I do not claim to be Eoin Colfer in any way or form. I do not own Artemis Fowl or related characters.

A/N HUGE LAST GUARDIAN SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS.

I felt as though the ending was not satisfactory. So I wrote this to make me feel better about the end of the series. First and probably last fanfiction.

Chapter 20

Human Magick

Artemis leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples vigorously. He felt a buzz in his head as the fairy girl talked, and glimpses of his past life were filtering into his conscious. All of a sudden, the elf stopped, and turned a deep red after mentioning a gorilla cage. He looked up, waiting. Holly, as she called herself, started to stutter, and mumbled something. Something important... His mind began to churn out images, sounds, feelings. With every word Holly said, images played out in his mind's eye following the gorilla cage. But it wasn't until he saw himself leaning in to kiss Holly's forehead that he remembered. Everything. He stood up, staggering somewhat after the sudden movement, and Butler, Holly, and even Foaly were instantly at his side, helping him up. He looked up at them with shining eyes, and smirked.

"So. You finally admitted that Artemis Fowl the Second was smarter than you?"

Foaly reared back, looking at Holly. She hasn't told him yet about that, has she? But the teenage mastermind had already turned from the centaur, and was, contrary to all expectations, hugging Butler with all the strength his frail arms could muster. The huge bodyguard simply looked down at his resurrected principal, realizing that his memories must have broken through, and engulfed him in his arms.

"I'm sorry again, old friend. I'm surprised that I haven't caused you a heart attack again by now." Artemis looked up at his lifetime companion with his bright blue eyes, almost sounding like a young boy again. Butler patted his head in response and gently let the boy go at his urging.

Artemis turned from his lifelong friend and looked at Holly. He looked at her and the corners of his lips turned slightly upwards in an almost mischievous smirk.

"Captain Holly Short. How could I forget? I gave a kiss to Foaly and neglected my female fairy friend."

Artemis gently approached his blushing friend and took her bruised hand up in his, brushing his lips lightly across her skin. Blue sparks danced around the cuts and grazes, healing the last marks of the the thorny roses. Holly's eyes widened in shock, and her mouth opened slightly only to be met by Artemis's soft lips. She blinked, then accepted it, kissing Artemis back. When they finally broke apart, she gently punched her friend and joked,

"Well, since you did come back to life, I suppose you get another shot at the elf kissing days."

Artemis chuckled softly, while Foaly whinnied and galloped over to the pair.

"Hey, did you steal that magic again?" Foaly looked somewhat stunned by the rapid turn of events, and was currently fumbling with his tin foil hat as he spoke.

"No. This time, it is my own. Human magick, as you may."

Artemis blinked once, and his eyes turned hazel as he wiped away a few stray tears. After a moment of concentration, his contorted face relaxed and turned into a bemused expression as his friends gawked at his now five-toed left foot and his blue eyes again.

"I am what you call a human warlock, and my magic has been long suppressed by the habits of humanity. I began to suspect the magic in my system during the magic ring in limbo, where magic from my brain seemed to be released. However, I believe that the animal fat that I have consumed in my non vegetarian diet, however little, may have suppressed the magic in my system from fully expressing itself. But now, with a new body and my sacrifice in the crater..." he trailed off, fully realizing the implications.

"You have been reinstated as one of the Fairy Folk," breathed Foaly, while adjusting his tin foil hat. "I should have seen this coming. This is going to have serious consequences, you know? Longer life span, adhering to the rules in the book, completing the Ritual, not to mention being governed by fairy law," he cringed, thinking of how to explain Artemis's new body away, "and you probably have to live underground as well, when your natural human lifespan is up."

Artemis gave a meaningful glance at Holly. She looked back, half grinning, half blushing, and shrugged.

"I've waited this long, Fowl. I might just have to kidnap you if you don't visit, though."

Artemis smiled, only the barest hint of sadness touching his eyes. Now, to figure out the tricky task of tactfully returning to life in front of his parents...

Epilogue

"Daddy, I want to join the LEP too, like Mommy!"

"Dad. May I have my electronics equipment returned to me? Uncle Foaly promised me an ice cream cone if I could figure a problem out for him."

Artemis Fowl the Second was currently seated by an artificial fireplace in the Fowl library, trying to meet the many demands of his children while Holly bemusedly watched him while chopping vegetables for dinner. While society, human and fairy, were back to normal now, Artemis's world never seemed to stop changing. Following his faked death at the age of 80 in the human world, he had reverted back to his true age and moved underground.

What happens next, as you know, is documented in detail on Horse Sense, the most popular blog with the latest Haven happenings.

But you don't want to read that again, do you?