Chapter one: the massacre

"Sake?"

"Yeah, sake. What the hell does it look like? I feel like celebrating."

It was an unusually nice day - the clear afternoon sky was an absurdly bright, neon shade of blue, and a mild, warm breeze rustled the leaves on the trees. The forests in the Land of Rivers were dense and ancient, studded with enourmous old trees whose foliage formed a canopy far above their heads. Little patches of sunlight streamed through gaps in the cover, dancing over the forest floor with the fluttering of the leaves, and Kisame had to admit that a day this beautiful was reason in itself to celebrate. He glanced over to find Deidara shifting the bottle of sake in his hands, a mischevious, almost lewd grin curving his lips. The blonde was still hopped up from his battle, practically glowing with energy, his innocent appearance barely concealing the bloodlust that seethed just under the surface. How many people had he killed just a few hours earlier? Fifty? Seventy? And barely a scratch on him - the blood that stained a few of the clouds on his Akatsuski robe was almost certainly someone else's. Deidara had definitely executed their mission with terrifying skill, and the bottle he had grabbed from the wreckage was just excessive proof that he'd enjoyed the slaughter. Feeling tired and a little old, Kisame had to remind himself that the blonde's lust for killing was no more than an asset... after all, what was a shinobi other than a weapon? And a weapon that faltered in the face of carnage was, well... useless. He broke from his thoughts and stole another glance in the blonde's direction. Deidara was staring at him with a feverishly bright blue eye, doing little to hide his impatience.

"I don't know," Kisame finally sighed. "We're not really supposed to drink... Pain will have a fit if he finds out..."

Deidara snorted a gay little 'hmph' and rolled his eyes. "You can't be serious," he said. "We completed our mission, didn't we? Or rather, I completed our mission. You just watched, hmm." Grinning, he tossed the bottle in the air, giving it some torque, and caught it in mid-spin. "I think you're just being a kurmudgen." He pointed the bottle accusingly at Kisame, his face an exaggerated mask of disdain.

"Shit," the swordman muttered. "Have a little respect for your seniors... fucking brat."

"Ugh, stop calling me that," Deidara retorted, scowling. "After that battle, you should have a little respect for me, don't you think? It was a masterpiece."

"Masterpiece?" said Kisame, feeling an ironic smirk curve his lips. "No, that was a massacre." He glanced over at the blonde to find him practically beaming, as if that had been a compliment. But he supposed it was, in a way. After all, their orders had been to massacre - Pain had even used that exact word to describe it...

Their mission had been to take down a gang of thugs who had recently been encroaching on one of the Akatsuki's loosely defined territories in the Land of Rice Paddies. The land was constantly in turmoil, so villages often made pacts with shady organizations such as the Akatsuki to protect them from marauders and whatnot. In return, they'd give whatever their village had to offer, which was usually rice, vegetables, and occasionally some meat. But hey, even the Akatsuki had to eat, and killing off a few attackers now and then was a small price to pay. The thugs recently causing problems had been a rising nuance in the region over the past few months, gaining territories and generally just stirring up shit. But they had barged in on the wrong territory, and the Akatsuki weren't exactly known for taking half-assed measures. It was Pain's mantra to inflict utter devastation on anyone who crossed him - delivering what he considered to be the wrath of a god.

The original plan had been to send Deidara and Sasori, but Sasori had just acquired some new 'puppets', meaning he had captured some shinobi with interesting jutsu that he wanted to gut alive and preserve for his collection. Sasori was a stubborn son of a bitch, especially when it came to 'art', so Pain hadn't even argued over it. Coincidentally, Kisame and Itachi had been getting some so-called r&r in the same hideout, meaning Itachi had fallen ill and was confined to bedrest until the symptoms of his chronic disease weren't so blatant... so the answer had been obvious. Sweeping executions weren't really Kisame's style, but no one else had been around to carry out the mission with Deidara. So it goes.

In the end, though, Kisame didn't have to do shit. They only had vague intel as to the whereabouts of the enemy base, but Deidara had found it in surprisingly little time from the sky. The camp, hidden along the western border of the Land of Rivers, was protected by a cliff face on one side and a huge, bristling wall of sharpened logs that ran around the remaining perimeter. As Kisame soon found out, though, the defenses merely ended up leaving the enemy penned in like cattle for slaughter in the face of Deidara's jutsu.

"Just watch me," the blonde had said, eyes bright with anticipation. "Enjoy the show... and kill anyone who tries to escape." Kisame had grudgingly agreed... he didn't give a flying fuck who did what as long as they completed their mission. So he had perched in a tree outside the fort-like walls that provided a decent view inside, sat back, and watched the show.

He had never worked with Deidara before, so he'd had no idea what to expect, but the battle that enfolded before his eyes exceeded any vague expectations he might have had. It was nothing like the blonde's embarrassing fight with Itachi that had duped him into joining the Ataksuki - Deidara's justu was violence and chaos unlike anything he'd ever witnessed. He was like some kind of fucked up deity, raining down destruction from the heavens, laughing in delight as the poor shits below tried to hit him with arrows and spears. He plummeted and spiraled through the sky on his clay hawk as if flying was second nature, and didn't seem to give a damn that one mistake could send him falling to his death. Within the first minute, the entire encampment was ablaze - maimed thugs ran screaming from erupting buildings, only to be blown to smitherenes the second they made it outside. Soon, there was so much smoke in the air that Kisame could barely see what was going on, but the chorus of terrified screams and the smell of burning flesh told the story for him. The stout fortress walls that had protected the camp so well in the past were now doing the exact opposite; he watched with a bemused grin as those still alive tried desperately to climb their way to freedom, only to be picked off by one of Deidara's kunai as he swooped by. The only way in or out was a huge gate that looked like it took a fair amount of manpower to open, and in the midst of the chaos, no one was level-headed enough to even get it to budge. What an idiotic design... Kisame mused, laughing outloud at the morbid irony of it all until there was no one left able to climb.

Eventually, the flames died down to embers, and Kisame caught glimpses of Deidara, on foot now, searching among the rubble for survivors and methodically slitting their throats. When every last thug was either dead or mortally wounded to his satisfaction, he remounted his hawk and emerged over the wall, grinning wildly. He landed gracefully by Kisame at the base of the tree, smudged with soot and blood.

"Well that was fun," he said lightly, running a hand through his disheveled hair. "I wish more missions were that exciting."

Kisame grinned, baring teeth. "Careful what you wish for," he said. "The way you fight, you'll be dead in no time." He tried to think of something else demeaning to say, but his tongue was tied. Perhaps he was a bit shellshocked... Deidara's jutsu was the loudest, flashiest form of fighting he'd ever witnessed. Absent-mindedly, he licked his thumb and wiped a smudge of soot off the blonde's cheek. The skin under his thumb was warm and smooth and he was hit with a nearly irresistable urge to linger there, but he pushed the thought away, cursing himself as he withdrew his hand. He searched his mind for something to say and finally came up with "you're an idiot."

