Chapter 1: I am broken.
As I stare at the cuts on my wrist and feel the tears stream down my face, I sit there in complete silence. Nothing is processing. I am so confused. I feel hurt. Why am I doing this?
Well for starters, I am so insecure about the way I look, I'm not that pretty. My body, I wish I was skinnier.
Then there is my emotions, stuff bother me alot. Like I get mad & sad over the stupidest thing which makes me wanna cut.
It's like an emotional pain killer, I feel the need to take the pain out on myself.
I think my scars are pretty.
But no one knows about the cutting besides Sam, I told him about it and well he trys to help.
But nothing really seems to, eh, work.
The thoughts go into my head: No one likes you, you're ugly, you're fat, Everyone thinks you're a bitch, no one would care if you died, you'd be forgotten.
My phone flashed and I see a text message-
From: Sam -11:51pm- Don't do it.
To: Sam -11:52pm- But I.. already did.
From: Sam -11:55pm- I love you.
I kinda smiled to that text, to think at least he cares.
The I get a new text message, from Sam again, I open it curiously.
From: Sam -11:56pm- I can't do this anymore. You keep shutting me out then you get mad when I don't try help. I need a break from this... sorry.
I stared at the last message almost as if I couldn't understand it. That is when I feel like I hit rock bottom. When the only person you thought was your last hope, gives up on you.
Like you're pouring salt in my cuts..
I walk to the mirror and look at my face. My makeup is ruined, my hair is in a bun.
Then I simply run. I run out outside, fast as ever but when I get to the end of the street I had no idea where I'd be going at about 12 in the morning.
I walk to the park about 5 minutes from my house, I need air. Well I really need help but I refuse to get any.
As the hour passes, I cry my heart. I HATE my life. Many times I've thought about suicide.
The only thing that's stopping me is God & Selena Gomez. God because i'm a christian and if you commit suicide you go to hell because he isn't ready for you to die.
Selena Gomez because she is my idol and I haven't met her yet. She tells me to be myself but what if everyone hates who you really are?
So you just put on the same fake smile everyday.
It's 1am and I walk home before anyone expects that I am missing.
I walk upstairs and fall a sleep, 15 year old Maria Santiago is broken.