M because of all the drug references. It's the backbone of the story. Yeah some of the specifics are going to be watered down but my friends are pussies who don't like me talking about it. I haven't seen Wizard of Oz, or the old Charlie and the Chocolate movie in a long time, so I apologize if I get the timeline or a certain scene wrong.
Friday nights in the Avenger's Tower lost their 'TGIF' party feel after one too many bad tequila trips and Fury had to be called and extract Thor from the Mexican-American boarder.
Ridiculous, yes, but contrary to popular belief, coming up with new inane things to do Friday nights was hard. Especially since not a single Avenger had a work week that they had to get away from.
Sure, they could hop in one of Tony's planes and go jet setting, but with the high chance of being told to execute a mission at their destination, it wasn't exactly an ideal relaxation plan.
Typically, meaning three or more incident-free Fridays, the group would just stay in the old Stark Tower and attempt to catch Steve up on all those years of lost pop culture.
It wasn't so bad, it gave them reasons to watch bad movies and make fun of the Cap.
Pepper sometimes joined in, much to Tony's disdain.
Tony, much to Pepper's disdain, got the biggest kick out of teasing Steve. Nothing spoiled the night or their fun quicker than Pepper doting on everyone.
Naturally, Steve was thankful, but he was the leader of the Avengers and couldn't admit defeat one, to a woman half his height, and two, because he actually needed to learn.
Pepper was the storming type. Tony was not the chasing type. Natasha, being the only other woman in the massive building understood the feeling of being at wits end with her boys.
Natasha isn't the chasing type either, but quickly changed that when she found Pepper crying softly on the upper balcony.
Have you ever had to manage an entire company, and a group of the most unruly people on earth, and be the voice of reason, and use it to keep the unruliest people peaceful?
No, you haven't. And you would tear your fucking hair out if you had to.
Natasha sympathized. It was hard being the only girl in such a fast and furious group of guys. She would never admit it though, even to Pepper, since she was Black Widow and she has proven she can hold her own.
They became fast friends and found that they were always around each other, working, nonetheless, but enjoying decent female companionship.
This was a different Friday night, the first somewhat interesting start to a Friday in a while, as the two decided to have a girl's night out.
Pepper had never been to a club, much to Nat's disbelief, nor had she shamelessly flirted with a total stranger.
"But that isn't fair to Tony!"
"If you have seen what Tony has done, you'd already be halfway to anywhere to have nothing to do with him."
Natasha was to change that. They were going barhopping and eventually end up dancing at some shady place Tony did not own, just to avoid him popping up.
The elevator doors where halfway closed when Steve stated he wanted to go dancing too. He stepped forward to grab his coat, but was held back by Clint and Thor. Even Thor of all people understood the concept of 'girl's night out' and 'guy's night in'.
"Well I'm glad we got that out of the way." Tony dashed up to his bar where he disappeared underneath, and was rummaging for something.
"What are you looking for?" Clint went to investigate. If anyone liked doing stupid shit without being nagged on by a woman, no one liked it more than Clint.
Pepper may be bad, but Clint always gets it worse.
At the bar, Tony handed Clint a brown wooden cigar box. Tony pulled one out as well.
"Jarvis, how much time do you think we'll have?" Tony was eyeing his open bar drawer, internally debating something.
"Not enough, sir." The AI was going to be right, no matter what the girls decided to do.
"Fair enough." He stood and kicked it shut. He lifted the lid of the box and smiled, eyeing Clint to do the same. He did and his jaw dropped.
"No way. How much was this?" He lifted the seemingly enough cigar from the box and drew in a long sniff.
"That is worth every penny," he gestured to Clint, "But this is my own."
They swapped boxes and Clint's eyes rolled back into his head when he opened the lip.
It's strong. Incredibly strong.
Curious, Thor and Steve came to investigate. Bruce was in his lab, and Tony quickly called him up.
"I didn't know you liked cigars, Tony." Steve handled one of the weaker ones delicately.
