Lamenting

I didn't ever tell you. I didn't ever get to say, anything that I wanted to. How I looked up to you, how proud you made me...but those are all just words, aren't they? Ravings of a man that regrets everything he's ever done, and mourns for everyone that has suffered and died. I was blind to you as a child and as an adult, it seemed my path clear to kill you and save our father's kingdom.

But I could have saved you.

I'm a murderer. I knew that I had a choice, I could've ordered you to serve prison time or forgiven you, but I let my cold heart take over. I filled my hunger for revenge...and it left a funny aftertaste. Bitter, disgusting – my own brother's blood on my hands. Even our father would not forgive me.

The people praised me, you know. You were a tyrant, Logan, nothing more and nothing less. You taxed them out of their last penny and forced them into squalor, but I understand why now. I made tough choices too – I destroyed Aurora – just to save these people. And I didn't even manage to save them all. How many lives did I destroy...?

You would've saved them all. You collected their money, horded it, and all the while I thought you were just being cruel and unjust. Why didn't you tell me about the darkness brother? I would have never left you, I would have never started this revolution, I would never have killed you my brother if I knew your cruelty had a reason behind it! I was never told...I was never told...

That has little meaning now. I understand that, at least. No matter how much I am praised, I still see a murderer when I look in the mirror. I blacked it out after a while; I couldn't stand to look at myself. Could you, Logan? Did you suffer the same as I did when you looked at yourself, and thought the same thing?

Murderer, murderer, cold-hearted killer...

Life is difficult to get through now. I wonder to myself if I will ever have children or a spouse, or retrieve those I already fathered, because I cannot allow myself to feel any sort of happiness. I feel the weight of responsibility since I killed you – I destroyed the last remaining part of my family when they cut off your head.

Life and death, in a sweet dance of balance...

So, why am I writing this now? The candlelight flickering, the moon shining through my window, and the people down below resting so happily when all I can do is weep for you. Your portrait I had displayed in my room; I fear I would forget your face if I had no reminder. Sometimes I think to myself about our father, and what he would say about this, and I wonder if mother would cry for you like I have done every night after my decision?

Logan, brother, king, friend...you were loyal to your people. You tried to save that money, you tried to be a good king but all they saw was a tyrant. All I saw was a tyrant. I was so blinded by the hope that I could save Albion, and replace you on the throne; I never stopped to think why you turned like this. I never stopped to think that you regretted killing her...

It is all said and done now. You are dead. I am living. And I promise you this, my brother, on my heart and soul I promise you;

Every day that passes I shall be plagued by your death.