A Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu fanfiction
by Brian Randall
Disclaimer: The series begun with the light novel 'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi'/'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. No disrespect is intended with the creation of this work.
Note: May contain spoilers up through book eleven.
Everything - and I do mean everything - has a unique feel to it. From when we're small and we learn about the world through touch, to when we're older and learn to be aware of moods of the people around us- They all have feels.
You remember the scratchy sensation of a new blanket, and the softer feel of a worn one... And you remember the heavy, upset atmosphere of your parents staring at you when they're upset about what you did at school this week. But you remember the feel of lightness and the sense of drifting that you get from having a very important conversation in a hot air balloon ... or a dream where you're falling, but it's okay because you don't feel alone.
Days of the week have feelings, too - moods, atmospheres, whatever you want to call them. Feelings are linked with the days and the sensations they give off! We get them from everything around us - the light, the colors, the shapes ... and though I forgot it for a while, and my friends had to remind me about it, the people, too.
Of course ... even if you're aware of how everything feels, some things are more important than others.
So I get stuck with cleaning duties, and the feeling for that is okay, even though I end up doing half the work myself- I can't completely blame the others for being so laid back during the after-class cleanup; their clubs aren't as awesome as mine, so they don't feel the urgency!
Sometimes, I think it would be really nice if the one club member I share a class with got cleaning duty with me, but somehow that's just never happened. And something about that feels alright, I guess - I spend enough time around him that cleaning duty doesn't seem problematic.
But once I'm done, I'm off like a shot. The class is the class, and Sakanaka's nice, but my club feels like where I belong!
I open the door with my usual doorknob-twist and kick - sending it flying open and slamming against the wall, but it feels off instantly. Hey! Where's my loyal club!
There's Kyon, of course, not even looking up at the thunderous slam I just created - but he's the only one present!
Instead of snapping at him, since it's not his fault, I ask, "Hey! Where did everyone go?" Today's still a very important day! I may not have had anything in particular planned, but that's not the important part - the important part is spending it with the people who are most important to me!
"Asahina-san said she had to study to prepare for third year end-of-semester testing," he answers in the dry, level tone he always uses, turning his head to look at me. He got his homework out, but hasn't even started it yet. Typical, really...
Who else can remark on someone else devoting time to important studies, and then immediately neglect their own? Well, probably a lot of people, but from him... Anyway, third year testing and study is too important to blow off, so Mikuru-chan will have to get a pass.
"Koizumi said he had a meeting at his part-time job- Wanted me to tell you he apologized for missing the club, but that his hours are going to let up a lot soon," he continues, breaking that chain of thought, pausing to heave a small sigh.
Hmm. Koizumi-kun spending less time at work somehow feels ... like a positive. Strange that they'd give him less hours during the summer vacation, but good for the Brigade as a whole! I'm not exactly thrilled about the way he's missing today, but I guess if Mikuru-chan's already out, there's no sense complaining too much.
Still! "And what about Yuki?" I ask. Can't help but keep an eye on her after she turned up missing because she was so sick!
He waves a hand at the wall separating us from the adjacent club and gives a small roll of his eyes, the hints of one of those smiles he always tries to hide in the corner of his eyes as he answers very succinctly: "Computer Research Society." After that he gives a small shrug and turns his eyes to the window.
Hmm. Well, I could play around on the computer for a bit - check the forum I have on our website. I could go next door and grab Yuki - make her join us. I could just make Kyon do the homework and studying he ought to, if we can't do something special for today. I mean, those things are all fine, probably...
...but the feeling isn't quite right. I'm not going to just sit still, so I close the door and walk over to the computer to get it started up while I think about things. I cross his line of sight for a moment, but he doesn't really seem to react. I'd say he's spaced out, really, not staring out the window at all.
It's not until I'm sitting down, waiting for the system to get through booting up before I place the feeling.
Kyon's ... depressed?
Well, no. I don't think Kyon's the sort to really get depressed. Then again, I thought he'd never get angry, either, and...
Yeah, that's what it is - he does feel down, somehow, even if he's not that upset. I guess, melancholy? But how bad do things have to be to shake someone who shows as little as him? Or, thinking about it a bit more, maybe he's not shaken, and I'm just getting better at reading him.
Sometimes it's not very hard. He'll show dreamy eyes and a stupid smile when Mikuru-chan's dressed up. He's got that way he looks at Yuki, sometimes - which bothered me for a bit, until I realized he looks at his sister the same way when he thinks I'm not watching.
Sometimes it's much harder, like when he looks irritated at Koizumi-kun for ... who knows, actually? I guess it's just male posturing, because the two of them go off to have their little 'guy talks' and play board games together anyway. Sometimes they go and play catch, or talk about sports - so he doesn't want to show a friendly face to Koizumi-kun, even though they are friends.
Well, that doesn't really matter. Something is weighing on him, and it's making the entire room feel down. I can't just tell him to snap out of it, but somehow, I don't think asking him straight out is the right answer either.
