Well, this story kind of exploded from my fingertips- I've been writing non stop for the last eeehhhhh ten hours or so? Ever since last night at some point...right so I'm going to say this right now, some of you might be disappointed in the ending, there is no sex in this story, but if someone wants to adopt this story I would be more than happy to talk it over with them. I ended the story where I did because it just seemed right to do so. The ending felt right to me even though I know that there is much more that could be added, so if someone wants to make this a round robin or adopt the story than please talk to me eh?
As a side note I just wanted to mention that the reason I designed Harry's character the way I did is because I recently met someone very similar to him. This person reminds me very much of the giving tree and a part of me wanted to do what Snape does in this story in giving them that bit of happiness. Unfortunately I can only be a friend to them, but they are an incredibly wonderful person and I felt inspired by their sheer selflessness.
So, here it is- Blindsided
Ps I got the spoon to stir on pottermore!
PPs- if anyone is curious I was listening to the song: Breath me- by Sia, whilst writing this story, it's one of my favorite songs lately.
Harry dragged his tired body into his flat dropping his keys into the small tray beside the door. It had been a long night- several fights over the recent football games, one over-dose, the stereo breaking, the barista getting mugged…Merlin what a night. He winced at the bright morning light that began filtering into his kitchen and quietly pulled out his wand flicking it at the windows until they were all blackened and he was left in blissful darkness once more. Slowly he crawled to his bed not even bothering to change before falling face first into the soft comforters…
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"Harry go!" Hermione is crying out to him seventeen again tears streaming down her cheeks. "We'll watch over him-"
"NO!" it is the only thing Harry has to cling to outside of Hermione and Ron, without this without him-
Look at me…
He won't allow it.
Not this…never this! The blood was bubbling under his fingers hot, wet, a life force that continued to flow. He did the only thing he could do. He'd only ever read up on it once, during the tri-wizard tournament, he forced his magic through his fingers and into the blood. He closed his eyes and focused. He knew Snape would probably hate him if this worked, he knew that he was stupid for doing it at all. He'd built up hatred for the man for years squirreling away every indiscretion and letting it fester until Dumbledore's death gave it life, but it was useless now. It had deflated in that brief moment when Snape had noticed them and not said a word to Voldemort. Harry's confused emotions had whirred around in his head for months as he struggled to keep his hatred and anger steady lest they slip away and leave him only with grief. But it was pointless now, all pointless as he watched the blood pebble and collect dropping impurities as his magic pulsed through it.
Hermione's frantic pleas fell on deaf ears.
Ron's confused voice was little more than a buzz in his mind.
He had only the ability to push.
Pain began to slip through him in a steady aching burn it left him before he had any way to confirm or deny what was happening.
He smiled bitterly as he watched Snape's pulse quicken watched the wound close slowly black poison slipping down alabaster skin as it escaped the wound.
And when it was done, when Hermione sat back in horrified understanding Harry had nearly choked on the sudden loss. His fingers were charred at the tips, cracked and bleeding but the worst…the worst was yet to come and he knew it. He didn't need to look at Snapes memories at that point, but a weepy gnarled part of him made him do it anyway.
He left Ron and Hermione to deal with Snape and ran feverishly to Dumbledore's office. He watched the memories at least three times before answering Voldemorts call. After all he'd just come to the understanding that whatever it was that he wanted was something he could never ever have. Snape only did what he did because of Lily, his mother. Once again he was reminded that she should have lived and he should have died that night so long ago. He grips the snitch in his hand and knows that he doesn't need the stone inside. He can't see his parents now, can't face them or Dumbledore and Sirius- no he'd be facing them soon enough, and not in a heroic blaze of glory, rather a pathetic end to a means-
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Harry is startled awake by the loud clicking at the window. With a curse he rubs his gritty eyes and makes his way to the window slipping his prescription sunglasses on as he goes readying himself for the worst of it. It has to be late afternoon now; his skin practically burns at the touch of the sun as he lets the owl in and shuts the window tightly. Blinking against the residual pain he slips his glasses off and puts on his regular pair green eyes flashing eerily in the dark.
