Some people believe that somehow, we have all been placed here by chance. That one by one, we randomly have made our way on to this Earth that has formed itself from random particles that have poofed themselves into existence.
Some believe there is a God that has made us in his own image, living in a world of sin and that somehow, some way, we choose to either love him or deny him.
And some people just don't know what the hell is going on.
No matter what path we choose, there is always a feeling of uncertainty, and things that we cannot explain. What is real and what is not real? Is it just in our head and if it is…doesn't that just make it even more real to us?
Those two words, although simple and direct in meaning, were complicating and clouding the exhausted brain of Sam Evans, who was blinking his eyes now only to find himself blurrily viewing the ceiling of a room he didn't recognize. He soon realized he was no longer at the club or at his apartment. Instead, the familiar smell of sterilization and the audible beeping sounds clued him into comprehending that he was in a hospital.
An overwhelming sense of embarrassment washed over him as he realized that he had fainted yet again, except this time in front of everyone. He couldn't blame Mercedes for being this concerned, yet he knew he was physically fine. As he finally forced himself to sit up in bed, he looked around the room surprised to find that he was alone. Where was everyone? He at least expected Mercedes to be there when he woke up. He rubbed his temple in frustration trying to piece together everything that was happening to him and he was finding that it was still just as hard to make sense of things as it had been before.
For a moment everything seemed to fall completely silent, leaving Sam only to his thoughts as they pounded deep in his mind. He let himself fall back, his head hitting the pillow in a quick thump. The sound almost jumpstarted his thought process, as if it charged him to make his next move. He glanced over to the side table, something that he had yet to do, and looking at the drawer prompted him to slide it open, viewing the contents that resided inside. His eyes grew wide as he glanced upon the Bible within, wondering if perhaps reading it would give him some much desired answers. He reached for it, pulling it out and glancing over the cover, almost too nervous to even know where to begin. He closed his eyes, throwing in a quick prayer to himself before cracking it open, his deep green eyes darting over the words like a starving dog scarfing a meal.
"Ah, I see that you're awake." Sam dropped the Bible in shock and looked up to see a nurse enter in, carrying with her a chart and a few other items under her arm. She chuckled a little then sat her things down on the side table. "Didn't mean to scare ya. My name is Ida." Sam looked at the woman closer. She looked a little familiar, but not really. She was dark skinned and a little heavy set, but she had a very sweet disposition. He felt comfortable around her already, like he had known her for a very long time. "Doing a little reading?" Sam looked down at the Bible, almost forgetting that he had still been holding it.
"Oh. Yeah…was just curious about something." He halfway smirked, but let it quickly fade. He was starting to feel a little uncomfortable once again, a feeling that he had been all too familiar with lately when people decided to prod him for information.
"Lay it on me." Sam looked to the nurse quickly as she made her statement. She wasn't even looking in his direction as she pushed some buttons on his IV machine. Why was everyone so nosey? "Go ahead. I read that book every night of my life." She turned to look at him with an almost daring expression on her face, ready for whatever question he had on his mind. Sam looked away not really wanting to discuss what was on his mind, but decided to humor her.
"Discernment. I was wondering about discernment." He glanced over at her, noting her amused expression and wondered what she was going to say next.
"You have a gift of discernment." She muttered, causing Sam to cock his eyebrow in a confused manner.
"What do you mean?" He asked, feeling sweat start to form on his brow. He knew what she was saying and what she was talking about. It was the fact that she sounded as if she knew him, as if she knew what was going on that was starting to freak him out.
"I think you know, Sam. You can judge when people are about to die, can't you?" Sam's heart was racing. He felt like it was going to burst out of his chest at any minute. Who was this woman? And why did she know all of this? He slowly started to get up, wanting to leave the room as he became more and more frightened at the circumstances. He literally wanted to be anywhere but here. He wanted to find Mercedes, he wanted to tell her everything and hope that she didn't think he was crazy. Maybe he was. "Hey now, where do you think you're goin'?" She asked as Sam looked from her face to the door that was just slightly ajar. He wanted to dart for it, to make his way out of it as quickly as possible, but he noticed that it began to move and then close on its own.
"W…where am I?" He asked as his voice began to shake, not really knowing what to do with all of these new found experiences. This couldn't be happening.
"You're dreaming." Sam blinked his eyes, feeling like everything around him was spinning and his brain was swimming around in his head. "Sam, you're dreaming, wake up." He heard Mercedes' voice fill his ears as his eyes finally fluttered open to view her face and a sense of relief washed over him completely.
"Mercedes. Shit…I'm so sorry…" Mercedes reached down to gently caress her husband's cheek, a look of concern in her eyes.
"Baby…what are you sorry for?" She asked calmly. Her eyes were searching his face trying to reassure him that everything was alright and that she wasn't going anywhere.
"For…well, for passing out like that." He looked at her with a look of guilt spread across his face, grabbing at her hand and holding it tight with both of his. He noted that it was taking an extremely long time for her to reply. She looked somewhat confused, an expression that he was getting used to lately.
