a spider-man fanfiction by studies in pink~

porcelain promises.

Staying away from Gwen Stacy, as Peter Parker soon comes to realize, isn't easy at all.

Everytime she so much as looks his way or brushes by him in the corridors, he finds himself consumed with a gut-wrenching pain, overwhelmed with longing and yearning. Sometimes he thinks about breaking his promise to Captain Stacy and thus bringing his pitiful pining to an end, but he reminds himself, over and over, you promised you would leave her alone when he was on his deathbed. Do your promises really mean nothing, Peter Parker?

But regardless of how much he tries to forget about her, Peter always finds himself back in the same spot — on the balcony outside her window, watching her silently. He constantly wonders about whether she knows he's there, then chides himself; if she did, would it even make a difference? before sinking back into a stupor as he just watches her, mesmerized.

There's just something about her that makes it so hard for him to get over her — maybe it's the fact that she was his first love, or maybe it's the way she pushes her hair over her shoulder, the golden strands spilling onto her sweater as she continues to stare at her homework, brow creasing. Or maybe it's because she's Gwen — Gwen in all her bold, brash, beautiful glory — because that's what sets her apart from other girls.

Aunt May's advice to him was to date other girls in order to move on — but as long as she's around, Peter can't even bring himself to look at other girls. So when Sally Avril sidles up to him and bats her eyelashes and asks in a coy tone whether he's free Friday night, he answers, "no," without even really thinking about it, his eyes fixed on Gwen. Sally follows his gaze and gives a sigh, "It's always the boring ones," and with an eye roll she's gone. Peter can't really wrap his mind around what just happened, but then again, he wonders, does it really matter?

The death of Captain Stacy still haunts him at night, in his dreams he sees the dying man, pain and fear in his eyes, telling him to promise to leave his daughter out of all of this. When he comes to, shivering, in the middle of the night, he wonders; why did I agree? Because it's wrong to deny a man of his deathbed of his final request, the more logical side of him counters, and with a shaky sigh he presses his lips together and rolls over. Of course, he doesn't get any sleep for the rest of the night.

The way Gwen treats him also frustrates him — she's all polite and distant and subtly aloof. Doesn't she understand that he's didn't leave her of his own free will? Doesn't she see that he thinks about her every second of the day, unable to get over her? Why can't she just see it? He asks himself exasperatedly. Why does she have to make this so agonizing for me?

She's just protecting herself, he realizes one day, and he's suddenly struck by how selfish he's been — thinking about how hard it is for him, and not even once considering her feelings. I left her, he realizes with a kind of haunted horror coming over him. Not the other way around. Goodness, how could I have been so blind—? But then again, he's never been able to see clearly around her.

Staying away from Gwen Stacy, as Peter Parker soon comes to realize, is more selfish than he'd ever thought.

A/N — thanks for reading, and please do not favourite or alert without reviewing (: