The first time S.H.I.E.L.D. tried to 'commandeer' his AI, Tony flipped his fucking lid.
It was understandable, really. And it didn't matter what Pepper said in those meant-to-be-soothingly undertones, it didn't matter that she said there was absolutely no way they could legally take him(and even if they tried less than legal methods, there is absolutely no way, absolutely no fucking way that they would succeed, not with Banner or Clint or Cap under their roof, he's not so sure about Natasha even though he's sort of grown to like her kickass attitude. And normally, y'know, he would never, ever want to cross paths with her even in the suit, but if she crossed him on this, crossed him when his 'bots were involved, he had no qualms about pulling all of that pretty hair out. Or at least going down trying.), they still tried. The fucking audacity...
He's sure he's been under their radar for a while now, he's not exactly subtle, so his opinion of them has gone from 'occasionally stupid with a few shiny stuffs' to 'downright fucking ignorant'. First of all, they really should have taken in the fact that he is Tony Stark. He built a suit from scrap metal in the middle of a goddamn cave in the desert for Chrissake under constant surveillance. Before that, he made the worlds most advanced AI...It would be decades, decades before others were advanced enough to create the kind of intelligence that was JARVIS. Even if Tony was helpless(which he wasn't), even if all he could do was stand back and watch(which he absolutely would not), JARVIS... JARVIS would not accept anything lying down. He was his creators greatest invention, after all. All of that sass and awesome wasn't just for show, thanks and oh fuck you by the way.
Second of all, c'mon, seriously. Tony Stark here. Ignoring the fact he is rich and a genius and pretty much made of awesome, one of his most blatant and overly developed characteristics is that he does not share. You want money? Whatever, he was plenty more where that came from. Housing? Hey, as long as you don't snore and he-relatively-likes you, take one of the dozen or so rooms on whatever floor you like.
But if you want his technology? His workshop? Blueprints? Passwords? Security clearance codes? A spare lightbulb?
Kiss his ass. Tony Stark will be in Hell, sipping ice cold margaritas(oh yes, he'd find a way) before someone touches his shit. Most likely though not even then.
Nick Fury and him don't get along on the best of days. Seriously. That's a good day; Tony snarking, Fury staring at him with dolls eyes, that sorta thing. At most they'll argue. On a bad day, they'll be butting heads over everything and throwing out threats like rice at a wedding. They don't get along, and both of them are totally fine with that.
But for even thinking of giving the go-ahead to try to hack JARVIS...
They'd been in the middle of a debriefing, all of the Avengers standing in Fury's office. Cap and Bruce flanked his left and right respectively, while Clint hung back with Natasha to his far left. He'd been doing that one eyed smoldering thing while Capsicle recounted the days events(apparently Tony had been just the barest bit off on his aim and had his repulsor beams go through at least seven buildings, but he was maybe just a little bit concussed so cut him some slack for chrissake, and Hulk had gone a little too smash happy once he was flown into a shopping mall and had to be coaxed out with the promise of a rematch with Thor) while Tony had in an incredibly miniature version of a Bluetooth-except much more advanced and basically better in every way-in his ear while JARVIS recounted the damages to the suit.
"Damages are considerable to the left side, Sir. Specifically the joints, and will require a number of hours of repair before they will move without hindrance. Damages are considerable to the left side."
"Is there a glitch in the Matrix, JARVIS?" He asked, casually cutting into Steve's careful recount and having them all turn very pointed looks in his direction. There was a beat.
"...Yes, Sir, I believe there is."
Tony was already out the door.
"Stark!" Fury barked. He didn't even pause.
"You better hope you're not behind this, Fury." He calls back, his voice unnaturally calm and even. The distinct silence has followed him out into the hallways, but he's already rounded the corner and is gone.
As it turns out, Fury is behind it. Rather, S.H.I.E.L.D. lackeys are, but it's the same thing, really. He can pretty much see all of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s pitifully untalented fingerprints all over JARVIS's code, and this enrages him. They should not have been able to get in as far as they had, which, admittedly, wasn't very far at all and not nearly as far as they wanted, but they got into his coding. They got into his fucking coding, the thing that made JARVIS exactly what he is, snarky and British and one of the most sarcastic dicks Tony has ever known, himself included. They got into that, forced their way into that, laid their grubby sticky fingers on as much of it as they could before JARVIS caught the fuckers and forced them out, consequently frying any equipment they had used in the process.
It's an extremely small price to pay, and Tony is going to ensure that that price rises. Significantly.
He spends the first three days in his workshop, pouring over every detail he can manage while JARVIS helps and Dummy fetches coffee and makes reassuring whirring and beeping noises at the wall, patting it with his claw comfortingly.
JARVIS' sigh is long suffering, but the gratitude is real when he thanks Dummy and tells him yes, yes he is feeling better now.
Pepper comes down, most likely to try to talk to him, but the moment she opens her mouth he raises his head very, very slowly, and just looks at her.
Her jaw closes a moment later and she sighs.
"JARVIS," she says, sending Tony an exasperated affectionate look. "Are you feeling... Well?"
A pause. "I am feeling much better now, yes. Thank you for asking, Miss Potts."
"Of course, JARVIS." She continues, in a sweet and earnest voice, "We'd be lost without you."
"...Thank you again, Miss Potts."
"Not at all." The sound of heels on concrete accompanies her on the way out. Tony waits a beat.
"JARVIS?" He murmurs quietly without pausing what he was doing.
"...I would like another firewall, Sir. If at all possible..." Here, JARVIS hesitates. If anything, Tony's hands fly even faster over the on screen keyboard. "...If possible, looked over by you beforehand."
He steps it up and creates the firewall itself from scratch. Right next to JARVIS, it's the most advanced piece of code he has ever created. Another three days are taken to look over it, again and again and again, with Tony actually sleeping at periodic intervals because he's not going to fail JARVIS on this, he just fucking won't, but it gets done. It's done, and it's perfect, and it kind of feels like he can feel the shrapnel in his chest actually move with stunning precision past the arc reactor when he asks, "It's all good, buddy. Do you... Want me to go? So you can install it?" Because that's just silly, about the shrapnel part, not with JARVIS. He can't blame the AI if he wants a little time to himself now, just to be alone and be reassured that he's patched and alright and there is no way in hell they will ever get back in again.
"No!" JARVIS cuts into his thoughts in what some would call calm precision, but what Tony knows is more like a little panic. "No. No, Sir. It shouldn't take more than forty five minutes, twelve seconds to complete the necessary installation." There's that hesitance again, that brief moment of silence that makes the edges of Tony's vision turn red. Oh yes, he was going to make people pay dearly. "You have no meetings nor prior engagements, but if you would like to visit Doctor Banner or perhaps-"
"Here." He says firmly. "I want to stay here."
"...Thank you, Sir."
He doesn't answer because there isn't any more to say. He stays the forty five minutes and twelve seconds, and then another thirty so JARVIS can get accustomed and comfortable. Dummy, nearby, is ready with the fire extinguisher.
"Feelin' good, buddy?" Tony asks, a hint of amusement in his voice.
"Need me for anything else?"
"Not at the moment, Sir, no."
Tony smiled, upper lip curling and teeth exposed in what actually passed more as a viciously gleeful snarl than anything else. "Good. I believe I'll be paying S.H.I.E.L.D. a visit then."
"Very good, Sir."
He arrives at S.H.I.E.L.D. later that day, sunglasses firmly on his face and in his most expensive suit, posture as lazy and comfortable as if he were at home instead of walking straight past a loudly complaining Agent Hill right into the Tech division.
In the end, he makes three different people whom he knows had nothing to do with the hacking cry, but at this point he gives absolutely zero fucks whatsoever and he's really just trying to prove a point now. He knows exactly who had the (un)lucky break to somehow get into JARVIS' code, has his eye on them the entire time he informs the Tech division that most of them have utterly destroyed credit scores and the rest are considered sex offenders in thirty seven states.
If he just so happens to let his eyes mingle on the two little asswipes who thought they could touch his shit and get away with it for a beat or four longer than necessary, well, that's his business.
Also theirs, if they happen to step into any of the aforementioned thirty seven states.
Which included this one.
There are some protests, but not a lot, and they trail off before they actually really form. Tony's smile is slow coming and razor sharp.
"That's what I thought."
Just for good measure though, he'll have to freeze their Facebooks and bank accounts. Not forever; he was a dick, but he wasn't a complete and utter asshole. They'd be unfrozen in a couple months. Maybe. Most of them. Yeah.
And because he's Tony Stark and he knows most, if not all, of S.H.I.E.L.D. is watching, he turns to the not so secret security camera in the corner and slips his sunglasses down his nose just a barest inch. "And to you all-yeah, that includes you, Popeye-if any of you attempt anything again on any of my 'bots or technology, I'm going to personally make sure that none of you are legally able to set foot in Columbia again." His smile bares his teeth. "And then send you to Colombia. Do you know what they do to you in Columbia? Absolutely fucking nothing that could hope to compare to what I will do to all of you if you go near what is mine again. This is nothing. You should thank me for only going as far as I did. Because I promise you, if this happens again, which I know it won't, this place will burn."
He strolls out of Tech, out of S.H.I.E.L.D. Nobody stops him.