THE CHRONICLES OF MEAP
EPISODE 5: A MEAPING OF THE MINDS
This episode is significantly shorter than the others... Eh, oh well. Anyway, some credit goes to Decepticonlover, for inspiring one aspect of this episode. Enjoy!
We last left our hero confronting the other two heroes, trying and failing to communicate with them through his meaping sounds. The next time he tried to warn an alien species about their impending danger, Meap was going to make sure he had some helpful pictures with him. For now, however, all he had was his native language, which of course they did not understand.
Then, for no apparent reason, Perry the Platypus put a fake moustache on him. Meap wasn't sure what exactly the purpose of that was, so instead he just decided to try to talk to them again. This time however, instead of his usual "meap," he found himself speaking fluent English.
"I am in desperate need of your help!" he said.
Doof 'N' Puss stared at him, wide-eyed and dumbfounded. Meap himself was also surprised. Since when did fake moustaches make him speak English? Just to make sure it was the moustache, however, Meap took it off and tried speaking again.
"Meap!" he yelled.
Doofenshmirtz gasped. "The moustache makes him talk!" he exclaimed.
"Grrr," said Perry, which Meap somehow understood as, "At least, that's the only thing we can think of at the moment." Which was odd, as Meap had never understood Platypus-ese. Something was seriously wrong with that moustache they put on him.
Placing it back on, Meap continued. "Listen, your planet is in more danger than you think. As we speak, my nemesis, Mitch, is headed to Earth, bent on destroying the stratosphere! I was on my way to his spaceship to confront him, when a dinosaur on a hovercraft shot me out of the sky! Which is why I need your help to fix my ship and get back into space!"
"Wow," said Doof. "Good thing I invent things for a living, then, or else that would've been a problem."
One slightly humorous building montage later, Meap's spaceship was all fixed and ready to go.
"Okay, guys, you ready?" Meap asked after they'd all climbed in.
"Grrrrr!" yelled Perry, pointing upwards. Meap immediately understood it as, "Look out, a giant robot is about to grab us!"
Sure enough, Meap's ship was suddenly picked right off the ground by a giant robotic hand. It lifted them into the air until they were face-to-face with a giant robotic… face.
"Hahaha!" yelled the robot. "Remember me?"
"Grrr," said Perry, which probably meant, "Uh, no, we don't remember you."
The robot frowned. Or rather, it did something with its face that resembled a frown. Then, it transformed into a pink monster with glowing red eyes.
"Oh, now I remember you!" exclaimed Doofenshmirtz.
"Yes, it is I," exclaimed Punk-Fake-Mayor-Guy, transforming back into a robot, "Punk-Fake-Mayor-Guy! Do you like my new form? I was inspired by that Transformers movie they were playing in a drive-in theater while I was escaping from jail!"
"Grrr," said Perry, which probably meant, "Another reason why that movie should have never been made."
"And this new form is virtually indestructible!" PFMG continued bragging, ignoring Perry's comment. "The only way you could defeat me is, like, if you had another giant robot to fight against me!"
Suddenly, Doof 'N' Puss heard something they had never been happier to hear in their lives. This was, of course, followed by another sound they instantly regretted being happy for.
"I'm Norm!" said Norm. "Must destroy fuzzy weasels!"
"Oh, that's not good," said Doof.
"It appears the V-Weapon has been activated," laughed a voice that Meap suddenly recognized.
"Of course, I wouldn't know anything about that," said Mitch, slowly flying over to them on his own hovercraft.
"Mitch," Meap narrowed his eyes.
"Actually, some people call me Big Mitch," said Mitch, whom some call Big Mitch.
"Whatever," said Meap, "How are you speaking English?"
"Oh, you think you're the only one who knows about our species' unnatural ability to speak different languages when wearing fake moustaches?" asked Mitch. "You see, back in Meapellshtump, when I was a boy, I found a fake moustache lying on the ground."
There was a short silence after that.
"That… that's it," said Mitch. "That's how I found out."
"Oh," said Doof, "Say, why aren't the robots attacking? I mean, they have no reason to wait for one villain to finish his villain speech, when they could easily just attack us while we're distracted."
"Oh yeah," said PFMG, "I hadn't thought of that. Prepare to be crushed between my fingers!"
"Grrr," said Perry, which probably meant, "Thanks a lot, Doof."
"Okay, as soon as I eject us, you guys try to land on one of the giant robots. See if you can find some weakness. I'll battle Mitch."
Meap pressed the eject button, and the Doofenshmirtz leaped toward Punk-Fake-Mayor-Guy, Perry leaped at Norm, and Meap leaped onto Mitch's hovercraft.