Deidara snorted. "Whatever," he growled. "You're just jealous." He ran his fingers through his hair again and looked back toward the wreckage, hiding his face... but Kisame could have sworn he'd seen a blush on his cheeks.

He sighed. There was an uncomfortable tightness in his pants and it took him a second to realize he had an erection. He rolled his eyes, disgusted with himself, and straightened his jacket to ensure it was covered up. "Let's get going," he mumbled. "This place reeks of burning flesh..."

"Fine," Deidara said, shrugging. So they embarked on their three day journey back to the nearest hideout, leaving the smoking wreckage of the camp behind them until it was nothing but a black smudge on the horizon.

Which led them to the present. They had been walking for a solid three hours, Deidara bounding ahead then lagging behind Kisame's steady pace, chattering away as he dug around for the exploding mushrooms he ground up into his clay, or paused to admire a flower. And the whole while, Kisame felt a burning in his gut and a tightness in his throat that could only be lust. His would find himself ogling as the blonde bent over to inspect something, reveling in the slender curves that barely showed through the loose folds of his jacket. It had been like this through the whole mission - starting with a mild interest, then quickly festering to flat-out lust. In fact, he could barely remember the last time he'd gotten laid, and hadn't even dwelled on it until now. Perhaps he had been ignoring his hormones for too long, because sheer willpower was the only thing preventing him from pinning Deidara against a tree and splitting open that cute little ass with his angry, ten-inch cock. And the weird thing was, he hadn't even thought about a man this way in ages... he'd actually been convinced he'd become straight. There was just something about Deidara that transcended gender, a sex appeal so palpable he could feel it, like electricity. And now the blonde wanted to get drunk? He could barely believe it but the proof was right before his eyes, impatiently tossing his hair and shifting the bottle in his hands.

"Yeah, sure. Whatever," Kisame finally sighed. "Honestly, I don't know why you're even asking for my permission. But..." He let a grin slide over his lips. "...You should probably share it with me, just so you don't get too wasted." Well... actually, it wouldn't be all that bad, he mused. Too shitfaced to defend himself, or to remember anything the next day...

"Ha, alright," Deidara said, beaming. Without further ado, he uncorked the bottle and took a drink. "I haven't had a single drop since i joined this fuckin' organization," he griped, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "Sasori doesn't allow it... says it'll impair my integrity or some crap."

"Yah, Sasori's, err... cautious," Kisame said as he sauntered up, snatched the bottle and took a sizeable drink.

"Cautious is an understatement," Deidara huffed. "The last time he caught me with booze, he broke the full bottle over my fuckin' skull!" He grazed his fingertips over the back of his head and winced. "Big-ass ceramic bottle... I hadn't even opened it..." he muttered. "I swear, he has no regard for those of us who still feel pain."

"Heh, what a prick... so this was recent?" Kisame asked, smirking. Deidara's answer was a scowl and a glare, and Kisame noticed that the blonde had to tilt his head up to meet his gaze. In fact, the top of the younger man's head barely came up to his shoulders, and the vast difference in height only turned him on more. The blonde was so small it made him appear fragile, in a way... Kisame longed to see what that delicate little body would look like after being ravaged, cut up and bruised by his sharp teeth and calloused hands - like a broken piece of china.

"It doesn't matter when it happened," Deidara sighed, shifting uncomfortably. "As if you give a shit."

"Hey, now," Kisame chuckled, wondering briefly if he had been caught ogling. "I was trying to at least give you the illusion that I care."

A snort of dry laughter escaped Deidara's lips. "Leave the illusions to your partner, hmm?" he said. "You're about as sympathetic as a rock. Maybe even less... at least rocks don't talk shit."

"That's a stupid analogy," Kisame muttered. He took another big slam of sake, watching the blonde's patience thin as he drank.

"Fuck, Kisame!" Deidara predictably burst. "I agreed to share that with you, not watch you drink it all!"

"Ha, what was that?" Kisame sneered as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Why don't you go tell your problems to a rock then, eh? Whiny brat."

Deidara's eyes narrowed and his hands flexed at his sides, and warning signals flashed through Kisame's brain. The blonde's appearance had shifted - bipolarly so - from harmless to violent... the swordsman was suddenly filled with an uncomfortable, edgy regret that he was such a shit-talker. Sasori had warned him that it didn't take much to push the brat over the edge. "This is gonna end up one of two ways," Deidara grated tensely.

"Oh yah?" Kisame growled. He could feel Samehada bristling against his back. "How's it gonna end, Deidara?"

"If you keep acting like an asshole, this forest is gonna be scattered with burning chunks of blue flesh!" Deidara shouted. "Damnit, I'm so sick of you I could vomit! This entire mission you've been like a fuckin'... playground bully! Where the hell do you get off?"

"In your fuckin' mouth, bitch," Kisame spat. He was quickly becoming annoyed - it was festering like an itch he couldn't scratch. "I'm sick of your stupid analogies... do you think Kirigakure had a fucking playground?" He took a sip of sake, grinning fiercely, then spat it onto Deidara's face. He barely had time to relish in how the sake kind of looked like gizz splattered across the brat's pale skin before the blonde's hand had disappeared under his jacket, going for his clay.

"Don't you fucking dare!" the swordsman snapped - and then he was in motion, charging toward Deidara at full speed, subconciously plugging the bottle of sake with his thumb. The blonde's face was an almost insane mask of hatred as he nimbly dodged out of harm's way, and Kisame was sorely reminded of how much he hated going up against long-range fighters. They were always so hard to hit...

Five minutes later, the forest had been transformed into a fiery hell pit by Deidara's bombs. The ground was pocked with craters and splintered wood, and the air shimmered with heat. Falling branches were almost as much of a concern as the bombs themselves, snapping from the burning trunks and plummeting down like fiery spears. Luckily, the dense upper canopy was still unharmed, for Kisame feared it would catch like kindling and set fire to the whole damn Land of Rivers. The swordman himself was a fucking mess - his jacket had caught fire at some point and had burned him quite severely before he'd been able to rip it off, and he had been punctured by a few splinters of wood, hurled from the blasts like shrapnel. But none of the wounds were fatal, so he hadn't had Samehada heal him... he didn't want Deidara to find out and up the ante. Not like he had time to heal anyway - the blonde was hitting him with so many attacks he barely even had time to form hand signs, and the suiton-release jutsu he had used so far had just been damage control - putting out fires that were creeping too close to the canopy. He glanced up and caught sight of Deidara, who was still unharmed, perched on a branch far above the range of the fire. The little bastard's bombs were so fast and accurate that he could hold a fight from an insane distance, and Kisame had been knocked down by explosions every time he'd tried to climb up. So in conclusion, the last five minutes had sucked, hard.

