Hey, guys! If you're an Oscar fan… do not read this chapter.
Oscar was just leaving the courthouse after tending to his duties when the voice rang out.
"Am I being followed?" he asked.
Yes. Yes you are, Mr. I Have To Interfere With Maltara and Make Everything a Big Mess for the Shippers!
"What? I'm confused." Oscar glanced around in hopes of finding the source of the voice. Nobody stood within a near distance, and the voice sounded as if it came from above.
You should be confused. Walk across the street.
I SAID SO! NOW WALK, DONKEY BOY! Yeah, I called you donkey boy. It's a special joke I created. Now GO before I resort to physically harming you! Well, I'll likely do that anyway, but just go!
"Alright…" Oscar began to walk across the street, but he got hit by a bus. A blue bus with a picture of an orangutan on it.
He glared upwards as he lay sprawled across the concrete with his limbs bent at odd angles and blood draining from a head wound. "You made me get hit by a bus?"
Yup. Heh. I made a funny.
"Can't you do something? That hurt!" he whined.
Ugh! Fine! I'll change it, you big baby. You can't let a teenage girl have a little bit of comical fun, can you? You're such a jerk. And you wonder why nobody likes you.
Before he could answer, there was a squeaky sound similar to that of a rewinding tape, and he found himself once again standing on the curve. He dodged the blue orangutan bus and made it safely to the other side of the street.
But then a chicken followed him and pecked him fourteen times in an… area. Oscar howled in pain while the chicken squawked in a chickenly way before waddling off to lay eggs like chickens do.
"W-what was that for?" Oscar grunted through strained teeth. "That hurt even worse…"
FINE! I'LL CHANGE IT AGAIN! GOSH!
This time Oscar outran the chicken and took shelter at a nearby building behind a pile of wood. But the building was being demolished and a brick fell on his head.
Grr! Oscar jumped out of the way before the brick could damage his cranium, but a wrecking ball swung forward and struck him in the face. Not that it would make it look worse. It just hurt and shattered all of his facial bones.
"This is insane. Just fix everything!"
That's it! I'm rewinding again!
Because he had pushed the narrator too far, Oscar wasn't as lucky this time. He tried to dodge the bus, but it still struck him and the bus driver panicked and offered no assistance whatsoever. The moment he stood up, the chicken pecked him fourteen times there.
He didn't see the falling brick until it landed on top of his head. His skull made an audible cracking sound, and he fell to the concrete and clutched his head for several long moments before staggering to his feet.
WRECKING BALL TIME!
"Oh, God…" Oscar didn't even attempt to move as the wrecking ball swung at him three times. The last one sent him fifty feet into the air, and a helicopter caught him. Oscar weakly clung to the ladder as they sped away, scowling as a crowd of pigeons left their droppings in his hair.
Yay! We're flying! I beeeeelieeeeeve I can flyyyyyyy!
By the time the helicopter stopped, Oscar had no idea where he was. The pilot lowered the piece of aircraft slightly before cutting the ropes of the ladder. It fell, sending Oscar plummeting into a muddy river.
He somehow managed to get to his feet, and paled when something tugged at his leg. He nervously reached down, paranoia completely overwhelming him.
"There aren't any sharks in this water, are there?"
Naw. That's a swarm of piranhas. Go, little fishies! ATTACK!
Oscar jumped up and down, trying to free himself from the vicious group of piranhas that seemed fascinated by the taste of his flesh. He jumped out of the water and curled up in the fetal position.
"Get me out of here…" he pleaded. He was cut off as a poison dart frog hopped on his face. "Ahh!"
You may not wanna touch that. Their skin is coated with a highly toxic substance. So if I were you, I would get if off of your face.
Oscar smacked the bright blue frog, and it hopped away calmly. He backed away from the river and into the forest, hoping to find a safe place without piranhas or dart frogs.
He grabbed a limb to steady himself. Or what he thought was a limb…
"What else could it be?" he asked.
A boa constrictor. Duh. Am I the only one who knows to watch out when you're in the middle of South America with no map or weapons? I've never even been there and I know that.
The large boa slithered around him and squeezed tightly, hissing threateningly. Oscar turned a shade of purple as he felt one of his ribs crack.
"Can't breathe…" he whispered. "Make him let go…"
Don't worry. Actually, none of these creatures are as horrible as the media displays. But you still need to take extra caution. Should I name the boa Tom? Tom! Dance!
Tom let out a happy hiss and started dancing to the cha cha slide with the skills of a professional. Now free, Oscar stared blankly at the snake before he broke into a run.
"Gotta get back to civilization," he panted, looking down to avoid tripping. When he looked back up, he found himself face to face with a jaguar.
Have fun with the jaguar, Oscar. I have to make sure Mal and Natara are cuddling, so you're on your own from here.
Hehe! I may or may not be back! Hope you had fun on this little journey! I'mma go check up on Mal and Natara now and if they're all snuggled up, I'll let them do something else awesome!
So, guys, am I a weirdo? Well, yeah. But I hope this amused you. I was surprised at the popularity this got! Would you guys mind reviewing that much again? ;)