Author's Note: Happy 50 fanfics! Bet you weren't expecting a parody of the Twilight saga as my 50th fic!
Anyway, this will be a hipster re-telling of the Twilight saga. Law will not be a sparkly, pretty, fairy princess, Zoro will not be shirtless every scene (sorry, Zoro fangirls), Bonney will be much different from Bella, and there will be no love triangle, since the summary already states that Bonney will end up with Law. Zoro will be just a friend to Bonney... And maybe a wingman to Law.
Pairings: Bonney x Law, Bonney/Zoro nakamashipping, Madam Shirley x Ivankov, Yuki-Rin x Kazuma, Heathcliffe x Aki, and maybe some Kartik x Matsu, Vivi x Ace, Hawkins x X. Drake, and Sanji x Robin.
Warning: This fic contains hipster-related stuff and Twilight bashing. You have been warned. I apologize to any Twilight fans reading this, because this is a parody of the books.
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or the Twilight saga.
The hot, Las Vegas sun glared down on the Prius window, and onto my iPod, which just died right when Arcade Fire's hit song, The Suburbs, was about to play.
"Damnit," I mutter to myself as I pocket my iPod in my vintage skinny jeans I got at the thrift store for five bucks.
"No swearing," My mother, Madame Shirley, warns me as we get out of the car. As I get my things out of the trunk, I realize why I'm moving up to Lake Tahoe, California - Living the good life in Las Vegas got too mainstream, so I decided to live with my father, X. Drake, at some hotel/condo complex in a mountain community hipsters will likely be at.
"You don't have to do this. I mean, my gay burlesque show isn't touring, so you can still live vith us," My mom's fianceé, Emporio Ivankov, explains. I sigh.
"I'd rather have a mountain community with no Urban Outfitters than my new step-dad's burlesque show," I explain calmly. My mom grabs me.
"Please don't go. We'll stop shopping at all those desinger clothing shops and get your clothes from where all these hipsters shop. We'll take you to see Moonrise Kingdom. Ooh! I can take you to Coachella in -" My mom says before I step foot into the airport.
"Later," I say to my mom and step-dad, since my entire wardrobe is clothing from Urban Outfitters, American Apparel, the thrift shop, or wherever else hipsters go to get clothes, I've seen Moonrise Kingdom five times already, and I was planning on going to Tumblr's Coachella meet-up.
The hipster wins again.
The car ride to Neutral Milk Hotel and Condos in South Lake Tahoe is quiet. It's a sunny day in early October, and it's not as hot as Vegas. This part of the U.S. is quite beautiful.
"I bought you a car," My dad says as he drives up the winding roads to my new hometown. "I mean, do you drive?"
"I just got my license," I say.
"Well, then... Do all the cool hipsters you talk about drives Priuses?" My dad asks me. I scream like a teenaged girl who just met One Direction. (And, for the record, I hate One Direction)
"Shut up! You got me a Prius?" I cry. Sure enough, when we get to the hotel/condos, a silver Prius is parked in the space next to my dad's car.
"Yep. I bought it with my latest winnings," My dad explains. He's a professional gambler on the side and he's been on the World Poker Tour several times, so he's pretty loaded, like my mom and Ivankov. I think this is why mom divorced him.
"Thank you, dad! You're the best professional gambler ever!" I say as I glomp my dad. With a dad who can gamble, several hipster-ish botiques I saw on the way to my new home (err... Condo), and a new Prius, I have the feeling that life in Lake Tahoe will be pretty copacetic.
Gol D. Roger High School Class Schedule.
Period 1 - U.S. History (8:00 - 8:55)
Period 2 - Trigonometry (9:00 - 9:55)
Break Period (9:55 - 10:15)
Period 3 - Gym (10:20 - 11:15)
Period 4 - English (11:20 - 12:15)
Lunch (12:15 - 1:00)
Period 5 - Art (1:05 - 2:00)
Period 6 - Biology (2:05 - 3:00)
That's my schedule for school. It's all good, except for Biology.
"Excuse me, but I requested Chemistry," I say to the receptionist.
"Where do you come from?" The receptionist asks me.
"Las Vegas. I already took Biology there," I say. The receptionist types some things into her computer.
"Sorry, sweetie, but all the Chemistry classes are full. Looks like you'll be taking Biology again," The receptionist explains. "Better luck next year."
I graduate next year, so how can I have "better luck next year"?
My classes, so far, are okay. Here's what happened:
- I met a green-haired girl in U.S. History named Keimi. We spent the entire class period arguing over what the Nullification Crisis was. Other than that, Keimi makes her own clothes, so she's pretty chill.
- Nothing happened in Trigonometry. It must be a boring class.
- During Gym, I got hit in the face while we were playing dodgeball. I spent the rest of the class period in the nurse's office waiting for an ice pack.