Well, since the terrain's in Deidara's favor, I guess I'll just have to change it, he thought to himself, briefly pulling his thumb out of the sake and taking a quick sip. It's time to put an end to this bullshit.

He sent up a water clone first, to give himself some cover. It wasn't the clone that provided the cover, though - it was Deidara's predictable reaction. The explosion was a deafening ball of fire and smoke, and it gave Kisame just enough time to get his water shockwave jutsu going unnoticed. By the time the smoke had cleared, the water was expanding upward so fast it was nearly to Deidara's elevation before he even noticed - Kisame was delighted to see the blonde actually fail at evading for once and get sucked neatly under the surface. The water was a disgusting slurry of ash and blackened tree limbs, studded with charred trunks and branches, and Kisame was almost certain that the blonde couldn't see shit... but his own eyes could see just fine. This is what they were really meant for, after all. He could see quite clearly that Deidara, unfamiliar with this jutsu, was still clinging to the same branch he'd been perched on, eyes squinting as he tried to analyze the situation. Fitfully, he shed his jacket, letting it float away, then jammed a hand into his pouch of clay, confirming the swordsman's theory that the bombs worked underwater. Well, no matter. This was going to be over soon no matter what the blonde had up his sleeve - underwater, Kisame had the upper hand regardless of how many bombs were spit at him.

Hidden behind a large, charred trunk, he quickly unwrapped Samehada from its binding. The weapon was visibly excited to be underwater, flexing its spines and chomping its sharp teeth. He had never shown the blonde what the sword looked like - the brat probably assumed it was just a big metal blade - so he had the advantage of surprise. He gave Samehada a subvocal command and gently released it, then watched from behind the trunk as it swam swiftly toward Deidara. Underwater, Samehada was more of an animal than a sword - its spines worked as a thousand little fins, rippling as it swam - and the way it twisted through the water was more akin to a snake than a shark. It was frightfully fast and agile - even he couldn't outswim it.

The fight was over so quickly it was almost anticlimactic. Just as Kisame had predicted, Deidara was nearly blind in the murky water, so Samehada had crept up on him unnoticed. The blonde had sent out a few mine-type bombs that, artfully, looked like squid, but Samehada had felt their chakra and neatly avoided them. Once past the mines, it had viciously wrapped itself around the unsuspecting blonde, digging its spines into his flesh. There wasn't much of a struggle - the whole thing had happened in just a matter of seconds - and now Deidara was squirming around uselessly, losing air as he shouted a stream of curses, his blood diffusing into murky clouds. Grinning, Kisame secured himself on a stout branch, then released the water prison with a quick hand sign. Immobilized by Samehada, the blonde went plummeting to the earth along with the million gallons of water, and cried out in pain as he hit the ground with a loud thud. Nearly beside himself with triumph, Kisame jumped down from branch to branch and landed lightly by his mangled victory. Deidara had landed in a puddle of ash-grey mud - he was covered in it - and blood was oozing from Samehada's embedded spines. The sword, unaffected by the impact, was gleefully absorbing the blonde's chakra, bloating like a spiky leech. When it felt Kisame's presence, it unwrapped itself from the motionless body and wriggled up to his feet like a dog that had fetched a stick.

"Heh, good job," Kisame said aloud, giving it a pat. It arched gratefully against his hand then healed him, twining its tail-like hilt around his ankle. Once his wounds had disappeared to little more than off-color scars, he knelt down over the blonde, who had been watching him silently out of one wincing, heavy-lidded eye. The scope over his left eye was caked with mud and filthy water was leaking from the lense, rendering it utterly useless.

"I should fuckin' kill you," the swordsman growled. "To say that was annoying would be a huge understatement."

Deidara coughed weakly, spitting up a fair amount of muddy water. "Then fuckin' kill me," he rasped. "I'm obviously no more than a nuisance to you..." His gaze shifted to the bottle of sake, which had remained unharmed through the entire battle, and the look on his face was of absolute despair. "If you can beat me one-handed, what good am I?" he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. "I train so fucking hard... but it's all just pointless..."

"Shut up, Deidara," Kisame snapped. Without thinking, he roughly backhanded the blonde in the jaw, snapping his head to the side. The younger man cried out hoarsely and a trickle of blood spilled out the side of his mouth. "This whole stupid fight was about the sake," the swordsman grated. "And now you're bitching because I went through the trouble of saving it?" He realized his thumb was still corking the bottle and pulled it out, then flexed his stiff hand. "It was a huge pain in the ass," he growled. "You should be grateful."

Deidara sighed raggedly, and Kisame was shocked to see that he was blushing under all that mud. With tremendous effort, he shakily propped himself up onto one elbow. "If you went through all that trouble, let me have a drink," he murmured, reaching for the bottle. When he took it from Kisame's hand, his grip was so weak he nearly dropped it before raising it to his lips.

"Fuckin' Samehada..." Kisame mumbled, disgusted with himself that he was feeling empathy. "It almost sucked your chakra dry." He looked over to find the bloated weapon scooting around contentedly in a puddle of mud.

"Your pet needs a bath," Deidara mumbled, gazing listlessly at the muddy sword. "For one of the infamous Great Blades... it's acting kinda cute."

Kisame snorted, feeling a grin tug his lips. "I don't know if 'cute' is the right word," he said. His gaze swung back over to Deidara, who was taking another drink of sake, his slender throat bobbing as he swallowed. Perverted thoughts crowded the swordsman's mind and he couldn't help but dwell on how helpless the blonde was - it was a simple fact that he could do terrible, unforgivable things to Deidara's body without getting more than a scratch. I could strip him naked and rape him right here in the mud, he told himself. Dizzy from his own black imagination, he took a few deep breaths, forcing himself to remain calm.

"Damn, I'm thirsty," Deidara panted, breaking Kisame's evil train of thought. "And to think I was about to drown a minute ago..." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, only succeeding in smearing around the mud. Too drained to be frustrated, he mumbled a curse then sluggishly removed his scope, peeling the wet material from the side of his face. Filthy water trapped in the eyepiece flooded down his cheek, cutting a path through the mud... it looked oddly as though he'd been crying out of just one eye.

"Shit. You're a mess," Kisame mumbled.

"Screw you, Kisame..." Deidara's supporting arm was shaking with strain - he laughed bitterly when it finally gave way and his head splashed back into the mud. The bottle of sake slipped out of his hand and nearly spilled before Kisame snatched it up. "I take it back," the blonde murmured. "There's nothing cute about Samehada. I feel like absolute shit."