"Your puny efforts amuse me," Mitch admitted as Meap confronted him. "While you're fighting me, the giant robots will easily dispose of your minions."
"Not if we can help it," said a voice that Meap didn't recognize, but Doof 'N' Puss did.
Meap looked up to see a giant weasel fly in on a jetpack and shoot both robots with a laser gun.
Immediately, both the robots began to shrink, until they got out of Meap's range of vision.
Meanwhile, on the ground, Doof yelled, "it was you!" as he saw PFMG's platypus form.
"Yes, it was I," said PFMG as he turned back into a person. "I was the one who impersonated Perry the Platypus all those years ago, and I was the true assassin of Abraham Lincoln!"
"Why would you do that?' asked Doof. "You destroyed our only way back home!"
"You think I wanted to?" asked PFMG. "John Wilkes Booth was about to give me a raise! It's your fault for putting a self-destruct button on everything!"
Meanwhile, Perry the Platypus was having a very different conversation with Norm.
The platypus ray had somehow malfunctioned on him, and the result had been some horrible combination of platypus and robot: a Platyborg.
"Grrrrr," said Perry, which probably meant, "Why do you look so familiar?"
"Grrrrr," said the Platyborg metallically, which probably meant, "Must destroy fuzzy weasels."
Then his feet transformed into miniature rockets and he flew up into the sky, shooting lasers everywhere.
"So, you see?" said Mitch, back in the air. "The V-Weapon will quickly fulfill its purpose and destroy all fuzzy weasels, and Punk-Fake-Mayor-Guy will quickly transform into a robot and destroy you three. Then nothing will stop me from DESTROYING THE STRATOSPHERE! AHAHAHAHA!"
"How exactly do you plan on destroying the stratosphere, anyway?" asked Meap.
Mitch smiled. "You see, Meap, I have been planning this for a very long time. It was I who convinced them to give Punk-Fake-Mayor-Guy a huge chunk of cheese for his last meal, knowing Eggy would break through the wall and let him out. It was I who sent the V-Weapon on a rampage to Earth before the Vooga could use it in the war. It was I who then activated him when they were in space, knowing he would come right back here. It was I who directed the Transformers movie! All part of my master plan to DESTROY THE STRATOSPHERE! AHAHAHAHA!"
"Wait, wait, wait," said PFMG, who had turned back into a robot while Mitch was talking. "You mean you've been manipulating us this whole time?"
"Grrrr," said Norm, who had flown over to them while Mitch was talking. He had probably meant to say, "Not cool, man. Not cool."
"Let's get him!" yelled PFMG.
Meap whistled loudly and OogaBooga complied, catching him as he jumped off of Mitch's hovercraft.
Meap looked up in time to see Norm zap him with a laser on him arm, and PFMg crush the hovercraft in his fist.
OogaBooga dropped Meap off on the ground, where PFMG and Norm looked down at him.
"Now, prepare as I cursh you like- Ah, who am I kidding, I'm exhausted," said PFMG. "Same time tomorrow?"
"Sounds good to me," said Doof as PFMG lumbered off, his giant robotic footsteps shaking the ground.
Norm flew down to them, growling metallically. He probably meant, "You know, realizing I've been manipulated all this time has made me rethink my loyalties. The fuzzy weasels are actually pretty nice guys."
"Good," said OogaBooga. "Because we could still use some help in the war."
"Wait, what about all those people that were turned into platypuses?" asked Doof.
"Don't worry, it'll wear off by the next episode," said OogaBooga. "So, I guess this is goodbye."
"But you don't have a spaceship," said Meap.
"We found one while escaping Area 51," explained OogaBooga, pointing to a huge flying saucer that Meap hadn't noticed earlier.
"Well, considering my spaceship probably fell to the ground whenever PFMG was turned into a platypus, mind giving me a ride?" asked Meap.
"No problem," said OogaBooga.
Once all the aliens had gotten into the saucer, OogaBooga, Norm the Platyborg, and Meap faced Doof 'N' Puss and waved goodbye. They'd confronted all those enemies together, but now it was time to leave, forever.
Doof 'N' Puss waved goodbye just as the saucer floated into the air and zoomed off into the sky at warp-speed.
"Well, that was fun," said Doof.
Suddenly, a rickshaw rolled up to them, and a computer thingy came out.
"Remind me again, why I wasn't in this one?" asked Rick.
Meanwhile, in another dimension…
Mitch was opened his eyes to what appeared to be a giant crib. That was odd. Mitch had thought he'd be vaporized by the V-Weapon's laser, not transported somewhere else.
Suddenly, Mitch heard a loud squeaking sound behind him. Mitch turned around just in time to see a giant green alien baby with a mallet held over its head and a mischievous smile on its face.
"Oh no," Mitch muttered.