Harry Callahan JR.
Harry sat at the Ravenclaw table sipping his coffee; Ashley was beside him dunking her grilled cheese into her cup of tomato soup she had asked for. It was now two weeks since the school started and the prank of the Black Sheep was still running strong. Two of the planes had been destroyed by Snape when they attacked him in the hall but the other ten were still flying around. Dumbledore was furious that they couldn't find out where the planes were coming from because they would work in pairs when they tried to track them to the airdrome. Every time they would start following a pair of the planes, they'd get attacked by another pair that came from behind and get turned into sheep again.
Harry reached for the coffee pot on the table when a loud explosion rumbled through the castle.
"What was that?" Ashley asked.
"Oh the flying machines are gone," Luna said sadly.
"What do you mean Luna?" Ashley ask as the doors to the great hall opened and Dumbledore and a red headed man with a claw earring came into the room. Both were covered by black soot and smears of chocolate.
"Well it looks like Dumb-as-a-door found the airdrome," Harry stated as he watched the Headmaster banish the smears of chocolate.
Ashley nodded her head and then started to turn green as she blurted out, "Oh my God!"
Harry turned his head back to Ashley who was looking over his shoulder and to his right. Turning around, he saw the youngest Weasley boy stuffing food in his mouth.
"What a pig!" Harry stated as he slipped the tip of his wand out and transfigured the plate in front of the red head into a pig troth that started speaking, "Here piggy… piggy… pig, come and get it you red headed pig."
Everyone who had heard the voice and knew the voice and recognized it knew it was Molly Weasley. Laughter burst from everyone around the young man as food started dribbling from his shocked mouth.
Ron stood up fuming, his face turning bright red as he tried to speak and all that came out was the remains of his meal.
Neville was staring at Ron in shock and then started laughing as a sign appeared on Ron's chest that read, 'Pig for sale.'
"What are you laughing about squib?" Ron demanded.
Neville pointed at the sign and fell to the side slapping the table as a full belly laugh came from him.
Ron looked down at the front of his chest and saw the sign and yanked it off in anger as he stood up and snarled out, "Who did this?"
"I'd say you did it to yourself Ronnikins," the red headed man said as he looked at his little brother.
"Billlllllll," Ron whined as he looked at his brother and then snorted like a pig.
Bill pulled out his wand and started casting a diagnostic spell on his little brother.
As the older Weasley worked to remove his charm, Harry slipped his wand back into its holder as he stood up, "Well that ruined my breakfast. Shall we head out my love?" Harry asked.
"Let's," Ashley replied as she reached for the fruit bowl and placed some oranges, apples and several bananas in her bag.
They walked out the door as Ron continued to throw a fit. Nodding to several Claws they had gotten to know, they headed for their first class which was History of Magic.
Arriving at the class, Harry opened the door and let Ashley enter before him. Dropping in the chair beside Ashley, he dug his book bag and set up his notebook to take notes on.
"Still excited about History? Did you hear about dweeb Draco?" Ashley asked as she opened her bag.
"Not really. Who can be excited about Binns teaching this class? Yes I heard about dweeb, seems he fell down the stairs after insulting the girl Hermione," Harry replied with a snicker as he pulled out his headphones and walkman. Plugging the headphones in reached back into his bag and flipped through the cassettes and pulled out one of his Metallica cassettes along with several other books.
"What are you doing? What did you do to him?" Ash asked.
"Putting some music on and going to do some work for SFMA, as to what I did to him. Not a thing. I gave Peeves a large box of dung bombs if he drop about thirty on Draco," Harry replied as he opened his battle mage book.
"Sounds good to me on SFMA and you bad boy you," Ash said as she reached in to her bag and pulled out her walkman and slipped one of her Billy Idol tapes in.
Hermione walked into the room and sat down in the front of the class. She saw that the two Americans were in the far right corner with their walkmans on their heads. She noticed right away that the books they had open were not History of Magic books. Curios she stood up and walked over and asked, "Excuse me, what are you reading?"
Harry removed his headphones and said, "Yes?"
"I asked you what you were reading," Hermione asked with an annoyance as she could hear the heavy metal music.
"Battle magic of the Pacific Rim edition five," Harry replied as he showed her the cover.
"I'm reading Ice Spells and their use for killing your opponent when you cannot capture them. Edition nine," Ashley said.
"Those are not approved book, especially for this class. You really should be reading the book assigned and you should put on your uniform. I am going to have to give you a detention with Filch and take twenty points from each of you."
"Like we care about your dress code, detention or points," Ashley replied as she placed the headphones back on her ear.
Harry watched the girl flush and the anger come to her eyes, "Is there anything else Miss Granger?" Harry asked.
Hermione growled turned and stomped back to her chair where she sat down and pulled out a small note book that she started writing in.
Harry pulled his headphones on as more students arrived and Binns came through the wall.
Harry and Ashley walked back to their dorms and went down into Harry's trunk. Dropping their book bags down, they stripped down and pulled on their wetsuits. Grabbing their shrunken windsurfers, they headed up and out of the trunk.
The few Ravenclaws were surprised when Harry and Ashley walked down from the boys' dorms and headed out of the tower wearing a strange garb and carrying a large bag.
"What were they wearing?" Padma Patil asked.
"Those were wetsuits," a muggleborn replied as she gathered up her stuff to follow Harry and Ashley.
"What's a wetsuit?" Padma asked as she quickly followed what house mate did.
"It's a suit to protect you from cold water when you're in the water," the fifth year claw replied as she opened the door.
Harry and Ashley headed down out of the castle and walked to the lake. Harry dropped his bag and opened it. Reaching inside he pulled out their windsurfing boards and cast the finite spell on them which allowed them to grow back to their normal length. While Harry was enlarging the boards, Ashley tapped the water with her wand.
