately.
Kurt, Mercedes and Quinn. I had talked to them the most when we all started freshman year. I wondered why Santana and I had never met. She seemed to be known around the school really well, but I couldn't be bothered asking why. I didn't have time.
So when she was distracted by her 'friends' retreating figures I quickly walked off in the opposite direction, out of the school. I didn't want to deal with anyone, especially not this Santana girl who caused my really mean inner thoughts to splurt out of my mouth.
"How was school?" I was sitting on the grass out in the backyard with Charlie and she had been plaiting my hair for half an hour.
"Okay," I reply really firmly, so she can't tell if I'm lying or not. I don't like when people can read me because it makes me feel really small. I think I'm the only person supposed to know if I'm telling the truth or not so it's annoying when people see right through my words.
"Did you make any friends?"
"I'm focusing on school work," I say loudly to get my point across. I hate this, I hate being bombarded with questions that I've answered before.
"Okay Brittany I'm sorry," Charlie apologizes and stops playing with my hair so that she can lay on her back beside me. I stare down at her. I forgot how different we both looked from each other. "Did you atleast see Scott's sister?"
"I don't know," I mumble, playing with clumps of grass in between my fingers.
"Her name's Santana, she's really sweet."
I think if eyelids didn't exist my eyes would be popping out of my face right now. I stare at Charlie again and she's waiting for an answer. I could tell her I never saw her or I could tell her that Santana was most definitely not sweet. It wasn't a hard decision because the words slipped out before I could make my mind up.
"She didn't seem sweet at all," I say.
"What? You talked to her?" Charlie sits up and crosses her legs. She tilts her head down so I can look at her but I just turn away. I really don't want to talk about Santana, she's not nice and just way too overbearing for me.
"She told me she was a lesbian, that's it." I hadn't realised what I said until I finally faced Charlie and she was sucking in her lips trying not to laugh. "What's so funny?" I ask.
"Nothing, it's just so typical of Santana to come on to a new face," Charlie explains causing me to frown. I had no idea what she was talking about. Coming on to me? Why would she do that anyway, I acted like I didn't even want to be near her.
"She wasn't coming on to me," I try and say as clearly as possible but my voice cracks towards the end just thinking about the possibility. If I had ever wanted a girl to come on to me I definitely wouldn't want it to be Santana.
I scoff at the thought and Charlie smirks. "She needs a filter, I'm sure she was dropped at birth."
I bite my lip, tempted to agree but instead just keep my mouth shut. I really don't want to talk about Santana anymore.
"I'm going to find dad," I mumble and stand up before Charlie can stop me. I can hear her calling my name and sigh when I don't bother answering.
A/N: So how was that for the first chapter? Tell me your thoughts and I'll reply via pm to any questions!
also, this is my fanfic tumblr if you find it easier to ask about any of my fics on there :)
cr0wznest . tumblr .com