"Well, you brought it on yourself," Kisame said. "You have no control over your temper."

"Like I need a fucking lecture right now," Deidara sighed. "As a matter of fact, why the hell are you even still here? You should just leave me to rot in this mud... Or do you enjoy watching people suffer? Hmm?"

"Maybe I do," Kisame growled, a grin sliding over his lips. "I swear, Deidara... you're in no position to talk shit."

"Ha, what're you gonna do?"" Deidara sneered. "You a pervert or something?"

"Ugh, shut the fuck up," Kisame muttered. "It's not my fault you look like a fuckin'... chick with a dick." He sighed and took a drink of sake, glad that he had gone through the trouble of saving it. When he lowered the bottle he saw that Deidara was, predictably, blushing a pretty shade of red. "What, you surprised?" he said, the sarcasm obvious in his tone. "As if there's not a confused straight guy left jerking off in the wake of everyone you've met."

"You really have a way with words, Kisame..." Diedara sighed, rolling his eyes. "But honestly, you're not half-"

Kisame's hand shot out and clamped over the blonde's mouth before he could summon the phrase 'shut up.' He had felt something, and when he looked over at Samehada, the sword was bristling aggressively. Deidara was squirming and shouting muffled curses into his hand - he stopped when he saw the threatening look on the swordsman's face.

"Thanks to your explosive temper, we've already been spotted," Kisame hissed. "We have to get the fuck out of here." The way Samehada was bristling, he knew that a considerable amount of chakra was approaching - probably a four-man squad of shinobi - and they were approaching fast. "Shit. Hang on," he said, his voice lowered to a whisper.

Samehada came to him before he had even said a word - the sword knew better than he that danger was nearby. Kisame grabbed the blonde's hand and was met with a silent glare.

"Now's not the time to act like a bitch," the swordsman growled. He positioned Deidara's hand over his then grabbed Samehada's hilt. "And I swear - not a word of this to anyone." Samehada began to heal him, obeying his will, and the chakra it emitted seeped from his hand to Deidara's. It was an ability he only shared with Itachi, since the Mangekyo always took so much out of him. He had always kept it a strict secret - he wasn't a medic ninja, for crying out loud.

"Let's just kill them now, hmm?" Deidara burst. Suddenly he was on his feet and a considerable distance away, a technique that had always annoyed Kisame regarding long-range fighters. "Come on... I've already killed fourty-seven people today... let's up the ante! Hmmmm?"

"Shut the fuck up," Kisame hissed, shocked at how quickly the blonde had recovered his meager amount of chakra. "Do you want to fight Pain when we get back to the hideout? Because he'll know about this... and he'll be fucking pissed." He sighed, exasperated. "The Akatsuki have high goals... but right now, we're no more than criminals listed in every jonin's bingo book. We can't just go around slaughtering shinobi, stirring up shit..."

Deidara's hand was already in his clay. "Fine," he sneered. "Don't talk to me like I'm stupid." Five seconds later his hand spat out a lump of clay which he artfully produced into some sort of prehistoric bird. "Ha, let's go then," he said, grinning wildly.

Kisame looked over his shoulder and to his dismay he could see the vague outlines of four shinobi approaching. "Can't you make two of those things?" he grated.

"Since you don't want to fight, I don't have time to give you flying lessons," Deidara chirped, clearly gloating at the fact that he had the upper hand. "Of course, you could always just walk. I'm sure you'd lose them eventually... maybe..."

"Didn't I tell you to shut the fuck up?" Kisame growled. "I swear, I should just cut your fuckin' tongue out."

"Ugh... a real way with words," Deidara sighed. "Now come on!"

With a few quick motions Kisame crudely bound Samehada to his back and jumped onto the bird behind Deidara. Now the shinobi were so close he could see their headbands - they were from Konahagakure. Scowling, he dodged a kunai with a casual tilt of his head.

"Hold onto me, idiot. You'll fall off," Deidara hissed.

"Damn. This is embarrassing," Kisame grumbled, awkwardly grabbing the blonde's hips. And then they were in motion, gaining elevation at a surprising rate. One of the shinobi lamely shouted 'get back here' and the swordsman barely had time to flip him off before they pierced through the canopy.

X X X

"So... I'm not half what?"

Deidara sighed and shot the swordsman another glare. They were insanely high up - the forest below them was little more than a shaggy green carpet, and the rivers that wound through the land looked like snaking blue veins.

"Come on... what were you gonna say before I cut you off back there?" Kisame pried. "You know I won't stop bugging you until you tell me." His hand was still gripping the blonde's hip even though the ride was smooth... he was delighted that Deidara didn't seem to mind.

"Ugh, screw you, Kisame..." The younger man was nervously fidgeting with his wrecked scope, scraping off the dried mud with his fingernails.

"Come on... just say it..."

"Gimme the sake," Deidara growled. He snatched the bottle from Kisame and took a slam, then wiped his mouth with the back of his mud-streaked hand. The mud had dried to a light ash-grey and it looked as though all the color had seeped out of his skin. "Err... I was gonna say... uh..."

"Come on!"

"You're not half-bad yourself, Kisame," Deidara finally sighed, exasperated. "There. You happy?"

Kisame laughed outloud, grinning crookedly. "I am, actually," he said. "But you must have gotten hit in the head pretty hard when you fell... I'm sure you'll snap out of it and remember I'm fuckin' ugly."

Deidara snorted and ran a hand through his damp hair, stealing another glance back at the swordsman. "Heh... funny story, actually..." he said.

"There's a story to this?" Kisame asked, unable to wipe the shit-eating grin off his face. "I'm listening."

All the mud in the world couldn't hide the blush on Deidara's cheeks. "Before I went rogue, I was in Iwagakure's explosion corps," he said. "So needless to say, I had a bingo book... and you were in it, ha." He shrugged awkwardly. "I had a weird thing for you, what can I say? The infamous tail-less biju... you're quite notorious, you know? Your bio said you were highly dangerous... and I've always been drawn to badasses. Never thought I'd actually run into you though."

"Well, the world gets a lot smaller once you go rogue," said Kisame. "We found you in no time with a bingo book."

"Gah, I figured. Screw that old geezer," Deidara mumbled. "Can't mind his own business..."

"Who?"

"Oh. The Tsuchikage. Meddling old fart, putting me on everyone's hitlist. Couldn't just let me go rogue in peace, could he? I'm gonna blow that old bastard to bits some day, just you wait."

