{{--Eccentricity ::version one point zero:: Ivory Light--}}
The Art of Self-Destruction

I control you.

A few days ago, the world seemed so clear, like looking through a window at the sunrise. Then again, that was only a few days ago, wasn't it? And time has passed, and with the flow of time people change. I learned that the hard way. Of course, I always learn things the hard way, don't I? God has a way of making life difficult on me like that. Like I said, the world used to be clear. It's not anymore, of course. It's like looking at a glass filled with murky sewer water. Only one other person can possibly understand what I mean by that. Of course, I sincerely doubt he gives a damn. Afterall, I'm not the person who is special to him. I understand that. He's not the person who is 'special' to me, either. The person who is special to me probably never existed. I used to be jealous of the Sakurazukamori. I used to want Subaru to feel the way he does for him, towards me. But he doesn't, can't, and won't bother to try.

I am voice inside your head
I am the lover in your bed.

Not that I mind, anymore. He listens, thats more then they can do. They don't understand. They plague me with silly vows of protecting me with their lives. It's not their lives they're protecting me with. But they can't understand it. The more they try to protect me, the more they insure their deaths will come slow and painfully. They are all going to die. And there is nothing I can do about it. Just like when she died. There was nothing I could do, and I was sitting right next to her. I couldn't do anything. All I could do was sit and watch as my best friend killed her. But that's not why I retreated into my heart. No one, not even Subaru understands that. I retreated into my heart because I realized, that I have probably lost Fuuma forever. That is... the most painful thing that could have happened. The one thing I don't want to face, even now.

I am the sex that you provide.
I am the hate you try to hide.

Yesterday, Subaru fought Fuuma, to protect me. I knew he would, because he doesn't want me to be in the same position that he's in now. He doesn't want me to grow cold. But he doesn't understand, at all. Where as Fuuma can see wishes, I can see emotions. Subaru thinks he's changed, from the kind boy he once was. He hasn't. He's still a kind person, and he still feels everything vividly. That's why when Fuuma was fighting him, I didn't intervine. My interference would have solved nothing. The only person that could have interferred didn't, instead chosing to watch from afar. The Sakurazukamori. Now there's an enigma if I ever saw one. He keeps his emotions bottled up quite well, usually, but I could sense his anger and irritation like a neon sign flashing out ''Sense me!'' in my head. It's a shame Subaru doesn't have this ability. He'd probably feel better. Then again, I could probably tell him. But he wouldn't believe me. He doesn't want to hear it from my lips. He wants to hear it from him. I guess I can understand that. Afterall, despite the things I sense... I still wish for one thing, and one thing alone.

I control you.