"I don't. Man, I am so excited!" He shook a bit and jumped. Clint's smile was just as wide.
"I do not understand what such small boxes could hold to bring fourth this reaction." Thor lifted the humidor lid but didn't touch.
"Is everything okay?" Bruce came through the elevator and rushed over to the group of guys, he had a bit of a frantic look to him.
"You're a shitty liar." Tony jabbed a finger at him.
"Uh… Excuse me?" Bruce stopped dead about three lengths away.
"Big green rage monster. Staying mad all the time. What keeps you calm. Hon, it ain't blueberries is it? Tai-chi? Nope. Big bag of weed? Check and mate. This is better than whatever Peruvian shit you had to put up with." Bruce timidly walked over and examined.
"You can't exactly say these things aloud in front of government agents." He cautiously lifted one of the finely rolled blunts and replaced it. "Nothing fancier for the great Tony Stark?"
"Not tonight. To the balcony?" Tony gestured to the doors and Clint and Bruce made their way outside, where they settled on the discreet chairs that were pushed to the far right.
"Thor you'll love this. You go too." Thor smiled and followed his friends, eager to partake in whatever was making these men so happy.
"Come on, Cap-sicle." Tony had hardly noticed that Steve had slinked away from the group and the bar.
"I-I can't." Tony stopped smiling and gave a look filled with nothing but impatience.
"Are you serious? You're one of those people? It's not going to kill you; you need to relax. With this classy shit I imported." Tony smiled again and thrust his humidor forward.
"No, Tony. It's illegal all over the world. It's wrong." Steve turned his back and thrust in his hands into his pockets. Both he and Tony rolled their heads back.
"Not in the Netherlands. Or Portugal. Or California. Ohio, Colorado. You aren't going to get punished or caught or whatever else you think is going to happen. Of all the times to be a pious bastard, now is not one of them. Let's go." Tony beckoned to the open balcony.
"Just because you say it is, doesn't make it okay. In my day-" Tony rolled his eyes, "don't give me that. Please Tony, just listen. Do it, fine, I care but not enough to stop you. In my day, it wasn't done. It was, but it wasn't boasted about. Just don't make me." Steve went to sit on the nice lounge chairs in front of the massive TV.
With another roll of his eyes, Tony went out to join his friends. He shut the balcony door behind him.
Steve walked over the large movie cabinet to find The Wizard of Oz. The movie he always watched when he needed to stop and go back through time to where he (sort of) fit in.
Culturally. Not physically.
From his perch in front of the cabinet, he glanced to his friends outside.
They weren't jumping over the rails, so that was a plus, but maybe they were. He couldn't exactly see. They were sitting under Tony's Iron Man walkway, which led to the mezzanine inside. The awning provided enough shelter from wind, even at this height, to leave a low cloud of smoke, which fuzzed Steve's view of what they were doing.
"As long as they aren't hurting each other, I don't care."
He found his movie and placed it in the DVD player he just recently learned how to use.
He started it, got lost in his memories and didn't even notice the other men get up from outside until they stormed the door.
Nobody looked hurt, a plus for Steve, but he really wasn't certain how such things worked.
"I love this movie." Clint walked over to Steve and sat right next to him. Steve gagged at the bittersweet scent coming from Clint, and Tony who plopped on his other side.
"I hate it. It's boring and stupid. I like how they decided to get smart and use color. Black and white. Gross." Tony coughed and let his head rest on the couch behind him, he began humming 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow'.
"I have not seen it." Thor sat on an opposite chair. Steve realized Bruce was still outside.
They had reached the part in the movie where they could see Emerald City through the poppy fields.
Steve rubbed his eyes and sniffed before groggily sating this was his favorite part.
"Why?" Steve was curious. Tony only recently said that he hated this movie.
Tony rolled his head over to lazily look at Steve, who was startled at his bloodshot eyes.
"Cap, what's the most dangerous and worst drug in the world." What.
