A/N: I dedicate my first story to Satashi, whose writings inspired my way and gave me motivation to write on my own. Thank you, I wish I had a chance to talk with you.
All chapters have been revised, I corrected mistakes and added a few details here and there. Nothing major, you can consider it a better version of what I have written before.
The Meaning of Us
It was almost half past midnight when I woke up. I tried to get up but she pressed her front closer to my back. I stopped immediately and carefully lay down on bed again. After all I didn't want to wake her up.
I closed my eyes in attempt to sleep again and waited. And waited. Minute by minute, time was passing by ever so slowly but somehow I stayed awake. In times like this I usually started to think. About me, about her, about... us.
Why was I there, with her, in the first place? It had happened a few years ago. I woke up late at night having a nightmare. I was scared, I couldn't help it, so I went to Fate-chan's room and asked her if we could sleep together for that one night. She agreed but the bad dreams hadn't stopped repeating themselves. And because of it, and Fate-chan being Fate-chan of course (she insisted to help me with curing my nightmare-caused insomnia after that), we somehow made a habit of sleeping together.
I couldn't say that I didn't like it. In fact... it was rather the opposite. Despite all the playful comments from the rest of my family, considering our age. "Let them laugh if they want to. I'll always be there for you." Her words were so simple yet they meant so much to me.
Needless to say, the two of us had always been close. We'd been together whenever we could, always holding hands or just touching. There was a time when mom said that if she didn't know us, she would mistake us for a couple. It hurt. Even a long time after that, whenever I thought about it. Because I couldn't stop myself from imagining how things would go if we really were like that.
I wondered when it had begun. I had always liked spending time with her. When we started hitting our teenage years, I started to notice her more. In that way, I mean. She grew even taller than me (and our friends had always been saying that I was the tall one), from a pretty girl she changed into a beautiful woman.
I really liked looking at her. Her slender arms, ample chest, flat tummy, long, golden hair. Her skin was so smooth and pale but still gorgeous, with nice scent attached to it. Her body was always warm and soft.
And her eyes. God, how I loved her deep, red eyes. They had that gentle and caring look, the one I wanted to be meant only for me. And I felt really selfish because of this one, little wish.
Sometimes I also felt a little guilty for taking pleasure in watching her like that. Or touching her like that. She didn't know and that was why. She was just smiling at me and hugging me, and I was trying to not think about anything perverted.
Anyway, I had somehow known that it might end up this way. As if I expected the feelings that came to me. The point lied in realisation.
I had realised everything about four years ago. We were heading home after school when that boy from our class appeared, telling her that he wanted to talk. I knew that he liked her. It wasn't the first time when someone was going to confess their feelings to her, she was very popular after all. But that time it was different. That time I was there, I saw it, I felt my breath becoming heavier as I silently waited for her answer. Even if I should be happy for her, I couldn't. So I excused myself and walked home, leaving her confused.
Back then I didn't know why I behaved like this, like a spoiled child, however, the effect was the one I subconsciously desired for. She politely turned him down and ran after me. Even if she acted like nothing happened, there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. But was it because of him or... because of me?
That was when I had realised that I liked her in the way I shouldn't. That almost everything in her attracted me. And that I couldn't tell her anything about it. I could not destroy the relationship we'd managed to build for all this years.
I accepted those feelings as a part of me. My mom had always been telling me that heart doesn't really listen to one's mind. How could I hate myself for something I couldn't control? I could, but I knew that she would be sad if I thought about it in that way. If she only knew, of course. And I didn't want to make her sad so I must had been strong, I was going to live through it.
And so I was there. Lying in her bed, with the full Moon shining on my eyes, and her, hidden behind me, gently breathing on my neck.
I could be someone whom people could call 'normal'. If it wasn't for my secret. The one I had to keep to myself carefully. The one I could not afford to spill.
My name is Takamachi Nanoha. I'm twenty years old and I'm in love with my sister.
A/N: And here it is, my first published story. Liked it? I'm glad that I managed to entertain you. Hated it? Well, maybe it's not your cup of tea but still I'd like to know what annoyed you the most. Did you spot a grammar mistake(s)? Please, write me about it in review, English is not my first language.
I really appreciate any kind of feedback and constructive criticism you can give me. I want to improve as a writer and your comments will be very helpful to me. Flames will be ignored.
The first actual chapter will be posted in a few days after doing some proofreading.