A one-shot about The Hunger Games characters... as animals.
I don't know why I wrote that.
Sorry that it's not funny. It was made purely out of boredom.
Buttercup was tired; he had a long, tiring day at work, his boss didn't appreciate his hard work, and he missed the buss and had to go all the way home.
One of the worst days of his life, if not the worst.
He took off his coat and threw it at the nearest chair, then made himself some coffee. When the coffee was finally ready he poured it into a big cup and sat down in the sofa in front of the TV.
He drank the coffee slowly as he turned on the TV and checked the different channels.
He stopped when he got to National Geographic. He liked that channel. He liked animals, especially cats, and so he liked that channel.
"…we're going to see different kinds of animals today," Said the man in the TV. "And see what they like and what they dislike. First, the zebra."
The man moved to stand next to a zebra. The zebra looked at the man with a wary look.
"Here with us today is Katniss the Zebra. As you can see, she doesn't trust people easily. See how she's running away? Yeah, she has serious trust issues. Katniss the Zebra also likes to eat, sleep and chew arrows."
The man moved to the next animal. "And here with us today is Peeta the Bunny. Peeta the Bunny is a very trusting bunny, see?" The man held Peeta the Bunny and started patting it. It seemed like Peeta the Bunny disliked it, but didn't try to run away. "He also likes to eat and sleep, and has a weird obsession with bread." And with that, he threw Peeta the Bunny on the ground. Peeta the poor Bunny ran away with a frightened look.
"And on to the next animal! Here with us is Gale the Whale," He pointed at the big aquarium that was next to him. The whale that was there swam peacefully, looking at the escaping bunny with a weird look.
"Gale the Whale is a very… angry whale. He's a difficult whale to love. It seems like Gale the Whale hates everyone and everything. He does like Katniss the Zebra though…"
With the mention of Katniss the Zebra's name, Gale the Whale expelled excess water from his blowhole, forming an upward sprout that in the end hit the man who hosted the program.
The man spit the water that got into his mouth and shot Gale the Whale an annoyed look. "And with that, Gale the Whale leaves us today," He informed the people watching the show and moved away from the now-peaceful whale.
"Our next guests are actually a couple – Finnick the Deer and Annie the Doe," The man said and moved to stand next to Finnick the Deer and Annie the Doe. "Finnick the Deer is very protective of Annie the Doe. If anyone gets too near to her, he kills them. See how he's eating my hand? Yes, that's what happens when you get too close to Annie the Doe."
Finnick the Deer continued to angrily eat the man's arm, and the man in return moved away from Finnick the Deer and Annie the Doe.
"Our next guest is a very… lethal, animal. Johanna the Lioness."
Johanna the Lioness growled at the man who interrupted her sleep. He ignored her.
"She loves to kill people and animals. She loves sharp things. She loves the color red. She hates spiders. There isn't much to say about Johanna the Lioness, except that she's a very bad lioness."
Johanna the Lioness growled again, moving to her feet. The man hosting the program moved away as fast as he could.
"Lovely, lovely…" He muttered and looked at the now-standing Johanna the Lioness. He returned to look at the camera. "Our next guest is Foxface the Fox."
He started walking and stopped when he got to Foxface the Fox. "Foxface the Fox – I came up with that name myself! – is a smart fox. She hates confrontations, she can walk very carefully and sense dangerous.
"Our next guests actually formed a very… strange group. Meet Cato the Buffalo, Clove the Grizzly Bear, Glimmer the Skunk and Marvel the Rat."
Cato the Buffalo, Clove the Grizzly Bear, Glimmer the Skunk and Marvel the Rat all looked at the camera with dumb expressions on their faces.
"Cato the Buffalo likes to kill and eat and sleep, and is afraid of roosters."
Cato the Buffalo shuddered when he heard the word 'rooster'.
"Clove the Grizzly Bear likes to kill, bear hugs and scratching her back. She's afraid of big rocks.
"Glimmer the Skank gets rid of her enemies by releasing a stinky gas from her butt. Like when humans fart, only even more disgusting."
Glimmer the Skunk shot the host an annoyed look and raised her butt threateningly.
"Now, Marvel the Rat here is… well, a rat. An evil rat. He tried to kill Rue the Canary, you know. Almost succeeded. Marvel the Rat is really attached to Glimmer the Skank. Figures, they're both stinky…"
And with that, Glimmer the Skank raised her butt even more and sprayed the disgusting gas all over the poor host.
"Oh, son of a bitch!" The man cursed, trying and not succeeding to get the smell off him.
Glimmer the Skank smirked. At least, it seemed like she smirked. Who knows.
After ten minutes of the host running around, trying to get the smell off him, the program continued.
"Such great animals…" The man murmured with a disgusted, hateful look on his face and moved to the next animals.
"Here with us we have Thresh the Horse and Prim the Puppy," He said and stood next to a big dark horse and a small, energetic puppy.
Prim the Puppy ran in circles excitedly, gaining several 'aww's from the cameramen.
Thresh the Horse chewed some straw with an indifferent look.
"Thresh the Horse doesn't do much. He mostly just eats and sleeps. But when he gets angry… oh, you better watch yourself! Right, Clove the Grizzly Bear?"
The camera moved to show Clove the Grizzly Bear, who ran away in fear from Thresh the Horse on her short wide legs.
"Prim the Puppy is a different story. She will never hurt another animal. Never. She likes to jump and roll and sleep and cure other animals. Yes, Prim the Puppy is a very special puppy."
Prim the Puppy started licking his leg excitedly. The man smiled a stiff, fake smile as he tried to get her off him. He managed to kick her, and moved quickly to the next animal.
"And now we move to President Snow the Rooster." He pointed at a very big, very ugly rooster, who smiled dumbly at the camera.
"President Snow the Rooster likes to eat and sleep and burp and poop and kill other animals. He also loves roses and buffalos and is afraid of normal deodorants.
"And now, Beetee the Turtle!"
The camera moved to show a medium-sized, old turtle eating lettuce.
The host looked at him and chewed his lower lip.
"Hmm… Yep. So… Beetee the Turtle. I don't know what to say about him… well, he likes lettuce, apparently… hmm… wires, too… hmm…"
It took the host ten minutes until he decided that enough was enough and that he didn't know a thing about Beetee the Turtle.
"And now, for our final guests… Haymitch the Pig and Effie the Cow!"
Haymitch the Pig rolled around in the mud. Effie the Cow looked at her reflection in a lake.
"Haymitch the Pig likes to spend his day rolling in the mud, sleeping and drinking," The host of the program informed the viewers as the camera focused on Haymitch the Pig. "Effie the Cow likes to spend her day watching herself and avoiding Haymitch the Pig."
Effie the Cow shot Haymitch the Pig an annoyed look and turned back to look at her reflection in the lake.
The man looked at the camera again and smiled a big smile. "And now, we're going to watch them fight each other! Who'll win? Who'll lo-"
"Boring," Buttercup muttered to himself as he turned off the TV.
Really, who would want to watch that?
Yeah, so... I was just really, really bored, and for some reason I started thinking about the characters of The Hunger Games in a zoo...
And that's where the idea came from.
It's stupid, I know. I'm not even going to pretend it's not.
Hope you all have a lovely day :)