"I believe that's opium. If you are going to be doing that, I will stop you. It single handedly brought down China from the inside out." Tony laughed. Bruce walked back inside, he was headed to his room.
"Yes, but Steve," Bruce called quietly, "that was just to open them up to trade with the British." He shut the door softly.
"I'm sorry, I don't understand why that matters." Tony smirked.
"You think this will bring you back to your time. Oh don't look so shocked, I heard you telling Banner. You think drugs are all terrible and awful and bad and sucky, yeah? What is opium made out of?"
"I don't care to know." Tony's grin outmatched the Cheshire Cat's.
"History lesson! Opium is made from poppies! Poppies grow in India and Afghanistan and Iraq and most middle eastern war zones. The British were really established with India and wanted to get it on with China, so they got them hooked on opium so they would be forced to trade with the brits to keep the public from like spazzing. Heroin is a rough thing to come off of.
"Anyhoo, they would have these opium huts that were gigantic. They were full of tweakers in their awesome pipe dreams in this shabby little bed city. Yes, that is where the saying comes from. But anyhoo again, that's joke in Oz. They said that the Witch made them sleep in the field, but whatshisface, the author or whatever just played on the fact that opium and heroin now, I suppose, come from poppies and they make you sleep!" Tony and Clint burst out laughing.
"Not so innocent now, huh Steve?" Clint was in tears.
Steve just looked shocked, mouth slightly agape.
"I'm not even trying to be a dick, like that's just how it is."
"I don't understand. This is a family movie."
"That's why they said the witch did it?" Clint suggested.
"Doesn't matter. You seen the old Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie? The one with Gene Simmons, not Johnny Depp?" Tony jabbed Steve.
"I think it's Wilder, isn't Simmons that exercise man?"
"Wait, no he's in Kiss. Must be that."
Thor's booming laughed made them all turn to find him using all the fun kitchen gadgets at the same time.
"I have not a thought as to what you mortals are saying." Tony laughed again and clapped Steve's back.
"Have you seen it though, Cap?"
"Yes, we watched it a while back. I enjoyed it." Clint laughed.
"There's one scene where they're licking wallpaper or some shit and they say the grape tastes like grapes, oranges to oranges and snozberries to snozberries. Sick twisted motherfucker decided to put a ye olde blowjob reference in a children's movie. No, don't give me that look you can Google it.
"I don't remember where I read that but apparently snozberries were like fifties slang for-"
"Please stop, Clint. I get it. I'm too old-fashioned, even for my era. I'm just, I'm just surprised that they let these things be created. I was raised thinking these things to be the acceptable entertainment for boys my age." He leaned forward and put his head in his hands.
"This is all true? I don't want to believe it, but I am not an imbecile." His voice was dipping with disappointment.
"Totally true. You want me to ruin Snow White?" Tony laughed at Steve's contorted face.
"Not tonight. Please. It's late, I've had more than enough experiences I needed for one sitting. If you will excuse me I think I will go to bed." He and Tony stood. Clint's face was just plastered with happiness.
"I'm going to go make some snozberry flavored cake balls. Clint, buddy, let's go." Clint lifted his arm and Tony pulled the lethargic archer from the couch.
"Goodnight then." Steve smiled quickly and made a dash for his room.
He sat on his bed and fell backwards.
It didn't really matter anymore, but this was one of the few things he was proud to hold onto.
He sighed and closed his eyes. He stayed in a peaceful half-sleep until he heard shouting and crashing.
Pepper and Natasha must be back. They must have seen the likely mess in the kitchen.
Steve chuckled softly, and stood to properly get ready for bed.
"Dorothy was a fish out of water in Oz, just like how I am here. No matter what twisted thing they were trying to pull off, that is the movie's message. She did alright, I'll be fine."
This was hard to end. But everything about the drug references is true; you can go look them up. I really, really, really suggest you go find the one about Snow White and the dwarves. It's crazy. Heh, anyway, hope you liked it. I have no idea how this turned out. It's five AM and I can't sleep so here I am. R&R ;)