- For English, my teacher is a purple-haired, glasses-wearing man of about twenty-four named Kartik Abingdon. While we were reading our assigned book for class (Gone With the Wind), I kept wondering where Kartik got his sweater vest, since it looks totally vintage.
Okay, we're back at the present time - End of English class.
So, I'm walking out of my English class, when I bump into a boy with a long nose.
"Sorry about that," I apologize as I help the boy pick up his books.
"No problem, that happens to me all the time," The boy explains. "Oh, by the way, I'm Usopp."
"I'm Bonney, the new kid," I say to the boy with the long nose. I also end up having lunch with Usopp, since he's Keimi's friend.
"So, Bonney, where are you from?" Usopp asks me.
"I'm from Las Vegas," I answer. "And, yes, gambling, strippers, showgirls, the 'What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas' attitude, and Sigfried and Roy got too mainstream for me."
The three of us laugh. As I laugh, I notice a boy sitting with several designer-clothing clad teens. With his dark hair, goatee, and Mac laptop, he looks really out of place. It takes me a second to realize WHY the boy is out of place - He isn't wearing designer clothes that show wealth. He wears a pair of hipster glasses, a furry, animal-print hat, a hipster scarf, a T-shirt that says "Ships are too mainstream - I only travel on Yellow Submarines", blue jeans, and leather boots.
I think I'm in love.
"Hey, Usopp, who are those wealthy-looking people over there?" I ask as I point to the table the bored-looking hipster is sitting at.
"Those guys? Bonney, those are the teenaged members of the Capricorn Pirates from the hit T.V. show One Piece: Parallel Works! They just got back from filming the latest season of the show in L.A. yesterday!" Usopp says in awe.
"But, what about the guy with the Mac?" I ask.
"Him? That's Trafalgar Law, who the Capricorns adopted. He has absolutely no interest in the lifestyles of the rich and the famous. In fact, last I talked to him, he went to Reno last Friday night to see some band called Animal Collective in concert," Usopp explains.
Oh. My. God.
This Trafalgar Law guy is defintely a hipster.
I think I'm in love.
When I get to Biology, I'm in for a surprise - My lab partner is Law.
"Alright, kids, you'll be observing the bacteria culture today and compare it to how the culture was on Friday afternoon," Caesar Clown - our Biology teacher - explains. "You may begin the lab."
Without a word said to my partner, I get out my pencil and my lab notebook. But, in order to complete the assignment, I have to say something to this guy to get the notes.
"Hey, can I see your notes from Friday afternoon?" I ask Law. Wow, that was totally a dull introduction.
"New kid?" Law asks me as he puts his notebook next to mine. Damn, his notes are detailed!
"Yep. I'm Bonney. I'm from Vegas," I introduce myself.
"My name's Law, and there are two things you should know," Law introduces himself. "One, don't ask why I was adopted by celebrities. And, two, did the whole 'What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas' mentality get old for you?"
"Nope. It got too mainstream for me, that's all," I say. Law chuckles at my little hipster joke, so I know he must be legit and not a poser.
"You're a hipster, too?" Law asks. I nod. "That's pretty chill. I'm the only hipster in my adopted family, so I'm kind of a loner."
"You're not a loner. Why? Because being a brooding loner is too mainstream," I explain.
"Tell that to Heathcliffe," Law says.
"Are you referring to the Wuthering Heights character or the fat, orange cat?" I ask. I've read Wuthering Heights and seen that Heathcliff cartoon, and one Heathcliff was enough, honestly.
"No, I'm talking about Heathcliffe Sarutobi. He's one of my adoptive brothers, and the girls fawn all over him because of his 'brooding good looks' and 'that piercing, sexy stare'. It's like he's Edward Cullen!" Law rants in frustruation. I sigh in annoyance and agreement. Annoyance because Heathcliffe Saurtobi goes here, and agreement since Law and I don't really like him.
"I know, right? Back in Vegas, all of the girls at the school were all 'Heathcliffe! Heathcliffe! OMG, Heathcliffe!' I mean, come on, for all we know, he's probably screwing one of his brothers off-screen," I rant. Law giggles.
"Another reason why emo-looking boys and hipsters don't get along - The yaoi fans are all over the emo-looking boys," Law explains. "Now, I'm not saying that Heathcliffe, Holden, and Soren Sarutobi are emo, I'm just saying that -"
The final bell rings.
"Same time same place tomorrow?" I ask.
"Actually, no. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow," Law says. True to his word, Law is absent from school the next day. Coincidentally, the school also held a blood drive that day.
Either this is coincidence, or I am in a version of Twilight that Wes Anderson wrote and directed.
Ending Note: Review if you want to see some more Capricorns!