The exchange he'd used to save Snape had drained his magical core to the point that it was a huge risk to his health. He'd thought that he would die though, and he had- but not permanently. No he'd gone against all odds and come back to life; after all if he was going down he wasn't going alone. The killing curse he'd been hit with had been powerful- and magic was something his system had sorely needed. After expelling the horcrux from his body the residual magic served to kick-start his system. After that his body wouldn't stop taking magic. As he was carried through the forest he began soaking it up, from Hagrid, from the death eaters around him from the bloody forest.
Of course the death eaters weren't willing to admit the sudden drain they felt not when Voldemort would kill them at the slightest hint of weakness. They even ignored the browning of the foliage around them as they walked. Harry waited quietly in Hagrids arms as his body recharged, it was painful- like metal bits being scraped across raw nerves, not even a crucio could hold a candle to the agony. But he waited it out too tired to even whimper or twitch. He listened as Voldemort gave his speech, waited it out as Neville showed true courage and spoke up for all of them. And finally, just when the pain was beginning to dull he heard Neville kill Nagini- the last horcrux.
Harry didn't wait any longer then that. He jumped from Hagrids arms in the mans' distraction, grabbed for the wand in Voldemort's hand and with all the fury and rage seventeen years worth of resentment could muster cast a Killing Curse that lit the air like a beacon.
He didn't remember anything after that. He was told that he was supposed to have died and that he did die several times that night and the following days from magical shock. But in the end he was alive, left allergic to the sun and suffering from a rare magical malady that made him able to see in utter darkness while blinding him in the light.
Sighing he pet Ron's owl gently.
After the war they'd promised that they'd keep in touch and for a while it had been a sure thing. But Harry knew well enough that he 'problems' were severely crippling to them, he was holding them back and he knew it. So one day in a decidedly Gryffendore-ish manner he'd rented out a warehouse in London and turned it into a night club. He hadn't returned to the wizarding world since. Instead he lived in seclusion and focused on expanding his business. It was a fresh start, a clean break, and exactly what he needed.
He smiled as he opened the letter and a photo dropped out. He couldn't see it very well in the dark and colors were always rather distorted, but there in his hands was a photo of Ron and Hermione's third child. Elation caused Harry to nearly whoop for joy before he could read the letter attached. Once more he'd been called forward to take the place of the babe's godfather, a position he was quite proud of even if he could only see them in the dark of the night.
Hermione, being a muggle had insisted that she and Ron live in a muggle home. Ron was far too stupefied that she'd agreed to marry him that he'd had no qualms about where they lived as long as they weren't too far from his own parents.
Harry grinned as he rushed to the bathroom to shower and ready himself for the ceremony. He would have to call the club and let them know that he wouldn't be there that night but he was confident that his managers could handle everything without too much fuss.
For the first time in a few days he cast a neat shaving charm across his jaw and watched as the hair fell away wondering just how ragged he'd let himself get. He'd been busy all week setting up a new location just outside of diagon ally and hadn't really paid much attention to his physical appearances- Hermione would probably scold him when she learned that he couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten a substantial meal. He winced slightly at the thought as he scrubbed himself down wondering what gift he should bring for his new goddaughter.
In the end, once he was squeaky clean and had his hair pulled back into a pony-tail brushed for the first time in a while, he settled on a bracelet he'd been eyeing since he'd found out that Hermione was pregnant nine months ago. The trip had been rather painful for him since it was midday but worth it in the end to hold the small velvet box.
Lily Ann Weasley
Harry smiled down at the delicate trinket before snapping it closed and pulling out his handkerchief wiping the sweat from his neck and face. It was a cool day for most, but for him it was blistering, and he'd rather get out of it as soon as possible. As usual he received a few odd looks as he made his way down the street and to the apparition point- it wasn't every day you saw a man as pale as he dressed in so many thick layers you'd think it was winter. He bet the scarf he had wrapped around his face and the dark sunglasses were really what did it. He was of course dressed stylishly; he wouldn't be other wise, not for his goddaughter! He grinned just at the thought of it before apparating.
