If Sorry Isn't Enough
Boyd And Grace - Post Undertow, After the incident in the changing room, where Boyd tried to drown Hunt, Grace finds it hard to forgive him.
Disclaimer - I own nothing, no infringement intended.
Rating - K
It's easy to tell the house is empty from the minute he opens the door, it's dark and cold, and if he knows anything, its that she always throws every light in the house on the minute she walks through the door.
He checks anyway, walking through and checking the rooms, calling her name, but he knows. In his heart he knows she's not there, and if he's being honest he knew she wouldn't be. The look she gave him as she walked out of his office told him everything he needed to know, she wasn't coming home, and what scared him the most was he didn't know if she ever would be. She hated what he'd done, he lets his anger get the better of him and even though it was a nasty little shit like Hunt, she still hated it.
He knew it was wrong, he just got so wound up, the bloody man just held that girl under the water and extinguished her life like she meant nothing, just to satisfy his own pathetic and sadistic pleasures. But what Hunt had done shouldn't have affected him, he knew it and so did Grace, what he did was just as wrong as what that psycho had done.
It didn't look like she'd been home at all, and he wondered if she needed anything, clothes or toiletries, he guessed she'd be at Frankie's, he couldn't think of who else she would go to. She was a private person, and she wouldn't want people to know that they had fallen out, the, I told you so crowd, who would be pointing fingers and saying they always knew it wouldn't last. The ones who told her not to get involved with him in the first place, the ones who knew he was too fiery, told her he was damaged and angry, she didn't listen then, and he was hoping she wouldn't listen now.
He dialled her number first, but predictably it went straight to answerphone, so he dialled Frankie's number.
"Hello." She answered quickly, he had thought she might not answer hers either, but she did.
"Hi Frankie, it's Boyd."
"Hi Boyd, how are you?"
"Is Grace with you?" He was abrupt and straight to the point.
"No why?" He knew instantly that she was lying.
"Frankie I don't want to mess around I just want to speak to her, so can you put her on the phone please."
"She's not here."
He gave an exasperated and loud sigh. "If you don't put her on the phone I'll come over and bang on your front door until you let me in."
"She's not here Boyd, how many more times do I have to say it."
"I know she's there Frankie so don't piss me around, I need to speak to her, I need to make sure she's okay." His tone changed and became more irate.
"Yeah well maybe you should have thought of that before you acted like a prize arsehole, yet again." Frankie responded on impulse, unable to resist the gibe at him, but in the process giving away the fact that Grace was indeed with her.
"So she is there, put her on the phone Frankie, or I swear I will kick your front door in."
"Yes she's here, and no she doesn't want to speak to you, and if you damage my property or cause a scene at my flat, I will have you arrested." When she'd finished what she was saying she hung up the phone, not waiting for a response from him.
He sat on the sofa and tried his best to stay calm, but it didn't work, and he snatched his car keys off the coffee table and headed out of their home. He drove fast and erratically, not giving a damn whether he got pulled over or triggered a speed camera, he cared about nothing except her.
He parked his car outside Frankie's block of flats and headed to the doors, doing his usual trick of waiting for someone to open the door and then flashing his warrant card, explaining that he needed access to the building. Once inside he headed to the second floor and straight to Frankie's front door, he'd been to her place a few times before, although on those occasions he was usually with Grace.
He stood in front of the door for what seemed like ages, not ringing the bell or banging on it, he just stood and looked at it, occasionally pacing and on a couple of occasions even raising his hand to knock, and then stepping back again. He was about to leave when the door opened, Frankie stared at him in shock, clearly, she wasn't aware of him being there, she was dressed to go out but on seeing him she stepped back inside and went to close the door.
"Frankie, wait, please." He stepped forward and held the door open with his hand, not in any way that could be deemed threatening, more in a pleading way. "I need to see her Frankie; I need to sort this out."
"It's not up to me Boyd, she's adamant she doesn't want to see or speak to you."
"It's okay Frankie." The voice came from behind them; a soothing hand appeared on Frankie's shoulder, and Grace stood behind her. "Not here, it's not fair on Frankie."
"It's fine Grace, I was going out anyway, you take as long as you need okay." Frankie smiled at her friend, and then glared at Boyd on her way past. "I wouldn't blame her if she kicked your arse out of here and all the way back home."
"For the record, neither would I." He replied, a sad and almost pathetic look on his face. "I know I have a lot of making up to do, it's why I'm here."
"Yeah you're damn right you do; I have no idea why she puts up with you."
"Frankie it's fine, honestly. You go, we need to talk." Grace smiled gently at her over protective friend, knowing she meant well, but also knowing that she needed to fight this fight herself. As Frankie left Grace opened the door for him to walk in, and he did so, with his head down and a lump in his throat, unsure of what to say or where to start.
