Summary: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a ninja? Are you interested in becoming one? Well before you do, you may want to read this list of rules the guys have written in preparation for your ninja-journey. I mean, whoever said becoming a ninja was without its setbacks? Hopefully with these rules, your transition from normal to ninja will go a lot more smoothly.
Disclaimer: I think it's pretty obvious by now that I don't own the Ninja Turtles. I love them to bits, I just don't own them.
An introduction by Michelangelo
Hey all aspiring ninja dudes and dudetts! I'm guessing that if you're reading this, you want to follow the awesome path or being a ninja. I mean why wouldn't you? You get to kick butt, have awesome weapons, wear cool masks, save people, and stay out way past your bed time. But, there are a few things you have to consider first. A set of rules that you don't have to follow, but it would sure as shell be a good idea to. So my brothers and I are going to help you out. We've each written some rule we think would be best for you to follow so your time as a ninja is hassle free. Well, except for when you're saving the world and stuff...
But anyway, back to business. Because I'm the most awesome turtle there is, I get to go first! So here's my list of things to keep in mind when venturing into the world of the ninja!
1. Always remember to put the toilet seat down. You never know when April may decide to drop in.
2. Never ever try to wake up Raph before eight in the morning. It's suicide.
3. Never try to cheat around Donnie or Master Splinter. They always seem to know.
4. Don't try to annoy Leo while his meditating. It never works. I swear, he has a focus of steel!
5. Don't crack jokes around Raph when you're within striking range. You'll have bruises for days.
6. Don't ever touch Donnie's stuff. Chances are you'll make something blow up. Then you'll have multiple bruises!
7. Don't ever touch Raph's bike. Not if you want to stay alive anyway.
8. Don't ever play a prank on Raph unless you're fast on your feet. That way you only get a few hits!
9. Also, don't go in his room, annoy him when he's watching wrestling or football, gloat, or touch his stuff.
10. If like me, you've ever won the Battle Nexus Championship; don't gloat about it in front of the others. You'll have a sore head for days. Just because they can't appreciate how awesome I am…
11. Don't ever let Leo near the kitchen. His cooking will scar you for life. And make you throw up for like, two hours.
12. If Don asks you to drink something, and he has his 'science geek' look on his face, don't drink it.
13. Don't let Raph drive. Not if you want to keep your lunch.
14. Don't try to skip out of your chores. Master Splinter will make you do flips instead.
15. Don't try to imitate Master Splinter. He is always able to hear you.
16. If you find a girl down in the sewers, and she faints after you rescue her, ask if you can keep her. It worked with April anyway.
17. Don't try to insult the Shredder. It doesn't usually work.
18. Don't dance around the others. They can't seem to appreciate the finer arts.
Well, that's it for now dudes. Hope that helped!
A list of rules by Raphael
If ya' got this far, I guess ya' survived reading Mikey's nonsense. Good for you. Now time ta' get on ta' some real rules.
1. Don't kick a truck if it's parked over a man-hole cover. It doesn't make it move.
2. Don't try ta' sneak out. Master Splinter has ears like a rat. Oh wait…
3. Don't ask Casey ta' distract someone. He's an idiot and will yell at ya' when ya' supposed ta' be undercover.
4. Don't invite him to tha' lair. Chances are he'll mess up ya' practise and won't leave.
5. Don't sneak up on LeatherHead when he's asleep. Trust me, it's a bad idea.
6. Don't lose your cool in a fight. You might end up hurting on of ya' brothers by accident.
7. Don't disturb Donnie when he's working. He will only ignore ya' anyway.
8. Don't ask me questions when I'm fightin'. I'm too busy ta' answer.
9. Don't throw your weapon at a monster made out of lava. It'll only melt ya' blades.
10. Don't talk back to an Elintian. It's quite painful.
11. Don't mention the Battle Nexus around Mikey. He won't shut up if ya' do.
12. Don't ever, ever leave ya' bike around unattended. Or someone like Hun might destroy it.
13. If Hun ever asks ya' where ya' got ya' weapons from, say 'ya' mumma.' It really ticks him off.
That's all I got. I ain't big on rules.
A list or rules by Donatello
Hey guys, you're finally down to the more important rules of becoming a ninja. My other brothers just babble nonsense.
1. If you have a bo-staff, don't try to swing around it and knock out the bad guys like you see in the movies. Contrary to popular beliefs, it doesn't actually work.
2. Try not to get cut by giant mutant bugs. It doesn't usually end well.
3. Don't leave your lab door open. You don't want to come back and find a Mikey there touching all your stuff. Something will probably explode as a result.
't let Casey near your stuff. It'll end up broken.
5. Stay away from glowing crystals. They're more hassel than they're worth.
6. Don't always assume that the Shredder is dead. He usually always finds a way to come back.
7. Don't talk to me before I've had my morning coffee. I'll probably snap at you.
8. Try not to fall asleep at your computer. You usually get a pretty sore neck the next morning.
9. Don't leave your stuff lying around. Mikey'll either hide it or break it.
A list of rules by Leonardo
Okay guys, down to business. Hopefully this list will help you become the best ninja you can be. Because despite what my brothers might think, ninjitsu is a very serious art form.
1. Don't ask if you should fight or flight. Raph will always vote for fight.
2. Don't ever kiss toilet plungers. It's gross.
3. Don't underestimate Mikey. He actually has some pretty good ideas. Well, sometimes he does.
4. Train as hard and long as you can to perfect your moves.
5. Always expect the unexpected.
6. Meditation and green tea is a good way to relax after a busy day.
7. Don't underestimate snakes. Just because they have no arms doesn't mean they can't fight.
8. If you ever see a short old man that passes wind a lot, don't be sceptical. It's probably the Ancient One.
9. Usually when it's quiet, it means there's trouble.
10. Don't trust anyone associated with the Foot, especially if that someone is named Oruko Saki.
11. Don't lose your temper. You may end up hurting someone you love.
I hope these rules help you on your path to becoming a ninja. Always remember the three rules of ninjitsu: Speed, stealth, and silence. Practise hard and you'll be a ninja in no time. And always fight with honour. Because honour-
An interruption from Michelangelo
Hey dudes and dudetts, it's Mikey again! Don't listen to Leo; he'll bore you to death. Being a ninja isn't all about rules you know. You can also have a lot of fun; something my brother knows nothing about!
An interruption from Leonardo
Hey, I do to know how to have fun. I just choose to take my practises seriously, unlike someone I know.
An interruption from Raphael
Ya' betta' not be talkin' 'bout me Fearless! I'll show you just how seriously I take my training!
An interruption from Donatello
Raph, I think he was talking about Mikey.
A rather rude interruption from Michelangelo
Hey, why are you all picking on me? I take my training seriously. After all I am the-
A hasty interruption by Raphael
Don't say it!
Michelangelo pushing on regardless the death stares directed his way
The Battle Nexus Champion!
Everyone yelling at Michelangelo