The heat was killing him he decided as he stepped into the hospitals lobby. Heat rash or no there was no way he could continue like this! He took off his heavy coat and scarf as he walked though his sunglasses and hat stayed.
"Harry!" A cheerful voice rang distracting him. Ginny Weasley ran up to him precariously balancing three cups of coffee in her hands. Harry was sure she must look lovely in the brightly lit hall, he could only see muted lines though, and for a moment thought it wasn't Ginny at all.
"Well hello you!" He said once he was certain that it was her. He drew her into a one-armed hug and pat her on the back before pulling away and reaching for one of the cups. "Let me help you there-" But before he could take it his hand jerked and twitched beneath his glove. Ginny seemed to freeze her eyes drawn to his hand before he could pull it back and slip it into his pocket. The nerve damage had been extensive and occasionally he got the jerks as he called them.
"I-It's alright Harry I can manage." She said her voice faltering slightly. Harry felt his lips press into a thin line. This was what had broken them in the end, she couldn't spend her life taking care of him- she could hardly look him in the eye. He turned abruptly on his heel intent on acting as if nothing had ever happened.
"So they named her Lily?" Harry said his good mood returning at the thought of his soon to be goddaughter. Ginny fumbled for a moment.
"Yeah…" She was uncomfortable and that made him uncomfortable. The rest of their journey to Hermione's hospital room was made in uncomfortable silence and his hand kept twitching in his pocket. An old ache bled through him as he stepped into the room and found himself surrounded by a gaggle of redheads.
"Come on let me through let me through!" He said good naturedly as they all pet and pawed him happy to see him again. When Hugo and Rose rushed for him he tossed his robes to the side and quite easily scooped them up.
"Uncle Harry! Uncle Harry! Uncle Harry! Uncle Harry!" They chimed together happily. Rose settled her head in the crook of his neck and Hugo bounced eagerly on his other hip as he cuddled them happily. They didn't care one bit that he smelled like the strong sunscreen he wore or that his skin was pale and that he wore sunglasses inside- they loved him with a pureness that only children can achieve. He refused to relinquish his hold on them even as he bent to offer Hermione a kiss and Ron a quick hug.
"And how are my beautiful godchildren today?" he said once the greetings were made. Rose bat her eyelashes and blushed whilst Hugo wrinkled his nose.
"I'm not beautiful! Only girls are beautiful and I'm no girl!" he said causing the others to laugh good naturedly. Harry felt light as he laughed along with them.
"And so I see! My godson has grown to be quite the strong, handsome young man hasn't he!" He amended soothing Hugo easily.
"I see red hair- I assume that means Weasleys." A familiar voice drawled. Ice crawled down Harry's spine and pain tore at him causing him to tighten his grip on Hugo and Rose. He'd never confronted Snape, couldn't really face the man after- well after all was said and done.
"Professor." Hemione said respectfully Ron scowled a bit but nodded grudgingly in greeting. Hugo and Rose squirmed in his hold and Harry let them go gently setting them on the floor. Sensing his tense posture they quickly made their way to their grandma eyeing Severus with distrust.
"Professor." Harry greeted holding a gloved hand out in the direction that he'd heard Snapes voice. He could hardly see in that direction because the drapes were open and the glare was too bright. His glasses couldn't block that much sunlight out.
"I'm over here Potter." The voice was close by and when Harry turned his head he realized that he could just barely see the shape of Snape's head. His hand dropped like a lead weight.
"Oh." He said shortly. "Sorry." He added. He hadn't wanted to deal with this today, hadn't wanted to see Snape ever again if it was possible, it hurt too much, dredged up too many painful memories.
"No reason to apologize." Snape said gruffly. Harry tilted his head to the side, he could never tell if Snape meant more or less than his voice suggested.
"Right." He said embarrassed now. There was a rustling behind him and a pitter pattering of foot falls but before he could figure out what it was for Hermione broke the tense silence.
"I've asked Professor Snape to oversee the ritual." She said hesitantly. Harry felt the sting of betrayal knowing full well that Hermione was trying to get him to 'face his problems' or whatever rot she was prone to believing. Harry couldn't bring himself to say anything and the silence grew thicker until at last the door opened and unmistakable fussing and cooing could be heard. Harry's world lit up like a light bulb and before he could help himself he had his wand in the air shutting the drapes with a flick.
"Fred would you get the lights?" Harry asked. He wasn't about to pass up this opportunity. He saw the lights flicker out his world coming into sharper focus only dulled slightly by the small lamp that had been lit on the other side of the room and carefully he reached up and pulled his glasses up. The nurse gave a squeak at his reflecting eyes but he didn't let it bother him- no, he was too engrossed by the frail bit of life she held in her arms. Quickly he peeled his thick leather gloves from his hands and tossed them onto the chair before reaching out to take the babe.
"Harry…" Ginny started noticing the fine trembles in his hands.
"Ginny." Hermione said sharply her eyes foreboding. Harry ignored this as the warm weight was settled into his arms.
"Lily Ann Weasley…you were named after someone very special little girl." He said quietly his eyes dampening slightly. She should be here, not him. He gathered his courage and forced himself to look up catching dark eyes.
"Professor if you would begin?" Hermione's voice was tight but Harry ignored it. How many times had he thought of those eyes- eyes that used to see right through him. Dropping his gaze he wondered if Snape was disgusted by what he saw- the green eyes that had once reminded him of Lily Evens reflecting light back at him through wide owlish pupils.
Harry was unprepared for the strong warm hand that captured his and settled it on Lily's forehead lingering just a moment longer than it had to. It wasn't often these days that people touched him, even shaking hands was done through his gloves, it was probably the reason his fingers were so sensitive to it.
"We are gathered her to witness a sacred binding of godfather and godchild." Snape's voice washed over him in calming waves. He'd forgotten how Snapes voice could sooth just as well as it could cut. "As witness I must ask a few questions to ensure that the bond is held sacred, do you Harry James Potter promise to uphold the duty which is given to you-" Harry had heard the oaths before, the promises were nothing new to him after Hugo, Rose and Teddy Lupin, but he had to admit even to himself, Snape made them sound more profound than he could ever remember them being.
"I swear." Harry said when it was his turn. "I swear to-" He continued listing all that he knew was expected of him as the magic pulsed through the air and danced across his skin. He knew that he would protect this child, that he would love her and keep her safe from all harm, and Merlin forbid that something should happen to Ron and Hermione he knew that he would raise all three children to the best of his abilities. When the bond settled into place Harry let out a small sigh as the small tug of consciousness that wasn't his own settled comfortably on the edge of his mind along with the others. During the first few years that bond would strengthen so that if danger should ever come to them Harry would be able to find them no matter where they were. Carefully he handed the babe off to Snape so that he could sign the document.
He smiled grimly as he cut his finger and let the blood drip and mix with the ink and lifted the quill cursing mentally when his hand twitched. It took several minuets before he could sign his name and by the time he finished his whole arm was twitching. He hated that it had to happen now of all times, but quickly reached for his coat pulling out a potion with practiced ease. He drank it quickly knowing that he was being watched and hating every moment of it. Eventually the shaking stilled and he was able to pull the baby back into his arms without worry so that Snape could sign his own name. He avoided meeting the man's gaze through out the rest of the ritual. Reluctantly he handed Hermione her baby before moving to the chair and pulling on his sunglasses more conscious of his eerie eyes than he had been in a long while.
"Can I get the lights Harry?" Fred asked cautiously. Harry pulled on his gloves.
"Yeah, sorry about that." He said flinching visibly as the light came in. He teetered blindly for a moment before grabbing hold of the chair and carefully seating himself.