"I don't know what to say Grace."
"That makes a change, you usually have plenty to say, especially when it comes to excusing your behaviour."
"I didn't come to fight with you."
"So what did you come for?"
"To see if you were okay and if you needed anything from home, and maybe to try and explain."
"I'm far from bloody okay."
"I know what I did was wrong…."
"Wrong! Wrong doesn't even come close to describing your actions today."
"For god's sake Grace, he killed that young girl as if she was nothing, extinguished her life like swatting a fly, and yes I lost my temper, but do you blame me."
"Yes I blame you, you're a bloody police officer, a detective superintendent. You're supposed to be above losing your temper, beyond reproach, but oh no not you, not the great DSI Boyd. He does what he always does, he loses it. Well I'm sick of it Boyd, I can't stand it anymore." She turned away from him in a bid to hide the tears that were forming in her eyes.
"What are you saying?"
"I think you know what I'm bloody saying, I can't do this anymore."
"No Grace, come on, we've survived worse than this."
"That's just it isn't it, how many more times will we go through this, how many more things do we have to survive before we completely destroy each other."
"We can get through this."
"Maybe I don't want to."
"So you're just going to walk away?"
"I don't know, I don't know what I want anymore. I thought I wanted you, wanted us, but it isn't working, and even you have to admit that."
"We've had problems, but who doesn't? Everyone has to iron out a few creases in a new relationship before it all runs smoothly."
"A few creases! That has to be the understatement of the century."
"I didn't realise things had been that bad."
"Then you must have your head in the sand, for god's sake Boyd all we ever do is argue."
"We can change, I mean me, I can change. I can change Grace; please don't give up on us."
"I've already made a decision."
"That we either live together or work together, we can't do both. It's too much, even for the strongest of relationships, and god knows we don't have the strongest of relationships."
"I can't survive without you Grace, not at work or at home, you mean everything to me. Without you in my world…..well I don't know how I'd get by, you've made my life worth living again."
"I think you're being a little melodramatic."
"Am I? I have nothing in my life Grace, a son who's god knows where, an ex-wife who took me for every penny she could squeeze out of me and then pissed off abroad, and a brother in Australia who I last saw about twenty years ago, I had no one and nothing, and then you walked into my world, and you made it worth living again, you gave me a reason to want to get up in the mornings."
"Then why the hell do you continue to destroy what we have."
"I will change, I'll have therapy, go back to anger management, anything you want me to do, just please don't leave me."
"We can't do this anymore, we argue at work and then we end up taking the argument home, and whilst we carry on living and working together it will never change."
Boyd walked over to her and took her face in his hands, "you have always told me that it's your dream job, I can't let you walk away from it because of me."
"If I walk away from the job then it will be because of us, not you. It will be to save our relationship."
"And what happens if you don't walk away from the job?"
"Then I'll walk away from us." She pulled away from him and stood looking out of the window, her arms folded tightly across her chest, truth was she was hurting just as much as he was, but on this occasion, she was better at hiding it than he was.
He raised his hand to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose to try and stop himself from crying. "And how do you suppose we continue to work together under those circumstances."
"I don't know, but something has to give otherwise we'll just end up hating each other."
"I could never hate you."
"At the moment, but what happens six months or even six years down the line, when we stop ripping chunks out of each other and suddenly realise the only thing we have left in common is how much we hate each other."
"It won't happen Grace, it could never happen."
"It will, unless things change."
"I've said I'll change, I'll get help, what more can I say to make you see that I'm serious."
"I don't know. Maybe we should just end this now and walk away friends."
"Friends! Hah, how could I ever be just your friend after I've been your lover?"
"It will be easier to do it now than in the future, I'll take some time off until we both get our heads around it, and then when I come back we'll just be as we were before this."
"I told you grace, I can never be just your friend."
"Then we'll walk away from each other anyway, it doesn't change a thing."
"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry Grace?"
"I don't know, maybe sorry isn't enough this time."
"If sorry isn't enough then what is?"
"I don't have all the answers Boyd."
"Give us another six months, if things don't change then I'll walk away. Away from you, away from the job, away from all of it, but please just give it six more months."
"And then what will it be? Another six, then another. Sometimes you just have to accept that it's time to call it a day."
"No! I refuse to accept that, I am not giving up on this relationship. We have what it takes to go the distance and if you give me another six months then I will prove it to you and if you still feel the same after six months, as hard as it will be, I will walk away."
"And if I agree, you'll go back into therapy, see the anger management therapist."
"I give you my word."
"Six months Peter, and if nothing changes…."
Before she had time to finish the sentence Boyd swept her up into his arms and pressed his lips against hers, "thank you, I promise I will change Grace, I promise."