i own nothing! i don't even own a job anymore. =/


February 18th

It was about two o'clock in the morning, and I couldn't sleep. Getting sleep was hard, because if I didn't have to pee every ten minutes, then I just couldn't get comfortable thanks to my ginormous belly. So instead, I lay in the dark listening to Edward in the living room typing on his laptop.

I thought about my options. I thought about what had Irina said, and what every member of the Cullen family had said, and what Jasper would have probably said if he could talk to me from beyond the grave. I thought about what my heart felt when Edward kissed me. I thought about all the times that Edward had shown me any affection when I was with Jasper and how it never felt odd or uncomfortable. I thought about how I couldn't use the baby as any kind of excuse because Edward would be there no matter what I decided.

And I thought about how I was lying in bed, alone, while a perfectly good and willing man was in my living room, also alone.

I looked at the all the pictures on the dresser next to my bed. Most of them were of just me and Jasper but a few were of the three of us. There was one that grabbed my attention. I was standing in between Jasper and Edward, my arms wrapped around Jasper, and I was looking up at him in clear admiration. Jasper had an arm around me and his other hand was in his pocket. He was smiling at the camera. Edward, although, had his arm around my waist and he was looking down at me with the same expression of awe and love I had while looking at Jasper.

It occurred to me, I was extremely stupid. How could I have possibly missed that for six whole years? I realized that, even though Jasper loved me more than anything, it was possible Edward loved me more than Jasper was probably ever capable of. He had waited for the impossible.

I thought of the fizzy pop feelings I had when Edward looked at me from beneath those dark lashes. The warmth I felt when he kissed me, and of how excited I was when he was coming home from Denver. There was something there. Was it love? It could be, if I gave it a chance.

Before I could chicken out, I heaved myself out of my bed and quietly snuck out into the living room. Edward was furiously tip-taping away on his laptop with one hand and drinking a can of Mt. Dew with a crazy straw with the other. I smiled at the sight. Silly boy with his messy hair and bright green eyes. How could anyone not love him?

He glanced up from his keyboard and saw me standing there. Edward immediately set his computer to the side, his face lined with worry. "What are you doing up? Everything okay?"

"Yup. Just couldn't sleep." I waddled over to the couch. "Mind if I sit?"

"No." He quickly cleared away his pile of junk food wrappers and work stuff and took my arm as I lowered myself.

"What are you working on?" I was stalling.

"Just some programming stuff." He was staring at me strangely. "Do you need anything? Do you want some tea?" Edward was preparing to stand when I put my hand on his arm, stopping him.

"Actually . . ." I took a deep breath. "I want you to kiss me." He plopped back down on the couch; the shocked look on his face was priceless.

"I . . . well . . .umm." He swallowed.

"This is me instigating. I know it's not romantic or anything but I'm trying."

"Hey, what I said in the attic that day . . .I was being a dick. You can take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere. If you need another six years then you can take another six years." He gave me a sad smile.

"You were being a dick, but that doesn't mean you weren't partially right. I think we've both been unfair to each other. You've rushed me and I've given you mixed signals. So I want to rewind and start again. I want you to kiss me." Edward stared at me for a few moments, and I didn't think he was going to do it.

But then he raised his hand to my cheek, rubbing his thumb over my cheekbone. He leaned forward and I leaned forward and when our lips met the familiar fizzy-pop feeling returned. His kiss was soft and gentle, but I kissed back with fervor that he eventually matched. I couldn't for the life of me remember why I didn't do this sooner. This was how first kisses should be, not drunk kisses at midnight.

He pulled back too soon and tugged on his spacer, waiting for my reaction.

"That was perfect." I gushed, feeling my cheeks redden.

"Yeah?"

"Yes," I said firmly. "I-I want to try. With you. Okay?"

"Are you sure? Not to be a douche but I need to know you're serious about this."

"I am serious but we go slow."

"Yes, ma'am. We'll go as slow as a snail. Maybe slower. A snail might zoom past us." Edward was rambling. He could barely contain his excitement.

"All right, then." I smiled and he smiled and it was a goofy moment. "I should get back to bed."

"Okay." He stood up to help me off the couch but I hesitated. I didn't want to go back into that room. That was me and Jasper's room, and Jasper was gone.

"Actually, do you mind if I stay out here with you?"

"Sure. That would be . . .that would be great." He grabbed his comforter, which he stored on the loveseat, and rearranged me on the couch so that I was leaning back against him. I fell asleep almost instantly and woke up the next morning, still cuddled against Edward, feeling happy and looking forward to a new start.


oh boy! is Bella finally gaining some sense?! who knows!

so this is going to be winding down soon. i estimate maybe 4 or 5 chapters.

also, a new chapter of First is on it's way!

thank you to everyone that reviews, reads, pimps, everything!

thanks to larin20, she is an awesome beta.

please check out my book blog, it needs some lovin'. =D