"Sam. Baby, you didn't pass out on me? You've been sleeping all night." Sam looked at her, his face now twisted in horror. What in the hell was going on with him? He quickly jumped out of bed, a cold sweat forming on his forehead as thoughts raced through his mind. He wasn't even sure who he was any more or what was even real. "Sam what is going on with you?" Sam turned to look at his wife. He couldn't help but feel bad for how worried she must be. He had been acting crazy after all, but heck, he felt crazy. He didn't even really know how to answer her question. He didn't know the answer to it.
"I…I don't really know. All of these strange things have been happening and I don't really know how to explain it. But, I think somehow…some way…I'm maybe seeing the future?" Yeah. If Mercedes didn't think he was crazy before, that seemed to do the trick. She stared at him, blinking rapidly as she tried to process the information.
"Uh…what do you mean…see the future?" He knew how stupid he must have sounded. Saying it out loud, he definitely could tell it probably wasn't the best way to say what he wanted to say. But, what was?
"Ugh, I think I may have a gift of discernment. Like…somehow I can tell when someone is about to die." Sam paced the room, running his fingers through his hair like he had done so many times recently, almost as if it relieved some of his stress. He was finding though that all it seemed to be doing was making a terrible habit of greasing up his hair.
"Sam, you're not really making any sense. What makes you think that?" Mercedes rose to her feet, not to walk closer to Sam, but to pace in her own nervous path with her arms crossed across her chest in a tight fashion.
"People have made themselves known to me. Just shown up somehow into my life out of the blue and all of their names have had the initials I.C.U. except…" Sam trailed off as he processed the information to himself as he said it out loud. "Except it hasn't been their real names. It's almost like it's been a clue that they're the ones I need to pay attention to."
"Pay attention to? What do you mean pay attention to?" Sam could tell she was getting frustrated, but he was trying his best to explain not only to her, but to himself.
"I think…I'm supposed to save these people, 'cedes." As things finally started to become clear to Sam, he knew they still were very cloudy to Mercedes. He had held this in the whole time, not wanting her to worry, but in turn he found that he had just made things worse. He walked closer to his wife, frowning when he noticed she attempted to step away a little. He reached for her, grabbing both of her arms gently and looked into her eyes.
"Baby. I know all of this sounds insane. Trust me…for the past few days, I've felt out of my mind and…I don't know, maybe I am. But, all I know is what I feel and that's all I really can know. You're just gonna have to trust me." Mercedes looked into the eyes of her husband, trying to make sense of what he was saying. She wanted with everything in her to relax and just go with the flow like she always had, but this time was different. She was extremely concerned for Sam and for their marriage. Life had been so rough for them lately and she wanted desperately with everything in her for things to just go back to normal…back to the way things used to be.
"Sam…" Sam put his finger to her lips, stopping her from proceeding.
"Do you remember when we first decided to get married?" Mercedes nodded in response, fighting back a tear that was ready to push through. "Remember when I decided then that I wasn't going to try and make it big like you guys or go into sports like my dad wanted? I wanted to be a cop. Why did I want to do that, 'cedes?"
"Because…" a tear finally rolled down her cheek and onto her cotton pajama shirt, soaking through like a battle wound. "..because you wanted to help people..you wanted to make a difference." She looked up into Sam's eyes, a new look of understanding starting to show through.
"Exactly. I think somewhere along the way I kinda forgot that, Mercedes. I lost sight of why I wanted to do this in the first place. I remember praying to God that he show me that passion that I used to have. That he would help me to remember why I felt like this was what I needed to be doing and where we needed to be. Maybe…maybe this is like my calling or something." Mercedes smirked as she dried her tears, looking away for a minute to reflect on everything. "And I also know how much you love to roleplay cop and convict."
"Sam!" Mercedes laughed and playfully punched Sam in the arm, making him laugh in response. "I don't really know what to think about all of this. I just…I just want you to be okay. Whatever that entails."
"You don't believe me, do you?" Sam frowned. He had so hoped he had convinced Mercedes to believe what was going on was real. He had felt a twinge of relief feeling like someone was in it with him, like he wasn't so alone.
"I'm not…saying that necessarily."
"You don't have to say it." Sam sighed and turned to leave the room. He wasn't really sure what his next move was supposed to be, but he knew he definitely needed to go for a walk. As he reached and grabbed his wallet off the side table, he noticed a card fall out of it and on to the floor. He picked it up and swiftly began to read what was printed on the front.
"Eye Candy just for You." His heart dropped. If he had been sleeping all night, that had meant he had dreamed about going to the club. If that was the case, why did he have this card? He swallowed hard as his heart began to beat fast in his chest. He looked down at his watch and noticed that it was nearing 7:00 in the morning. He wondered if he was too late as he glanced back towards the bedroom then back to the front door. Should he even try?
"Fuck…" Sam turned the handle and left on his blind trek to embrace his new found gift. Or at least, he attempt it.