Kisame laughed, baring teeth. "My, your temper," he mused. He looked over his shoulder at the sun, which was sinking toward the curved horizon. The sky had deepened to a calm shade of ocean blue and their shadows had become long, harsh lines on the white clay of the bird. Nearly an hour had passed since their escape from the Konaha ninja. "It's almost sunset," he said. "We should descend soon..."

"Yah," Deidara murmured. "I'm looking for a decent place to land..."

"Do you need the sake to do that?" Kisame asked, smirking. He slid his hand around to the blonde's waist and pulled him closer, then reached for the bottle. Deidara's breath hitched - his skin felt hot under the swordsman's fingertips - and he took one last quick drink before handing it over, blushing fiercely.

"Damnit Kisame," he breathed. "You're gonna distract me... I'm already kinda buzzed..."

"Heheh... sorry," Kisame said. "Can't help it." His hand found the waistline of Deidara's pants; he untucked the blonde's mesh undershirt and slipped his hand under the fabric, grazing his fingertips over the taut skin of his stomach. Deidara murmured a curse and leaned back against the swordsman slightly, breathing quickly.

"Fuck," the blonde panted. "You should really stop..."

"That's the least convincing thing I've ever heard," Kisame growled, nipping the younger man's earlobe. He took a drink of sake then returned his attention to Deidara's ear, nipping it with his sharp teeth until the blonde moaned breathlessly and squirmed in his grasp. "In fact, you telling me to stop is just turning me on more," he whispered.

"No... you seriously gotta stop," Deidara heaved. "Seriously, Kisame!"

The swordsman's ears popped. Startled, he looked down and found the forest hurtling toward him, rapidly gaining detail until he could see the leaves on the trees. Scowling, Deidara righted the bird so quickly the it forced the air out of Kisame's lungs, leaving him gasping breathlessly like a beached fish.

"Damnit," the blonde huffed, brushing his damp hair out of his eyes. "What did I tell you?"

"Oh, come on," Kisame panted, embarrassed. "It's not my fault you were swooning."

"Yeah it is," Deidara curtly replied. "Well, this is close to where I was gonna land anyway..." They haphazardly descended through a gap in the forest canopy, twigs snapping and whipping around them. A sizeable branch caught Kisame in the face; he winced, annoyed, and dismounted the bird before it had even touched down. Not to his surprise, his dick was hard, making a very obvious tent out of his pants. Cursing, he squeezed it roughly, trying to make it go down. He looked over at Deidara, who had just dismounted, and saw that the blonde was blushing and doing the same thing. He laughed outloud, grinning crookedly.

"Screw you, Kisame," Deidara huffed, visibly flustered. "Taking advantage of me..." He made the bird disappear in a puff of smoke with a quick handsign.

"Ha, seriously?" Kisame sneered. "Don't act so innocent. You probably jerked it to my picture in your bingo book."

"I didn't need to jerk off in Iwagakure," the blonde replied with a smirk. "I was up to my balls in, uh... both genders."

Kisame blinked. The image of Deidara screwing a woman just wouldn't form correctly in his head. Maybe a woman with a strap-on...

"Okay, fine," Deidara admitted. "It was mostly men. Kurotsuchi sucked my dick once but I couldn't stay hard. Um... it was really weird." He shrugged. "Anyway... the river's this way," he said, giving his dick one last frustrated shove before heading off toward the east.

Kisame sighed and followed the blonde, briefly wondering who Kurotsuchi was before deciding that he didn't care. He looked around, finally taking note of his surroundings, and realized by the terrain that they had achieved over half a day's travel in just an hour. He was the one who had insisted they walk the entire journey thus far and he felt more than a little stupid for being such a kurmudgen. If they had flown, they'd already be back at the hideout by now. Well, not like I regret it, he told himself. Because this situation is fuckin' awesome. Alone in the middle of nowhere with a flustered, horny Deidara, the bottle of sake still about half-full, he was fairly confident that the evening was about to get even more interesting.

They walked in silence for once but Kisame didn't mind. The sun was beginning to set, tinting everything a warm color, and the long, slanted rays that slipped through the canopy cast a shrine-like feel to the ancient forest. This area was untouched by man, save a few passing shinobi such as themselves, and there was a certain reverence to it. Kisame wasn't religious, but places like this made him feel... at peace. Perhaps that was why Deidara wasn't his usual yappy self - or maybe it was just because he was irritated and covered in mud. Probably the latter, he told himself. The blonde's only religious moments were likely when he was setting off bombs, destroying pretty spots like this.

"Here we are," Deidara finally said. Low and behold, they were at a river - a fairly large one at that. Kisame wasn't surprised... after all, he had been hearing the sound of rushing water for at least the past five minutes. But it was a beautiful spot. The ground was thick with springy moss that left imprints of their footsteps behind them, and there was an abundance of ferns and wildflowers, lush from the nearby water supply. Rapids upstream left a spray of mist over the water that caught the lengthening rays of light, suspending the warm colors in the air. "Pretty," the blonde murmured.

"Yah," said Kisame. He unshouldered Samehada and rested it against a boulder, then kneaded his shoulder. The poor sword didn't look happy about being muddy anymore - the shit had caked all over its spines, practically immobilizing it. "I need to give this thing a bath," he mumbled, more to himself than anything. He looked over to find Deidara already peeling off both his shirts, nearly ripping the wet fabric in his haste. He'd never seen the blonde shirtless before - until now, the younger man had always traveled a distance downstream to bathe, paranoid for what Kisame supposed was a good reason.

"Hey, stop ogling me," Deidara snapped, flinging his wet shirts onto a nearby boulder.

"Hell no," Kisame bluntly replied, grinning. He took a sip of sake and sat back on the boulder next to Samehada, doing his best to ogle as blatantly as possible. "I've been a gentleman this entire mission... I think I've earned this, haven't I?"

Deidara laughed genuinely. "A gentleman? Really?" he chuckled. "Honestly, Kisame... there's nothing gentle about you." He was still laughing when he unbuckled his belt and flung it onto the same boulder as his shirts, not seeming to give a shit that two pouches of highly explosive clay were attached. Without the belt, his baggy pants sunk lower on his hips, exposing the enticing curves where the small of his back met his ass.

"Nice," Kisame murmured, fighting a sudden impulse to start masturbating. "Now show me the rest."

Deidara's laughter finally subsided. "You're really making this hard for me, you know that?" he sighed, blushing fiercely. "If you're gonna be like this, at least give me the sake."

Kisame held out the bottle, smirking devilishly. "Come over here and get it, then," he sneered.

"You're a dick," the blonde muttered. But apparently his need to bury his shame in booze overrode his pride, because he only paused for a few seconds before approaching the swordsman, his light footsteps disappearing behind him in the moss. The expression on Kisame's face was nothing less than sinister as he drank in the perfection of the tight little body before him. Now this is art, he mused, grinning.