Things have been pretty good for a while, haven't they? They felt a little weird during the first part of the new school year, and there was one particular week that still feels... I guess the word is fuzzy? It gives me a headache to think about, and also annoys me about that whole thing with that cute little middle schooler who might actually have been a decent member of the club-
But maybe she'll join next year? If I had to pick someone to leave the club to once we all left...
That puts things together for me, as the system finishes booting.
Kyon waited here all alone... Or maybe, I can imagine, he was the first one in. And then everyone else in the club came in and left him to take care of other things. Mikuru-chan's studies, Koizumi-kun's job, and Yuki to play that geeky game she enjoys with the guys next door?
And then I come in and just ignore him to screw around with the computer... How could any stupid e-mail or forum post be as important as that?
He looks over at me, curious at the frustrated noise I just let escape.
"What's wrong?" he asks, a little faster than I think he'd usually ask. Hmm. Is he trying to hide it? Or maybe he's just bored and looking for something to distract him?
Well, boring things suck - terrible feeling - so I won't hold that against him. It's pretty easy to give him a reminder to cheer him up, though.
"This computer," I complain. "It really should boot faster!"
"It might, if it didn't have all those free programs from the internet installed," he drawls, a tiny spark of his usual energy coming to his eyes.
I'm about to lecture him on how important it is to expand our horizons and try new things, but- Eh, no, that's not it. That doesn't feel right, just now.
The last time I felt down, Kyon didn't try and just 'cheer me up.' He did something pretty amazing - the kind of thing you'd hit a guy for, normally! Breaking into a girl's room at night... I have to give him credit, though. He wasn't going to try something he shouldn't have, not with the rest of the Brigade there, and even if that gift were supposedly from 'the entire Brigade,' I knew it was really ... just from him.
And that felt really nice ... to know I'd made something that would...
"We're going to have a great time this summer!" I declare. "Once we finish our tests and go on that vacation- A haunted castle! Hmm, that should be more interesting than something like 'haunted dogs' or the like, don't you think?"
He blinks once at that, then gives a shrug. "We can only hope," he says, attention already drifting.
...where does his head go, anyway? Sometimes I wish I could bridge that distance between us... Kind of reminding me of what today is and what I wanted and...
And really, the answer is pretty simple, isn't it? We're not stuck waiting for a thousand birds to make a bridge that we can run across once every seven years - we're actually here, and bridging that gap should be as easy as ... talking.
It's hard to just ask Kyon, though, so I fall back on something I did once before. "You know... I think about what it'll be like when we finish school, too. It's not like I've forgotten! But just because that's going to happen doesn't mean you should let yourself feel bad now, especially if it's so much that you can't enjoy the time we have left!
"And ... even when that time ends, isn't it better to dwell on the positive times and all of the amazing memories you've made together?"
I glance back, and his expression has changed a bit, tightened up into his 'I'm being seriously thoughtful' face, but he doesn't say anything.
"More importantly ... it's not like separating has to be forever," I add.
This makes him shift a bit, turning to stare at the table instead of past me to the window. What, how did that not help things?
"Even if it's just a once in a year ... or once every seven years event, there can be more meetings! Aside from which, those memories should be forever! We've worked hard for them to be positive and..."
But then, maybe I'm over thinking this? I really am pretty much just telling him to cheer up. And Kyon ... he's not half as dumb as he acts, but sometimes showing works better than telling.
So while he's staring at the table in front of him, I step behind his chair, and think of another morning, watching a sunrise where...
He startles, sitting up straight when my arms go around him. Just for a little while, I hug him, even if the position's a bit awkward. Since we're much closer, I don't say it loudly, but I remind him, "...and no matter what happens, I'll still be there."
Since I'm holding it, even though he turns his face away from where I'm resting my chin on his shoulder, I can feel the tension drain out of him. One of his hands goes up, resting atop mine.
This is okay, isn't it?
But still ... this room, this place... Right now, I can feel how they'd make him melancholy. There's still time to make more good memories, but for the time being, we should move on- And today's still a special day. So, maybe the two of us could do something meaningful, right?
"It's- Since the others are busy, and today's... Well- Because of that, let's get out of here," I decide, giving myself a small nod.
"What- What did you have in mind?" he asks cautiously, but sounding more normal. More interested, I realize.
"Today's a special day, you know," I remind him.
"Tanabata," he replies, nodding back as I let him go. "But you didn't bring a bamboo in this time."
"I already did that once," I answer dismissively. "No- But there's a festival, alright? So ... why don't the two of us go and give our respects to two that can't see one-another nearly as often!"
He turns to half-look at me, not doing a very good job of hiding his smile. "Will..." He trails off without finishing his question, but I think I can feel what he was really asking.
And there's something we're not saying, but I think he can get the feel of things enough it doesn't need to be said, either.
"I got a really nice kimono to wear," I muse, unable to keep from smiling. "There's still enough time if we leave now to change..."
Then he does meet my eyes, and for a second I can't help but think if the stars there could be a bridge, then Mikeran and Tanabata could see one-another every day, and that smile he so rarely shares...
Well, that's a much better feeling all around, isn't it?
Authors Notes: Happy Tanabata! This was written for a friend, but I hope everyone can enjoy it.