*Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. No copyright infringement is intended.
I'm alone again tonight, like countless times before. I know if I were to ask now, you would be here. Is it actually that easy? Yes, it probably is. It's been a while since I got lost in your games. Over the years, it's gotten easier to play along. Though it may sound depressing, I long for it; to have you tell me your pretend words, while I tell you my real ones.
The house is dead silent except for the occasional old house creak. My dad has told me a thousand times, it's just the house shifting from the weather. If that were true, then it wouldn't only creak when I'm home alone. One more creak and I lock my bedroom door and put on my head phones. Music is only a mask; I know the noises are still there. We really need a dog. Teenage girls should not be left completely alone in old creaking houses.
Being alone in this room is like being in a mental prison. This should be the place I escape from the world and relax. Instead, I get lost in my mind waiting for real life to begin. I am not saying that I have no life. I have great friends, and I've had all the life experiences one would expect to have by sixteen. It's just hard to know exactly what you want for your future when you still have to finish living your teenage years. I've had first dates, first kisses, and more. All my past memories are nice, with nothing I really regret. I wish I had experienced all my firsts with you. I should really just be content with all that I have, but nothing compares to the rush I feel whenever I am near you. Somehow, I hope I can make you realize how real these games are. For now, all I can muster are baby steps.
My heart is heavy, and I feel sick. You are either going to make it better or worse. I pick up my phone; it's worth a shot. Scrolling through my texts I see that the last one from you was two weeks ago.
I am too shaky to call. Before I let my nerves get the best of me, I text:
I stare at my phone for thirty seconds, and then leave it on my bed. Next to the black silk throw pillow you gave me off your bed when I was envious of your room decor. That was six months ago, and I haven't been alone with you since. Even that was just for school. No games that day.
I cannot spend the rest of the day staring at my phone. I need to kill time. I open my door slowly, listening for whatever lurks in the house when I am the only one here. I walk swiftly down the quiet hall, passing Emmett's empty room. When I get to the bathroom, I close the door and lock it. I pull open the shower curtain fast. I have seen too many horror movies. Really, the shower curtain should always remain open; I should make this a house rule. I go as slow as I can manage as I brush my teeth, shower, and pull out the stray hairs from my eyebrows.
I open the door to find the house has become dark. I reach for the light switch just as the house creaks. No time for lights. I run straight to my room. The door is immediately locked, my headphones are back on. The moment of truth; I pick up my phone and, nothing. If I leave my phone too close, I know I will not stop checking. It's relocated to my dresser. It's only eight, but I just want to sleep. I still have a fifty problem math assignment to get through tonight.
A half hour later, I am only halfway done, when my phone chimes and vibrates across the room. My heart's racing; there is a good chance it isn't you.
I glance at the screen: Edward. I let out a sigh of relief, but I am nervous all the same.
Edward: Miss Me?
And the game begins.
Always do. I can play too, but I have to keep it light.
Edward: Me too
You miss yourself always?
Edward: Ha ha you know you are all I ever think about.
Edward: Of course. what are you up to?
Math homework :( you?
Edward: History. It's going to be a long night. Smile! I will bring you coffee tomorrow.
Edward: Back to work. Can't wait to see you.
Everything between us used to come so naturally. Our friendship hasn't been as easy the last couple of years. I don't know why you have become so distant, but I know why I have. My main goal every day is to manipulate situations to interact with you. I feel so desperate. Why does being in love hurt so much? I am sure to everyone I seem like a happy, driven person. I wonder if everyone that seems so happy and content is really struggling with inner turmoil.
My math homework takes twice as long as it should; I just can't focus. When I am finally in bed, my phone chimes, then vibrates. Maybe you want to say goodnight.
The illuminated screen says Jasper. An automatic smile and calm fills me.
Jasper: Ride with me tomorrow?
Loves & Hugs goodnight
Jasper: Night darlin'
Speacial thanks to pre-readers Traci Snow, dazzled eyes22, and Thunnababy for all their feedback, summary, and title help.
Thanks to beta's Starpower31 and AnthroBug at PTB for all their help.
And thanks to you for reading.