Based off of youngjusticeheadcanon's #212.

In other news, I should never be allowed coffee and the laptop at the same time, ever.


Having spent the majority of his childhood in a traveling circus, Dick had been exposed to a myriad of diverse languages and cultures at a very young age.

His first languages had been English and Romani, but he had become proficient in several others by the age of nine, when Bruce Wayne had taken him in as his ward.

And Dick, being Dick, was known to randomly throw out extraneous foreign expressions in various languages in the Cave and in public. The original team members had adjusted to it after a while, and simply ignoring his outbursts, but some of the new kids weren't quite used to it.

Except for Barbara Gordon, of course.

Having grown up with Dick Grayson's affinity for the same kinds of outbursts, it had taken her all of two hours after meeting Robin to realize that he and Dick were one and the same.

And, as his best friend, she had quickly become tired of the inability to understand almost all of his multilingual quips- so she had done some language studying on her own.

By the time she was Batgirl and he was Nightwing, they were pretty evenly matched. They used several different languages in their constant banter, trading retorts for ripostes and jabs for insults- all in French, German, or, occasionally, Spanish.

And unfortunately, for the rest of the team, this meant having to put up with confusing, bi-or-trilingual conversations, and more than a few extremely diverse vulgarities.

Dick and Barbara had had a longstanding tradition of trying to see who could invent the most uncouth of repartees in any of their given languages -and how long they could continue an indecent conversation in said language before having to be separated- a habit they carried over into their respective superhero personas.

Basically, they tried to see who could be the most blatantly sexual in said language.

(Tim, ever the adorable geek, called them 'verbal seduction duels' -but Dick and Barbara just called them 'daily conversations'.)


"Hey, can you pass me the salt?" Barbara calls across the kitchen to Dick, who's standing on the opposite end of the island in the middle of the room, eating an apple and laughing with Wally.

It's her turn to make dinner -team dinners are an after-mission ritual- and she needs a little something to spruce up her currently bland dish.

"Sure thing," he says, stretching over to grab it from its place on the dining room table. He walks over and hands it to her, peering over her shoulder to check the contents of the pan. She's taken the lid off, and he can see that she's in the middle of her delicious chili verde recipe.

"Ooh," he says with a sigh, "me gusta."

Dick tries to sneak a taste of it off her stirring spoon, but she swats his hand away. "Todavía no!" she scolds, lapsing into Spanish. Not yet!

"Pero lo quiero," he whines, but I want it, reaching for the spoon again, but Barbara moves it away again and smacks him lightly upside the head before turning back to the pan. If he could see her face, he'd notice the beginning of a sly smile, but his eyes are still zeroed in on the food over her shoulder.

"Si?" she says innocently, "te quiero." Yeah? I want you.

Distantly, he hears the collective groans of Wally, Artemis, Beast Boy, and Superboy, because not again, why does this happen every night?

He opts to ignore them, as always.

"Hagámoslo, Babs," he says, pulling his most seductive face.

Let's do it.

She sees his expression and laughs, shooing him out of the kitchen.

Turning back to the chili verde, she calls loudly across to the living room, "Hazme el amor!" Make love to me! and he chuckles, stretching himself out luxuriously across the sofa.

"Quiero hacerte el amor!" Dick yells, even louder, I want to make love to you! And he laughs, because this is going to get out of hand very quickly.

Wally and his other friends try to carry on their conversation, but it's a bit difficult considering the fact that they must now attempt talk over the rising volume of Dick and Babs' indecipherable vulgarities.

(They most certainly do not notice the small form of one horrified Jaime Reyes standing in one side of the doorway.)

Barbara shouts "Tengamos sexo!" from her place by the stove -Let's have sex!- and it sends Dick off into hysterical laughter. After all, no one ever said crude jokes weren't funny,and he is still a teenager.

"Quiero cogerte!" he cries, but he's laughing so hard that he's barely understandable.

I want to fuck you!

And he hears Wally's confused "What are they even saying?" but nobody answers him.

Babs, however, is not to be outdone. Tossing away the stirring spoon, she shrieks "Cojamos toda la noche!" abandoning her chili verde for the time being. Let's fuck all night! And, to add fuel to the flames, she writhes around, over-the-top seductively, to which Dick responds with a very obscene take me now gesture.

At this, their friends decide desert the kitchen once and for all, food or no –even Wally. They head for the hallway, unable to listen to one more word-

Where they finally notice Jaime, standing in the doorway.

Oblivious, Dick and Babs continue to exercise their sexual vocabulary words while Jaime just stands there, looking like he's about to have some kind of nervous breakdown.

"Dude," Wally says, after a pause, "aren't you fluent in-"

Artemis elbows him, because don't make it worse, Wallace.

She takes Jaime by the shoulder, attempting to lead him away, but he's frozen in place. She turns back to face the living room.

"Cut it out!" she shouts at the bantering duo. "There are impressionable children here!"

To their credit, Dick and Barbara freeze, immediately quiet.

"Crap," Barbara whispers, and Dick looks sufficiently ashamed.

"How long were you standing-" he starts, sitting up.

"The whole time."

They all pause until they hear the pan on the stove whistle and pop, at which Barbara turns and hurries back to the stove.

Finally, Dick breaks the silence. "I, uh," he winces, "am really sorry-"

"Don't be," Jaime says, but he still looks traumatized. "I'm just going to go... I have that thing..." He practically runs for the hallway to escape the horrors of the living room.

Dick drags a hand down his face, utterly embarrassed.

"Dinner's at 9!" Babs calls after Jaime, after a few seconds of awkward silence.

Jaime doesn't respond, but the team can just barely hear his whispered "I hate you all so much, oh my God."

And Dick has to laugh.