A/n: my first EVER attempt at a south park fic and of course, me being me, it's a slashfic with style! (See what I did there? Huh? Huh?)
Most seventeen year old boys are turned on like light switches, which is why it was no surprise when a collective moan rippled through the boys of South Park High at the image on Cartman's laptop screen. Wendy Testaburger had just broken up with her latest beaux, his reaction was to do the 'mature' thing and post naked pictures of her on the internet.
"Dude!" Stan said, barely able to keep his jaw off of the floor.
"Mmmf mmmf!" Kenny exclaimed, eyes popping at the sight of the busty brunette in all her provocative poses, poses that were only intended to be between her and her lover.
"Sweet titties huh." Cartman grinned. "I'll send you guys the link for when you get home." The one boy in class who hadn't said a word was Kyle Broflovski, his head tilted slightly to the left wondering why he wasn't affected by this. In fact there was an awkward pit in his stomach as he watched his classmates fawn over the photos.
"Mf mmmmf mmmmmf mmmf!" Kenny said, picking up the laptop and vanishing into the boys bathroom.
"Aww sick!" Cartman complained at Kenny's antics.
"Do Jews have sex?" Kyle asked bluntly from his desk, throwing a tennis ball repetitively against the wall above.
"Dude if Jews didn't have sex you wouldn't exist." Stan replied coolly, lazy Saturdays were always best at Stan's house, Shelley didn't bug him and his parents weren't that bothered about him and Kyle lazing around and doing nothing, but at the Broflovski place Sheila ensured her bubby did his homework, which was why Stan was stuck typing an assignment, Kyle having finished his a half hour ago.
"Then I think I'm broken." Kyle sighed.
"What do you mean broken?" Laughed Stan looking for the question mark on the keyboard.
"You know those pictures of Wendy?" Kyle murmured awkwardly, he didn't even know how to admit this to his best friend.
"Everyone in South Park knows those pictures of Wendy." Stan said distastefully. Very true. Stan couldn't pretend to be unimpressed with the pictures of his ex girlfriend parading around either scantily clad or completely nude, but he wasn't sure he was comfortable with everybody else seeing.
"They didn't… y'know…" Kyle blushed a deep pink. "Do anything for me." He hid his face in his hands.
"Seriously? Not even that one where she's got her fingers…" Stan made a motion with his fingers that went unmissed by the Jewish boy peeking between his own fingers.
"Not even that one Stan!" Then Stan surprised him.
"It's no big deal dude." No big deal? Kyle felt a million alarm bells were screaming at him from inside his head, and Stan thought it was no big deal? Kyle didn't know if he'd ever wanted to smack Stan so much. "It's obvious. She's your best friend's ex, you feel weird about beating one off to a girl I've been with."
Stan and Wendy had been through turbulent times make ups, break ups and everything in between, but when they were 15 they broke up for good, not before they'd slept together mind you. Stan was widely celebrated as the first of the 4 to lose his virginity, until Kenny admitted under oath that he'd already lost his. Cartman followed a year and a half later, at 16 he'd had a brief liason with an anorexic girl who had a 'thing' for fat guys (they made her feel normal) and had lost his virginity then. Kyle was the last of the boys, and as if that wasn't pressure enough he now doubted his penis actually worked. If Wendy Testaburger's naked body didn't work him up?
"I… don't think it's that." Kyle reluctantly admitted, his cheeks burning pink under his ushanka. Stan seemed unabashed, apparently certain his saint-like Jewish buddy couldn't be 'broken'.
"C'mere." he ordered, flicking his project to minimize. Within a few clicks and taps he had opened his favourite porn site. Kyle didn't know if he was comfortable with this, but stood behind Stan as he loaded a video. "67,000 views." Stan added as the video buffered.
If Kyle had felt awkward before it was nothing to how he felt now, watching this video. Two women, a blonde and a brunette, naked as could be, kissing, touching, licking, sucking. Kyle gulped. His penis did nothing, but his face had flushed crimson. Stan however was staring transfixed as the scene, as Miss Blonde licked what Kyle could only describe as pussy juice, off of her fingers as hungrily as if it were ice cream. It was obviously affecting Stan, who kept crossing and uncrossing his legs. Kyle just felt out of place. Was this supposed to be hot?
"Eat me out bitch." Whispered the brunette in a husky voice and Kyle could only sigh as he watched the blonde kiss a trail over the brunette's obviously fake breasts, down her taught tan stomach, and into the shaved V between her legs.
"Nothing." Kyle admitted.