"Ugh, come on," Deidara huffed, holding up his pants with one hand. "Can't you just hand me the bottle like a normal person?"

"Right... like any men act normal around you," Kisame muttered. He let the blonde snatch the bottle out of his hand and copped a feel when he turned around, grabbing a firm little handfull of ass. Deidara shot him a glare behind his shoulder, the bottle already raised to his lips, then skulked over to the river and sat down at the edge.

"I swear, Kisame..." Deidara mumbled. He took another pull of sake then jammed the bottle into the moss. "I don't think all the sake in the world could make me comfortable around you. Your eyes alone are intimidating."

Kisame laughed. "My eyes?" he mused. "Itachi's the one with the intimidating eyes. Mine just look weird." Before he could stop himself, his thoughts automatically gravitated to Itachi's Tsukiyomi. A shudder ran through him and when he looked down at his arms he noticed that, predictably, just the thought of it had raised gooseflesh. Ugh... he thought. Even now...

He heard a splash. Startled, he broke from his thoughts to find Deidara already in the water. The blonde grinned crookedly, submerged to his chin. "You missed it," he sneered. On the river's edge lay his headband, hairpiece, and the rest of his muddy clothes, neatly folded.

Kisame sighed, rubbing his arms. "You're a bitch," he stated. Deidara's grin merely widened before he disappeared under the water's surface, leaving a little ripple and a lick of blonde hair. The swordsman cursed under his breath and shuddered again. Even now that cursed illusion haunts me, he thought, biting his lip almost hard enough to puncture the skin. Was this really your intent, Itachi?

When the feeling had finally passed he sullenly looked over at Samehada, who was still patiently waiting to be cleaned. "Go for a swim," he told it irritably. The sword flexed its spines uncomfortably, flaking dried mud. "Can't even move, can you?" he muttered. Samehada's response was another shiver and a pathetic growl. Sighing, he hoisted the weapon over his shoulder and walked to the river's edge, then eased it into the water. The mud quickly released its hold and Samehada squirmed fitfully until he released its hilt. And then it was gone, probably to hunt around for fish - it liked to pretend it was a shark, sensing their measly fish chakras and snapping the poor things up in its teeth, only to spit out their mangled remains because it had no digestive tract. Abomination of nature that it was, Samehada was a happy freak, content with subsisting on chakra, shredding its opponents in battle, and torturing its distant relatives in the water. Sometimes the swordsman wished he could be so simple-minded... too dumb to be bothered by the complex web of horrors that composed the fabric of the shinobi world.

He sighed yet again and began to get undressed, trying to clear his mind. He wasn't covered in mud like Deidara and Samehada had been, but his ash-ridden water prison hadn't really been a substitute for a bath. He unceremoniously stripped off his shoes and pants, tossing them into a pile on the boulder. Once he was naked, he tried to pop the small of his back. The fight earlier had... twisted it... or something. A flash of yellow caught the corner of his eye - he looked over to find Deidara had reemerged from the water. The blonde was blushing and gawking at his cock; when he realized he'd been caught, he sunk down until only the top of his head and a pair of wide blue eyes were visible.

"What's the matter?" Kisame sneered. "Like this is the first time you've seen another guy's dick." Deidara's eyes narrowed slightly. "Whatever," the swordsman muttered. He removed his headband and ran his fingers through his hair, then noticed that the blonde's gaze had shifted to his ears. "Now what?" he sighed.

Deidara revealed his face long enough to say, "I thought your ears would be... I dunno... pointy or something..." before he sunk back down.

Kisame snorted. "Idiot, I'm a human," he chuckled. "Not some mythological beast." Deidara's eyes gleamed - he was laughing - then he disappeared elusively under the water again. The swordsman smirked, his mood lifting. If anyone was mythological, it was Deidara. He was like some sort of... gay water nymph. Laughing outloud at the thought, he walked over to the sake and took a drink, then lodged it firmly back into the moss before getting in the water. The river was deep - even near the edge, it rose to his waist - and it was slightly cooler than the balmy air. He slipped under the surface and swam toward the middle, eyes open, but it was getting too dark to see much of anything. A few fish scurried away from him as he swam, little more than shadows in the dim water. Seconds later, Samehada's familiar, spiny shape appeared out of the darkness. The sword did a few excited circles around him - mildly annoyed, he surfaced. The water was a lot deeper here... standing, only his head was above the surface. Samehada's grinning maw poked out of the water next to him and in its jagged teeth wriggled a miserable, bleeding trout. It circled him again, showing off its catch. "That's great," Kisame muttered, giving it a half-hearted pat. "Now go play downstream," he said firmly. Elated, the weapon circled him one more time before disappearing back under the surface. What a waste, he thought. He'd tried several times to teach Samehada to catch fish without gnawing them to shreds, but he'd obviously never had any luck. Can't have everything, he told himself.

"What the fuck, Kisame?" Deidara shouted. The swordsman turned to find the blonde treading water a few yards away, eyes wide. "You let loose that... thing in here? It's gonna snap me up like a fish!"

"Calm down," Kisame mumbled. "It doesn't attack people unless I tell it to."

"Bullshit," Deidara snapped, nervously trying to peer through the water's surface. "It's had the taste of my blood!"

"Deidara... that doesn't even deserve a response," Kisame growled. "In fact... that's the stupidest thing anyone's ever said to me. Ever."

"Oh really?" the blonde said dryly. "You've never talked to yourself?"

"Stupid. You're fucking stupid, Deidara."

"Screw you." Deidara took a mouthful of water and spit it at the swordsman. Kisame dodged it easily, grinning.

"You know, it's not Samehada you should be worrying about," the swordsman sneered. "It's me." He caught a glimpse of the blush on the blonde's cheeks before menacingly slipping under the water's surface. The sun had finally sunk below the horizon, making the water even more difficult to see through, but he could just make out Deidara's slim outline as he tried to swim away. Too slow, he mused. He covered the distance between them in a split second, then grabbed the blonde by the ankle and swiftly pulled him under. Bubbles escaped Deidara's mouth as he cursed - he put up a bit of a struggle but stopped when Kisame roughly pinned him by the waist, pressing them together chest to chest. For a split second time seemed to stop... both men were frozen, suspended in the water, Deidara's long hair stirring wildly around him in the current. The younger man's heart was pounding and his skin was incredibly warm - right then he felt like some scared little animal caught in a predator's grasp. The swordsman tentatively ran his fingers through the blonde's long hair, marveling at how it felt like silk in the water, then grabbed a fistful of it and covered Deidara's mouth with his own.

