Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors

Chapter 59 – Kenpachi and Yachiru

(Originally posted 9/28/13.)

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Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors,

Ken-chan is busy fighting so he said I could write the letter! Yay! So let's see… first, I'll assign the job of cleaning up fanfiction dot net to Maki-chan and Mustache-guy. Get to work! (They scuttle away.)

Then I wanna start by saying you fanfiction authors have the eleventh division all wrong. You always write us as a bunch of boneheaded idiots who live for violence. But we're not so dumb! You should listen to us more. Remember, the very first time you saw Kenny he pointed out there was something off about Squinty-chan and Blind-guy – they were the only captains who were scared of death. So he knew right away something was going on with those two.

Then remember who helped Jiggles and Pencil-guy when they first invaded! We knew they were the good guys right away!

Of course, you could say we were just looking for some nice bloody fights. (grins)

So, I guess you're half wrong.

Anyway, Kenny is very upset that so many of your stories have him doing stuff he shouldn't to Ichigo. (giggles) An' ya know what happens when Ken-chan's upset!

[We at fanfiction dot net regret to announce that our site will be down for the foreseeable future, as our server farm has turned into a smoking hole in the ground for some reason.]

In the meantime, why don't you come visit the eleventh division so you can see what we're really like. I'll give you a tour.

Sincerely,

Kenpachi Zaraki and Yachiru Kusajishi

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Ikkaku: Don't follow her, she'll get you lost.

Orihime: (pops up) Don't worry, I'll help!

Ikkaku facepalms.

Kenpachi: (shows up at the barracks door with his zanpakutou over his shoulders, looking disgusted) Che! Those "authors" couldn't even put up a decent fight. That "pen is mightier than the sword" crap is bullshit.

Yachiru: (bounces over to him) But hey, Kenny, look what we did! (shows him the letter)

(Kenpachi shrugs and scratches his ribs, bored.)

Orihime: How come Kenpachi didn't write any of his letter himself?

Yachiru: (sternly) I told you! He's too busy doing important things like fighting to waste time writing.

Orihime: I think he should write a second letter then!

Kenpachi: (shrugs) Fine. After I get a good fight!

Orihime: Kurosaki-kun!

Ichigo: (appearing) Huh? (sees Kenpachi) Hey. There's one thing I've been wanting to know. What happened to your bells after the timeskip?

Kenpachi: (eyes light up as he raises his zanpakutou) A real opponent at last!

Uryuu: Hey! (waves hand in front of Kenpachi's face. Kenpachi ignores him.) Why am I "Pencil-guy"? I'm the heir apparent to the Quincy Empire! You should fight me! My nickname should be "Nemesis."

Kenpachi and Ichigo: (in disbelief) "Nemesis"?

Orihime: Hey everyone! I've got something more important than fighting… candy!

(Yachiru chases after Orihime as Kenpachi and Ichigo demolish the barracks.)