"Uncle Harry, are you alright?" Rose asked shyly. Harry couldn't help the smile that spread across his face.
"I sure am, I think I just lost my balance a bit what with these presents in my pockets!" He said perking his ears up for the telltale gasps of joy and excitement.
"Presents! But it's not even Christmas!" Hugo exaggerated. Harry chuckled slightly and reached into his coat pocket. Truth was that he was bound to buy anything that might catch his eye if he thought his godchildren would like it. It was possibly because of his childhood spent lacking such things as toys, but he didn't dwell on it, not when he could afford to spoil them. He handed out the packages one by one as he un shrank them before at last reaching the small velvet box that he'd picked up earlier.
"Harry you must stop spoiling them!" Hermione said shaking her head. Harry snorted slightly.
"As if that would ever happen." He said proudly. "Rose and Hugo are two of the most humble children I have ever met." He said pausing slightly when his hands began to shake. "Er- Ron would you mind." He said shoving the box into Ron's direction. Hermione's brown eyes became worried.
"Harry-" She started but Harry cut her off.
"Not today Mione' today I am going to celebrate the birth of my goddaughter." He said firmly. Hermione bit her lip as she watched Ron clasp the bracelet onto his daughter's wrist.
"It's gotten worse hasn't it?" She blurted before she could stop herself. Harry felt his smile falter as the noise level in the room fell. Ron sighed as he sat back down and muttered quietly.
"I'll just be going then." He said as he felt his chest begin to tighten. He needed to go! The shaking in his left hand suddenly traveled up his arm and he cursed as he made his way to the door followed by the cries of his godchildren.
He made it nearly a quarter of the way down the hallway before firm hands captured him and pushed him against the wall. "Breathe Harry." Snape said firmly. Perhaps it was the tone, the one that warned him of the consequences should he disobey, or perhaps it was the simple use of his given name, but Harry found himself freezing. Slowly his breathing evened out and while his arm continued to twitch the slight headache that had been brewing faded.
"I'm sorry." He said turning his face away. Snape made a choked sound and Harry nearly flinched as a fist hit the wall beside his head.
"There is no reason for you to be sorry!" He said his voice strangled. Harry stared forward in shock surprised to note that Snape was close enough that he could see his face now, his eyes. It was a look that was just as tormented as the day in the shack.
"What do you want?" Harry asked defeated. Snape looked taken aback but took it for what it was worth.
"Let me heal you." Harry frowned in confusion but noted the determined look in his eyes.
"I was told that the damage was irreparable." He said calmly. "You don't have to do something like that for the likes of me-"
"No, no, no- you're doing it again Potter. Apologizing, putting yourself down, where is the insolent boy that swaggered through the halls at all hours?" Snape said through his teeth. Harry stared at him in shock. Snape- not belittling him, not agreeing that he was the scum of the earth- something was very wrong here. But he had to get at least one thing clear.
"He died professor." He said softly. "He died because the only adult he could ever trust, the only adult that he had left in this world told him to. He died because he realized that every mistake he'd made you paid for. I was a monster driven by immaturity and a bit of the dark lords' soul; I can not give you that boy when I am only a shadow of the man he would have become." Harry said softly. He didn't need to practice these words; they were words that he'd known all along. They were words that had haunted him since the day he'd found himself alive and crippled in the hospital wing. Carefully he pealed Snape's hand from his shoulder trying to forget how good it felt there. Slowly he walked away each step more painful then the last.
He'd come here to celebrate his goddaughter's birth, he hadn't come here to be drawn into a past he'd rather forget.
"I will help you Potter." Snape ground out behind him. Harry paused in shock and turned slightly.
"Why? Oh wait no, I know why. Lily." Snape flinched and Harry smiled bitterly. "Always Lily." He whispered before turning back and walking away. It was better for him to leave it at this, for Snape to go back to hating him. He sighed as he slipped out into the evening air- at least the sun wasn't out any longer. With a self depreciating smile he apparated home.