A surge like a shock coursed through him and he felt the younger man shiver in his grasp. Deidara's mouth was the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted, warm and slick, his lips firmer and vastly more appealing than a woman's. And the blonde was a surprisingly good kisser - timid at first but slowly submitting, letting Kisame's tongue twist around his own. The swordsman felt the blonde's hands shyly touch his shoulders then slide down his back, nails dragging lightly. The contact ran another thrill down his spine... he untangled his fingers from Deidara's hair so he could graze his fingertips over the blonde's jawline, relishing in how warm the skin was to the touch, even underwater. Deidara's nails started digging into his back, so hard it was beginning to hurt. He's running out of air already? he marveled, but he quickly found a foothold and surfaced, reluctantly breaking the kiss. Deidara gasped breathlessly, blushing fiercely, his eyes clamped shut as if he was still underwater.

"Heh... you alright?" Kisame asked, brushing the blonde's wet hair out of his face. Deidara opened his eyes, still breathing quickly, and gazed hotly at the swordsman for a moment before kissing him again, grasping his shoulders as he compulsively crushed their mouths together. The swordsman growled, surprised that the blonde wasn't cursing at him or struggling to get away. With their heads above water, there was something more real to the kiss this time - it had a weight and heat to it, whereas underwater it could have been a dream. Kisame's hand wandered down to Deidara's chest, feeling the strange scar there that he had thought was a tattoo, before sinking down further to the smooth curve of his ass. The blonde moaned into the swordsman's mouth and wrapped his legs around his waist so tight it hurt. Something hard was pressed against his stomach and it took him a second to realize it was Deidara's cock. His own cock was painfully erect, rubbing up against the blonde's ass in the water.

He broke the kiss, dizzy for a second. Deidara was flushed, his eyes glinting feverishly in the fading light. They were grinding against eachother now, their motions barely discernable in the water's current, and the shy want on the blonde's face was something Kisame knew he'd never forget for the rest of his life. "You really want me, don't you?" he asked quietly, unable to shake his disbelief.

"Is there still any question?" Deidara gasped, his fingers running feverishly along the gill-like marks on Kisame's shoulders. "I already told you... how long I've wanted this..."

"It's just hard to believe," Kisame growled, his hand still groping the blonde's perfect ass. "You should know just from your bingo book that I'm a terrible human being..."

Deidara slipped a hand underwater, lightly running his fingertips over Kisame's chest. The swordsman bit his lip to supress a moan... there was just something so deliciously naive about Deidara's touch, as if he was touching some sort of exotic surface previously undiscovered by mankind.

"But that's what turns me on," the blonde murmured breathlessly. "I've always dreamed of being taken by someone as rutheless as you..."

Kisame grinned. "That's a pretty fucked up dream," he said. He had a sudden impulse to just force his cock into Deidara's little ass right then and there - show the brat how ruthless he could really be - but he supressed the urge and waded to the shore instead, the blonde clamped around his torso like a vice. This opportunity was simply too incredulously rare to rush through. For all he knew, Deidara could be suffering from a concussion, and would snap out of it days later with nightmarrish flashbacks of being raped by a shark. When he reached the shore, he pried the blonde's legs off his waist and lifted him up onto the bank. It was surprisingly easy... the younger man was lighter than Samehada.

"What're you doing?" Deidara panted, eyes heavy lidded.

"Heh... what do you want me to do?" asked Kisame, still waist deep in the river. The blonde just bit his lip, words escaping him. The swordsman smirked and lightly bit Deidara's thigh, liking the way the smooth flesh felt in his teeth. His ears were met with a breathless moan and when he looked up Deidara's hand was touching his cock, fingers running tentatively down the shaft. The blonde's dick was surprisingly big... he had somehow assumed that it would be short and slender, matching his build, but it was... maybe eight inches? Not as big as mine, but still... he thought, mildly shocked that the fact was turning him on.

He climbed up onto the bank, easily pinning the younger man beneath him. The sake was next to them in the moss - he grabbed it and took a sip then put it to Deidara's lips - the blonde took a big slam as if his life depended on it. "You really that nervous?" he asked as he took away the bottle and put it back in the moss.

"Hell yah I am," Deidara huffed, glancing down to the swordsman's hard cock. "Your dick is monstrous..."

Kisame grinned. "You realize that's a compliment, right?" he growled. He grabbed the blonde's hand and guided it between his legs. Deidara groaned breathlessly as his hand touched the swordsman's cock and he froze for a second before shyly wrapping his fingers around the shaft. Kisame cursed under his breath, his face hot. "Stroke it," he snarled, gripping the blonde's wrist hard enough to hurt. The blush on Deidara's cheeks deepened as he slowly began to move his curled fingers up and down... his hesitant movements didn't match up to someone who had been 'balls deep' in debauchery, but the seeming innocence was only a turn-on. He leaned down and covered the blonde's mouth with his own, violently fucking the wet heat with his tongue, until the younger man was eliciting muffled sighs and squirming beneath him, jerking off the swordsman's cock with blind enthusiasm.

Kisame suddenly realized that if they kept going like this, he was going to cum uneventfully onto Deidara's stomach. He broke the kiss, nipping the blonde's lip, and pulled the younger man's hand off his dick.

"What're you doing?" Deidara panted, still squirming, his cock fucking the air.

"Stop asking me that," Kisame growled. "It should be obvious that I'm gonna fuck you." The blonde stopped squirming, his face paling as he contemplated the implications. Grinning, the swordsman menacingly ran his bared teeth down Deidara's jawline then bit down onto his neck, almost hard enough to puncture the skin. The blonde cried out and writhed in sudden panic beneath him - Kisame found himself in a brief wrestling match as he restrained the younger man's hands, pinning them above his head. By the time he had him subdued there was a coppery taste in his mouth... it was blood. He hadn't even bitten down hard... the brat had worsened the wound in the midst of his struggling.

"Let me go," Deidara panted, his hands clenching spasmodically in Kisame's grasp. The swordsman growled in response, tempted to bite deeper. His teeth were so sharp it would be like a knife through butter... and the taste of the blonde's blood in his mouth was irresistably erotic. Instead he shook his head a little, worrying the wound in his mouth like Samehada toying with its prey, then released his jaw and spat the mouthful of blood messily onto Deidara's chest.

"You're a hypocrite," he snarled, wiping the blood off his lips with his shoulder. "You knew what you were getting into... don't act like a fuckin' victim." Deidara's eyes were wide and his breath was coming in shallow gasps - he was on the verge of panic. Kisame sighed, frustrated and unbelievably horny, then shifted so that both the blonde's hands were pinned under just one of his. Deidara was certainly a formidable fighter but when it came to brute strength, there was no question that Kisame had the advantage. His grip might as well have been a steel chain around the blonde's wrists.