"Nothing? Dude! What's wrong with you?" Stan demanded, sporting a boner under the desk. "Switch places, so you can see better." Stan stood up, apparently unashamed that he was quite noticeably turned on, and pushed Kyle into the computer chair.
Kyle drummed his fingers on the desk, silently willing this sordid display to be over. He was more uncomfortable with Stan leaning over him like that, not especially because there was something prodding him in the back that was most definitely meant for the girls in the film.
"I'm just not into it!" He said in protest, banging his fist on the keyboard. The screen flicked to the next video. Thing is with gay content, it doesn't just cover hot faux-lesbians… it also covers hot gay guys, or uncovers. Both Stan and Kyle froze as the video began to play, a body building black haired guy, getting his cock sucked dry by a lithe red head. Kyle opened his mouth to protest but something weird was happening to him. His stomach and thighs felt hot, not to mention his ball sac, he felt they were about to set on fire, and his shaft was beginning to stiffen under his green jeans.
"Not cool dude." Stan said aiming to hit the browser's 'back' button. Kyle brushed his hand away and watched in slightly sickened shock as the muscular man slid his saliva-slick manhood (which must have been enhanced by something, no guy was really that big) into the redhead's asshole, which stretched.
Both redheads let out a guttural moan. Kyle had found something that worked… that turned him on. Unfortunately it was two guys.
"Sick dude!" Stan protested stopping the video. There was an awkward silence. "Look I uh… I gotta use your bathroom." Kyle nodded mutely, painfully aware his first hard on had been brought on by watching a guy getting fucked in the ass. "I'll be back in a few." And with that Stan vanished, hoping against hope he wouldn't bump into anyone in the hallway.
Kyle was curious. He very hesitantly pressed play again, trying to imagine the redhead as a girl… but that didn't do anything for him… instead he just watched the video as is. He bit his lip, damn Stan for being in the bathroom. The redhead in the film was bucking his hips wildly, moaning and writhing, begging for more, and Kyle felt a guilty shame wash over him as he pictured himself in the film, being taken roughly from behind. Stan would be a while right? Assuming he was 'fixing' that little problem brought on by the first video. Kyle needed relief now. As long as he was finished before Stan came back right?
He unzipped and pulled his underwear down just enough to expose him and blushed at the sight. That couldn't be right. He swore he'd grown. Was that meant to happen? His normally floppy and comparatively small (watching the video) penis was now at least 6 and a half inches long, flushed red and almost purple at the tip with veins he didn't know he had bulging against the outer edge. His hand instinctively wrapped around himself and his hand rocked back and forth. And my god he was on fire. One hand braced itself against the desk as the black haired man, who suddenly mysteriously resembled Stan, pulled out and came all over the red head's back.
Kyle wondered if he'd stayed in what had happened. If he'd come inside him? He felt his breath hitch as he thought about it. The door opened and Stan walked in clearly seeing what was on the screen and under it. Even being as close as best friends were, there was something unnerving about Stan catching him masturbating. Kyle could have died of embarrassment right then and there. Stan said nothing, just crossed the room and got his bag.
"Stan I…" But Kyle didn't know what to say as his best friend headed for the door.
"Just so you know. The reason those pictures of Wendy didn't turn you on is because you're gay." Stan said bluntly, and left. Kyle groaned and hit his head against the desk. He hadn't wanted to hear that.
Kyle didn't know how he could bring himself to face school on Monday, but he did. His head hung low. He'd spent the weekend reading, researching and typically Jew-ing his way around the problem, before settling on the fact. He was gay. Simple as. More so, when he thought about it he realised Stan was more than his friend. He always had been. Which is why it had hurt so much for him to walk away on discovery that his best friend was gay. Who had been the one there for Kyle through thick and thin? And who was on his mind almost constantly now that he knew he was gay? Kyle felt he'd watched a lifetime of porn in one weekend, and each time it cemented the idea in his brain. He didn't just have a crush on Stan, he was in love with him.
Kyle gulped and headed to his locker.
"Hey Kyle." His best friend and newfound crush Stan said casually.
"So what we're just going to pretend Saturday didn't happen?" Kyle asked, hanging his head.
"Dude it's not a problem." Stan leaned in, lowering his voice to a whisper so other people wouldn't hear. "If you're gay you're gay. Some guys are. So you like getting fucked in the ass, no big deal." He pulled back and continued unpacking his locker. Kyle blushed at the feeling of Stan's breath on his ear.
"Okay well… just don't tell anyone yet," Kyle murmured.
"No problem. Hey, please tell me you finished my assignment for me?" Kyle sighed and dug into his pocket handing over the paper Stan had left unfinished at his house.
A/n: looks like I'm making this into two chapters not the one I had originally intended.