"Partum undo," and waves started forming on the surface of the lake.
"How long will it last?" Harry asked.
"About two hours," Ashley replied as she slipped her wand into its holster and picked up her board.
"Cool," Harry said as he grabbed his board and they walked into the water.
Dropping the board, Harry climbed aboard while Ashley did the same. Pulling the sail up, he pulled his wand out and tapped the rune engraved on the mast and the sail billowed out as the magic affected the sail. The students watched as Harry and Ashley took off across the two mile wide lake. Harry and Ashley were screaming out in pleasure as their boards jumped the waves and they tacked back and forth across the surface. The squid came up behind them, its long tentacles slapping the water as it played with the two. Harry and Ashley spent the next hour windsurfing across the lake and finally came back towards shore where a small crowd had gathered.
Questions were fired towards them as they had never seen anything like windsurfing and several people were curious about the sport while others stuck their noses up in the air and fired off obscenities about muggles, muggle toys, they way Ashley was dressed. Several Slytherin purebloods called her a whore and Harry saw red as he was explaining windsurfing and how popular it was in the muggle world.
Harry walked up to Nott and glared at him. His hand was inches from his wand when he said, "What did you call my fiancée?"
"I said she's a mudblood whor…"
Harry's fist hit the boy right on the mouth and as he jumped on the boy the four other Slytherins pulled their wands out.
"Oh no you don't," Ashley said as she pointed her wand at the four boys and stinging hexes flew from her wand.
With Draco still in the infirmary, Crabbe and Goyle had followed Nott out to the Black Lake. Both yiked as their wand hands were hit and their wands flew from their hands as seventh year Jason Montague fired off a cutting curse at Ashley.
Ashley ducked the curse as Harry continued to pound Nott's face in with his fists, "You son of a bitch!" Ashley snapped out in anger and cast a chain of banishing spells at Montague. The spells shattered Montague quickly cast shield spell and he was lifted off his feet and hurled three hundred feet out over the lake where he landed with a large splash just as Hagrid and Snape arrived at the fight.
"Potter! I have you suspended for this!" Snape snapped out as he pulled his wand and then stopped as he looked down the barrel of the pistol Ashley had pulled from her bag. Being muggle raised, Snape knew what a gun was and without the bullet shield up, he'd be dead before he could cast it.
"Drop that piece of muggle crap Miss Anderson or else," Snape snarled out.
"Fuck you death eater," Ashley replied as Harry yanked Nott to his feet and banished him out into the lake.
"One hundred points from Ravenclaw for each of you and a month of detentions. I'll be taking that weapon from you too," Snape sneered as he reached for the gun.
"Fuck your points and detentions, and I think Nott needs a hand," Harry replied as he shrunk their boards and picked up their bags as Hagrid helped Montague out of the lake.
"Come on Harry, dinner will be starting soon," Ashley said as she picked up her bag and started walking.
Snape looked out over the lake and saw Nott foundering in the water and screaming. He turned and walked to the lake and said, "Accio Nott."
Nott came flying towards shore and Professor Snape, leavening a rooster tail in the water as he was summoned.
Harry grabbed his bag and followed Ashley towards the doors that led into the castle. They were casting drying charms on their suits and flip flops as they walked. Reaching the door, the saw Umbridge standing there
"Fifty points each from Ravenclaw and two weeks detention with me," Deloris said sweetly.
"No thanks," Harry replied as they pushed passed her and entered the castle.
"I'll see you expelled, your wands snapped and you kissed," Deloris screamed.
"And you would start a war with the USMG?" Harry asked as he turned and faced the toad.
"They would crumble under our might Aurors," Deloris snapped out.
Harry looked at Ashley as she looked at him. They both looked at the woman and started laughing, "Yeah right toad."
Harry and Ashley turned and walked away as Deloris turned red.
The hall was packed as it was the Halloween feast. Everyone was sitting stuffing their mouths with food when Dumbledore stood up to make his announcements.
"Good evening everyone, I hope you have enjoyed the food…"
A blue cloud of smoke formed around Dumbledore and he was suddenly dressed as a priest with a bible in his left hand. The funny thing was he has three foot tall rabbit ears and a bushy tail to go along with the suit.
"What?" he said as he reached for his wand and then he started singing as music came on.
"Hey little sister what have you done!"
Snape was starting to rise along with Deloris who was shouting out that the person responsible would be suspended when white and black smoke burst up around Deloris and Snape. When the smoke vanished, Deloris was wearing a white wedding gown and Snape was wearing a muggle tuxedo.
The music continued to play as Snape and Deloris slid together in front of Dumbledore as he sang louder and louder to the music of White Wedding by Billy Idol.
"Hey the bat and the toad are getting married, would their kids be flying toads or amphibian bats?" Fred Weasley shouted out and several people turned green at the thought.
Dumbledore stopped singing and looked at the two professors and said, "By the power of Hogwarts, I pronounce you Bat and Toad," and then smirked as he looked at Snape, "You may kiss the toad."
Snape turned and lip locked Deloris in a kiss. His hands trying to push her away while Deloris's hands were like a squid and clutching Snape like there was no tomorrow. A minute later, Snape forced himself away from the DADA professor who was looking at Snape with glazed eyes.
Deloris opened her mouth and the only thing that came out was, "Ribbit," as Snape ran from the room.
NOTE: Sorry people that things have been slow. My father passed away due to his CLL or Chronic lymphocytic leukemia on April 26th
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Harry Potter™ is a registered trademark and copyright (©) of J.K. Rollings and all that crap. The only thing mine is the idea and several characters. Everything else is hers including all the money... Harry Callahan is owned by Malpaso Productions… Damn wish they'd share.