"Deidara... if you keep struggling, I will shred you," he stated quietly, lips curled into a snarl. "Do you understand?" Deidara's response was a furious glare - he looked as if he wanted to blow both of them to hell with one of his bombs. Kisame cursed, enraged, and backhanded the blonde in the jaw, much harder than he had earlier in the day - it left the younger man trembling and gasping raggedly, pain etched into the details of his face. "Do you understand?" he repeated. This time Deidara acknowledged him with a dizzy, weak nod, blood spilling out the side of his mouth.

"Good," he muttered, scowling. "Fuckin' idiot." He wet his finger with his mouth and put it between the blonde's legs, noticing on his way down that the brat's dick was hard as a rock. This is turning him on, he marveled. He squeezed the shaft briefly, liking the way it throbbed in his hand, before sinking lower to his asshole. The spot was tiny, like a pinprick, and when he pressed his finger against it Deidara squirmed pathetically and cursed. Ignoring the blonde's reaction, he pressed harder until it slipped in.

"What the fuck, that's tight," he growled, barely hearing himself over the stream of curses Deidara was feverishly emitting. The blonde's little passage was hot and painfully constricting around his finger, threatening to cut off his circulation. He forced it in the rest of the way until he was knuckles deep and paused for a second, relishing in the feel of the tight heat, before withdrawing and repeating the thrust.

The profanity escaping Deidara's lips could have killed a pious man - Kisame was fairly certain that the blonde was using curses more... creatively... than anyone had in the past.

"You kiss your mother with that mouth?" he sneered.

"Fuck you, Kisame!" Deidara howled deleriously, eyes wide and glazed over with panic.

"Calm down," Kisame muttered. "Dramatic bitch." He was finger-fucking the blonde now with a slow rhythm, trying to get the passage relaxed enough to accept another finger. Finally the tension eased to where his circulation returned - he felt an unfomfortable surge of prickles as the bloodflow surged back to normalcy. Biting his lip, he paused momentarily before inserting a second finger. When he looked up he saw that Deidara was staring at him wildly, so panicked it was nearly rendering him blind. It occured to him again that maybe the blonde had been lying about all his experience in the sack... the swordsman hadn't been with someone so insanely nervous since his teenage years, when he had taken a chick's virginity.

After a few minutes of scissoring his fingers, Kisame sighed and decided that it would have to do. Deidara's ass was still extremely tight - the bitch just wouldn't relax - and the swordsman had a feeling it wasn't going to change no matter what he did. He pulled out his fingers, eliciting a slurred curse from the blonde, and spit on the head of his dick before guiding it to the spot. He rubbed the tip against it, cursing softly... it was as if his fingers had never been in there. "Deidara, you idiot," he sighed. "Try to relax." The blonde merely shot him another crazed glare, his face pale.

"Feh," he snorted. "Whatever, then." He pushed against the hole and was met with a ridiculous amount of resistance before the head finally slipped in. He growled, a shiver running down his spine, and in the twilight he could just make out Deidara's ass stretched impossibly around his girth. He pushed in a little further, relishing in the way it looked. And it was painful - he could see the veins on his shaft as his cock squeezed its way in. The swordsman had never fucked anyone so tight, not even that virgin, and he wondered briefly if his cock was going to hurt the next day.

"For crying out loud, relax," he panted, wincing as he pushed. It was as if Deidara was trying to make it as painful as possible for both of them. When he looked down again he noticed a trickle of blood - the bitch was resisting so hard he was bleeding. He cursed, exasperated. This was ludicrous. The blonde's eyes were clamped shut in pain and Kisame had an idea. Not a very nice one, but...

"Hey Deidara," he growled. Just as the blonde opened his eyes he slapped him in the face, so hard it stung his palm. But in that moment of dumb shock, Deidara relaxed long enough for Kisame to force his cock in the rest of the way. As the poor blonde realized what had just happened, he looked so comically miserable that a snort of laughter escaped the swordsman's lips. "Sorry," he chuckled. "I told you to relax, didn't I?"

Deidara was rendered mute at this point - the combination of sake and shock was making him too stupid to form words. Kisame felt an unwanted pang of empathy but it disappeared when he noticed that the blonde's cock was still miraculously hard. Apparently, being brutally sodomized by a sharky bastard with a ten-inch cock was one of the brat's turn-ons.

After a moment or two of letting the blonde get used to the feel of his cock, Kisame began to thrust, just barely sliding it in and out. The pain finally eased - for both of them, he assumed - and he began to thrust a bit harder, biting his lip to keep himself in control. No matter what he did, he knew he wasn't going to last very long... every detail of the situation was simply too hot. He thought briefly back on how long he'd been waiting to do this, supressing a groan. It was hard to believe that any of it was even real.

Self control began to escape him and he found himself fucking the blonde harder and harder until he was slamming in his cock to the base with every thrust. Deidara was moaning deleriously, bordering on blacking out, his cock so hard it looked painful. Growling, Kisame covered it with his hand and started to jerk it off, matching the motions with his thrusts. The blonde's moans became more frenzied and soon he was rocking his hips, writhing deliciously. Barely a minute had passed when a loud curse met Kisame's ears and there was something slippery on his hand - Deidara had orgasmed already. Spurred on by the fact, the swordsman thrust in harder, stabbing the tight passage with his cock until he came, stars sliding over his vision as he spilled his seed deep in the blonde's ass. His ears were ringing and his vision was blurred... for a moment he was incapacitated as the throes of orgasm wracked his senses. He was positive that he'd never came so hard in his life. Eventually he could move again - he slowly slid his softening dick out of the blonde's ass, knowing it was going to hurt the brat no matter what. When the whole length was finally out, Deidara squirmed lethargically and groaned a slurred curse, his adrenaline spent.

"Sorry," Kisame lied. He wasn't sorry at all. Either way, Deidara didn't respond and when the swordsman looked more closely, he realized that the blonde was asleep. He grinned, laughing inwardly. What a dramatic lay. He grabbed the sake and slammed what little was left, then slipped back into the river, cleaning himself off. Samehada approached him cautiously, its spines cutting through the water's surface. He gave it a pat, glad that the sword knew the difference between fighting and fucking. It always had given him a wide berth during sex, which he assumed had something to do with its previous owner - his sensei had been a notorious hedonist.

"Come on," he told it. The sword followed him to the bank, wriggling a bit until he helped it up the rest of the way. He hoisted it over his shoulder then laid it down gently on the moss, glancing over at the blonde's naked, sprawled form. They had left their Akatsuki robes back where they had fought earlier, so there wasn't much to cover the brat up with. Finally, he laid the blonde's muddy shirts over his exposed midsection, then sat himself down at the base of a boulder. The orgasm had left him drained - he fell asleep within minutes.